OakFire's Altar

[OakFire]

:My altar is a green desk. (I picked this out of my furniture when I first discovered Wicca.) It has three sides on both sides there is three drawers. Right now it has Kuain Yin statue on a little cradle like pedestal and purple cloth. She sits in the middle...under the little wooden pedestal she sits on is a purification chant. There are some candles, mostly white. There is a eastern dragon pedestal to the right with a eastern guard on it. Then there is to the left a eastern dragon statue that glows in the dark. Infront of Kuain Yin is a incense stick burner. Also, there is a eastern type athame to the left. In the drawers is tarot cards, various jewlery, herbs, incense and candles.:

Kneels infront of my altar. A purple pillow is under my knees to keep them from hurts because of the hard wood floor. Looks up to Kuain Yin who has been my inspiration, guardian, and guide since before I moved to Alabama. Maybe longer than that, but I found her a few monthes before I moved to Alabama.

I close my eyes, close my hands, and pray to Kuian Yin:

Please help me to have peace in my life. Please help me to have strength in my life...to be strong when others test my feelings...when they bring negative energy into my life. Please help me to grow and learn. I know these are lessons and tests to deal with others. Please help me to have a postive attitude even when struck with negativity. Please help me to not strick back with anger. Please help me through these tough times in my life.

:Lights a blue candle and a white candle. Continues...:

[OakFire]

I need to confess to you, Kuain Yin, this past week I have had lots of anger engulf me.

On Tuesday I came home from work and saw one of my roomates on the internet. I asked if I could get online. He said in a little bit. So I waited passionatly. In a few minutes he let me online. After about an hour of being online he started asking if I was at a stoping point. I kept saying: "no". Then he said: "you had the computer all weekend!". This made me really mad because all of last week he was on the internet all day every day. I only got a few hours online and mostly because I stayed up later than him. Everytime I get online I only can be on an hour or so but it seems everyone else is allowed more hours on line. I said back to him: "Well you had it every day last week." He got really mad, got up and got in my face...he said:"One day you will learn not to argue with me...you are being a b***h well I can be a bigger b*****d." He unplugs the computer and says:"Now you can get off now!" I was shacking all over. I was not sure what to do. I just looked at him in the eye and did not say anything. I was still shacking all over. I had so many emotions running through me. He pluged the computer back up. As it is rebooting I just stay there. He goes sit back down. I watch the computer reboot. I go back to what I was doing for a few mintues. I could not concentrate so I got offline and went into my room to read.

I am sorry that I just did not say anything. I knew he would be mad but I was mad too that he is not wanting to share. At times I know I should just do what he says so not to cause conflict and negative energy. But, at times I just can not take it anymore. I knew he was sick and just woke up. I knew he was not in a good mood already. I knew he has been trying to network two computers so we can have more time online. Please forgive me for not being stronger. Please help me to be stronger and have a better positive look on things.

I resolved the internet sitiuation so that I do not get as angry. If I can not get online that day...I will go to bed earlier and get up earlier before I go to work. This way it upsets no one. Thanks for your help and guidance. Thanks for hearing my thoughts...it helps so much to talk to you.

[OakFire]

Kuain Yin, I still have more stress in my life that is lingering from last week.

My work is becoming unbearable. Every day there is new stress placed on us and others in my group. Every day there is more and more that is taken away from us. We can no longer eat in the office durning our breaks. We can not even been in the office durning our breaks. If we have the radio on we get complaints. If we laugh to loud we get threats of being written up. Every week someone is getting fired or written up. They even get mad if we are a mintue late clocking in. Last week we came back from break and found the system had crashed. They tried to blame us for messing up the system. One of the people I work with is being difficult. She doesn't care about anything and does not realize what she does affects us all in the group. She was going to be for legitimate reason but our supervisor talked them out of writting her up. When I let her know she told me she wanted to be written up, it is like she spat in our supervisor's face for being nice. She does not care. She keeps giving me excuses when she does not want to do more work. Her not caring is affecting us all. And, she is a friend of mine so I am not sure how to handle the situation. Every day I come into work and wonder what else will happen. What else are they going to do to us to break us down more and treat us like children.

