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View Full Version : What is the best part/hardest part of being a parent?



Faery-Wings
February 11th, 2003, 08:20 AM
As I was laying in bed last night trying to not stare at the clock (It was 2 am, then 3 am...zzzz )I started to think about the good things and bad things of being a parent. Yeah, it is the most rewarding experience, but also really difficult and challenging.

For me the best moments as a parent is when my kids voluntarily tell me they love me in some way. For example, the other day, my son brought me a picture he had colored, of me and him, holding hands. There were hearts all around and he wrote I love Mom on the top. Another "good parenting moment" is when I am out and a stranger tells me how good or well behaved my kids are. That seems to make all the doubts of "Am I a good mom? Am I doing this right?" go away. (At least until they start fighting again! :D)

One of the hardest things is knowing that each day they seem to need me less and less. And that makes the thoughts of having a teen really scary. I cannot imagine how it will feel to know my kids aren't always going to listlen to me, and I won't be able to protect them. I know what I put my parents through and hubby was even worse. I can't imagine what my kids will do- the future scares me.

Another difficult thing are the constant demands I have with them now. I very rarely have a large (30 minutes or more) time to myslef during the course of the day. And by the time they go to bed at night, I am exhausted. I got a Yoga tape for Xmas and have not had the quiet time to try it once.

So what about you? What things make you the happiest? WHat are the hardest?

MammaStar
February 11th, 2003, 03:42 PM
Geez chryssi...nothing like asking an Easy question. :rolleyes:

Well...for me...the BEST thing about being a mom is watching J-man grow up to be the person he is. He's smart, funny, loving, caring, kind to all his friends, and pretty darn cute.

The HARDEST part is always 2nd guessing myself..."did I make the right decision" I hate yelling at him, but I have to do it or he'll grow up to be an obnoxious, ir-responsible bratt and well, the world has enough of those IMO. ;)

I know all about those sleepless nites. I have many of those. And then, at least for me, is the explaining myself & my decisions to J-man's dad. It's calmed down a LOT this past year, but for the first 9 years of my kids life, man, his father argued every little thing with me! Which lead me to NOT telling him stuff.

I get frustrated when I see J-man behaving or doing something I know is not "normal" for him. We've been battling lately about his responsiblities to school and those he has at home. Which, the logical part of me, tells me is perfectly normal, that my child is just testing me....but constantly yelling, begging, bribing, threatening, takes it toll. I think we've come to where he realizes that I'm not foolin' and he better act on it. His grades have picked up somewhat, tho' too late for this marking period.

I also dump on myself whether socially he's doing all right. He's a bit chubby and acts very silly sometimes and I worry. I worry that he'll be like me and get picked on and of course, that leads me to freaking out. He & another boy he knows got into a bit of an argurement about a month ago and I flipped out. Poor Eshallet had to listen to my freak out....I was convinced my son was "going to be wearing a black trench coat & picking them off" one day. But, thank the Gods Eshallet is the calm one in our relationship, because he reminded me that both he & I suffered taunts in school and well, we're functioning adults and haven't climbed the clock tower yet. ;)

Teen years...J-man is going to be 11 in May. I'm FREAKING. I know what a horrid child I was as a teen, not to mention my brother. We were evil children and why our folks still talk to us...is a miracle. Let's not even go to all the ditching of school, partying, and other things I did back in the day. too scary. The only good thing I see is that I've pulled quite a few stunts or know someone else who has, so I'll know what to look for as he gets older.

:cool:

Lavender
February 11th, 2003, 03:56 PM
Boy! You two sounds just like me! My son's going to be 13 in about 2 months! My Baby!! These are the dreaded teen years coming up! It's hard not worrying about what kind of person he will be. I hear stories of drugs and gangs in the high schools around here and I worry about that too. I wish I could be with him 24 hours of the day and protect him like when he was younger. I know I can't fight his battles for him, as much as I would love to. I guess the hardest part is the letting go and let him be the person he's supposed to be. He's at the stage where he wants to be more independent and yet he's still such a kid at times.

Here's a proud mommy moment! The other day, he was telling me about his project at school. I asked him why that particular topic. He said that all the other ones were easy as he already knew a lot about them. He could have easily picked one of the other topics and banged out a report in an hour or so. This particular topic is something he knows nothing about and will have to work hard to research it! I really did fall off my chair when he told me that! 8O

Margie
February 11th, 2003, 10:37 PM
the best part is seeing their little smiling faces...the hardest part hands down is being away

WynterWynd
February 11th, 2003, 10:58 PM
the greatest part about being a mom, is wathcing them grow up into the loving, caring, intelligent, strong, independent "little men" you knew they would be.

the hardest part is watching them grow into the strong, independent "big men" you always knew they would be.



