Charmbolt
February 5th, 2011, 12:10 PM
:sniffsnif
I am feeling lost, really not sure where I need to be or what I should be doing at this point.
For the past few years life had been different, I was married, owned a townhouse, but the marriage wasn't a good one and although he never physically hurt me I was beat down. I hid from my marriage and played World of Warcraft day in and out to get myself by. I never imagined that I would ever be free for one or that anyone else could love me. I played the game for well over a year and ended up meeting the love I had never imagined. At first we were just friends, content to see each other and joke around, then supportive as he was in a bad marriage also, a while later we both wanted more and we left our abusive spouses to be together. At first it was so fresh, beautiful and we were so happy it was like we robbed a bank and got away with it every time we could be together. The relationship itself is amazing, we have a unique acceptance of each other, a love that is undying, and all of the doting I have ever dreamt about. He is good to me in every way he can be, and my problems aren't a lack of effort for the most part.
A few months of being together and then things started to compound and become extremely challenging,... his son whom he did not have more than weekends at the time was being abused by his mother. We were together in April 2009 and then in June we got protective custody of his little one. There was a beautiful amount of time where a no contact order was in place between Robby's mother and ourselves and Robby. During that time we worked our hardest to help Robby surpass his trauma, had him in therapy, enrolled him in pre-k which i attended with him nearly every day and I fully accepted him as my own and he me. I got him potty trained at the age of 4 as this was a tough issue for him, he was well on his way to being a much more stable and happy boy. Supervised by her mother, Robby's mom had visitation on weekends starting in October. We got custody of him in February of that year, with supervised visitation from his mother every Sunday from 9-6. From October until now visitation every weekend has been absolute hell, I never know what to expect and often spend all day Sunday feeling sick with nervousness. Nearly all of the progress made in Robby was lost right away, he reverted back to acting like an early three year old, potty issues, not sleeping, constant nervousness, severe anger and aggression issues. All of which did not go away until April of 2010 when his therapist recommend we start medications for sleeping and to better focus him, they felt he may be adhd on top of the abuse. The medications seem to help him with the aggression, impulsivity, sleep issues, we have also helped him through his potty issues although he still seems to pee his pants from time to time. Robby is now 5 years old and often times after a visit from his mother he regresses and acts like an early 3. This is hard enough to deal with,... as he is on a huge roller coaster every week and his moods can change faster than someone can drop a dime. Past two weeks I am not sure if Robby was possibly abused again as the grandmother allows her daughter to have unsupervised naps, which we cannot prove or do anything about, or if Robby was re triggered to remember abuse prior and brainwashed while he was on his visit but his world was turned absolutely upside down. He began rejecting me 100% and singing praise for his abusive birth mother, acting like a 3 again, not able to function well at all, can't dress himself, can't identify or express his feelings, completely emotionally boxed in, wanting to touch sexually and get in everyones personal space and invade their boundaries, just like he was when we first got protective care of him. Therapeutically nor legally there is nothing we can do at this point until we can prove the possible abuse. Robby is also going to be getting tested for autism,...he has a few characteristic which resemble the struggles that a very high functioning autistic child may have.
Aside from this,.... we struggle financially. Allen was employed via military but had decided not to re up when his time came because of our family life needing too much attention, presently he is on unemployment making about the same as he made while employed. I am not legal to work in the states,... I am still processing my divorce from my first husband and so cannot yet marry Allen, since I have over stayed my passport chances are applying for costly visas won't do me much good. We got lucky and moved into a house which is being foreclosed upon, which has allowed us to pay off debts...which Allen had a lot of from his previous years. I didn't have any debts until I was in need of emergency surgery in August to remove my gallbladder, I had my last stone sink down into the bottom of my bile duct and cause a blockage that was killing me slowly. I incurred thousands of dollars of debt for this, as I had no health coverage what so ever. We need to move out of the house in March, but we haven't been able to set aside a dime and I have no idea how we will ever afford rent of any place we find.
The stresses are countless.....the transition of my life has been a hard one.
At the point I am feeling like I can do no more here,...I cannot bare to watch Robby suffer, can't take the roller coaster, it is making me sick to the point that I cannot function, am taking on pounds like no tomorrow and that is making things even worse.
My choice is a hard one because dear friends we have made with the attorney whom helped us fight for custody of Robby had offered something amazing, which is to 1 help with my divorce, 2 pay for me to see an immigration attorney, 3 teach me how to drive so that I can be more able to work and support myself instead of being a stay at home mom for Robby. I am completely lost on whether or not I should stick it out and continue hoping that things will become 'normal' finally or if this is yet another silly dream that I should walk away from,... go home to my parents in Canada, work and pay my debts and think about what I really want to do with my life.
The pain of leaving Robby will be unbearable, and the loss of how Allen and I first were when I got here even more so. I have been so weighed down by all of our stresses that I no longer even know how I feel about Allen anymore.
I can't stand the thought of leaving, but I don't want to stay... I am so lost and willing to listen and consider any input given.
