Is trhis taking advantage?

[Faery-Wings]

I have these really good friends who do a lot for me and my family. They watch my kids, the hubby helps my hubby with home improvement jobs, they come to our parties and always bring a ton of stuff. We, on the other hand, offer to do stuff and they never seem to need help. I will bring food to their parties even though she says not too. They never need to have me watch their kids or animals. Her hubby never needs help in his house. So it is not that we don't want to help- we always do.

Anyway, I had her over today and we were talkking about when we went camping last year, we were able to bring my dog to the site. We might go there again this year. I said that it makes it so much easier bringing her than boarding her, like I am going to have to do when I go away in April. She looked at me like I was crazy and said that she would watch my dog. I told her I didn't want her too- it was for 6 days. I think that would be an imposition.

She is insisting on taking the dog. And of course I would much much rather have her watch my dog rather than board her. And she lives two houses down from me so if she needs a break, she can bring my dog up for during the day. I offered to pay her whatever I would pay the boarders (upwards of $100) and she laughed at me.

I feel like I am taking advantage if I do this. She does so much for me and I know she'll refuse any money. But I know my dog will be so much happier and healthier at her house. If I bring her back a few bottles of Jamaican rum, would that be good payment?

Honestly, I was going to ask her to do this favor and than decided not to because I knew she'd say yes, even if she didn't want to. That is the kind of person she is.

Ugh, I am rambling....

So what do you think... Taking advantage or not?

[Sequoia]

uhg! That's a tough one!

If you refuse her offer, and board the dog, she might be hurt. If you take her up on it, and she didn't really mean it, she will be annoyed. . . yikes! Rock and a hard place!

Some neighbours of ours are kind of like that. They're herbalists (and acupuncturists), and when we get sick they take care of us as though we were family. They also have leant my mom money before. My mother pays it back by babysitting when she can, or spoiling their little girl as she would her own granddaughter.

Do their kids need new clothes or anything? Is there something you know these friends really want, but wouldn't think to get or do for themselves? Perhaps you could find a way to make those little dreams come true.

So far as the dog. . . gosh, I really don't know what to say. Maybe talk with her some more about it. :huh:

[Lacykitten]

To me it sounds like she's like me.. that she enjoys doing things for her friends, and honestly wants to. If she's like me, she doesn't find that you're imposing on her in the least, and enjoys doing what she can to help out.

I would suggest doing what you're thinking of, and bringing her back something as thanks. I understand not wanting to accept money - she doesn't do what she does for a reward, she does it because she wants to and the doing itself makes her feel good - but a gift is a great way to say thank you for all that you do. :)

Let her know how lucky you feel, having her as a friend, as well.. would be my suggestion. :)

[Raevyn]

Friends help friends out.

At the same time, friends do bring back souvenirs anyway :)

[MammaStar]

Let the dog go there hon. And yes, bring her back a really nifty present from your vacation.

Did I meet them? I bet I did at the barbecue. You have a bunch of nice friends....cant' wait for the warm weather again!

[Rubi Waters]

She offered, It's not like you asked and she felt obligated.
Yes souvenirs work nicely as "payment".

[AmbivalentMirage]

Some people have a natural desire to help others without wanting anything in return, and often feel embarassed or uncomfortable when they are compensated. If you choose to leave your dog with her, you could always send her a fruit basket, flowers, a nice wall hanging, or some other token of appreciation. Money can be misunderstood and make the receiver resentful (G-d only knows why!!!), but a small gift is usually taken as being a way to say "thank you" without saying "you are my employee". ;)

[Ravens_Tears]

The other thing about giving a gift is that it says "You are special and I thought of you". It means alot.

[Old Witch]

This isn't exactly the same thing, but when Bryant was in school, a friend of ours who lived about 5 houses up from us, had a child who was Bryants friend also, so I offered to take him to and from school with us every day. They offered to pay me, give gas money etc. but I always said no....I mean, it wasn't like I was going out of my way......but to make a long story short, at the end of each school year, they would send me a big, beautiful flower arrangement. That one gift made me more happy than anything.....Let them take care of your dog, and give them a nice gift afterwards, it sure made me feel really appreciated!