I know I cant Keep them little forever :heartthro

Night_Goddess
February 12th, 2003, 06:03 AM
There are some great observations here! Hard to top!
***...having an instinctive knowledge/intuition of knowing what was best for my children was/is the best part of parenting.
Let's see....one of my favorite memories is about our Family Bed. We pushed two king-sized beds together and all slept as one family. Hubby was on one end, with my son (who was 6 at the time that my youngest was born at home) then my 2 year old daughter, then my newborn, then me on the opposite side! I'm sure folks thought we were nuts :) One morning, we were awakened by an earthquake! I was so happy knowing we could scoop up the kids in a sec and be out the door! Both of us had the same reflex: sat up and cowered over the kids. It was just a 'little' tremor...nothing more happened that night. But I'll always have fond memories of the Family Bed.
The hardest part was when we divorced.
*****....being rational when your heart is breaking, your world is falling apart and you're trying to hold it together (being strong for the childrens' sake) was for me the hardest part of being a parent.
Not long after my X moved out, my son (16 at the time) ran away, taking my car for two days.
---All is well now, my son is a grownup well adjusted man, and today my 'newborn' is a 6-foot tall statuesque girl of 16! I am a calmer, more centered parent because of the two other kids. It gets better with time.
---I try to keep a perspective about how I deal. Someday, I will be gone. I'm not a 'yes-man', but I refuse to relinquish the dignity of being a mom by nagging, shouting, and screaming about the little stuff. [[[Hey--remind me I said this when I lose it on occasion, like I did two days ago. I completely lost my temper & shouted and screamed at my 16 year old---okay everyone?]]] LOL
I want, and hope my kids remember me as being fair, kind, accepting, and diplomatic.
So, you parents with soon-to-be-teens: hold on tight to your sense of humor! It's a bumpy ride, but there's nothing like it. --N.G.

Faery-Wings
February 12th, 2003, 08:13 AM
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You responses show how much you all love your kids- it is a great thing!


If our kids only knew how scared we are of them growing up. :lol:

Flar's Freyja
February 12th, 2003, 04:05 PM
Seeing them grow up into awesome people that you actually like and have a friendship with!

I could never list all of the things here at once. There are all the cute things they do as babies and toddlers, the challenges of the school years and puberty......I loved it all and am so grateful to have been blessed with the ability to be a mother.

A cousin who has a beautiful home with rooms that look like they came out of a magazine recently implied that I was jealous - it was hard to keep my mouth shut and not come back with that the reason she has these things is that she has never had children and especially has not been faced with the challenge of raising them alone. I did not say so because she can't have children as she had an early hysterectomy. All of the material things in the world can not compare to my memories of raising my boys.

And btw......my youngest drives an awesome Mustang and I drive an old Escort with a dent in the fender. And I love looking at him sitting in it - it's confirmation that any sacrifices I've made have definitely paid off. I can't descirbe the pride I feel in their accomplishments. I've bragged about Jesse in this forum before, he's the last one at home so he's right in my face - but the oldest is dang good looking and an awesome person with a good job who chooses to live in the boonies and spent his time fishing, and the middle one may have his issues but he's always been employed and gets over on everyone with his sweet face and personality..........

Witchy Cowgirl
February 12th, 2003, 10:54 PM
The best part of being a parent is watching them grow up.
The worst part of being a parent is watching them grow up.

Watching them grow and seeing them take on responsibilites that, when they were toddlers you never thought would be possible is great.
Then you realize they arent' babies any more and as proud as you are of them you can't help but feel a wince of pain.

Having your middle son come to you and ask what he should do when the bully is picking on a certain little girl is certainly a "best" moment.
Having the youngest ask you help pick out a Valentine gift for his little girlfriedn is a "best".
Having your oldest write and essay about his parents is certainly a WOWER!

Knowing that one day you will finally have to let go is the most painful. But painful in a good way. Raising children that are ready to meet the challenges of the world, who are strong and know the difference between right and wrong is one of the most gratifying pains a parent can have.

amberwolf
September 12th, 2004, 06:34 PM
The best part of being a parent is watching them grow up.
The worst part of being a parent is watching them grow up..

This is the truest thing I have ever read about being a parent ...You hit the nail on the head witchy....

Erites
September 13th, 2004, 07:53 AM
My daughter Amber is 13 years old and has Downs Syndrome. The best things about being the (single) parent of my little ray of sunshine is everytime she accomplishes something new. Be it reading or learning her numbers, whatever. The first time she said "I love you mummy" I sobbed my heart out (quietly, in another room). The hardest things I've found have little to nothing to do with her, but with prevailing attitudes towards her from strangers and also within my/her own family.

