In the Midst of the Cool, Flowing Water

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche sits in the midst of a shallow, gently flowing stream of pure Water. She breathes in and out slowly, focusing on each breath. The Air around her, too, is pure and a warm, light breeze makes her long hair tickle her nose softly, but not uncomfortably. She is conscious of the swiftly tilting Earth beneath her and the bright, beautiful Moon above her - she is centered. She is aware of the Fire that burns within her heart - the hopes, dreams, loves, lusts, passions, and emotions that make her fully human and completely unique. Finally and most importantly, she recognizes the Spirit that flows through everything, uniting the Elements and binding Psyche to her Faith. She places the tip of her right middle finger over her heart for a moment to acknowledge her Love and Hopes, then over her lips to kiss said finger to represent her Humanity and Morality, on her "third eye" on her forehead meaning her Spirituality, and finally raises it upwards, pointing it at the sky above her and downwards to the Earth below her to help her realize she is tied to the Path that has chosen her and that flows through her. But most of all it is for the Goddess Gaia whose name must only be spoken in prayer.*

Sweet Mother of All:

Your Daughter fears her own destiny. What lies on my Path is obviously the result of my own choices, but I fear what may be ahead nonetheless. The two issues at hand are intertwined yet stem from separate things.

My Love grows ever stronger each day and yet I'm afraid that it is less and less returned. What was perfect now becomes...comfortable. This feeling is not bad at all to me. Your Servant still treats me like the purest of silver and yet I feel as though I always come in second place when I continually place him first. He is what I have always wanted in life, in Love...then why do I feel he is less passionate about it than I am anymore? Why does he insist he loves me so much then spends so little time with me these days? Why must work take up so much time for him and school so much for me?

My Path is dim. I can no longer see what lies ahead. Please make this clear as soon as you possibly can - I need to know as to plan my course of action. He remains confident I will remain as I was, but what if the change has occured? I have the strength to remove, but I lack the want, as would be expected. Why this sort of thing would ever happen to someone like me is so confusing. Please help me to see it through - one way or another. I need strength, willpower, hope, Love, and safety. But what I need most is for my life to be my own...not another person's also. I beg you to give me what I need, not what would ruin something I see as beautiful. I prefer to create, but not in this case. Destroying is not something I want to do.

Hear me, O Great Mother.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She places a silver chalice full of blood on the ground in front of her, smiling.*

Oh Great Mother Gaia,

Your wonders never cease to amaze me. Taking care of two problems in one fell swoop...You're amazing, Mother. And I love You. Thank You for understanding that I'm not ready to deal with another life at this point in my own life and for making Your Servant more accessible and easier to talk to.

I've had an amazing day. Snow, Your Moon, Love, relief, a good friend, less worry over money for my Sweet...it's been amazing. And I'm eternally grateful.

*Psyche sips from the chalice, drawing the life into her body. She sprays the rest around her on the ground, in the water, in the air, in her bonfire. She remembers all that the Great Mother has done for her and smiles.*

My gratitude cannot be expressed enough. Know that I am, forever and always, Your Daughter.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself, glancing up at the sky at the nearly-full Moon. "Thank You, Mother, for hearing me," she whispers into the evening. It is twilight, Psyche's own most magickal time of the day.*

Oh Beautiful Mother,

Many thanks again for the much-needed great day yesterday.

I have more to ask of You. I see how, ironically, my posts have become an up and down wave of asking and thanking, of sorrow and of joy. I'm hoping my next post here will be a joyous thankful one.

These past few weeks have been especially rough in the Love department. I may have found the Love of my Life, but that doesn't mean everything has been going swimmingly. You know this, of course: my Love being Your Servant of Fire. However, I need Your help and assistance and strength again in this matter. He is distant and withholds important feelings from me. I don't know why he does this and I'm very confused, as this does not fit my expectation of the perfect Love I know we have. Perhaps I'm fooling myself by thinking he can and will change, but I still hold Hope for our future. I adore him more than anything in the world and he still insists that he doesn't have the capability to believe that I could ever love him. His reasons are flattering, but his message rings clear: Anni, I know you're going to leave me and when you do, I'm leaving forever. This disturbs me, Mother. I need him to be there for me the way I try to be for him. While I fully recognize that I don't deserve him, I don't say such things because I understand that it would upset him. I don't think such a thing needs to be said because it would serve no purpose but to upset him, which neither of us needs. But he's made it abundantly clear that the very things that I don't need or want to hear are the very things that he feels and feels the need to say to me. It probably would not be so bad save for the fact that he can only unburden his soul when he's under the influence of alcohol and in front of his brother and our friends. It's embarrassing and I maintain that I don't deserve such treatment. But I'm confused...he is the perfect boyfriend EXCEPT for those moments...and they rarely come.

