Tarot Etiquette

[Mithrea]

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately and it's just come up again this evening.

For everyone who requests readings from people in this forum or anywhere, there are a few things you can do to make the person reading not feel like they totally wasted their time. Personally, I don't actually do many readings anymore--especially for members I don't know because of bad experiences. I have done many readings here that were never picked up (according to message tracking) or were picked up without a word back. I really like to clarify anything that is unclear for a querent and get input on some of the ideas I throw out there. Not having that opportunity is very frustrating, especially since I just spent anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour (or sometimes more) working on a reading. The short answer for those of us encountering these problems, and this is the tip of the icebeg (I've had at least one really nasty reply), is to stop doing readings--but that's boring! I like doing readings. I like helping people if I can and since it's possible that we never think about netiquette or Taroetiquette, maybe having a discussion about it will help :)


Here are a couple of suggestions I came up with:

-If you request a reading, please check back to the forum in a timely manner. If you only come to MW once a month and you request a reading, please come back and get it before a month goes by. There is nothing more annoying then sending a reading out into cyberspace and not hearing anything back for weeks and months. Chances are the info isn't relevant for you anymore either and then the reader has wasted their time.

-Give feedback. I'm not saying give a critique but manners online are the same as IRL. A simple thank you can be a HUGE payment for the service someone has provided for you.


I'm not trying to step on Dagda's or SV's toes. I'm not trying to lay down "rules," I just really want to hear what other people think about this. Is this even an issue? What other suggestions do you have to add? :)

[Flaire]

I agree, Mith. I've had a couple of readings done for people, and have never heard back... *sigh*


I can't think of anything else to add on.....

[Azure]

Well, I've only had a couple of bad experiences, largely with people not responding to PMs before or after a reading, or doing so after a long passage of time. But that was awhile back, and I have to say I'm now very careful about who I will read for.

[tarotbear]

Dear Mith-

Sorry you feel this way, but please don't give up readings due to some ingrates!

Before I do any reading on the 'Net, I send out a letter I have prepared to every querent FIRST. In it I am very specific about what, where , how, who, and why. Included in that letter is a line that states "I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK." It is rare NOT to hear back, but it does happen; however, I expect nothing, so I am never disappointed.

The most annoying experence I had was getting the info from someone and 48 hours later when I sent the reading it was returned to me as 'Address does not exist.'

[Mithrea]

I haven't stopped and I'm not going to. The specific, recent incident I'm speaking of didn't happen to me. I think what is most important for people to realize here is that many people reading here are still learning and that feedback is extra important to someone who is learning. It's not like MW is offering a free tarot service here. The people who read for the people who post here are doing so a)because mol and Semele gave us a place to practice and/or b) our of the kindness of their hearts. No one is compelled to read for people here (though I have been told by someone before "You told me seven months ago, you'd do the reading now DO IT!" when the fact was they hadn't been around for seven months to ask their question) :lol:

[Lavender]

I'm glad you brought that up. I echo the same sentiments, Mithrea. I know that at eclectic tarot, you can't read or ask for a reading unless you've had X number of posts. Here, we're not so tight and that's great. I love reading for people but I hate being taken for granted too. I've had other people tell me they've stopped reading for people here for the same reasons.

Maybe we can come up with some guidelines and have them stuck up at the top of the forum? The suggestions you've made are a good start. :)

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Thanks you Mithrea.
I agree. If someone comes here and takes the time to request a reading they should have the courtsey to respond once the reading has been given.
It takes alot less time to "read" the reading than it does to "do" the reading.
It's very frustrating if there is no response.
And sticking an etiquette thread at the top is a good idea - but - before we do a reading are we gonna ask the querent if they've read and agree? I guess we could.
Or
I've always PM my readings. I figure that what it contains might not be something the querent wants out there in public.
But I guess I could start answering in the forum. *shruges* Then we could ask the opinion of other members if the querent doesn't give feedback.

((((Mithrea))))

[tarotbear]

This is the letter I send to anyone requesting an on-line reading - BEFORE I do the reading and send it:

Letter for online folks requesting a reading:

Let me explain a few things --

I can do a long distance reading for you, but it will not be as accurate as you were sitting across the table from me, shuffling the cards yourself. That is because you will not be contributing any direct energy to the cards. This does NOT mean the reading will be inaccurate; I just believe that having the direct input of the Querent (that's you) is always best.

What I will do is pull up your letter, and your picture that you send me, then do the reading in front of my PC so that I have your image to focus on. No nude or suggestive photos, please. What I am doing is serious. I will need some personal information such as your real name, age, birth date, etc. I am not an astrologer, but sometimes the info helps. I also need a minimal of background info to the question that you are asking. PLEASE NOTE: I do not deal with questions concerning pregnancy or death.