It used to be a fun place to be and I could find something to like. Now, I can not. I still like some of the people I work with. Though, on a larger look it is not healthy for me to continue to work there. To much stress and anger. My emotions are torn at work and then I come home where there is more tearing of my emotions. My only relief is the weekends with my boyfriend. Please help me get through every week.

Please help me to have strength. Please help me to make it though this time. Please help me make it through everyday at work. I know one day I will no longer be there. Please help me to send out postive energy. Thank you my Goddess.

[OakFire]

:I have an altar with all my family and extended familly (like bestfriend, boyfriend, etc) pictures on it. Plus, have some items from some of them. Have an acorn, money, four leaf clover, a candle, and a little statue of a fighter.:

Kuain Yin, please watch over my family. Please keep them safe from any acts of violence: natural or man made. Thank you for helping my brother's oldest daughter being in his full custody. They are very happy. Thanks for my sister (bestfriend) for having two healthy twin baby boys. And, thanks for letting me be able to see them. They are so cute and sweet. Thanks for blessing her with children...something she has always wanted. Thanks for helping me to find a very sweet and loving boyfriend. Thanks for helping my mom find a good man who treats her better. Thanks for helping her business get off the ground. Thanks for helping her to heal after he horse riding accident. Thanks for blessing all my family and love ones. And, please continue to protect them. Thanks for all that you teach me and help me to gain more knowledge and wisdom.

[OakFire]

:Walks outside. Hears birds singing. Feels the cool breeze. Feels the warm sun. Sees all the beautiful woods and flowers. Breathes in and out. Feels the energy of Mother Nature around me.:

Thank you Kuain Yin for a wonderful day. It is so beautiful out. The nasty rain has gone for now. I realize that the rain is much needed for the growth of nature. Though, at times I want to be outside and can not because of the rain. Spring is comming and I can feel it in my body. I can feel the energy and it feeds into my own energy. It seems like my body goes through stages much like nature. Durning the winter I do not have much energy but in the spring it seems my energy is regained. Thank you Kuain Yin for reminding me how beautiful life can be. I will try to think of this moment durning the week when ever negative energy trys to seep into my life. Thank you for this day!

[OakFire]

:Lights a blue candle and kneels:

Why is it Kuain Yin, every time I turn on the radio "Family Portrait" by Pink is on? That song haughts me. I desire to hear it but at the same time I do not. It brings up memories that float in and out of my head. Memories of my family...memories of my parents' divorce...memories of the past. I lock these thoughts away in a box deep inside. Hopeing and praying they never come out. Please help me to keep these memories of the past away...at times I feel I forget then one finds its way to me.

We, the children, are clay,
We are shaped by our parents,
and molded by life.

We, the children, have a choice,
We can stay a statue,
or we can break the mold.

We, the children, of Kuain Yin,
ask for her guidance,
and for a hammer.

We, the children, of Kuain Yin,
are peaceful and kind,
We grow like the trees,
and we flow like the river.



Thought for the day:
The begining is to far gone to retale, the future is to advanced to know, so how about meeting in the middle and seeing where that path takes us?

[OakFire]

Kneels before Kuain Yin. Lights a red and blue candle. Lights some sandlewood incense.

Goddess, where can I start? This week has been a long and stressful week. So many things have happened to me or around me. So many things...I wonder why the world is like this? Early this week I found out that an older friend of mine had a heart attack. It put some things into perspective to me. Often I don't think of people being older or younger than me. He is a very nice guy and I have lots to learn from him. Made me think of my own grandpa. Wishes I could visit him. At least my friend is now out of the hosptial and doing better. I hope he is alright.

We all start out as a flower bud,
we bloom...we grow,
we get older and more knowledged,
we bath in the sun,
we wash away our troubles in the rain,
then one day we wilt,
in that moment be with us Goddess,
pick up the petals so that we may grow again.

