A really tough reading. Advice please?

[delirium]

I am pretty new to giving readings for others. I just finished a reading that was absolutely horrible. I feel awful now. It wasn't horrible in the sense that they got negative cards. i've had that before and I was fine. The guy was playing "test the psychic"
He said he wanted a reading about a woman and he "had some feelings" (his exact words, for her.
The thing is, I never use the words "clairvoyant" "psychic" or anything like that in my description of my services. I just say "intuitive tarot reader" "spiritual counselor." That's it. So part way through the reading the guy asks if I'm clairvoyant. I say, "A little" which is true. I can pick up trends, hints etc. But I don't hear spirits talking or anything.

So he's asking me if this person has feelings for him. I draw cards that clearly show her going inside herself and evaluating things, thinking things over and looking at her desires and wishes. He says, "uh huh" like I'm totally off. I then get a card showing passion and caring and finally a court card. I ask if there is anyone in her life that was similar to this court card.
"Nope" he says dismissively. He didn't even stop to think.
"Ok, then this might be an influence coming into her life."
"So does she have feelings for me?"
I said I see her thinking really hard and that I see her thinking of him more in a friendly way.
"Well, we've talked about marriage."
I told him right then I was sorry but my reading was completely off. I didn't want to go on if I was so totally off. He was very pissed and we ended it.

I feel so awful! I know everyone has a tough reading here and there. I have just had such wonderful clients in the past. I serve more as a "dear abbey" sort of person, a good friend to talk to who gives good advice. I feel bad that I failed the "test the psychic" test and that he was mad. I am also upset that he held back their past since I have trouble helping people if they lie or hold back info. And I feel bad that he expected something of me that I can't give (amazing clairvoyancy and mind reading). I'm intuitive and a good reader, but not perfect.

If anyone else gives readings, please give me some advice on how to make myself feel better. I know I'll have more of these toughie clients. I love giving readings and I feel like I am so much help to the people who come to me. Though I'm new at it, I already have a repeat client who likes me very much so I want to continue at this. i don't want the toughies to make me want to quit.

Thanks!

[Mithrea]

Wait--did you stop the reading because he says they've talked about marriage and you saw her as seeing him as a friend. Just because she's talked about marriage with him doesn't mean that she thinks of him as more than a friend--those are two totally separate things. Was it his attitude that made you suddenly lose confidence in the middle of the reading? Something similar has happened to me before. I just decided to try and forget about it. The problem doesn't seem to be with you. It was the querent.

I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. I think probably the best thing to do is meditate on what was really going on during that reading, cleanse your cards and workspace and go again. Don't let it stop you from continuing to read.

[moon-in-libra]

Hi delirium,


I like your name. I agree with Mithrea here-you were doing a reading, trying to help the guy-not taking some psychic skill test.

You probably would have been better off reading the cards over the phone, then typing it up and mailing it to him, from the sound of it.

You must be talented at the tarot, since you already have regulars, even though you're relatively new. That tells me you've already passed the most important test-that of compassion, empathy, sensitivity, and intuitiveness...

[delirium]

Thanks for the kind words. I meditated on it, cleansed the 6 cards I did the reading with and took a long, cleansing bath to clear away all the negativity. I'm considered overly sensitive, but that's sometimes a gift. But upset people really throw me off. I had to quit teaching high school because I was too sensitive and I was so worried that I might be too sensitive to do tarot readings for others. Not that I'm made of glass, but other people's emotions get to me.

Mithrea: You're right. This guy's attitude threw me off from the start and I had a hard time doing the reading. I actually felt nervous when usually I feel calm and wonderful.

Thinking about it later, I think my reading wasn't so bad after all. I talked to my husband about it and he said it sounded like a fine reading. if they talked about marriage and now she's not talking to him because she's doing internal evaluation and thinking of him as a friend, well, that seems reasonable to me. And that prince of pentacles - well maybe she wants someone stable and reliable. The guy admitted she didn't have anyone like that in her life.

So thanks for the help. I feel way better now.

