gunner
June 1st, 2001, 07:24 AM
these have to be true, no writer would dare try sneaking them past an editor!
offered for amusement only, not recommended for use!
Advice To Dumb Criminals
(based on what other dumb criminals have done)
If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on foot...
*Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants.
*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to chat
about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain
view.
When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in
your vehicle to drive away from your crime scene.
"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a valid justification
for burglarizing a neighbors house when they are out of town.
When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don't* say,
"Well, I can't do that sober!" on camera, and then plead not guilty.
If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will blend in
traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.
*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?" when you and
the officer are the only people in a ten mile radius.
*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked. It's
considered a stall technique and it gives away the fact you are
getting ready to lie through your teeth.
*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my car?"
before the officer even introduces himself/herself on the traffic
stop.
*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police about
your name.
*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age you give when
lying about your birthday.
When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground when approached by
an officer, *Don't* bounce said dope off the toe of the officer's
boot.
*Do* come up with something better to say than, "These aren't my
pants" when the officer finds dope or any other contraband in your
pocket.
If you are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back yard *Do*
make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway.
*Don't* ask an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately owned
vehicle for a ride away from your crime scene.
If you leave your pants, car, and ID at a crime scene, the cops
*Will* probably be able to figure out who dunnit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... from Irene A. Mystery via GCFL http://www.gcfl.net
offered for amusement only, not recommended for use!
Advice To Dumb Criminals
(based on what other dumb criminals have done)
If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on foot...
*Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants.
*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to chat
about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain
view.
When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in
your vehicle to drive away from your crime scene.
"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a valid justification
for burglarizing a neighbors house when they are out of town.
When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don't* say,
"Well, I can't do that sober!" on camera, and then plead not guilty.
If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will blend in
traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.
*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?" when you and
the officer are the only people in a ten mile radius.
*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked. It's
considered a stall technique and it gives away the fact you are
getting ready to lie through your teeth.
*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search my car?"
before the officer even introduces himself/herself on the traffic
stop.
*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police about
your name.
*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age you give when
lying about your birthday.
When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground when approached by
an officer, *Don't* bounce said dope off the toe of the officer's
boot.
*Do* come up with something better to say than, "These aren't my
pants" when the officer finds dope or any other contraband in your
pocket.
If you are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back yard *Do*
make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway.
*Don't* ask an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately owned
vehicle for a ride away from your crime scene.
If you leave your pants, car, and ID at a crime scene, the cops
*Will* probably be able to figure out who dunnit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... from Irene A. Mystery via GCFL http://www.gcfl.net