family problems..I need positive energy

[Saiya]

My brother just came down to visit my dad and I in Nebraska (he lives in Michigan with my mom), but he's only a year and a half younger than me, so, we disagree on a lot of things. For instance, this morning, I took him to breakfast...when we got back into the car, I turned the music on, and he started pounding on the back of my chair while I was driving, instead of just asking me to turn it off... I got the message and turned it off.. When we got home, he told my dad that I had the music up on volume 20 (the loudest volume... I only had it on 3) and that I wouldn't turn it down when he asked me to nicely... now, of course my dad is going to believe him over me because he hasn't seen him for a year, and he forgets how he acts, and how much he lies...so now I'm grounded...
My point is that things like this happen all the time, and we're always on each other's backs, we're always at odds, and he's making my father angry with me. Right now, Dad's quick to jump on my every mistake, when he and I usually get along very well....I'd like some positive energy sent this way to maybe cool things down so that my brother and I can learn to get along better.. I've tried to befriend him, but we're always so mad at each other that it never works. Besides sending energy.... can anyone offer and good advice?
tired of trying to get along
~*Saiya

[Tarbh Nathroch]

I can send the energy to ya ----> But the advice…I have none. That's just the joy of family some you love because and some you love anyway.

[nomadicdragon]

I'm sending energy to you.. but i have to tell you.. I have a brother 3 years older and we've finally figured out the only way to co-exist is not be in the same house.. cause wh en we are in the same house we fight like cats and dogs..

[Scarlettvixen]

Saiya00
i dont know if it would help to have a quiet discussion with yr dad? and point out yr brothers past behaviour and that u r trying to get along, but that he is telling lies?
if u get emotional it wont work
but u need to try and point out the issues
or let him set himself up with a big lie that u did so and so when u were not there with him?
dont know if that makes sense
energy sent anyway hun
good luck

[Phoenix Blue]

**Soft smile** Energy sent your way. . .

If you can help it, just don't be alone with your brother. Next time he wants a ride, tell him he's out of luck.

[sammiswine]

You sound like you're pretty young. I'm an only child, but I've observed a lot. It seems like a seriously high percentage of siblings torture each other while they're growing up. If there's a brother, the torture magnitude increases dramatically. Even if you're the older one! My husband was the oldest of 3 & he was awful to his sisters, but they get along terrific & all are very close in adulthood. So, maybe consider your brother doing his duty, which is to torture his sister as nature intended, and your duty is to have nerves of steel & find a way to either drive him nuts back (like REALLY crank the stereo to 30! Hey, if you're gonna be found guilty no matter what, you might as well do something that's worth it!) or simply don't do him any favors, don't engage with him whenever it's possible, or complain about him all the time even when he didn't do anything.He may very well mellow later & become your best friend. And remember this: you're very young, but later in life, when your parents have left this world, it'll just be the two of you. He'll be the last one left who shares your memories of childhood. It's a lot more lonely when there's only one of you, I can tell you that. And eventually, as parents age, they'll need your help if they become ill or incapacitated. Believe me, I know this from personal experience. If you two can find a way to cultivate a good relationship eventually, sharing the burden is much easier than shouldering it alone. It's one of the hardest things you can imagine to have to diaper your parent. May it never happen to yours, but it broke my heart when it happened to mine.

For now, consider this a challenge: to find a way to eventually become good friends. It's a test of your patience, your will, your nerves, etc. Are you up to the challenge? What can you do to not only endure but thrive? You don't have to necessarily put up with his crap, but don't make it worse either. It will take lots of creativity and you may have to try several different methods, but keep trying. If you can handle this, you'll be ready for whatever life throws at you! You are powerful!

[Saiya]

thank you everyone, especially sammiswine, I just got done being grounded, so I'm back on the computer now, and my brother and I haven't fought as much in the last 2 days, I'll keep your advice in mind, and thank you everyone for your positive energy, I really think it's helping

[sammiswine]

Glad to help.See? Things are going to get better, but not every day, just like all the rest of life's problems. You've learned some really important things from your brother- patience and perspective are a few! And if he really gets on your nerves again, and he will, tell him what I told you about when you're older in as calm & loving a way as possible. Then thank him sincerely for helping you to grow as a person as a result of his actions. Watch his jaw drop! It might just stop him cold more than anything else you try. Getting a larger perspective from stuff you're too close to is always a good idea. In your life, you will have many bosses, some friends or boyfriends, relatives, maybe some employees trying to bait you like your brother does or fibbing about you for their own advantage. Remember the 3 Fold Law!What you do comes back on you, so be responsible for your actions (everyone!). If you can master this, they won't have any power over you- how cool is that? Some adults will never learn this, so if you can do so now, you're way ahead of many people. You don't have to take any crap from anyone, but don't stoop to their level to stop them.

Good luck!

[Lucidia]

*big hugs* family probs are tough... our hearts and thoughts are with you hon....

[ravenhawk]

Well here's a (((HUG))). I know how it feels too. I too have a younger brother. We might have the same parents but we are from two separate worlds. We agree on absolutely nothing -- well maybe an odd thing or two ;)

We can only take very small doses of each other. You just have to let it go. I found out the hard way. Your parents won't take sides and if you are the big complainer -- they think it's you that is the problem. If he is really imature -- time will tell. You have to try your best to be the best. Don't start things that might get things going. Be the bigger person. NOT easy that's for sure. It will work out.

hope it helps

BB
ravenhawk