KEEP IT SIMPLE: You have to focus, not try to ask one run-on, all-encompassing question, such as "Should I change my job and when will I get a boyfriend and what will his name be and will we have an apartment with a dog or a cat and am I going to get any sex this weekend?" There are generally four questions that everyone asks: Money, Job, Future, and Love…try to pick only one of these at a time. Depending on the complexity of your question, I will try to figure out a spread to best answer it. If you are unsure of a question, ask something along the lines of " What is going through my life for the next 12 months?" or something similar with a definite time frame. Many people want to know what is going to happen 20 years from now, and there are too many factors that can change for Tarot to be accurate in that instance.

Be patient. I will get your reading back to you ASAP. I suggest you keep a hard copy of it.

Feedback: I would appreciate knowing your reaction to the reading, also if it did apply to the question.

DISCLAIMER: ALL READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
A reading from Tarotbear DOES NOT in any way constitute legal, financial, or other advice. It does NOT constitute diagnosis OR treatment of illness, be it mental, physical, or spiritual. Asking about something WILL NOT cause it to happen.

Are readings always accurate? Nine times out of ten you will receive information about your past or present and you will be amazed that someone who doesn't even know you can see that. You can easily judge a person's accuracy by how clearly they seem to be turned into your life or your situation as it is. But, when it comes to the part of the reading that reveals your manifesting future, this will be governed by choices you have yet to make. It is important to understand that while 'what is meant to be' will come to pass, as we live our lives we arrive at forks in our road that we may opt to explore or simply bypass. Many factors influence out decision about which way to go, but which direction we ultimately turn in is not always predetermined. Here is an example:

You receive a reading and among other things, you are told you will adopt a puppy, but the puppy would be a source of grief. A week or so later a friend offers you a puppy. You love animals and would gladly accept this gift, but because of the reading you decline the offer. A few weeks pass and your friend drops by to see you. You ask about the puppy and they become upset and tell you the puppy had distemper and had to be put to sleep. The only reason the tears shed for the puppy are theirs and not yours is because you decided not to adopt it.
Does this mean the reading was not accurate?

The value of a reading is that it presents situations in their entirety so that you can respond to them more productively. While some things are 'meant to be', most of our lives are shaped by our own FREE WILL - choices yet to be made and actions yet to be taken. Tarot is not written in stone. The future is affected by decisions we make every minute. If you find your future is not as bright as you would like, use your reading to take steps to change it for the better.

(Note: the section after Are Readings Always Accurate? was sent to me , and sounds like a section of a book. If anyone knows who originally wrote this, please let me know - T)

[Lavender]

I like the idea of your letter, tarotbear. But I'm not sure how practical that would be for the readings we do here. I wonder if we can revise it somehow to suit better?

[tarotbear]

Feel free to use it or any part of it.

[Storm]

Wouldn't this make a good Stuck thread?

[Dagda Moon~Lily]

Originally posted by Storm
Wouldn't this make a good Stuck thread?

;)

[Mnemosyne]

Good tips, Mith! But I can't believe that people have the audacity to not even send a thank you once you have given them a reading. I have never asked for a reading on this site, because I got the impression that I would have to give the person a reading in return. Since I'm not certain that I would not have the time to read for someone or feel comfortable enough to do so, I have refrained from asking. Have I misinterpreted things? Does someone have to read for someone in return? Is that proper computer tarot etiquette?

[Mithrea]

Not unless that's the arrangement. I do readings all the time and don't ask for one back. If the person reads then I encourage them to read for others to sort of repay the forum but if the querent isn't a reader, that's not possible. That doesn't mean you shouldn't ask if you can't read. :) Ask away Mnem!

[Dagda Moon~Lily]

If you don't read tarot very well....are there other forms of divination that you are adept at? A trade off is always nice....but not necessary. If you want a reading, just find one of the threads that a member is offering readings. They love to read and love the "practice". :D

[Lavender]

Originally posted by Mnemosyne
Good tips, Mith! But I can't believe that people have the audacity to not even send a thank you once you have given them a reading. I have never asked for a reading on this site, because I got the impression that I would have to give the person a reading in return. Since I'm not certain that I would not have the time to read for someone or feel comfortable enough to do so, I have refrained from asking. Have I misinterpreted things? Does someone have to read for someone in return? Is that proper computer tarot etiquette?

I see doing readings as an expenditure of energy. What about for those who don't do tarot or other forms of divinations or don't have time, etc...they can do a random act of kindness for someone else? That way, there is still an exchange of energy. Just a thought. I love doing reading but don't always need one in return.