(Sorry for the novel)
I am feeling lost, really not sure where I need to be or what I should be doing at this point.
For the past few years life had been different, I was married, owned a townhouse, but the marriage wasn't a good one and although he never physically hurt me I was beat down. I hid from my marriage and played World of Warcraft day in and out to get myself by. I never imagined that I would ever be free for one or that anyone else could love me. I played the game for well over a year and ended up meeting the love I had never imagined. At first we were just friends, content to see each other and joke around, then supportive as he was in a bad marriage also, a while later we both wanted more and we left our abusive spouses to be together. At first it was so fresh, beautiful and we were so happy it was like we robbed a bank and got away with it every time we could be together. The relationship itself is amazing, we have a unique acceptance of each other, a love that is undying, and all of the doting I have ever dreamt about. He is good to me in every way he can be, and my problems aren't a lack of effort for the most part.
A few months of being together and then things started to compound and become extremely challenging,... his son whom he did not have more than weekends at the time was being abused by his mother. We were together in April 2009 and then in June we got protective custody of his little one. There was a beautiful amount of time where a no contact order was in place between Robby's mother and ourselves and Robby. During that time we worked our hardest to help Robby surpass his trauma, had him in therapy, enrolled him in pre-k which i attended with him nearly every day and I fully accepted him as my own and he me. I got him potty trained at the age of 4 as this was a tough issue for him, he was well on his way to being a much more stable and happy boy. Supervised by her mother, Robby's mom had visitation on weekends starting in October. We got custody of him in February of that year, with supervised visitation from his mother every Sunday from 9-6. From October until now visitation every weekend has been absolute hell, I never know what to expect and often spend all day Sunday feeling sick with nervousness. Nearly all of the progress made in Robby was lost right away, he reverted back to acting like an early three year old, potty issues, not sleeping, constant nervousness, severe anger and aggression issues. All of which did not go away until April of 2010 when his therapist recommend we start medications for sleeping and to better focus him, they felt he may be adhd on top of the abuse. The medications seem to help him with the aggression, impulsivity, sleep issues, we have also helped him through his potty issues although he still seems to pee his pants from time to time. Robby is now 5 years old and often times after a visit from his mother he regresses and acts like an early 3. This is hard enough to deal with,... as he is on a huge roller coaster every week and his moods can change faster than someone can drop a dime. Past two weeks I am not sure if Robby was possibly abused again as the grandmother allows her daughter to have unsupervised naps, which we cannot prove or do anything about, or if Robby was re triggered to remember abuse prior and brainwashed while he was on his visit but his world was turned absolutely upside down. He began rejecting me 100% and singing praise for his abusive birth mother, acting like a 3 again, not able to function well at all, can't dress himself, can't identify or express his feelings, completely emotionally boxed in, wanting to touch sexually and get in everyones personal space and invade their boundaries, just like he was when we first got protective care of him. Therapeutically nor legally there is nothing we can do at this point until we can prove the possible abuse. Robby is also going to be getting tested for autism,...he has a few characteristic which resemble the struggles that a very high functioning autistic child may have.
Aside from this,.... we struggle financially. Allen was employed via military but had decided not to re up when his time came because of our family life needing too much attention, presently he is on unemployment making about the same as he made while employed. I am not legal to work in the states,... I am still processing my divorce from my first husband and so cannot yet marry Allen, since I have over stayed my passport chances are applying for costly visas won't do me much good. We got lucky and moved into a house which is being foreclosed upon, which has allowed us to pay off debts...which Allen had a lot of from his previous years. I didn't have any debts until I was in need of emergency surgery in August to remove my gallbladder, I had my last stone sink down into the bottom of my bile duct and cause a blockage that was killing me slowly. I incurred thousands of dollars of debt for this, as I had no health coverage what so ever. We need to move out of the house in March, but we haven't been able to set aside a dime and I have no idea how we will ever afford rent of any place we find.
The stresses are countless.....the transition of my life has been a hard one.
At the point I am feeling like I can do no more here,...I cannot bare to watch Robby suffer, can't take the roller coaster, it is making me sick to the point that I cannot function, am taking on pounds like no tomorrow and that is making things even worse.
My choice is a hard one because dear friends we have made with the attorney whom helped us fight for custody of Robby had offered something amazing, which is to 1 help with my divorce, 2 pay for me to see an immigration attorney, 3 teach me how to drive so that I can be more able to work and support myself instead of being a stay at home mom for Robby. I am completely lost on whether or not I should stick it out and continue hoping that things will become 'normal' finally or if this is yet another silly dream that I should walk away from,... go home to my parents in Canada, work and pay my debts and think about what I really want to do with my life.
The pain of leaving Robby will be unbearable, and the loss of how Allen and I first were when I got here even more so. I have been so weighed down by all of our stresses that I no longer even know how I feel about Allen anymore.
I can't stand the thought of leaving, but I don't want to stay... I am so lost and willing to listen and consider any input given.
(Sorry for the novel)