just venting

[mouseytalons]

A man I call friend brings this woman he just met to my house without without warning or permission. She has 1, maybe 2 drinks, and starts punching on MY Boyfriend, I let her get 2 punches in, as I was preparing to get up and return the favor to her. She stopped at 2 punches, MY Boyfriend is too much of a Gentleman to hit a woman back, and took it "like a man". I am still quite angry about this incident. I am asking for help in sorting this out, PLEASE?? I have told my friend He is NEVER to bring another person he just met, or a punchy "LEILA ALI or MRS TYSON" to my house again EVER!
Was I wrong?
What could I have done to protect myself from getting this angry?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You, and Blessings.

[Zai]

Holy crap, I can see why you're ticked!

It's your house. You definitely have a right to say no to Mrs. Tyson. Maybe the first couple of meetings with a new person should be in a public place. A lot of people will behave better in public places. (No guarantees, of course.) Your friend should definitely not be bringing people to your place without explicit permission.

If you getting angry in this situation prevented you from acting, then I guess there's a problem. Otherwise, I think you had a right to be angry. You still have a right to be angry. People really shouldn't be hitting each other without good reason, like self defense. But if you're still mad about it now, realize that it's happened. You've already talked to your friend. There's nothing else you can do. Push on to the next thing. Easier said than done, yet it is stunningly effective after you practice it for awhile.

I would guess, though, that maybe deep down, you're more angry at your friend for bringing someone over without your permission. Am I right? After all, bringing guests over unannounced is bad form in any situation except absolute emergencies. If this is the case, it'll take time for you to calm down. Try taking deep breaths. Cliche, yes, but I once read somewhere that it is physiologically difficult (or even impossible) for your body to stay tense when you take a deep breath. Calm the body, the mind will follow, perhaps with a final kick and scream.

You can even take a couple of deep breaths in the middle of an angry situation. At the very least, it helps center and focus you.

I hope you feel better.

[Bettie]

No, you weren't wrong.

Why would you want to prevent yourself from being angry in such a situation? Your friend brought over a stranger to your house who proceeded to attack your boyfriend? If I were in that situation, I wouldn't just be angry, I'd be absolutely fcking FURIOUS. Sounds to me like you handled it all pretty well, really.

[Cloaked Raven]

Big :hugz: first of all...

I really don't blame you at all for getting ticked off at all!! You handled that situation a heck of a lot better than I would have... I would have punched her or hit her with a VERY heavy object after she hit my man once!! :mad:

You are in the RIGHT... No one at all has the right to come into your home and start punching you or your man whatsoever.

[FiresSong]

I would have knocked that bitch flat.

To basically reiterate, it is YOUR home. If your "friend" has so little respect for you and yours that a. he would bring a stranger into your home without any sort of permission or, at the very least, warning and b. would not have stepped in himself and told her to stop, it doesn't sound like he's much of a friend in the first place. I personally would lay it out right in front of him: she's not welcome, and next time he should ask permission before bringing another person over. Some people have no manners.

[sparrowspirit]

hugs!!

i soundly second, third, fourth.... lol.... everyone's advice.

[~Runa~]

A man I call friend brings this woman he just met to my house without without warning or permission. She has 1, maybe 2 drinks, and starts punching on MY Boyfriend, I let her get 2 punches in, as I was preparing to get up and return the favor to her. She stopped at 2 punches, MY Boyfriend is too much of a Gentleman to hit a woman back, and took it "like a man". I am still quite angry about this incident. I am asking for help in sorting this out, PLEASE?? I have told my friend He is NEVER to bring another person he just met, or a punchy "LEILA ALI or MRS TYSON" to my house again EVER!
Was I wrong?
What could I have done to protect myself from getting this angry?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You, and Blessings.

Personally I would've phoned the police. Sorry to hear that you experienced this awful event. Did your friend ever apologise to you? He was responsible for that woman being there.

Anger is a natural human reaction but you're right to ask how to avoid expressing it. To prevent being in that type of situation again, here is a list of things you could do:

1. Don't let unwanted strangers into your house. If they're with a friend, ask them to come back later or tell them they cannot stay too long.
2. Don't give strangers in your house any alcohol.
3. Insist that these guests leave your house.
4. If it happens again, anywhere really not just at home, avoid getting into fights. Stay calm and just walk away. Ask the person to leave or tell your friend to get them out. You're in your rights to call the police if it happens again.

[WitchJezebel]

I would have mopped my floors with that bitch. Seriously. NO ONE behaves like drunken bar skank in my house (except me if I choose). But since most people might not want to go that route, you should've called the police and at the very least told her to leave. Violence in response to violence is never the best way to handle it, but my HOME is definitely an exception - swinging at someone in my house is a bad move and will defend my home and the people in it.

If your friend just met this woman, in all fairness maybe he didn't know that's how she would behave after 2 drinks. You should definitely tell him he's never to bring her over again but I think you should talk to him before being angry with him over it. He really may not have known.

[Eyeris]

wow, that sucks. Not knowing the full situation or the full situation of your friends and their status is this...

you have the right to defend your home, and your loved ones form physical abuse (especially thoes that live there) and defend your home from behavior you just don't want there... i.e. cursing, drunkenness etc... as my boyfriend would say "itz MAH-HOUSE BIOTCH" ^^;;

so the ground rules are clear, now let's examine friend and stranger: Those that I call friend, I trust not only as good characters, but also... how do I put it... I trust them, not just to not-harm me, but to not bring harmful-things my way either. Either, your 'friend' brought an unsavory character into your home, oooor did not know unsavory character long enough to determine weather they were unsavory or not and therefore... get mah drift? Not saying that everyone is perfect, BUT if you feel as though your friend was naive, or if this is some sort of *pattern* with them and/or your group of friends (How rowdy do you guys get when you go out?) you should have a conversation with them about it. Not necessarily to condemn them, but to perhaps expand their awareness of whom they hang out with (as you see fit.)

What you should focus on is not your imminent reaction that you were worried about ("how can i keep myself from being angry?") is weather your reaction now is logically based, to prevent such incident from repeating.