Thought for the day:Life is to short to be wasting it on negative energy.

[OakFire]

Again, I am not sure where to start. Another bad thing that happend this week is that a two of my friends were falsly accused of taking advantage of another person. There is no way that my friends could have taken advantage of this person. I have known my friends for over two years...my friends isn't the type of person to do this. This has caused a lot of arguements and problems for them. The police are not involved, just the community they are in. The problem is the person who feels taken advantage of is basically having a guilty consense after the fact. Which makes me more mad because there are people out there who really have been taken advantage of. I just hope things get better for my friends and all of this stops. When I found out about this whole situation I wrote the person who has been spreading these rumors around a nasty and mean letter. Something that I have always felt strong about is do not mess with my family, "family", or friends. And, if you can not understand this then I feel sorry for you because you must lead a sad life to never feel that passionate about someone.

Where to start,
where to go
it just begins
and it grows,
like a fire burning an oak tree,
it reaches the sky,
it goes to the Goddess,
then they understand,
it rains and washes away
the fire...the hurt...the pain....
one day I will the be same again,
for now I am a burnt tree.

[OakFire]

Another stress on my heart is that I found out that a different friend of mine was outed to her family. It is causing a lot of problems for her. They are not taking it well and are setting a lot of rules for her.

When will it end? *starts crying* I just do not understand all this negative energy and pain. *starts bashing fists to ground* Why?


Why?
We may never know the answer to
the question,
Maybe we are not meant to know,
maybe we are just suppose to try to learn
and grow,
for now I just cry and wash it away.

[OakFire]

This week something that has made me happy is the Elizabeth Smart was found. I hope she is okay. Though, she proably has a lot of things to go through for the rest of her life. I just pray they didn't do any permant damage to her.

All children are precious,
all children should be loved,
all children should have a wonderful childhood,
bloom and grow like a flower,
all children should be huged,
all children should be safe,
let us make this world safe for them.

[OakFire]

Tonight I just heard that we are giving Saddam 48 hours. I am not sure what to think. I believe since 9/11 we should fight back. I am not up in all the politics and conspirceys. I just have the feeling that we have waited to long before making our move. I know I should be more passive and want peace. Though, I doubt it is possible. We need to protect ourselves. I also do not want to see people get hurt. I know people in the military signed up and knew they might have to go to war. See so many people defending our nation..and so many people protesting war. So much conflict. I wish I could just go to sleep and let all of this resolve itself. Though, shouldn't I do something? But, what can I do? *goes off to think*

[OakFire]

*Takes a deep breath. Kneels before Kuain Yin.* Goddess, I come here before you again. I know that I keep telling you about these terrible things that happen either to me or people I know. As you know they are all true, even though it is hard to believe. It is hard for me to believe that so much negative energy is around latly. I wonder if it has to do with the stars. Or do I just have such bad luck? Do I bring it on others or does it have to do with someone else's bad luck or an entity that might have attached itself to me? I do not know. I am thinking about doing a ritual to try and change my luck or change the negative energy around me. Since I have moved to Alabama all these interesting things have happened to me. Some are interesting, some good, and some bad. So if I try to change my luck then it could be bad for all the interesting things may not be there anymore...or I might not learn what you want me to learn. I know you have guided my life a lot since I met you about two years ago. You have taken my hand and lead me down many pathes. So, I trust in you to continue to guide me...to continue to help me to learn and grow. I am in your hands Goddess.

[OakFire]

Some of the things in my life is hard to think about. Sometimes Goddesss, I wonder why all of these things happen. Last week I found out a friend is in a unhealthy situation. I talked to her for awhile about it but I can not get her to see past her thinking. She knows it is unhealthy but she seems to feel obligated to the situation. I don't know what to do. Not much I can do. Now she will not even talk to me about it.

Then this past week I am still constantly having to deal with negativity at home. My roomates keep hogging the internet, so it is hard for me to get online. I try to get up early in the morning, like I said I would, but it is still hard for me to do anything. Plus, I am getting less sleep by getting up early before I get ready for work.