[Teshuva3D]

Hi Delirium,
What has helped me get past this kind of experience emotionally is the FACT that doing a reading for someone has to be teamwork. I don't mean trying to get the querant to hint stuff or lead you as you do the reading...but the fact that if the querant has a negative attitude,it's going to make for a rocky reading..sounds to me like the guy just didn't want to hear the truth...his lady friend talked about marriage with him...[/I]supposedly...but she just isn't into the relationship as much as he is.
The cards never lie.And it sounds to me like you did a fine job trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear..( your tarot skills being the silk purse..and his attitude..well..hrumph...was the sow's ear)
When this kind of reading happens for me,I basically ignore the negativity of the querant,and say a silent prayer asking the cards to do all the work for me..I'll just be the messenger...using the "by the book" definitions of the cards..I don't even bother telling the querant what I'm getting intuitively..
Maybe that sounds kind of harsh..but a negative client is reaping what they are sowing by being harsh and abrupt.
You keep up the good work..and the faith in yourself..there are always people around who don't want to hear the truth no matter what grief it will spare them ultimately.
Many Blessings,
Tesh

[DebLipp]

Remember this handy rule:

Querents Lie.

Memorize this. It'll be a big help.

Some people are testing you and purposely lying. Oy, I could tell stories! Some people can't bring themselves to confirm what is right. Some people are so focused on their question that they can't think fairly about what you're telling them.

Stick with what you see and what you know. Read everything you see before you ask too many questions. If they tell you that you're wrong, that doesn't mean you are. Just say "Well, that's what I see," or, as you did with the court card "there's another possiblity about what this means." But if you feel you're "on," if you don't have that dead inside feeling that means you're not getting any psychic information, then keep going.

Ever watch John Edwards? He's great. If someone says he's wrong he says "Think again." If someone offers him an easy out he doesn't take it. I saw him one time looking for someone named Laura or Laurie, and the audience member said "It could be Linda" and he said no. He didn't take what she offered, he knew what he knew and he stuck with it.

You can tell querents at the beginning that they can ask for their money back at the end if they feel they've gotten nothing out of it. That lets you continue reading with a clear conscience.

[Aine of the Fae]

Remember this handy rule:

Querents Lie.

Memorize this. It'll be a big help.

Some people are testing you and purposely lying. Oy, I could tell stories! Some people can't bring themselves to confirm what is right. Some people are so focused on their question that they can't think fairly about what you're telling them.

Stick with what you see and what you know. Read everything you see before you ask too many questions. If they tell you that you're wrong, that doesn't mean you are. Just say "Well, that's what I see," or, as you did with the court card "there's another possiblity about what this means." But if you feel you're "on," if you don't have that dead inside feeling that means you're not getting any psychic information, then keep going.

Ever watch John Edwards? He's great. If someone says he's wrong he says "Think again." If someone offers him an easy out he doesn't take it. I saw him one time looking for someone named Laura or Laurie, and the audience member said "It could be Linda" and he said no. He didn't take what she offered, he knew what he knew and he stuck with it.

You can tell querents at the beginning that they can ask for their money back at the end if they feel they've gotten nothing out of it. That lets you continue reading with a clear conscience.

Oh yes querants most certainly do lie. They like to play test the psychic and "you're wrong, I'm right" and they avoid going too deep within themselves, so when they are presented with something they don't like they get defensive and lie. This can cause you to question your own intuition and reading skills and wreak all sorts of havoc on new readers.

When reading through your post, my alarm bells went off. You should have ended the reading when he asked you to tell how she felt about him. You were reading for him, not her. You can see how he feels and how he thinks she feels, but you're walking on shaky ground when you try to see how she feels without her permission. It's a difficult situation and as someone who reads for the public you will always get the people who will test you and who want quick answers and who want to know about other people. This is where a written affirmation of your ethics as a reader is a good thing to have. Writing it affirms it in your mind. Post your ethics in your listing and hold true to them.

[~*Ginger*~]

I've only done a few myself.

So, i'm no expert, by any means...

i also saw/heard those alarms going off, (((big time))).

I'd like to add,
that I feel like...

he knows, but does not want to see/hear/be shone the truth.
and that he came to you, hoping that he would get an answer different than what was staring him in the eyes.
he does not want this girl to back away, but he's moving to fast for her, or she has noticed a character trait that she does not want to deal with from him.

He was scared and tense when he came to you, before you began, wasn't he?

The vibes that he brought.
The truth he does not want to face.
He took his frustration out with you.

