Advice needed

[RocknRoll_Goddess85]

I posted the other day about wanting to find a coven or meet-up to start going to so I can get a more interactive teaching. I may have found a place with a very nice lady who went solitary from her coven a few years ago and now is planning on starting her own group. I was talking to my hubs about it and told him how interested I was. He immediately got upset and starting going off about cults. He is not interested in learning anything about my lifestyle and when I tried to tell him that I would only be going on the esbats and sabbats he was even more convinced that it was a cult.

My question is how do I help calm his fears down? I understand it is more of a fear of something he doesn't understand but its hard to help with that when he is so uniterested in learning anything about it. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Danielle:boing:

[Terra Mater]

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm has a list of what defines a cult as a cult. The more traits a group shares with the list, the more cultish they are behaving. It is not a be all end all solution, just a handy tool for discussion with those who think you are involved in a cult and to help you learn more about the destructive practices cults engage in.

[HetHert]

What is his spiritual flavor if any?

[RocknRoll_Goddess85]

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm has a list of what defines a cult as a cult. The more traits a group shares with the list, the more cultish they are behaving. It is not a be all end all solution, just a handy tool for discussion with those who think you are involved in a cult and to help you learn more about the destructive practices cults engage in.

Thank you that is very helpful!

Danielle

[RocknRoll_Goddess85]

What is his spiritual flavor if any?

He has none, he says he's open to anything but he really is not. If there is no concrete proof backing it up well it ain't real. Ok, wait he believes in ghosts, but he has seen pretty upfront proof on that one. He is very confusing:weirdsmil

Danielle

[HetHert]

He has none, he says he's open to anything but he really is not. If there is no concrete proof backing it up well it ain't real. Ok, wait he believes in ghosts, but he has seen pretty upfront proof on that one. He is very confusing:weirdsmil

Danielle


Well that is confusing and peculiar. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just makes it more difficult to stand on some sort of leg or know what angle to approach.

Terra's probably got the best approach and that's just show him how much NOT like a cult a coven is. You could approach it from the angle of solitary practitioners coming together to study and be spiritual together. Drop the coven verbiage if you have too. He might just be stuck on the word.

[Terra Mater]

He may have encountered a group in the past that called itself a coven but was more cultish in its ways.

There was a group I was affiliated with many years ago that went through a major schism when many of its members thought the group was a cult. I printed out copies of the list I linked and handed them out at a meeting. The leaders accepted how some of their practices were making them seem cultish and changed their approaches in those areas. Things got better.

[Herumetem]

Would he be allowed to attend one of the sabbats or esbats? I think as long as he sees that you are still you after going, it should be okay.

How charming that he is worried about you!

[Ivy Artemisia]

Definitely show him the cult info linked by Terra Mater. Also check out this link (http://www.neopagan.net/ABCDEF.html).

You could always compare it to church. Any lessons or meetings are like bible study, and sabbats and esbats are like the worship services in the church. If he is a staunch athiest, then he might call churches cults, and you'd be screwed anyway.

Really, I think your best bet is to ask him what exactly he is afraid of. Is he afraid of you going crazy with the help of others? Is he afraid of you spending lots of time with other people and not with him? Then you'll know what the actual fear is, and will be better equipped to get him over it.

[RubyFire]

it could just be the words you're using, try avoid calling it esbats and sabbats, and see if he's open to going to a meetup.

[RocknRoll_Goddess85]

Definitely show him the cult info linked by Terra Mater. Also check out this link (http://www.neopagan.net/ABCDEF.html).

You could always compare it to church. Any lessons or meetings are like bible study, and sabbats and esbats are like the worship services in the church. If he is a staunch athiest, then he might call churches cults, and you'd be screwed anyway.

Really, I think your best bet is to ask him what exactly he is afraid of. Is he afraid of you going crazy with the help of others? Is he afraid of you spending lots of time with other people and not with him? Then you'll know what the actual fear is, and will be better equipped to get him over it.
I remember at some point saying something about then to you all churches in america must be cults. He immediately agreed with that. It doesn't help that the church across the street from his parents house just might actually Be a cult. I am not sure exactly what he is afraid of. Honestly, I think it has something to do with some insecurities he never talks about then worrying about it being an actual cult.

Danielle.

[Ivy Artemisia]

I am not sure exactly what he is afraid of. Honestly, I think it has something to do with some insecurities he never talks about then worrying about it being an actual cult.

Ask him: what about the cult-thing scares him. Then address that. If he has the cult idea set in his head, and you've triggered that, you can't say, "Just kidding, it's not a coven, it's a meetup. It's not sabbat and esbats, it's just a meeting." I still think it's best to try to get to what's actually bothering him about it and address that. What part of cults (including churches) bothers him so much?

Is it the idea of men taking advantages of women? Have him meet the men in the group.

Is it that you'd be spending lots of time away from him? Explain to him the time commitment, and create "date nights" if you need to.

Is it that you have a different belief system, and you might be more fervent in those beliefs once you start hanging with others? This is possible, but your beliefs are your own, and you can promise not to proselytize.

I think the main issue here is communication. Your best bet is to communicate with you about what is really bothering him, so that you can have an open discussion. Until then, you're trying to slap a band-aid onto a moving target.