And, I found out last week that they paid $400 on their cable bill to get it turned back on. However, our gas bill is at $700 and still out (and has been out for a few weeks). I do not know where all their money goes. I pay them rent but they pay the bills since everything is in their name. I know the bills are not being paid on a month to month basis. I am tired of things being turned off from month to month. One month it will be water, another phone, another gas..etc. They do not know how to manage their money and they make rash decisions. Like, buying a car without having a mechanic look at it first. Or renting a house that has only two bedrooms for four people and costs more than the house we were in.

Then I found out a few days ago that one of my roomates is lossing her job soon. For now, she is part time. I think she is going to look for a job around here. However, she has the advantage to move away, closer to her family, have $9/hr job with full medical. Even though I would hate to see her go...I think it would be the best thing for her. To me, an opertunity like that doesn't happen a lot. I am thinking about emailing her to tell her my feelings so that my other roomates do not know.

I was going to email my other roomates to let them know some of my feelings on situations. Now I am thinking it is bad timing. That is always how it happens, I plan to write them a letter to let them know how I feel about something then something happens where I think it is worse and bad timing to do it now. I know all these problems I have are going to adventually come out somewhere...hopefully not badly...but I can not promise anything. They are wearing me thin and have been for a long time. I will be so happy once I get my car and can move in with my boyfriend.

He is so sweet and treats me so good. I love him very much. And, I want so much to be with him every day.

Wow..Goddess I have talked your ear off...but your such a good listener. It helps me so much to let my feelings out. At least I know someone knows how I feel. And, talking it out helps me to calm down. Thanks!

[OakFire]

I am so happy! I am getting my car today! So many monthes...almost a year..of waiting for a car. It is a '91 oldsmobile. I have freedom now. Most importantly, it allows me to move out and move in with my boyfriend. We took a load of my stuff to his house yesterday. I can't wait...by Easter weekend I will be moved in with him. I am so happy! A car...and moving! Now if I can find a job in his town...I will be great. Until then I will be communiting once I move in. It is about an hour drive from his place to my work...but it is worth it. And, hopefully I will get a job in his town soon. I am so happy! Everything is falling into place. Thank you Goddess! Thank you so much! You continue to teach me so much! Thank you!

[OakFire]

What do you do when you find out that someone you called a bestfriend and "sister" for almost 10 years...has not treated you the same? What do you do when you find out the reality of the friendship? What do you do when you find out the reality of the person? What do you do when you find out the evil things this person has done? What do you do when you find out that the person has been manipulating you for a long time? What do you do when you find out they have hurt others that you care about? What do you do? It is hard to say cut them off...because there is other people that you still care about that are attached to them (like her children). I feel like crying. I don't know what to do. And, it isn't like this is a rumor. My brother who I trust told me. So, I know it is true. It hurts so much to know someone as this "friend" has treated me this way. Someone I trusted so long as this "friend". And, I feel so bad at the things I have done and said because I trusted this "friend". What do I do? I am upset and mad. Not a good combination. Goddess give me strength to make the right decision. :goes to think about somethings and cry:

[OakFire]

:Kneels before the altar: I am sorry that it has been so long since the last time I have been here. So many things have been going on. Thank you so much for the car. I am able to have more freedom now. And, thanks for letting me be able to move in with my boyfriend. I am so happy that we get to see each other every day now. So much has worked out for the good. The only thing that still is kind of rough on me, on a day to day basis, is having to drive 60 miles to and from work durning the week. It makes me very tired, however I am hanging in there. I have taken off time from work to try to find a job closer but it does not look like it will be anytime soon. I will be patient because I know when the right job comes around, Goddess you will show me the way. You have guided me for at least 2 years, and I admit at times I did not hear and have to learn on my own. I am trying now to be more patient. I know you can see further down the path than I can. Thanks for your guidance.

