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amathera
July 4th, 2003, 02:11 AM
What are some of the most outrageous or thought provoking things your child has ever amazed you with?

My son, just turned 10, told me I was stunting his growth spurt because I wouldn't let him have thirds on cake.

Flar's Freyja
July 4th, 2003, 02:20 AM
The first one that comes to mind is one of those very inappropriate ones that was so funny I couldn't even get mad.

My ex-husband literally had "truck driver's mouth." When my middle one was around two, his dad worked nights in the oilfield. My son had gotten out of bed and I let him stay up to wait for daddy. He kept toddling back and forth to the large picture window in the living room, looking out the window. Finally, he said "Where is that dumb motherf***?" in the same exact tone of voice that his father would have used :gagged:

amathera
July 4th, 2003, 02:34 AM
Sounds about right.
My middle son is autistic and was very good at parroting things. Unfortunately, he used them in other situations.
He always threw a fit when his father left for work. Well, after seeing the Lion King, he let us know how he was really feeling. He started to throw a fit as usual and then after his Dad had closed the door, he ran over, threw it open and screamed, "And if you ever come back we'll kill you!"
The neighbors loved it.

Flar's Freyja
July 4th, 2003, 02:46 AM
:uhhuhuh: My ex-husband was such a positive role model! :sick: When my oldest was around three, one night after supper he casually said, "Hey, Dad, let's go over to Frankie's and smoke a joint......." :eyebro:

Faery-Wings
July 4th, 2003, 08:31 AM
Oh Freya, that is bad.... :( Aren't you so glad he is not an influence any more?

Last year we were at a party and my son, 6 at the time, says right to hubby's best friend, Hey there you F* -er. Dead silence as the majority of the guests tried to stifle their laughter. We were the only couple with kids and I of course didn't find it too funny.

Then last week he says to me, Mom, are you wearing a mask? You look exceptionally beautiful today. ...Eh? What was that, an insult? A compliment? What did he want from me??

But as for profuound and thought provoking.... My son comes out with stuff all the time. I just can't think of any right now.

LadyOak
July 4th, 2003, 08:43 AM
When my middle daughter was about 6 she answered the phone and my Mother-In-Law wanted to talk to my husband. Shelli said that he couldn't because "Dad and Mom are sexing in the bedroom."
:lol:

Lunacie
July 4th, 2003, 05:40 PM
My five-year old granddaughter has been quite a little pill lately. Yesterday I got so frustrated with her that I told her "If you make that noise again I'm going to knock your socks off!"

"But Gramma," she replied, "I'm not wearing any socks."

I had to turn away and bite my tongue to keep her from seeing me smile.

teyl
July 4th, 2003, 06:07 PM
Adrian, my brother age 5: Tim's sexing paul in the back yard
Me: Adrian, what's sexing?
Adrian: It's when you push someone on the ground and sit on their face :huh:

or picture this, I'm standing out the front of a kindergarten with my little sister Monica and all the kinder mums waiting for my brother...
Monica in her loudest voice : Why are all those Kinder mums so BIG and FAT? (I nearly died)

buttercup
July 4th, 2003, 06:37 PM
When my oldest daughter was 6 she asked me if her dad and I had a honeymoon. I told her that we had and she said, "Well, mom, I know what happens when you go on one of those." When I asked her what she thought a honeymoon was about, she replied, "You know, you get naked and sit around drinking wine."

I just about died laughing! I'm still not sure where she got that idea though.

Flar's Freyja
July 4th, 2003, 10:32 PM
Once when I was shopping for a bathing suit and had all of the kids with me, my oldest, who was around eight at the time, was getting impatient. He began flipping through the suits on the rack and said "Here, I'll help you pick one. What do you want, elephant size?" :fishsmack Definitely an insult, since I actually wore a size 3 at the time........

