What would you do?

[Koehnae]

My friend Ana and I struck up a conversation on the way to work the other day... a conversation about the other people who work in our group at the plant. Eventually, the focus turned to our coworker, Mary. Mary is a stubborn, grandmotherly, very religious, and judgemental African American woman who is frequently in the habit of berating people for every little mistake or fault. I commented to Ana that I found Mary to be a wonderful person because of her stubborness (it showed a strength I feel I lack), but I found that her tendency to judge people harshly was very upsetting to me. In one instance, she refused to speak to a coworker for two weeks because he offended her (a devout Catholic) by using the phrase "Oh my God." In another instance, she called her own son's fiance a "dirty little hussy" because the poor girl made the mistake of staying over at her house (instead of driving home drunk) ... in a seperate bedroom from her adult son. I brought these and other instances up to Ana. Ana replied that I wouldn't understand, because I was not African American. I wouldn't understand what it was like to have my life affected by my color... but herself and Mary did... so they couldn't be blamed for making judgments of others.

I was so angry at someones color being made an excuse. I had never felt a sense of racism until that moment. I felt she was excusing the bad traits of Mary's as a result of her being treated unfairly as a "person of color." What is everyone's take on this? How do you think you would have responded?

[Tarbh Nathroch]

Oh No, The race card. This could turn out to be an ugly thread. Personally I don't by it. This day and age most minorities have nothing to complain about. I have serial black friends who get totally bent at people pulling the race or slavery card. They think it's as bull**it as I do. Most of the time it's use by people who will make excuses anyway, watering the meaning down, lessening it for the people who truly need to use it. If this same person were white it would be "my parents beat me", "I've had a hard life" or "I'm an orphan" to justify their bad attitude. Unfortunately you can't really respond to this without a scene. The people who use or condone this tactic are already in a 'victim' state of mind and calling then on it just kicks in their 'I'm a victim defense mechanism' which will completely close their mind. No reasoning with them after this. So you have to just let it slide at that moment and try to work on teaching them to brake the victim mentality at another time.

Oh, And you have to just let the crabby old lady be a crabby old lady. It's her thing. At a place I worked at our old crabby old lady sent Christmas cards to everyone saying, and I'm shortening this, "Merry Christmas you're going to hell"

[Shinko]

I've had this happen to me several times..."oh, you just don't like me because I'm black, is that it?" -.-
Personally it disgusts me, and I think it's also very insulting to people of the race that's suppossedly being defended or oppressed or whatever. I mean, if somebody excused my bad qualities by saying "oh, she's white/female/a jew/whatever, she can't help it", I'd feel very belittled.

[nomadicdragon]

I think that the race card has been so overused and so misused that it is no longer valid and even if it is... it is not seen as being valid. I think that at one point it may have been a very accurate way to depict what people of any race were going through. But media and our wonderfully materiliastic, (me, me me) society has taken advantage of it. Leaving logical people to go.. uhm. No.


upon rereading the above i have no idea if it made sense. LOL. :)

[Valnorran]

See, the problem is you're up north. Come on down here to the bible belt and you'll find people of just about every color that fit the same mold as your zealous co-worker.

Actually, the majority of people around here are Roman Catholic, and I must say I've seen VERY few that fit Mary's description. However, those that do are usually (like Mary) of the older generation. Those that aren't Catholic tend to be Conservative/Fundamentalist Christian (Baptist, Pentacostal, et al.). Around here, such attitudes seem to be more widespread among the latter group than the Catholics.

[WillowSageheart]

How would I respond... I'd probably say something like I didn't know close minds came in different colors, and walk away.

[Pan]

I agree with Willow. The race card -has- been played to death.. then beaten with a stick while dead.. then run over.. and so on and so forth.

I've lived in the south (Cairo, GA to be exact), and I hated it. It wasn't the people of a specific colour.. it was the heat -and- the people. All of them. White, black, Asian, etc. In this town (not saying ALL southern people are like that), you -had- to be from the south to be accepted. I have a slight New England accent so I was lucky to have one friend. And she didn't talk to me much at school.