Maybe the obvious solution is to keep him from drinking. He drinks so rarely, though, and is well above the legal age. I just don't know what to do.

What I'm asking for is the strength to do what is right for both of us. If he keeps insisting on treating me like this, I ask for the strength to leave if I have to or stay if I can. I love him with all my Heart (You know my Heart better than I do...I guess I don't have to tell You twice). I can't live without him. Please, please, give me strength. I need infinite patience, love, hope and strength to get through this.

*Psyche removes her soft cotton robe and exposes herself to the cold, open air. "Goddess," she says, "accept my Love and eternal devotion as an offering. Accept my body as a vessel for what You will have done, my mind as a willing tool, and my heart as the source of Your Light."*

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself, draws all positive energy from within herself, and releases it into the world, hoping that it will travel far and wide, spreading good thoughts and actions.*

O Mother Gaia,

Your intercession is once again appreciated. I have not seen my Love for many a day yet he remains loving and somewhat well in health. He realizes his mistakes and his downfalls and means to right the wrongs he's caused. I thank You for this, Mother. Many times over.

Once again, I must ask Your help in a matter dealing with my Love. He is very ill and needs Your healing and wisdom in figuring out what the problem is. I need him to be well so I can be with him.

Thank You once more. You make my life beautiful. I am forever Your Loving Daughter.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself and brings a beautiful bird to the river as an offering where she kisses it on his head and sets it free.*

O Wonderful Mother Gaia,

Thank You for everything You do for me everyday. Thank You for challenging - but interesting - classes, for an amazing schedule this semester that so far seems relaxing and well-paced, for the unbelievable friends I've made while I've been here, for sleep, for food, and for warm clothing in this frigid weather!

But most of all, thank You for my Love. He means more and more to me everyday. I fall more deeply in Love with him the more (as well as the less) I see him. Your servant is truly an amazing work of art. Everytime I see him, he surprises me by loving me back. Thank You for healing him to the best of Your extent and for allowing me to see him last night as well as early this afternoon. I really needed him then and appreciate how You allowed it. Thank You!

Help me discover and maintain the motivation to continue with my schoolwork and classes. Please help me remain social enough to be happy with myself and with others. Help my friends do well and help them be happy. *Psyche bows* Thank You, Goddess.

Know that I am, forever and always, in love and devotion, Your Daughter of Water-Air-Fire-Earth-Spirit.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She brings with her Life, Love, Truth, and Justice.*

O Mother Gaia,

Hear me as You have heard me before.

Thank You for the Life of Jennifer Robinson. She was a great friend, a beautiful person, and a troubled soul. May her spirit rest now, finally at ease from the strife that was her life. May You guide her to peace and the Love that is You.

Thank You for the Justice of Heather. May true Justice reign over her in this situation and rain down the correct punishment for her actions. May she finally understand the consequences of her actions.

Thank You for the Truth of Mindy. The strength you gave to her to tell what is True and Right will help True Justice be done to Heather. May she finally find peace in her decision and her newfound strength.

Thank You for the Love of Tyler. His beauty and adoration of Your Daughter continually amazes me. I love him more everyday. Thank You for the patience to get through the hard times and the Love to enjoy the good times. Thank You for the ability to sleep in his arms and kiss his lips.

Thank You also for hearing and aiding my hopes in joining the Treehouse and keeping it open yet another year. I only wish to serve You in living there, respecting Your sanctity and helping Your beauty remain untarnished.

Thank You for this day, for laughter, for sorrow, for tears. But thank You most of all for Life.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She is skyclad to show the Goddess her love for her body, made in the Goddess's image. She does, however, wear a brilliant smile that puts the sun and moon to shame.*

O Sweet Mother Gaia,

I cannot thank You enough for my Love. Tyler is far more to me than anyone ever has been before. He is beautiful in looks and soul, treats me so well, and loves me so dearly that sometimes I cannot believe he is real.

We are approaching our six month anniversary of dating. I know that we have known each other for nearly eight months, but these six months seems to have shown us how turbulent and how amazing the water really can be.

The wonder hasn't ceased yet and I do not see an end in sight to my Love for him. I know it has not been that long since we have been together, but I have never been so sure. I pray to You for the knowledge, wisdom, and patience to make completely certain of our Love before something serious happens.

