PDA

View Full Version : Help.... Advice appreciated!!!!!



Tiana_Ecarias
January 23rd, 2003, 08:31 AM
I'm having problems with my father-in-law.

I have a guy friend who came up not to long ago, and we talked for hours, catching up because I hadn't seen him in a long while.

Anyways, I was accused by my father-in-law of cheating on my husband with him, and he went, and told my husband this. Which started an arguement, until my husband talked to my friend, who is a good friend of his.

But, my father-in-law won't stop with teh accusing of cheating, and today, he accused me of stealing money from him. I've tried talking with him, like an adult, but when I do, he tells me everything I say is a lie, and he threatens to report me to Social Services to have them take my son away from me.

Does anyone have some advice to help me?"

Tiana_Ecarias

Yvonne Belisle
January 23rd, 2003, 08:37 AM
Try to have as little personal contact as possible. When someone is like that there really isn't anything you can do you won't be able to change thier mind. Having your husband act as intermediary can also cause problems there if he is always stuck defending you. It puts him in the position of choosing between you. Talk it out with your husband and tell him your concerns. Let him know you want to reduce your contact with his father but not his and ask him what he thinks is the best way to deal with his father since he knows him better.

Tiana_Ecarias
January 23rd, 2003, 08:40 AM
I'd do it that way, but unfortunately, I can't. My husband is in San Diego being schooled in the Navy, and I rent the upstairs of his mother's house.

(My father-in-law is her husband, not my husband's dad)

So, I'm stuck here, I try and avoid him as much as I can since he started it. But, dinner and lunch it's hard, since it's my job to cook dinner, and to call him in for lunch.

*sigh*

Tiana_Ecarias

Yvonne Belisle
January 23rd, 2003, 08:47 AM
Ouch. Damn that makes it so much harder I am sorry to hear that. My hubbie is trying to get sent to school instead of activated at the moment. Which school in San Diego? I was stationed at NTC/RTC and at 32nd St where I still have an old friend. My husbands family is also out there in the general area. I will try and think of some ideas for dealing with your father in law he sounds an awful lot like my first husband and there was no making him see truth he would get an idea and even when confronted with evidence to the contrary insisted he was right. If you need another to talk to who has been in that boat my sign on names are all in my signature. I have been a Navy wife with her husband on deployment and I was married to a man who would accuse me of sleeping with every man I met even though I never cheated and it was often the first time I had met someone and he was with me from the moment they said hi to when they said bye. Supposedly I still had time to sleep with them having never seen them before and never leaving my husbands sight. Go figure. Well if you need me I am here.

Tiana_Ecarias
January 23rd, 2003, 08:51 AM
That's is where he's at, NTC 32nd street, it hasn't changed much from what people have told me....

*hugs to Yvonne* Thanks, I'm glad some one understands with out being patronizing...


Tiana_Ecarias

Yvonne Belisle
January 23rd, 2003, 08:59 AM
:) That experience is the main reason he is an ex lol. We moved out here a year and a half ago. My hubbie has problems with the cold and I miss the warm weather but the cost of living is way too high. The good news for you is that if he gets stationed out there then there is a lot of Navy housing and it is nice!

Toriach
January 24th, 2003, 09:42 PM
First of my sympathies. It sounds like a regulation bummer of a situation.

Some ideas off the top of my head.

On the mundane side... Confront him. Either face to face if your the sort who does ok with that, or by putting your feelings in a letter. Try to keep the tone of the confrontation factual and questioning rather than personal and angry. Ask him why he says these things, and if he realizes the effect they have. Also talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel about his willingness to believe his step dad without bothering to ask you about what was said.

On the Magickal side... My advice is a binding spell that prevents your father in law from communicating anything about you that he knows is false. It won't stop him from speaking or writing the information, but it just won't quite come through, either people won't get what he's talking about, or they'll generally misunderstand him to be talking about someone else or something else. The reason why I suggest constructing the spell to prevent him from communicating things he "knows" to be false is to allow you to gauge whether his problem is true vile intent, or if it's a problem of perhaps either wrong perception or even a mental health problem.

Hope these suggestions help.

TIE

Toriach

Faery-Wings
January 25th, 2003, 10:00 AM
Tiana, I hope that things get better in your situation. Since you can't avoid your father in law, just be careful and cover your butt as much as possible. Always be honest with your hubby.

Good luck!

Tiana_Ecarias
January 25th, 2003, 06:20 PM
I've tried the confronting him, I didn't accuse him of lieing, just asked him why he was telling people stuff like that. He then proceeded to tell me all of my faults, and that he was being generous for letting me live in his house, and that he sould throw me out on my ear, blah, blah, blah.

So, I'll try the magical way tonight. We'll see what happens...

*hugs to everyone that has posted* Thank you for your advice, it helps to have a few people in my corner.

Tiana_Ecarias

Willow_Raindancer
February 2nd, 2003, 08:40 AM
Is there a battered womens shelter you can go to. Verbal battery is just as bad as physical and it doesn't have to come from a husband! If it were me, I'd get out NOW! I'd take eveything I could carry and go! Because if I had to stay in a situation like that, I'd kill him in his sleep! :smash: :uzi: :flamer:

Lady Eryn
February 2nd, 2003, 11:37 PM
Tiana , I feel for you . I have some what the same thing happening to myself right now. I don't live with my in-laws though. My mother-in-law is a real oeice of work. She has accused me of every thing that has went wrong in my husbands life to be my fault. I was the reason that he didn't graduate high school on time, I was the reason that he wasn't working when we first started living together. And so on. As for as your father-in-law is concerned you should try to advoid him as much as possible. Or do the binding spell. that should help. When he threatens to take your kids away just tell him to go blow it out his ass . The state CAN'T take away your kids unless there is a GOOD reason. That man has to prove you're almost killing your kids. And I sure thats not the case. So you have nothing to worry about there. If you need to talk about this my ICQ is in my proflie. I can relate to what you're going through. So chat with me and I hope it gets better for you.

Tiana_Ecarias
February 6th, 2003, 08:27 PM
well, the accussing and fighting has stopped, for now. Thank the gods for mother-in-laws, she stepped in and ended it.

I don't know how long it will last, but I'll take it for all it's worth. If it starts up again, I've found a few friends who are more then willing to take me and my son in.

((((everyone who's posted)))) Thanks for your advice, and support, I needed it, and still do.....

Tiana_Ecarias

Scarlettvixen
February 7th, 2003, 04:46 AM
Hi Tiana

Im glad that he as settled down a bit.
Hun i would make sure you are NEVER alone with this man - I have seen this type of behaviour before and it has led to rape

i dont want to alarm you, but please please protect yrself!

Tiana_Ecarias
February 7th, 2003, 04:51 AM
THanks Scarlettvixen, the advice is taken to heart. I never AM alone with him, before all the shit(excuse my language please) started, nor after.

Something has just never felt right, so I just stayed away...

Tiana_Ecarias

Scarlettvixen
February 7th, 2003, 04:59 AM
np Tiana
I hope you have a good strong lock on the door of the apartment too!

Lady Eryn
February 9th, 2003, 01:06 AM
Hey I 'm glad to hear that Your mother-in-law jas steped in on your behalf. That's great news. At least she cares about your well being. Or her sons happiness either way she got your father-in-law off your back. I happy that your stay there is good for now.