I also come here today to ask for forgiveness. Last time I was here I was upset about how my bestfriend could have treated me years ago. I realized this past week, when I found out that she lost one of her babies to SIDs, that it does not matter what could have happened years ago. I still consiter her a good friend. And, I feel so badly that I have not spent more time with her. I also feel badly that I didn't get to know her son more before he past away. Though, I realize now that time does matter. You never know when something will end. I realize now that it is important to do the things you want or need now instead of putting them off. It is also important to tell those you love, that you love them. I promise to keep incontact with my relatives and my friends. I promise to be a better friend, girlfriend, aunt, and person. Thank you Goddess for this hard lesson learned.

I know everything you set before my path has a purpose. Thanks for the lessons and the help. Thanks for the guidance and the love.

[OakFire]

Wow! It has been a long time since a ventured here. I am sorry that it has been so long Goddess since I have told you my thoughts and feelings. Many things have been going on.

I have been keeping in touch with my bestfriend. I am so happy for our friendship. It is also wonderful that she is going to college to be a nurse. She is great at handling being married, raising 2 children, going to college and working part time. I have missed seeing her this month and hope to see her soon. They are like family to me.

My work has been going okay. Though, my job isn't paying enough. The only good thing is I will be on medical soon. Which I really hate being without medical. I am not sure what to do about my job situation. I need to be on medical insurance, however I have to drive 60 miles out of my way everyday to get basically minium wage pay. My mileage on my car is adding up fast, so is the gas each month and so is paying for oil changes each month. Though, I should be happy that I do have a job. So many people are without jobs. Sometimes it can be easy to be so worried about mine.

I don't know if you consider this good or bad. Though, for me it is good and a blessing. Recently my boyfriend told me he didn't want me working a part time job because he needs me so much. I am happy that I make him so happy and attend to his needs. It makes me feel good inside and needed. He has helped me with saving for money to file bankruptcy. Which is good in my eyes because I can start over. This time no credit cards. LOL He is so wonderful to help me out so much. He is a wonderful man who is there so many times for me and makes me so happy. I just hope I make him as happy as he makes me.

I am also looking into starting back to college in the Spring. I want to get a Office Adminstrative degree so that all those jobs I apply for will believe me when I tell them I know how to do the job. I am hopeing this will help me on my way to getting a job closer to home. And, I am hopeing a Pell Grant will be able to pay for it. I don't know if I will be full time or part time yet. Though, proably part time and still work the job I am at right now.

I have also been looking into the Pagan community in my area. I am hopeing to be able to start attend events, sabbats and discussions. It will be good to connect with the Pagan community again. I have been solitary for more than two years now.

Finally, on this day I remember all the people who lost their lives two years ago. I remember waking up in the morning and seeing it on TV. I just stared, I could not believe it was happening. I felt like somone would tell me that it was not real. But, it was. It hurts me a lot to think of all those people who died. So many people...too many people. I didn't lose anyone I know. Though, many people did lose someone. And, I am so empathic I can feel the hurt and pain the world over. It is hard for me to believe something like this could happen here. This morning when I was listening to a radio talk show on the way to work, they were playing a tribuit. I just started crying. I couldn't help it. I look back and think how much I have. How safe I am every day because what our soliders do. They stand up and protect us every day. They are wonderful people. I think about how lucky I am that I do have what I have. I think about everything I take for granted. I think about how little time we have. So many things to think about. I am going to try and light a candle before I go to bed. Pray that we can all heal. Pray that those hurting can heal. Pray that we are all protected. And, thank those who are willing everyday to be a hero, whither they are soliders or Fire Fighters or Paramedic or anything else. We are safe each night in bed because of theses heros. Thank you! And, those that lost love ones know that we all hurt inside. I feel just as upset as if I did lose someone I know. I hope we can all heal and grow. May you all be blessed.