[Bethra]

I don't ask for anything in return for my readings I do here but a simple thank you and a hint as to weather it has helped at all. Like you have all said it helps to know if you are doing well with your readings and I like to hear if the person was not happy also since how do I know I'm doing it wrong if no one will tell me. I'm glad this got STUCK as it is giveing people who ask for readings a guidline as to how to behave. So far I've had replies from everyone I've read for here and they have been posative and yes a simple thank you is payment enough in my opinion. I also feel that by doing readings for people and not expecting one in return when I realy do need a reading I can ask for one. If you like I put it on account. IRL I usualy spend a lot of time doing a reading and as it is a gift I ask for a gift in return. It can be anything from a simple jar of coffee or a box of tea to replace the gallons we can get through in a sitting, or it can be something more personal and gift like. The choice is up to the requester and by their gifts it is possible to judge how they felt about the reading. Feed back is needed be you time served or new and it's always aprechiated.
Well thats just my thoughts on the matter I thought I'd just add them.

[Lacykitten]

I like the idea of something in return. Not even necessarily to me, but to /someone/. Pay it forward, sort of thing, pass it on. If you do readings of any kind: do one for someone. If you don't, I really like the random act of kindness suggestion. I really do! :D

[Mithrea]

Originally posted by Bethra
I'm glad this got STUCK as it is giveing people who ask for readings a guidline as to how to behave.

Unfortunately, the people who are most likely to not respond are also the ones least likely to read this thread :lol: I know of at least two done in the last week that were sent, read and never replied to. *shrug*

Sometimes you just have to make a *grrr* face and go on with your life.

[Bethra]

Is there anyway we can get a link to this thread on every page of the Tarot Reading Swap. I'm sorry but I'm a bit thick when it comes to forums and I don't really know much about how they work. I don't know,,, a little line in the margin or something that tells those requireing a reading to look at this thread before requesting a read. I understand that some will still fail to behave as required but unfortunatly that is the nature of people. We are actualy very lucky here that there are so few um,,,, (trying to put it delicatly) ,,,, fools, for want of a more disciptive word. Most forums are over run with idiots but as I have said such is the nature of the internet and people. If there was a link to here on each page then it might help people since some may not even know that there is a correct way to behave.

People obviously feel quite strongly about this so I'm sure if we all make enough noise about it something will be worked out. I think that if someone asks for a reading I will ask them to read this thread and pm me if they still want one that way if they are realy interested then they will come back if not then I've lost no time over them :)

[redheadwitch]

one thing i have seen on other forums is a little thing that says
"READ THIS FIRST" in the tarot forum.
then they list the "preferred" behaviors and ask people to do this or that.

one thing that would be nice here is for someone to be in charge of "locking up" threads. i recently offered 3 readings, and that turned into 10, and so i stated right in the thread, i can't do anymore readings. but then i started getting personal messages left and right asking for readings.

now this is frustrating. not because i don't WANT to do the readings, but because if i feel i CAN'T do them, and i state that, then I feel like the bad guy for turning someone down.

especially because i started off offering a set amount! so when people look at the number of readings done, and calculate that i've gone beyond the limit, they just assume i'm wiliing to do that for them as well?

and it is beyond rude to get a pm like this:
"hi my name is **** and this is my birthday *****.
i'd like a reading. "

what is that? i guess i'm upset about this, but this message wasn't even in the thread, it was to me personally, and the person automatically assumed i would agree to do this. at least most people say "are you still taking requests" but i found it odd that so many people would ask for a reading via the pm's when they could have posted on the thread.
so if we had someone who could lock a thread after you've done all the readings that were offered, if there were more than one, that might help.

now at some other sites you aren't even supposed to ask for a reading from a specific person, just take what is offered. i don't have any opinion about that, i just agree that since this is voluntary, people shouldn't approach you like you OWE them a reading, or with the attitude that "you can do my reading now".

[Mithrea]

Redheadwitch. I was one of those people who pm'd you and I apologize. I rarely even ask for one at all but you readings were just so fascinating I couldn't resist. The reason I pm'd you instead of posted on the board was because I *thought* there would be less pressure than if I had posted on the board. I thought you would find it easier to say no that way because that's the way I am. I sincerely meant it when I said you could say no. Again, sorry!

I am suddenly being bombarded with pm requests as well and the reason cited for my being pm'd is because I was the one who started this thread. I don't understand that at all. I would have thought that would have turned people off.

*shrug*

I can't do readings right now. I was in a car accident last week and have a dislocated shoulder and sprained wrist. I can't get enough focus together to do a reading and that is also way more typing than I can do at one time. So I am just having to say no. Try not to feel like the bad guy here. If you can't do them, then you can't do them. This forum isn't about requiring talented people to do readings. If you'd like to have those threads closed, pm Dagda. I'm sure she wouldn't mind and I know she's done it before.

