Parental Backstabbing

[random]

I have before mentioned a friend of mine: Jason. He is my neighbor... Ok, with that said. our parents (rather my parents, his mom, her fiance, and his uncle) do not get along. His little siblings and my brother get along fine, my sister amy play with them too. Jason and I are both the eldests of our families.

Unfortunatly, My parents enjoy talking trash about them. This may end up causing major conflict, which neither Jason or I want. I have a great respect for his mother and the adults living with him. From wha ti know about them, they are amazing people.

I do not know why my parents have a problem with them, and I think it is wrong that they talk trash about them.

I mentioned something to Jason's mom about what my mom thought of their garden, not what I thought. They have limited space b/c the little area We live in doesnt give them much room to do anything, and besides they have to but dirt to put down b/c the ground is clay! My sister told my mother that I had something about it, and I got yelled at! aparently, I am "not alloud to repeat anything that is said within this household or I will not communicate with anyone and be stripped of my internet privilges"... Now, how is that fair?

I do not think it is right for them to be talking trash, I have said this to my mom, she got angry for me voiceing my opinion!!!! Apparently I am not alloud to have an opinion!!!

---
before I type somethign Ill regret, what is your opinions on this matter? It could help me alot in deciding what to do.


christy

[Lucidia]

well... i can understand what it's like to be on the other side of things...

i suppose it's just the sad truth that some people are just unaware of the fact that just because you don't say something to someone's face, it's just as harmful.

I remember growing up, and my parents were hated by everyone around us because we didn't have a lot of money... so parents even told their kids not to play with me... as if I was a horrible influence.... because they didn't like my parents.

I think you should let your parents know that their actions might have deeper wounds to inflict than they think... if they punish you for having an opinion... then maybe ya'll should have some family councelling or something.. because that's not really healthy family communication... and it CAN be fixed with a little effort.

Sometimes... people make fun of other people because they are insecure about themselves... A lot of people didn't like my parents because we were honest hard working folk, compared to the huge lot of yuppies who were proudly boasting their credit card fraud schemes. I'm definitely not saying this is the case with your situation.. but maybe there is a reason they are saying such horrible things about this other family.

Also.. my father has said some really mean things about my friends families... go figure... i don't understand it too well.. but my father is a strange person... and I try not to argue with the man too often.. as I will eventually move pretty far away from my parents and maybe not see them at all.

Blessings be with you.

[random]

Counceling? hmmm... that would not go over too well with my father, I may tell my mom what I think and my opinions, but i never willingly telll my father anything. He is too stuck up, in my opinion, and anything I say to him gets twisted enough that I get into major trouble. <sigh>

[MystyPines]

It's terrible with the situation of parental backstabbing and is also very common in divorces involving children, unfortunately. I am divorced and remarried and have always made it a point "not" to talk badly about my ex-husband no matter how bitter I am. In fact, I tend to do the opposite and pump him up to the children in order for them to feel good about him. But, what is happening now, is they are getting older and discovering for themselves, what Daddy is really like. I feel bad, and don't know what to say when my 10 year old son says: "how come my step-dad Troy does so many things with us, helps us with our homework, plays computer games with us, practices baseball etc., and daddy doesn't do anything with us? Well, I don't know what to say. I responded and just said that Daddy and your step-dad are 2 different people and they both love you very much. But what happens from there is my son now goes to his Dad's house and says Daddy, why are you a bad father? Next thing you know is my ex-husband is calling me and asking why the children said this to him. And, I have to assure him that it is not me, but now the children are maturing and figuring out things for themselves. I mean, I can only keep this fantasy for them for so long, eventually they will come to their own determinations. :)

[Mariposa De La Luna]

Random it sounds like your parents are the school bully putting down someone else to make themselves fell better. :mad: face it you can't teach old dogs new tricks.

IMHO society supports this kind of behavior. Schools and parents are not very likely to teach tolerance. The school bullies don't get stopped or counciling, even though everyone knows who they are. We have made it a part of life. :(

[random]

I know.

BUT, I don't know what to do!

My mother would not let my brother go fishing with Jason's siblings (Jason liked this <small laugh>)because she "doesnt know them"..

ARGGG! this is very stressing, somehow its going to end up beign my fault. somehow. and then my realationship with Jason will go down the pipes.

GRRRRRRRR

[Semele]

Sweetie, sometimes our parents say things that we don't agree with. Life sucks that way. First of all I wouldn't repeat any of it to your friend or his family. I am not saying to lie to them...just talk about other things perhaps. Just because your parents speak ill of them doesn't mean you have to share their views. We can't change other people, (especially our parents) but we can learn through them what we do not want to embody in our own life.

There are many things my own mother says that disturb me greatly but I try to look at it as her expressing herself and not take it too seriously. I wouldn't suggest trying to change them. They may become angry and take away your rights to see Jason. Yes tolorance starts at home. We learn about tolorance from our parents. Their method of teaching can be different than we might expect.

[Shandrel]

hey, my parents don't get along, but it is not your fault and if you need to talk e-mail me anytime.:( ;)

[random]

Shandrel, my parnets get along fine, but that hasnt always been the case.

anyway. I know your right, Semele.

Im just going to try and forget about all of this!