[OakFire]

Today was another long and boring day at work. My boss told me today that they were going on only two different methods of pay for new people. And, I had to decide if I wanted to change or stay the same. I decided to stay the same. Though, I am worried that in a few monthes I might be made to change to one of the plans they want me too. Which would drastically reduce my pay. It isn't like I get enough money as it is right now. I am also afraid since our sales are down that I might be let go because I tend to bring in less leads a week than the other woman I work with. This job is definatly turning out to be one that I do not like. If it was not for the medical insurance I would be out of there already. I just hate driving so far for so little. At least the people are nicer than my other job. And, at least I have a job.

When I came home my energy level was so low I took about a four hour nap. Latly, I have been having trouble with my energy level. Maybe the driving is getting to me much more than I thought. I have tried herbs but they do not seem to help. It might be that I can't be on caffinee either right now. I hate that my energy is so low. At times when I do rituals or just playing druming music & light incense my energy level is higher. I am thinking about doing meditation to see if I can raise my energy level.

[OakFire]

Many things have happened in the past week. Flare ups of energy have been happening. At times, not very positive. About a week ago I did something that upset my mate a lot. He was so mad at me that he yelled at me very much in parking lot of Ryans. At the time I did not think much about it. Maybe that is my problem, I do not think before my actions. We were meeting someone to eat dinner. He had told me earlier that he did not want to stay long. He usually just like to eat then leave. He does not like to be social. When his back started to hurt because of the chairs he said that he was going to the car. I asked him for some money to leave a tip, I believe in tipping. Well, he does not believe in tipping places that you get your own food. To me, there isn't much difference. If you still have someone bringing your drinks, bringing you rolls and clearing your plates then that (to me) is 80% or more of a regular waiters job. The fact that they don't take my order or bring my food does not make a difference to me. Anyways, because I started to make a big deal about this he got mad and said something about me noting having put any money into dinner or gas to get there I had a big nerve to ask for more money. I did not have any money or I would have just tipped the person myself. He went outside and I continued to talk to the person we met. After about 15 minutes I went outside to leave. He was standing by the car, mad. He laid into me verbally about how I should have left with in 5 mintues of him, I should not have kept him waiting, that I embarrased him and that I was basically not a good submissive. I did not say anything, except answer questions he asked me. He told me that not only did I embarrase him to night but the night before when we went out to eat with his family. Afterwards, I got into the car. I did not say anything. I was so upset. I was a little mad. Though, I was more upset and depressed that I had failed him. When I got home I went straight to bed. I did not talk to him again until the following day after he got home from work, except the few times he called me from work. I really did not know what to say and it seemed to me any time I tried to explain myself it causes more problems. So, I sent him an ecard with my feelings on it. Later, he read it and we talked. Basically he told me just don't make him mad, don't push on topics and don't embarrase him. It know it sounds so so so very simple. Though, at times it, to me, is so so so very hard. Maybe because of my up bringing or because of my personality. I am trying so hard to change. I see so many bad faults in myself. I also see traits, bad faults, that are simular to my real father. Who I idolized as I grew up. I want to change. I want to be a better person. I want to make him happy. I want to be with him. I love him so very much. I have to some way keep these thoughts at the forefront of my mind. I have to let them never escape and always be thinking ahead. Maybe if I did a ritual with a string. He has always been so kind and helpful towards me. I do not want to disappoint him. He is the world to me.

[OakFire]

