How do you re-find your path?

[hikarilove]

I was going to post this conversation in the "New Pagans" section, but I'm not exactly "new" (as my out-dated, but old, profile might imply). I'm hoping I chose the correct forum for this thread. :)

After a hiatus from all modes of spirituality (in practice, theory, and belief), I find myself drifting back towards that idea of something greater than myself - whether it be "God", a god/dess, a collective consciousness, etc. But this kind of longing, sense of absence beckons from a corner in my mind. Without any particular affinity or attachment to a religion, system of belief, or mode of practice I have to wonder: Once one has stepped off one's path, how does one step back on?

I guess a little history is in order...

I was raised in a conservative Christian household. Now, when I say "conservative Christian", I do not mean the nice people who are a little socially conservative and pray a lot. Rather, think "Jesus Camp" plus guns and constant spiritual paranoia. I escaped from all of that, rather unscathed, in my mid-teens. The rest of my family followed and the somewhat psychotic ways of our old community are never brought up.

During my mid-teens, though, I took an interest in ritual magick, witchcraft, and a couple ecclectic paths. My general path was dominated by the idea of being a worshipper of Lilith and all that entailed. I was an active member of MW under a different username, was part of a long-distance coven experiment, and had settled into a very comfortable system of beliefs and rituals by the time I graduated high school.

As with most major life changes, moving away to university shook things up. My ritual schedule went out the window as classes, friends, and other obligations invaded. At the same time, now in a major city, I began to explore my interest in Judaism. Over the following three years, I wandered in and out of the Jewish community - at times combining Judaism with paganism, other times leaning towards the Orthodox side of practice and belief. Eventually, though, I decided Judaism was not for me.

I attempted to return to my older, pagan ways but the things that used to call to me, used to give me that inner vibration just didn't work anymore. Meditating seemed harder than ever, rituals frustrated and bored me. Slowly, I drifted into this kind of gray space where all spirituality took a backseat to logic, reason, and agnosticism leaning towards atheism.

I've been in that space for almost 3 years now - with occasional touches of interest in my old pagan ways, but still not feeling that old connection. Over time, I found ideas and concepts like the aura or reincarnation incredibly hard to swallow because they cannot be proven empirically. While that cold, and somewhat reactionary, tendancy is fading, I still feel like I'm drifting without direction.

I guess I am, in the end, looking for advice. How does one go about re-finding their path? I am not partial to any outcome - I just want to feel "at home" again.

Thanks in advance. :)

[Amanda]

Meditation and prayer.... this always helps me connect with the Divine and my Goddesses.... sometimes it can be months and months fro me to realize what I'm feeling... I'll send you positive energy and hopes for you to become aware of what you need to do to reconnect with your path.... May the Divine and the Goddesses walk with you and guide you....

~*~ Blessed Be ~*~

[Sakurako]

I can identify with your post in so many ways. I've been there once before, years ago, and I have been going through it again now, for the past six months. It has been overwhelmingly frustrating for me at times because I feel as if I just woke up one day and it was gone. I began to question what I believed and that led to questioning myself and who I am/thought I was, so I took a break and waited to see if the feeling returned and it has, little by little. I've found inspiration in places seemingly by accident but it has sparked a desire in me for seeking the spiritual that I haven't felt in a long, long time.

I remember the first time I went through this I felt really lost and alone. This time I know that nothing lasts forever and it will eventually pass. Last time I came out with a new perspective that suited me far better than what I had believed previously (from Wiccan to Panenthiest Gaian so it was a very large re haul for me) I realised that I had to go through that abyss in order to grow (not only spiritually). I learnt a lot about myself during those years and this time instead of completely freaking me out I am far more intrigued as to where it will lead me. I still have my days though where I wonder if I will ever feel connected again and if it will pass by me forever but right now I'm just taking small steps one at a time and I have faith I will get there when I am meant to.