[Lavender]

Ditto what everyone had said! Real friends don't keeping track of who did what for whom. She sounds like a wonderful friend to have. We have a neighbour that takes my son to school for me every morning for the past 3 years. I offered to give her some money for gas but she won't hear of it. For them, it was knowing that they can count on us the same way we counted on them was enough. Last week, she was at a dentist appointment and couldn't pick up her daughter in time. We went and picked her up and she had dinner with us. Sometimes, you get to recipricate but it never seems like it's enough. At Christmas and end of school, I always get her a thank you gift. I know she doesn't want anything in return but I wanted to say thank you and that you're appreciated.

[shnen]

Maybe you don't realize what her helping you does for her...
for example... right now at work I have had ahardly anything to do for a few months now, and it get s to be taxing on your self esteem, and your motivation. My bf works insane hours having no time to clean, do dishes, laundry, etc. So I do them when I get there, I haven't done a thing all day, let me feel like I've accomplished something, like I have helped someone out... not only does it feel good, but knowing the other person is appreciative is wonderful too.

may be off base here, but thats what I thought immediately when I read your situation.

having said that, accept it... not many people these days will bend over backwards for you... they are true friends. and besides, you would do the same for them right?

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Yep, Chryssi, I agree with everyone elese.
I don't think your taking advantage. Sometimes in life certain folks are just in the position to help. They realize they've been blessed and just want to help out in some small way.
My folks and my mama-in-law are like that. They help knowing that there is no "payment" involved. They just want to.

Hubby had a friend who travels alot and she always put her dog in a kennel. When she came to visit she brought the dog and he loved it here! Moose also LOVES my Hubby. I told her not to take him to a kennel anymore that he could stay here. She wouldn't hear of not paying us, cause like you, she said she'd have to pay a kennel. They deal we came up with was she paid the kids $20.00 (taking turns as we have 3 kids and she does travel ALOT.)
We did something nice for her.
Moose didn't have to go to the kennel.
And the kids got a little extra spending money.

Course everyone loves little gifts!
:D

[Faery-Wings]

Starlite, yes, you met them. The hubby was the *really* loud guy. :p They brought the two london broils, the rice, the rum.... Can't wait for some more BBQ's. (psst-- did I tell you last week, Lucifix/Jimmy called and asked Gary to come back and sing for them?? Thank Goddess he said no way to that insanity!)

You all made me feel much better about the situation. She has watched my dog before, just to let her out or for an overnite once in a while. And yes, I would do whatever I could for her. I am really lucky to have them as friends.

Yeah, I think they'd like some Jamaican rum in return. They like rum. :D:D:D

[shnen]

shnen likes rum ;) :mmm: ;)

[Semele]

Buying off friends with liquor is always a winner in my book!!

She will love it and it's a gift not payment so its all good!!:cool:

[WitchJezebel]

I agree with the whole lot, let the dog stay with her, I've done it for friends and vice versa, and a 'token of appreciation' is always nice.

Did somebody say Jamaican Rum?? :thumbsup:

[StormChaser]

Just because she doesn't need now doesnt mean she won't in the future, and I'm sure you would do whatever you could for her.

She's being very neighborly and friendly, and obviously considers you very close. If I were you I'd be very gracious and accept the offer, but mention that it does make you a little uncomfortable to not be able to return the favor in kind.. and state perhaps that should the itme come where she needs a favor you would be more than happy to help out.

It's only taking advantage if you would not do the same for her when you could. You could also give her a gift, something she'd like, that may be slightly equal or lesser to the value of her gift. Most people do not, in fact, its very rare that they refuse gifts.

Gifts can be better than money beause often times, people won't buy for themselves- but will spend the money too sensibly if that makes sense.

Or you could pull a little prank on her.. like slip a couple hundred in her cookie jar\sugar bowl.

[Xander67]

well if she refuses your money, than perhaps that is her little way of telling you that your friendship means more than money and maybe she enjoys the good feeling in her spirit that we all get when we do a good deed....

be her friend. and you never know down the line , she may need somehthing, and you will be able to help her

[IsisErin]

Let her take the dog, she's doing it because she likes you. But if it were me, I would do everything I could first, e.g. buy food and whatever else you need for a dog.

Bring her something nice from your holiday! :)

[Xander67]

yeah,

kindness is like money too, it can be given and recieved
:)

[Blueowl]

Good freinds are hard to come by nowadays...let her help you with the pooch and defiantleybringher back something really nice to show how much you really do apprecaite the things they do for you. One day, you will be able to help her out...and she will need friends like that....roll with it! You arenot taking advantagein any way shape or form!