Another time I was dressed to go out. The youngest was around five. As I came downstairs to get the kids settled with the sitter, he said "Mom, you look beautiful! You look like a cowboy!" :heartthro

WillowSageheart
July 5th, 2003, 02:41 AM
What's this??? An open invitation to talk about my kids??? You asked for it! :lol:

The first was when my daughter was in 1st grade. Her class had a week of drug education, and after school we went to Sears. All of the sudden, she shouts out, "Mommy, you're on drugs!". A hush fell over the entire department and all eyes were on me. I told her that I wasn't and wanted to know where she got that idea. She just kept insisting.

Just when I thought I had it figured out, I explained that when Mommy takes tylenol and such that wasn't being on drugs... it was medicine. She looked at me as if I were stupid and with hands on hips said, "I KNOW that! But you smoke and cigarettes have nicotine and nicotine is a drug.. so YOU'RE ON DRUGS!!!" Needless to say, we left quickly, and I was actually struck speechless.

Now my son, he is a thinker. He very rarely responds to things as they are happening. He thinks about them before deciding what to do (I don't know where he gets that from). Anyway, picture this. My son is 7 at the time, and I'm in the restroom when he comes bursting in with a very serious look on his face and says, "Mommy, I've been thinking and I've decided." Naturally I asked him if it could wait considering I was a little busy at the time, but he said it was important, and I was intrigued.

He told me that the next time he saw our next door neighbor with a beer he was gonna slap it outta his hand! I was horrified at that thought and explained that that would be very rude. And he said "Nope, he gets stupid when he drinks, and he DRIVES Mommy. I love him and he could get crash damage, so I'm gonna SLAP it outta his hand!". It occurred to me then that 3 weeks prior this man had indeed driven home drunker than I'd probably seen anyone be drunk. The good thing was he reiterated this to my friend, and I never saw him drive drunk again.

Kids... gotta love 'em! :)

WillowSageheart
July 5th, 2003, 01:51 PM
Scarlettevixen reminded me - in a very round about way - of another funny my son came up with. Hubby and I were clowning around one day, and he called me a bitch. My son stood up very indignantly, put his hands on his hips and said, "Daddy! I'll have you know she considers that a compliment!"

He was 6 at the time, and we nearly peed our pants over that one!


Gotta add another thank you for starting this thread, and an apology to all those who now have to keep reading about my kids! :lol:

ckynes1968
July 8th, 2003, 02:19 PM
I'm a little uptight when I make cookies; I expect no one to eat any while I'm baking and I shoo anyone away that tries to sneak cookies. One day when baking, my youngest (she was 3 at the time) was bugging me for cookies. I told her she could have one if any "broke". I gave her a "broken" one and she went back to watching her cartoons. About 3 minutes later she is back in the kitchen. She then promptly told me
"Mommy, I like fixed ones too!".

Faery-Wings
July 9th, 2003, 11:30 AM
Ok got a new one my from darlin' boy.
We got to the local beach 3-4 times a week. There is a snack bar there too, but I have a rule that we don't go to the snack bar unless Grandma is with us. That is her special treat. I don't have $10 extra dollars a week to use on ice cream and junk food- and I pack tons of stuff for lunch anyway.

Scott ( 7yo) has been bugging me a lot this year that he always wants to go the the snack bar. He says to me yesterday, "hey mom, what if Grandma dies? Will you take us to the snack bar then???" At first I was appalled! How could he say that? I was insulted that if my mom died, he'd even care about the snack bar. After a while, it did seem kinda funny to me, so I told my mom about it. She roared! Thought it was the funniest thing. Apparently, when my brother was about his age, he asked my Grandfather ( my mom's dad) if he could have his Cadillac when my Grandfather died.
Kids!
:lol:

teyl
July 9th, 2003, 06:45 PM
damon: nanna how old are you?
nanna: Damon I'm very old, I'm nearly 100
damon: oh so I guess you'll be dying soon then?