I recommend writing in a journal. I has helped me to not only have a collection of my thoughts and feelings but it also have given me a sanctuary. When I write to myself, to the Divine, is when I have discovered my true self. I made a pact that I would be absolutely honest with every word written in that journal. If I am angry then I tell that truth. If I am lonely then I tell that truth. If I find a quote that touches me then that goes in there too. I recently found a journal I though I'd lost years ago and re-reading my entries has shown me an amazing experience that I couldn't appreciate before (and also I have a terrible memory LOL)

[hikarilove]

@Amanda : Thanks for the energies and thoughts! I think you're right to suggest meditation. Maybe I'm just being too specific about my meditations, invoking imagery and ideas that used to help me but no longer apply. I'll try finding some basic, clean meditations to try. :)

@Sakurako : I really appreciate you sharing your story. I actually just moved to a new city where, for the moment, I pretty much know no one. While I'm generally an introverted person, it's a bit shocking to be somewhere that I feel totally alone at least once a day. Ironically, I think the move has also given me the space to look deeper into myself and really evaluate what's been irking me.

Right as I read your post, I had been writing in a journal I decided to keep. What timing!

I appreciate everyone's suggestions. If anyone can recommend some good, basic meditations I'd be open to try them. And other personal stories will certainly help. :)

[Sakurako]

Moving to a new city can be a bit of a shake up lol. I'm an Army wife and have been moving every 10 to 18 months for six years now. I always say a new city brings new opportunities.

I have a hard time keeping my mind still while I meditate so I have a very simple meditation where I put on some lovely Celtic music, settle myself comfortably and then go and walk 'the spiral'. Basically I have a massive spiral pattern pressed into the earth (much like a crop circle lol) and I will walk myself from the outside into the centre. Once I reach the very centre something is usually revealed to me.

I chose a symbol that resonates very deeply with my heart and mind. But the sky is the limit when creating your own meditations. I use that one when I'm not wanting to specifically meditate on anything and just let myself be 'still' (well as still as I can manage lol)

[Tala Rayne]

I am currently in this funk too :/ I was Wiccan before, but being in the broom closet proved too stressful and paranoid for me and in a fit of frenzy I threw everything away. All my handcrafted tools, my Book of Shadows, etc. Recently I've started looking up and subscribing to Wiccan/Pagan/Witchcraft orientated YouTube channels in hopes of rekindling the passion :)

Though I still believe in the basic Wiccan principles, I'm not practicing magick, observing Sabbats/Esbats, meditating, etc. It all just feels so difficult now. Meditation has always been hard without a guide for me, but now it is extra frustrating >__<

Sorry my post is of no help at all :P I'm just in the same rut!

[hikarilove]

I am currently in this funk too :/ I was Wiccan before, but being in the broom closet proved too stressful and paranoid for me and in a fit of frenzy I threw everything away. All my handcrafted tools, my Book of Shadows, etc. Recently I've started looking up and subscribing to Wiccan/Pagan/Witchcraft orientated YouTube channels in hopes of rekindling the passion :)

Though I still believe in the basic Wiccan principles, I'm not practicing magick, observing Sabbats/Esbats, meditating, etc. It all just feels so difficult now. Meditation has always been hard without a guide for me, but now it is extra frustrating >__<

Sorry my post is of no help at all :P I'm just in the same rut!

Your post was definitely helpful! Just knowing that other people are going through / have gone through the same thing makes me feel a little better about the whole thing.

Oddly enough, I've spent the past few nights watching the same kind of videos on YouTube... and it's part of why I've come back to MW - attempting to retrace my former steps to understand where I am now.

I've started writing in a journal, like Sakurako suggested, and it's helping. But I'm always happy to hear stories and experiences from others! Maybe we can all help each other.

[Corr]

You can never go home again. You have traveled far from your origins, and you have further to go yet. It will not be an easy path, nor will it be the same as you have traveled. If you wish to wander the pagan paths again know you are not the same person you were growing up. You are different from that individual in ways you might not even understand yet.
Forge your own path. If you are not comfortable with any of the old ways you have followed, make your own. Blend reason logic and all that fun atheistic stuff with the rituals you enjoyed as a kid, add a little magic to the world. Find out what works for you. I think you have an opportunity here to find your own truth.

[Amanda]

I find a lot of times the best meditation is clean free meditation... just to set and let what comes to you come to you... I'm eclectic so being layed back is a way of life for me.... there are times that I look to no certain Goddess to help guide me... just for the Divine spirit to show me what it has in store.... I do ritual the way I feel my heart and spirit guides me to if it's just to light a stick of incense or light a candle... maybe even say a prayer and to meditate for that purpose.... sometimes you will step away from your path... only to frolic and play .... to learn .... but it will always wind back around to you.... the Divine Gods/Goddesses will always be in your shadows watching you and protecting you.... just believe....