You see, Mother, I long to have our union blessed by You and our families. I do not believe in human marriage, but a divine union suits me just fine. I agree that we should wait until we have been together longer and until I am out of school, but the fact that I am even considering handfasting says something to me. I would not have spoken or thought about such a notion with anyone else. He means the world to me and I cannot stand the thought of living without him.

Also, Mother, thank You for the wonder that is my life right now. I have had the best week last week and I beg You to continue the goodness. I dearly need these good energies flowing around me in part to heal my illness, in part to help my easily distracted mind.

Help me to stay focused for a few months more. Remind me that I just have to get through this and then I'll be free to rest this summer.

Merci pour toutes les choses que Vous me donnez. Je suis toujours Votre Fille de L'eau.

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She brings with her a journal entry from her eleventh grade English class, almost exactly two years ago. It is dated 12 March 2001 and it gives praise to her Watery side.*

It is a fine, soft evening. I can’t remember exactly what time it was when the rain began to softly patter on the roof, but I can recall the feeling I got when I heard it. My heart seemed to catch in my throat and I quickly snapped off the light beside me. As I looked out my window I could see in the rapidly fading light the dark, rolling clouds. I lit some incense and a few candles and returned to the window, awestruck. I saw a few people hurrying to get out of the rain. I frowned and wondered if they had ever in their short lives marveled at the beauty of a rainstorm. Sometimes, I thought, a few drops of rain can do wonderful things to the spirit. With that thought, I snatched up my long cloak and thudded downstairs. I fastened it about me and stepped outside.

The earthy scent of Rain immediately entered my nose. As I shut the door behind me, I observed how few cars and people were out and about. I shoved my hands into my pockets and clamored down the porch stairs to the sidewalk. The rain splashed into my hair, matting it against my face, and drops of water trickled down my nose.

As I walked along the sidewalk – passing not a soul – I wondered why no one else was enjoying this evening as I was. Is "Friends" so important that they cannot possibly tear themselves away from the TVs or from their laptops or from the phone? Are those their first priorities? Do TV and computers and cell phones really make people happy in the long run? Will someone at the end of his or her life look back and say, "I had a great PC"? I believe that technology is often a replacement for what really makes us happy: the simpler things in life. People still put great emphasis on love and religion and for awhile this works for them, but after the initial burst of happiness subsides into mere comfort, we abandon them for material things which give us short bursts of happiness more often. Instead of sticking it out for the long haul, people give up too early. People ought to realize that if one views the world through fresh eyes every single day that the old, tiresome habits become less ritualistic. Abandoning those rituals in favor of new things is a still better idea.

Walk in the rain.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche again centers herself. This time she brings with her a poem she wrote in that same eleventh grade year to her first love, Shaun. She offers it as a gift to the same Mother who helped her through that hard time then who helps her now.*

Anubis

I felt as if I could keep Heaven
Tightly enclosed in my fist,
The way your bear-like paws encircled my own tiny hands.

Driving down that moonlit road all those nights,
I would watch your shining profile
As you concentrated on the road ahead.

I would admire the way the full moon seemed to wash down over your long,
black tresses,
(O sweet waves in the moonlight!)
Barely breathing in fear that this perfect angel would suddenly disappear
Or have been merely a dream,
And I would be lost without that bright beacon of light
That had guided me through many a storm into calmer waters.

When wrapped in your arms,
I felt as powerful as a god.
And your words would sustain me like Nectar.

When wrapped in your arms,
I felt as protected as a baby.
And your words would flow through me
Like the Scotch hidden in plain view on your table by the window.

I loved you.
I suppose I do still.
I love the memory of your
Piercing eyes,
Charming smile,
Beautiful prose.

My resistance to you was not founded insomuch as mistrust,
But more in experiencing that helpless feeling
As I immersed myself in the heavenly being that was you.


And just when I had begun climbing to the heights and depths of your
existence,
My light was gone.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche again centers herself as she has found another Gaia-centered poem. It is her first rhyming poem ever, from three years ago.*

Cluttered with Sin

The sky lit up in a violent rage –
The air was filled with ash –
And as Earth entered a brand new age,
Her people began to clash.

Though many a year had passed by
Since the dawn of Her very first day,
Many a soul had come to die;
Many simply refused to stay.

Warfare tore up Her countryside,
Pollution ruined Her sea,
Those in power attempted to hide
The damage from you and me.

The people tried to save their home
From the fate that may come to be,
But in the end they toiled alone,
For the people could not agree.

And their differences split them
For they could not see past skin
Into the minds and the hearts of men
That they thought were cluttered with sin.

And one day the Earth knew She was doomed
To end Her days alone
When a bomb crashed into Her side and boomed
And the Earth began to moan.