There are so many stories I could relate that would probably have you all foaming at the mouth with disgust but I hesitate to do so. The truly scariest thing right now though is the thought that some sicko could lure her away and, well....I probably don't need to go on.

Anyhoo, despite the many sacrifices I've made in the last 13 years, I wouldn't trade her for anything. She keeps me grounded in a way no one else has ever been able to do. The sun shines with her smile.

Erites.

fahawk
September 13th, 2004, 10:46 AM
The best part is knowing I'll always be their mom..the bond and love we share..watching them grow!
the hardest is watching them grow up and away..and the days slipping by fast..
wanting to "hold" onto to all the moments..

misschief
September 13th, 2004, 10:52 AM
i have 4 boys from 1 year old to 7 years old....

the best part for me is seeing them constantly progress and know that the majority of what they know, and how the behave, etc, is because *I* instilled that in them. for about 5 years i was a single mom with no help (which, maybe i should add, was probably the hardest time), so most of who they are is because of me. and i love it. :D the worst part of having them is just the constant trying and pressing of the rules that they do, but even that isn't so bad. i love to let them be kids.

Smiley Girl
September 13th, 2004, 03:13 PM
I'm not a parent, but I already know, to some degree.

I think some of the best parts will be:
Rubbing warm oil on my huge belly and singing to my baby,
Holding him/her for the first time
Hearing first words
Seeing first steps
Having first haircuts
Watching them grow up.

I think some of the hardests parts will be:
Labor
Dicipline
Potty training
Hoping they never get hurt
Watching them grow up.

Temair
September 13th, 2004, 03:21 PM
Best part: helping them grow up and knowing that I am appreciated. This weekend I baked muffins for my girls for snack, and when my oldest (8) saw the muffins, she said, "You baked muffins for us? Thank you." That was sooooo awesome. It was true thanks from her, not just the obligatory thanks that we have taught them as manners. Nearly every picture they draw has me in it, and my 5yo writes her name and "Mommy" on every one. Those are the only two words she can spell by herself, and she writes them all the time. Random kisses and hugs from them also rank up there with the best.
Worst part: Having to say no. I grew up with no all the time, and I want my kids to have all the things that I didn't have, but alas, I am no better off than me folks were when I was young, and so no comes out a lot. I hate saying no. Before I quit working, the hardest part was handing them over to someone else to raise while I worked. Halloween last year was my last day of work, and that morning we had to get the kids up at 5 am to leave to take them to the sitter and to to work an horu and a half away. We hadn't gotten home the night before until almost 10, so my poor babies (then 7, 4, and 1) had very little sleep and were tired and cranky. As we were driving into work I started crying and told my husband that I couldn't do that anymore. I wasn't going to find a new job because I just could not put our kids through that again ever. It is the best decision I ever made, and even when we were both unemployed over the winter, my hubby never asked me to rethink my decision. Whenever I brought it up, he would refuse to consider it because he saw how much happier everyone was with me staying home.
So those are my best and worsts about being a parent.

Druchii
September 13th, 2004, 03:27 PM
The best part is letting my son do everything I couldn't do because of my parents...
The worst part is answering to my parents because I did let him do everything... :D

DebLipp
September 13th, 2004, 03:47 PM
The best part is my own love for him. This is the best love ever. It is genuinely unconditional, and genuinely undemanding. He can be anyone or anything. He can leave me. He can screw up. I am always full of him. I always want to stroke his hair. He is always first and always my priority. It is wonderful to be transformed by love.

The worst part is the knowledge that I will never be okay if he isn't okay. When things were very bad for him, I was destroyed. When things go a little bad, and I remember the very bad times, I feel like I might collapse.

misschief
September 13th, 2004, 03:49 PM
Potty training
omg.. anguish!!! that's the only word to describe it.. lol.

Starbaby
September 13th, 2004, 09:49 PM
The best part is my own love for him. This is the best love ever. It is genuinely unconditional, and genuinely undemanding. He can be anyone or anything. He can leave me. He can screw up. I am always full of him. I always want to stroke his hair. He is always first and always my priority. It is wonderful to be transformed by love.

The worst part is the knowledge that I will never be okay if he isn't okay. When things were very bad for him, I was destroyed. When things go a little bad, and I remember the very bad times, I feel like I might collapse.


That was beautiful!! It moved me to tears and explained exactly how I feel about my children.

FlyingBear
September 14th, 2004, 12:49 PM
*pondering thoughtfully, so bear with me*

There are moments that stand out in your life admist the vast sea that is experience. Some are recalled with joy, others with tears and some make you scratch your head and wonder how you managed to survive it at all. Life with a child is like that.