[Gypsyblu]

Refinding your path is a constant struggle. Though we may know where our heart lies, the woes of the world often trump the spiritual things we need to do in order to feel complete or at the very least grounded.

My husband and I recently moved across country from FL to NV and left everything that was familiar. My sense of home and safety has been turned upside down. The core of my beliefs is still stronger and I don't think we truly ever lose our path but we may lose the connection to it. So how do we reconnect? In a time and place that requires us to multi-task, how do we find the outlet to allow us to reconnect?

Since moving in with my Husbands parents, I am relegated to this blog for spiritual connection. I was so used to the community I had, knew it's quirks and knew the people that were playing the parts within it. Now I must rediscover that community and in some ways it is helping me reconnect to my own spirituality.

Now, rather than being part of a circle I am solitary and I can honestly say, I prefer to be with other people. I prefer to be able to bounce ideas and thoughts off others, to have the opportunity to expand my thinking and see things in different ways or at least from a different perspective.

So I reconnect by going back to the basics. Working on my BOS, re-reading books, blogging and spending as much time outside among nature as I can.

I have no altars in this house but I am working on a mini altar that I can keep with me. If anyone has any ideas about how best to create one or what I might include. Please feel free to comment.

The path to take is always there, but we must be resolute to clear the path, sweep away the debris, knock down the cobwebs and make the path visible. How we each do that is different. Meditation, tracework, Ha prayer, artist free expression, chanted, drumming etc... Find what feels right...try several things.

It is up to each to each of us to work our Path, to give it attention everyday, even in small ways.

That is my two cents.

GB

[MissyMundane]

I also went to Jesus camp.

"Mommm, they keep making fun of me!"
"STFU, BITCH, YOU'RE IN A GOOD CHRISTIAN SCHOOL."
</summary>

I re-found my path by not having one. (Other than being a Pastafarian) I'm too lazy to explain it, so I'm just going to copypasta from my blog.

---------------
Energy. It has become apparent to me that everything must have energy, or else nothing makes sense. You see, it explains why every religion has its miracles. When one prays, for example, they are directing energy in the name of a god. When one reads tarot, they are tapping into energy for the answers.

As far as deities go, I feel most connected with Aphrodite. I suppose this is unsurprising, since I'm a Libra. I do believe I'll write about Aphrodite some day. I have prayed to her on occasion, but I normally pray to Jesus, whom I regard as the most powerful saint.

There's also quite a bit of circumstantial evidence for reincarnation, so I'm leaning toward that being true. I don't believe in the modern version of karma, (which is a bastardisation of an Ancient Indian concept) and I instead believe in cause and effect.

Other than that, nothing else to report. The most simple explanation is generally the truth.

[Faelon_Moon_Hawk]

i've been floating in the grey you speak of for some time now. nothing I did quite seemed to do much. But recently a chance mention on a chanced upon blog sent me off into not a new direction but perhaps the one i've been searching for and pretty much gave up on finding. Things come when least expected, just keep your eyes and ears open.

[SkylarB]

I also have dealt with this, sometimes for years on end. Right now I'm re-emerging back into my craft and I'm here to stay! But, I'm just starting again, so I feel the best for me to is go back to the begining. Read the Wicca 101 books and allow myself to feel the excitement I once felt, but with a new-found sense of myself and my core beliefs. I've matured since I was last actively practicing Wicca, and have learned many life lessons. I see things a bit differently, after really thinking about what I believe in, in regards to Deity, Goddess and God, energy, witchcraft, meditations, divination, it all ties in together and I had to figure that all out. I had to see the big picture and now I can go back and fill in the details.

[childofcrow]

I have had a rough summer. My marriage was on the rocks. I made the decision to end a friendship with someone who wasn't willing to make time to hang out or support me. All through this, my spirituality was on the rocks as well. The only thing that kept me tethered was tarot. Tarot was my life preserver. It was enough to help me to start getting back into my regular swing of things. I found it was easy enough to do every day, and with the issues I'd been having it acted as a therapist.

[trystan]

my kids got me back into doing rituals. it had been a few years, and then last august, my older daughter (who was 13 at the time) asked if we could do them again. my girls are 10 and 14. we go outside and set up the backyard for all the sabbats, and most of the esbats as well... and most of the time it's on the night of the sabbat, as well as the esbat, too. =)