More bad news struck me Thursday. My job which I have been driving 60 miles out of my way hit a blow with me. Thursday was my pay day. I always check my direct deposit in the morning to make sure it went through. When it did it was about 150 short. So, when my boss came in I told her. She got right on it. After about 30 minutes I go back to her and she tells me that she found out what happened. (A little back knowledge to know all of this. When I was hired it was for the first week $9/hr plus commission. Then I could choose one of 2 plans. I could have $35 per proposal or $5.25/hr plus $10 commission. If I work at least 30 hrs a week I could have after 90 days health, 401k and profit sharing benefits. I choose the base plus commission rate because I felt more secure with it. After a week or so my boss comes to me and states that she wants us to try the $35 commission only for at least a month. That way she can show her boss wither or not it is working. A friend and I agreed. Which she was hired at $9/hr plus $5 commission. After awhile we were told there was only these two plans 5.25/hr plus commission or the commission only. The friend was upset because of what she was hired at and felt forced to change. After alittle more than a month of trying the commission only I found I did not like it. So, I requested to be changed back to my origional hire. She agreed, told me she would email her boss and told me I would have to wait until next month to do this. Which Thursday was suppose to be my first paycheck from the change back to original pay.) Now back to what happened Thursday. She explained that since her boss wrote a memo about all new telemarketers had only the option of commission only, and telemarketers on their plans could stay on what they have now or change to the commission only before he recieved notice that I wanted to be on my originally hire salary. Also, because we are only allowed one change. (Which I reminded her that she asked us to change. And, she stated that she told them that.) Because of all of this, I could not go back to my original hire salary. I had to stay at commission only. Which doesn't even pay for the gas in my car to drive up there everyday. I told her that I am sorry but I am going to have to quit. She understood my postion, stated she would give me a reference and help me out best she could. It hadn't been 90 days so no medical. I should have quit the job long ago but I felt I was okay and at least I have a job. With what I was going to get in pay there was no way I could afford to keep driving there every day. Now the hunt is on Monday for a job. I have a good plan set up. And, I am sure it will work. Though, because of this sudden change it has sparked more problems. Money seems to do that. Espiecally when you have none. I hate that my job did this. My friend who got me the job said she was so sorry this happened and never thought it would. I am hopeing when I bring proff of the constant change in pay to the unemployment agency that they will be willing to supply me with a check. Right now I am ready to do just about anything to keep my head above water and not bring my mate down with me. I just wish it was Monday so I could get started. Thinking positivly!

[OakFire]

I think life has calmed down for now. It seems to be getting back to normal. Thanks Kuain Yin for your guidance. Yesterday we visited a friend. We went shopping at several thrift stores. My mate paid for what I got. I think he is trying to help me feel better. I love shopping it helps me feel better. And, thrift stores are the best because you do not spend a lot. I found several items for my alters. I found a candle holder that is made from iron, is green with some gold tints to it, and looks like ivy growing. I am will proably put it on my stone alter. I found a vase that is a preety pink with flowers on it. I plan to put it on my main alter. I found some wonderful insense. I found some green glass candle holders. I found a small jewlery type box with moons, suns and stars on it. Then I found several shirts and a big stuffed Pokemon. Getting out of the house and visiting someone has helped me to feel better. Though, monday still dooms over me. I have so much to do. And, so much to do in a short time. I feel postive about it, though still in the back of my mind I am worried about "what if."

[OakFire]

Time and time again it still amazes me how life, energy, works out. Yesterday I was determined to accomplish some goals in finding a job. I went out as if I was dressed for an interview. I went by two temp agencys that I was applied with. Then I went to apply at another temp agency. Then I stoped by another temp agency I was already with. I came home called some jobs, and ate lunch. Then I went out again to fill out an application and stop by Kinkos to fax and mail resumes. Then back home for more calls. I felt like I had a full day. This morning I got up and called a temp agency to see if they had anything for me. They said they would call me back, and I was thinking sure they will. However, about an hour or so later I get a call from them. This place needs to interview immiedantly and pays about $7/hr plus 2% commission. It is temp to perm. I thought that was good. I went on the interview. Everything went great, though the person didn't know all the details because they didn't put the order in and wasn't sure about how temp agencys work. However, she is going to know for sure tomorrow. Anyways, I got the job. I am so happy! I focused all of my energy and prayers into getting a job. I knew I could find one in a week. Thank you Kuain Yin for all your guidance and help!