I am a new parent. My daughter, Sophia, is eight months old now and everyday I look at her and am so awestuck at this reflection of life. I kiss her feet, gently pull her ears, snort and nibble the back of her neck, blow rassberries on her belly. And she takes it all in with grins, showing me her new tooth and grabbing for my face. Laughing, kicking.

The pregnancy, the birth, all of that I remember so clearly. I loved being pregnant, giving birth was such a moment of estastic clarity and awareness. When this hot blob of life was placed on my belly, I looked into the eyes of the Gods and said to her, " How lucky am I that you've come clear across the universe to be with me." Every day I say that to her, even when it's 4am and we've been up all night because her mouth hurts so much. Is there enough flesh to hold you together when you love your child with every fiber of your being? Every breath of your soul?

When I opened my heart to the way of being a parent, I believe that somewhere I signed a contract with the world that I was agreeing to become responsible for a new person. That I was willing to set aside my own life for a time so I could help her discover the wonder of shoes, crayons, putting away toys, feeding the ducks, counting the stars, kissing boo boos, petting the cat and sitting up late when she's out with friends. Perhaps I should say rediscover, because in all these little steps of growth with Sophia, I am remembering the sheer delight of being alive. However simple, however mundane, she teaches me what's trully important. What really counts.

Little fingers trust me and hang on to my own fingers. So very precious and I wonder all all the things she's going to do in her life. Sure, I worry but not to the point that it robs me of the moment. Each day I take a deep breath and set aside my ego and let her simply be. She experiences everything on such an initmate level, reveling in the now of time. I just watch with a goofy grin and feel blessed that I get to watch her grow.

The biggest challenge I find is not so much her behavior, but my own. Now I am much more mindful of what I say and what I do. Because I hope to lead with good examples and show her the power of being her own person. I watch myself interact with my husband, my friends, my community and keep in mind that Sophia is taking it in. More than manners, I hope but the honest, hard working love of being a person. Of loving, knowing and being human.

She's changed a thousand fold since that first moment when she came into this life, a wet wriggling fish. Already there are little things that I miss. I'm always touching her, trying to burn each giggle and sound into my brain. How I want to remember all of it!

Some people would say that it's just the newness and once it wears off, I'll "get real." There have been things that have been heartbreaking; the terrible jaundice, the flu, the teething, the tantrums, the constipation, the sleepless nights and the many hours of screaming. And I would do it all over in a heartbeat if it means that I get to learn at the feet of my child.

It's a sacred job, a blessed assignment, an expereince of sheer terror and delight. It is what I make of it, what I teach and what I'm willing to be taught. And all I can do is my best.

IMHonestO

DebLipp
September 14th, 2004, 01:26 PM
Some people would say that it's just the newness and once it wears off, I'll "get real." There have been things that have been heartbreaking; the terrible jaundice, the flu, the teething, the tantrums, the constipation, the sleepless nights and the many hours of screaming. And I would do it all over in a heartbeat if it means that I get to learn at the feet of my child.

It'll 'get real' but it won't wear off. My son is 14. Those hellish nights, the stomach flu where he puked all over me, the rosealla where he had to be held for 36 hours straight; in some way, I loved those moments, because he needed help and I could help him; he needed mom and I could be mom, and that was wonderful. The horrible times are when you can't do a f#$#ing thing.

Tullip Troll
September 14th, 2004, 01:28 PM
worrying about how they will turn out...will they be productive..self sufficient...healthy...happy...etc...I always worry about whether or not I am giving them the best chance I can.

Mhera

Bansheekisses
September 17th, 2004, 11:50 AM
The part of parenting is watching them achieve and grow up. THough at the same time the growing up part can be hard. Inforcing rules, and admitting to fault is hard too.

OKmagnolia
September 17th, 2004, 02:22 PM
I think that the best par o being a parent is: the first time my girls told me they love me, te first smile tey gve me as an infant, the crying for momma whe nobody else would do, our goodnoght ritual of hugs and kisses, the excitment in their eyes when I do someting special for them, every time they say I Love You Mom. As yu can see the list goes on and on.

The worst: having to say Hello and Goodbye at the same time to my oldest daughter almost nine years ago, the first day of school forboth of them, hearg them say "you can leave now mom, I'll be al right", the first night on of them stayed away from home with someon besides family (just last week) seeing them asurt their indepndence. This list goes on and on too...

djmixon
September 17th, 2004, 02:26 PM
The hardest part is letting them make mistakes that you know have consequences you can't control. . .that and coming to the realization that you can't control anything, really.

The best part is when they let it slip that they appreciate you. . .or love you. . .

It gets better when they are grown and on their own. . .then they can see things differently and appreciate what you have done for them more.