I don't see how her being crabby has anything at all to do with race. I really don't. I think most old people are crabby just because! I don't see it having anything to do with colour.. it just being crabby! :T

If faced with that.. I think I would just deadpan look her in the face and tell her just how I felt. The race card is dead. Think of something else.

[Lucidia]

i always tell people straight out.. that in my case.. i am the minority in my area. I'm "white" yeah, but i'm like.. the ONLY "white" person on my block, and I used to get harrassed and threatened all the time because of that. for the past 10 years i've lived in this area... i've always had a hard time because people assume that because i have pale skin, and blue eyes, that this means i'm whatever it is they've decided "white" people are today.

i have had rocks thrown at me on my way home from school, when i was 12 years old, because me and my friend were "white".

hate is hate, and ignorance is ignorance. very hard to change.

i tell people that we are not colors, we are all unique individuals in a species... the HUMAN race. there is no possible genetic way for your skin pigmentation to affect your personality. it's people's environments that form their personality, and if you grow up being told that "green" people are evil, then the chances are you'll be wary of "green" people and maybe even overly defensive. it doesn't matter that "green" people bleed red blood just like "magenta" people do... or that they have the same problems, illnesses, work struggles, financial issues, etc...

humans are often odd about these things.

sometimes it's best not to say anything at all. once someone has made a decision like that... very little will bring them away from it.. you can try. but it may not get you anywhere... although perhaps it's better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

[anise]

I just have one question:

How does this woman's religious judgments have ANYTHING to do with her race exactly?

[Mithrea]

Originally posted by Tarbh Nathroch
This day and age most minorities have nothing to complain about.

You're kidding, surely. You must be. I can't believe anyone would say this with a straight face.

[WillowSageheart]

Originally posted by Mithrea

You're kidding, surely. You must be. I can't believe anyone would say this with a straight face.

It's not just minorities, everyone, every race, every ethnicity has something - and most of the time justly - to complain about. Regardless of that, no one should use those complaints as cheap excuses for bad behavior.

I had a lousy childhood. So what? My entire family is multi-racial. We are white, black and west indian. Let me tell those that don't know what 9/12 was like walking the streets with people of middle eastern descent! Does that give me the right to do and say what I please - no matter who it effects or hurts? Does it effect my life? Yes it does, however every family has obstacles.

There comes a time when the only reason for the way you live your life is your own decisions and choices. Blaming anything else is lazy, and IMHO a pathetic cop-out.

[Old Witch]

Originally posted by Loki Panwit

I agree with Willow. The race card -has- been played to death.. then beaten with a stick while dead.. then run over.. and so on and so forth.

I've lived in the south (Cairo, GA to be exact), and I hated it. It wasn't the people of a specific colour.. it was the heat -and- the people. All of them. White, black, Asian, etc. In this town (not saying ALL southern people are like that), you -had- to be from the south to be accepted. I have a slight New England accent so I was lucky to have one friend. And she didn't talk to me much at school.

I don't see how her being crabby has anything at all to do with race. I really don't. I think most old people are crabby just because! I don't see it having anything to do with colour.. it just being crabby! :T

If faced with that.. I think I would just deadpan look her in the face and tell her just how I felt. The race card is dead. Think of something else.

:fofftopic For just a little while......I actually know where Cairo, Ga. is.........:eek: Meanwhile back at the serious talk..........

[Tarbh Nathroch]

Originally posted by Mithrea

You're kidding, surely. You must be. I can't believe anyone would say this with a straight face.

I can say it with a straight face but I'll rephrase it to this.

"This day and age most minorities have nothing to complain about that any other human being couldn't complain about also."

Better? :weirdsmil

I don't care what race, religion or creed someone is. Someone at sometime in any other race, religion or creed was treated the same way. So using whatever sub-group of the human race you are as an excuse for whatever your defect is is invalid. If your a jerk or a failure you may be black, white, Jewish, or whatever, but these things don't make you a jerk or a failure. You do.