I'm sorry that you were upset by picking up on his vibes.
It'll be ok, just like all the other times.
Just know that these things help us be stronger with the gift of empathy.

Cleansing the whole deck would be a good idea.
Let them rest and breathe.
They, the whole deck needs to be refreshened, and all that energy released.

you did good, you'll be alright.

And when the next one, like that one, comes thru your door, no matter how much you really want to help someone, (you can't make them see/listen if they do not want to be open to it.) In fact, my guess would be that they would fight it.

When the next one makes their presents known, you will spot it somehow.
Just do not second guess yourself.
Let them know that you can not or will not read for them.

*shrugs*
they might not like it, but it's better than another senario that blows your senses.

[AuroraSilvermist]

The one thing that struck me is that your client was asking you if this woman had feelings for him, and then later he told you they were talking marriage. Wouldn't her feelings for him be clear if they were already to the point of marriage talks? The whole thing just seems very deceptive on the querent's part. It seems as though he purposefully tried to mislead you. I agree, it sounds as though your reading was just fine, and probably more than accurate. We can't help those who are lying to us...or to themselves.

:hugz:

[docdoo]

I agree with everyone else on this one. Its hard enough to read for someone who offers you nothing at all let alone someone who seems to be openly deceptive or incredulous to begin with.

I have read for both types of people, many times when Im at a party I read the cards for people. (Ok...you men out there please dont get angry at what Im about to say...I speak from MY experience only and certainly not for all men or all experiences) Usually women are much more open and apt to work with you on a reading. I explain from the beginning that although I do not want them to lead me a bit of acknowledgement goes a long way.

The cards have very real and very individual meanings and though the keyword on the 2 of pentacles is 'juggling' the cards never say 'ok, so at work you are juggling with Amy and Steve your boss and......." The meanings are there but it is up to the reader and querant together to determine where they 'fit' in someones life.

Back to my original point....after reading for the wives they ask their husbands to be read and here is where you can run into trouble. If someone is openly sceptic it throws the cards into mayhem. I dont proclaim to know why but it does. The reading is scattered and complicated reflecting the psyche of the querant.

I have read for many men who are 'less than helpful' choosing instead to remain quiet rather than help you put the pieces together. My husband was very cynical when I began reading and more than a little discouraging....however he has begun to understand that there is definatly something going on with the cards.

He now believes that the reason some of these readings go awry (and in my experience it is normally when I read for men) is that the cards arent *wrong* but that men in general tend to isolate themselves from their emotions etc. When I have tough reading with someone who either gives me nothing or expects more than I can give he tells me 'most of the time *I* dont even know what Im feeling. Generally men just dont think about feelings like women do and so when you try to tell someone that these are underlying feelings most of the time we dont even know whats going on in our heads'

Anyway I wouldnt let it upset you too much...sometimes people (men and women) are sure that they have all the answers and I have found MANY times that people dont want to believe that some things are happening.

I guess the point in this overly long post is that although a bad reading is a hit to the ego...making you feel unsure about yourself and your abilities. Rarely does a reading go totally empty and try not to allow it bother you. Everyone has had bad readings where you just KNOW that something is so and the querant insists that it isnt.

Perhaps you can try to be thankful that at least it wasnt the type of querant that sits on the other end of the spectrum. A person who expects the cards to make their decisions and puts so much faith into them that it becomes obsessive. Those ones I try to avoid like the plague!

I had one this weekend who, after I read for her, regretted it terribly because upon speaking more to her found that she was unstable at best...desperately wanted to go back to her abusive husband and continued to ask me all night..."So you didnt see in the cards that he will take me back?" We actually read the exact opposite...that it was over with him and she was devastated....I find out later that she has some very serious mental problems and just had a nervous breakdown and gotten out of a psych ward just 2 weeks before.

Needless to say I think I would rather have read for a 'test the psychic' type than a person who was clearly in the throes of terrible depression and was taking handfuls of pills to keep her from crashing! I have worried very much about that reading since I did it and later that night, begged her to get some help....those types are the worst to read for because if they dont get what they want to see then it feels as though their entire mental health is hanging in the balance. (BTW...I normally would never read for someone who was that emotionally depressed but I truly had no clue when I read for her...now I regret it horribly and pray that my reading did not push her over the edge)

Ok...sorry for the ramble....

Im sorry for your bad reading....til next time,