[OakFire]

Yesterday I found out that the job is just temporary. Though, I am not completly upset. It just takes me off balance a little. I think it is good for me to have a job while I still look. When I got home I emailed my temp agency manager about how I liked the job and enjoyed working there. Also, told her about not wanting to put in an application for the job because if I was hired after 3 monthes it would be commission only, 5%. I do not like the idea of being on commission only. To, me it is not stable or set in stone. One pay check could be more and one could be less. I do not think I am really a sales person. Anyways, this morning she called me and told me that is was okay for me to still look for a temp to perm job. And, that I could go on an interview for a temp to perm job for a jewlery store. She had someone who is handling those applications call me back today and setup the time for the interview. I told the people I was temping for why I would need to be gone durning that time and let them know if I did get hired at a temp to perm job that the temp agency would get someone else to temp there. I think it is great that the temp agency has no problems with me looking for a temp to perm job while I am on this temp job, and let me take time from work to interview. Also, they feel that the temp job is just a filler until I can find something that is temp to perm. I think it is wonderful. To me, it is amazing because the last temp agency I worked for were not that flexible and were very hard on thier workers. And, they treated us like children. Tomorrow at 9am I am going in for an interview. I know I will do good. Though, now another crisis has happened. I need to do my nails and find something nice...nice nice nice to wear. I have to look great for a jewlery store. I know I am on the right track. If it is meant to be for me to have the job I will. If it is not, then on to the next interview. Kuain Yin will guide me.

[OakFire]

Recently I discovered how directing energy and being focused on a goal can create a wonderful outcome. I did not just tell myself I would find a job in this amount of time, I believed it. I focused all my energy and thoughts towards finding a permante job. And, Kuain Yin you heard my prayers and directed me in the right direction. You always know where I need to walk. Within a week of starting the temp job, I found a permante job. I knew I would find one before the temp job ended. The job starts Monday. It is a wonderful job. The benefits are great. I will have everything I have ever needed in a job. And, since the temp job ended this past Monday I have had almost a week off to relax and get somethings done around the house before I start this new job. Sometimes I feel like it is a dream. You know, to good to be true. Though, I know it is true and real. I know that it is going to be a wonderful job and I will do very good at this job. Also, I know through prayers and talks with you Kuain Yin, that I must give back for this gift. I know I must at least by the begining of the year start voulnteering at a Hospice center for children at least once a month. I know that the energy needs to still be given out. It must continue. And, for me to be the kind of person I know you want me to be and that I want to be that this is something I have to do...that I need to do.

[OakFire]

Thursday I went out to do some errans. Since one of the errans was in a mall I decided to stop by Victoria Secrets to get some lotion. I love their lotion and sprays. I had not bought any in awhile. So, I went in and was only going to get a few. Though, when I saw they had 8 for $35 and just to get 3 is $24...I thought it was a good deal. Even though I was going to pay for more and get more than I intended, I felt that basically paying $5 for each instead of $9 was a great deal. Besides I don't buy there much. So, I carfully picked out the ones I wanted. Wonderful Love Spell *giggles*, Secret Crush and Strawberries & Champegn. I carried them up to the front and was waiting for the cashier to get done with a customer. Before I new it the woman who the cashier was helping handed me a $10 off any $35 purchase. I looked into her eyes and said thanks! And, she said your welcome. Then she was gone. Since then I have had this wonderful feeling inside. I felt truly wonderful that this woman gave me this coupon. Maybe it was her energy or something, but that feeling has kept with me. And, I believe it has changed me. This was truly a random act of kindness.

[OakFire]

It is amazing how different perfumes or scents can bring back feelings, emotions or memorys. The other day I used the Secret Crush lotion and spray. I had forgotten that my bestfriend had given me this same spray when I first moved to Alabama. Therefor, thoughts, feelings and memories started comming back to me. I started feeling that wonderful nervous and excited feeling of starting something new. I remembered friendships that started and how I felt then. I remembered so much of myself. I believe that this is good to have reflection. To remember where you have been and see now the outcome. It is good to put into perspective my life. Also, I think it is good on helping me to be a better person. To remember to past, learn from it and bring back the good from the past. I truly feel like I am starting over with this new job and becoming a better person. I feel like a new begining, a new start and everything will be okay.