...........

[rainmaker]

I dont know what to do anymore. I cant pity myself or feel sorry. I know that there's more that I can do to live better, and there's people everywhere that have things much worse off......

I just dont know what i'm doing wrong. Why are the littlest things so hard to do? I cant just write music anymore because the machine is broken. Why cant it just work? My one passion and i cant........ And with this show coming up soon, how are we going to rehearse? I cant cancel...

I know I need to have strength, but for crying out loud, EVERYTHING IS STARTING TO HURT. I FEEL LIKE IM HOLDING UP THE WORLD AND MY GRIP IS FAILING.

What do i need to do? I try to see love and goodness in people. I try to not hate everyone and everything. I try to be kind and polite and encouraging. BUT PLEASE!!!!!!!! TAKE AWAY MY HATRED!!!!! I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.........PLEASE.......

But thank you for giving my mom the strength to stand up to her coworkers and to not settle for that broken old trailer. I dont know what your plan is, but she's EARNED the right to live in a good home. And thank you for helping the Nova get the new OS loaded. That really was something nice. Josh is excited to have a "new" synth to re-learn.

Maybe I should go see a doctor or something.

I'm losing faith. I dont want to. It's going away from me.

thanks for listening. miss you.

[rainmaker]

Thank you for Jamie.

Even if we dont end up together, thanks for giving me the opportunity to know such a radiant, beautiful person.

(i'll still be asking for confidence and charm for the party on saturday. heeeeeee!) :D

[rainmaker]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! The party was wonderful!!!! I dont know where to begin explaining how incredible it was, but I'm pretty sure you had a hand in what went on. Just sitting there holding her was breathtaking enough, and when we kissed it was hard to keep from crying out in joy.


Hardships are worth it if blessings are this soul-shaking.


Thank you. She's beautiful beyond words.

[rainmaker]

I guess she's just not ready for things just yet. Thanks for making everything nice last night. Good in a sad sort of way, I guess.

If she needs to focus on her path, please give her strength.

The past few days have not been spent in vain, and I am thankful.

[rainmaker]

Never underestimate the power of small green candles! :D

thank you very much for the unexpected refund from Progressive. It may be a mistake, so i'll keep my eye on things and not overspend, but if all is well, this will get me into the show this weekend and the camping trip next month without financial worry!

THANK YOU!