Her people were dying, She knew for a fact,
And Earth hung Her head in sadness:
That all for the sake of revenge, one attacked
And started all this madness.

Now Her people are dying and Earth is too –
And not in the name of a cause:
But for money or power or something to do –
That’s what brings about life’s great pause.

I call upon you as Earth’s women and men
To look on your planet with care,
And by using what abilities and means you can,
Clean the oceans, the ground, and the air.

It is not enough to clean Earth’s surfaces –
External change goes only so far –
Rectify your demeanor and purposes,
And then see where you are.

Love everyone around you,
For that is all that matters.
Love is what you take with you
When e’re your life is scattered.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. This poem from three years ago is a celebration of who she is.*

Immersed deep within this crowd,
I look about.
The cheering, happy faces of the surrounding parade seem to taunt me.
I swivel my head back and forth,
Seeing only their bright, eager (menacing!) eyes as they unquestioningly
swallow and believe every word the charismatic man at the podium is
droning.

I force a smile on my face and
Try to pay attention to the jumble of words spewing from his mouth.
My smile slowly fades as I realize that
The words the man says
Seem to be in a different language.

I furrow my brow in consternation
And spin spin spin around…
Seeing their faces become a blur
As the prattle from his mouth crescendos and builds and grows…
And even though I clap my hands over ears to shut it out,
The noise climaxes to an impossible din and I squeeze my eyes closed,
hoping to escape the horrible sounds that now pulse through me and
shriek in every bone of my body until my head feels like it will explode and
my mind give way to this…this fiend! taking over my soul and I can’t stand
it anymore and I SCREAM! at the top of my lungs…!!!

…And there is sweet silence.

When I awaken,
I am in Bohemia.
And I sigh with relief,
Welcoming the sounds of lively discussion, rock music, and poetry.
Where the inhabitants greet newcomers with an open hand, open heart, and
open mind.
They who share all that they have and ask nothing in return but a willingness
to share and accept them, too.

But even as I dance for joy in the rain-stroked street,
Amid friends and rebels,
Amid hippies and punks,
Amid artists and musicians,
Amid fun-seekers of all kinds,
A thought brushes by me like a lover.

It makes me shout with laughter,
My mouth turned upward to the sky,
Inviting precipitation.
My arms stretched out,
Eyes closed in utter ecstasy.

And as I celebrate all that I am and all that I have to offer this world…
MY world,
I smile:

I still don’t fit in!

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She breathes in deeply, holding her breath for a moment, and slowly breathes back out. She is clad in only a soft white robe and is barefoot. She kneels by the river next to her and proceeds to wash her face and hands with its pure Water.*

O Mother Gaia,

I know we have not spoken for several months on here, but You know that I speak to You always, with every action I take. Your guidance these past few weeks has been much-needed. And I thank You. Your daughter has been so frightened, but I thank You for the strength and patience to carry on, even in the face of adversity. I was not meant to carry a child so young and the fact that I made it through letting it go the way I did was truly because of Your help.

Thank You again for Your servant, my dearest Tyler. His help and support is appreciated. Thank You for letting me Love him the way that I do and for having him Love me in return. Our Love is the most beautiful thing there is in the world - with only You as the exception.

I long for a beautiful, long life with him, but I understand that it won't be easy. Please grant him the strength to battle his disease and give me the strength to get over my parents' nervousness at sharing my life with him the way I want to.

Many many thanks again to You, Mother, for all Your patience, Love, and the hope You've given me this past month.

Your Daughter is amazed at Your favour on her...

So mote it be.

[Psyche Ague]

*Psyche centers herself. She is aware how long it has been since she spoke with her Mother at this sacred place of worship and meditation. She understands how much she has lost herself in her search for escape. She realizes that she needs to reacquaint herself with her Sacred Mother...and with herself. She brings her insecurities, her self-loathing, and her apathy in the hopes that her Mother will aid her in releasing them into the Water forever.*

O Beautiful Mother and my Guiding Light Through All that is Dark :

Thank You for giving me the strength to allow myself to let go of Tyler. I really could never be happy with him. I will always miss him, but I believe that will lessen in time. Allow us to be friends if this is possible, but allow us to remain amicable otherwise.

Help him love himself.

Help me love myself.

Please let this medicine work, but not be addicting. Let me become normal again because I am so sad that I am not capable of being happy on my own.

Please...

Help me, Mother.

*Psyche buries her face in the Water for a moment then raises it to the Sun for drying. She prays that the Mother will cleanse her spirit in much the same fashion.*