So, lastly, I want to thank you again for my reading and thank you for everyone. You seriously are very talented and I KNOW that is why you are having this problem :)

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Yes, Redheadwitch, I have to agree with Mithrea that you are very talented. And like Mithrea I read a few of the past-life readings and was about to request one myself. Please, instead of considering this a burden, consider it flattery!;) And feel free to say no to anyone who request a reading....either through PM or if they request a reading from you specficly in the forum. I'm sure none of memebers wish to annoy you or anyone elese who request a reading.
:)

[redheadwitch]

i am so funny, i didn't mean to make you guys feel bad! i was just ranting!

actually, mithrea, my "MO" is generally that i will take on anyone that asks. before (in another forum) i offered to do some readings, and i ended up doing i think 40+. so i don't mind at all that you asked. and you - and several others - asked before i stated that i wasn't taking on anymore, so that is fine cause at that point i hadn't made a decision one way or the other.

the problem is that once i DID decide to not take on any others, i stated so in the thread, clearly stating who was my last recipient and i wouldn't do anymore. then i stated it another time in the thread, and today yet another.
it appears the people requesting readings now (several of you excluded, cause again, at the point you requested i hadn't stated my decision to stop) anyway, people responding now are not reading the thread to see that i'm not taking anymore.

and i understand that, i don't always read a whole thread. but the last person that posted, I WAS THE PERSON POSTING BEFORE THEM, and i CLEARLY stated in that post that i wasn't taking on anymore.

THIS is what is bothering me, that people are basically not doing their homework. they know a reading was offered, but they are not looking to see if that offer was fulfilled, and if more are offered. they are just assuming they can get one.
i've had - i swear - 20 more requests than the original 10!

whew.

ok, anyway, i'm not mad at anyone here, i'm just also dealing with recovering from 2 auto accidents and i have to put my concentration on healing, so the requests are really making me feel overwhelmed for some reason.

anyway, sorry this is so long. i'm certainly not mad at you mithrea, i actually found your pm to be interesting and i WANTED to do a reading for you. and i have since approached dagda about closing the thread, which will give me some relief.
i'm not normally this hyper about this, like i said, i just have a lot on my mind (as do you, i understand)

thank you mithrea, and witchycowgirl, for the compliments.
and for responding to my post. like i said in my original post, i LOVE to do past life readings, so i WANT to do them, i just can't right now, & i guess i just want people to respect that decision.

[redheadwitch]

i am so funny, i didn't mean to make you guys feel bad! i was just ranting!

actually, mithrea, my "MO" is generally that i will take on anyone that asks. before (in another forum) i offered to do some readings, and i ended up doing i think 40+. so i don't mind at all that you asked. and you - and several others - asked before i stated that i wasn't taking on anymore, so that is fine cause at that point i hadn't made a decision one way or the other.

the problem is that once i DID decide to not take on any others, i stated so in the thread, clearly stating who was my last recipient and i wouldn't do anymore. then i stated it another time in the thread, and today yet another.
it appears the people requesting readings now (several of you excluded, cause again, at the point you requested i hadn't stated my decision to stop) anyway, people responding now are not reading the thread to see that i'm not taking anymore.

and i understand that, i don't always read a whole thread. but the last person that posted, I WAS THE PERSON POSTING BEFORE THEM, and i CLEARLY stated in that post that i wasn't taking on anymore.

THIS is what is bothering me, that people are basically not doing their homework. they know a reading was offered, but they are not looking to see if that offer was fulfilled, and if more are offered. they are just assuming they can get one.
i've had - i swear - 20 more requests than the original 10!

whew.

ok, anyway, i'm not mad at anyone here, i'm just also dealing with recovering from 2 auto accidents and i have to put my concentration on healing, so the requests are really making me feel overwhelmed for some reason.

anyway, sorry this is so long. i'm certainly not mad at you mithrea, i actually found your pm to be interesting and i WANTED to do a reading for you. and i have since approached dagda about closing the thread, which will give me some relief.
i'm not normally this hyper about this, like i said, i just have a lot on my mind (as do you, i understand)

thank you mithrea, and witchycowgirl, for the compliments.
and for responding to my post. like i said in my original post, i LOVE to do past life readings, so i WANT to do them, i just can't right now, & i guess i just want people to respect that decision.

[redheadwitch]

i didn't mean to post that twice!

and i didn't mean to make anyone feel bad who asked for a reading, cause i totally understand that.

so anyone who has asked, i hope you don't feel badly for doing so, just please know that i cannot do any right now.

sorry to everyone if i came off harsh! just tired! :(