Gareth
July 9th, 2003, 06:56 PM
About 5 or 6 six years ago, my daughter (who was 2) said the best thing in a restaurant. It's about 6 or 7 at night,we order our food and drinks and proceed to entertain out little bundle of energy. As the waitress came with our drinks, my daughter was looking out the window and saw her reflection. She says,"Mom,Dad look there's my friend.(pause) Hey my friend just called me a bitch!!" The waitress was coughing after that for some unknown reason. :lol:

2 years or so ago, my youngest boy comes in the room with a little pouty face. I look at him and ask what's wrong. He slowly turns and looks at me then turns away, raises his hand and says with authority " don't talka me! " :lol:

LightDancer
July 9th, 2003, 09:12 PM
A couple weeks ago I had asked my oldest (3.5) to tidy up her room, to which she replied whilst striking her most snobbish, royal pose "I don't have to clean my room...I'm a princess" :lol:

My youngest (15mnths) isn't talking much yet, but I think it's absolutely hilarious what a little phoney she is. When she doesn't get her way she drops to the floor puts her head down and says " hoo hoo hoo". And when me and hubby are TRYING to make her laugh, she humors us with a little "he he he" and walks away.

*forces herself to stop talking about her kids* seriously I could go on for hours. :lol:

B*B
Jamie

Ceallach
July 9th, 2003, 10:46 PM
My 6 year old looks at me one day and pats my stomach and asks me "Mom, when is your fat tummy going away?"

One other time when he was about 4, we were in an office waiting and a man walked in and sat near us. My son, Darik started sniffing. A minute later he asks in a loud voice (do they even have any other volume level?) "What's that smell, Mom?" Since I knew the man smelled like fish, I tried to tell Darik to just ignore it. "But mom, it stinks in here, it smells like nasty fish." I again tried to tell him to be quiet. "But Mom its that MAN over there, he stinks REALLY bad! Why does that MAN smell SO bad?" After dying of embarrassment myself, the poor man moved to a different area. The funny part was all the people around me didn't make it easier, they were laughing the whole time!

Great subject!

Aspasia Sariel
July 10th, 2003, 12:26 AM
My son, who is also autistic amathera, is great with echolalia..teehee.

One of his best was while bringing him to school a careless driver almost hit us and I yelled "What the F#(*$". When we got to school, he walked in, everyone said "Hi" to him and he replied with "Hi, What the F#($%, Bye Momma" with emphasis on that special word.

DayDreamer
July 10th, 2003, 08:53 AM
I've always been very open in discussions about sexuality with my boys, and I always answer questions as they come up. Little did I know that it was going to bite me in the behind eventually.

My middle son and I have the following conversation... he was about 9 years old at the time.

Son: Mom... I need to ask you something.
Me: Okay, what is it?
Son: What's a dildo?
Me: Hmm.. well, a dildo is a simulated penis. (mentally cringing)
Son: Oh. Okay. (pause as he thinks). Why would anyone want one of THOSE????
Me: Some people use them for masturbation.
Son: Oh, okay. (pause again as he thinks, and a dawning look of comprehension comes over his face). EWWWWWW... why would anyone want to do THAT?????


This was, of course, at the dinner table... and we had guests. :lol:

amathera
July 11th, 2003, 01:16 AM
I know about that having company and the child does something outrageous thing.
My oldest son (17 now) was about three and we were having company for dinner. Three couples were over when my son comes out of the bedroom completely naked, walks up to me, grabs ahold of his little self and pulls it out as far as it will go. He is very pleased to tell me that it will do other things, too.
I really don't know how I stayed calm. Thankfully I did. He has turned into a great person and I can't wait to tell his wife (if he ever finds one) about it. :lol:

Seren Mara
July 11th, 2003, 04:37 AM
amathera, that self same thing happened to a friend of mine, except my friend was actually getting filmed for a cookery programme in his kitchen - the 'what's in your fridge and what can we do with it' sort of one.

The TV people thought it was hilarious for about five minutes but then realised they'd have to bin the whole tape in case anyone accused them of making child porn... seriously! My friend was mortified!

amathera
July 11th, 2003, 01:20 PM
I know. I took a picture of my son when he was two just wearing his dads huge boots. It is adorable. I got questioned by the manager of the one hour photo before he let me have my pictures.

I think people need to calm down a little.

LadyOak
July 17th, 2003, 03:18 PM
Earlier today, my kids and I were watching an animal show. I remarked at how cute the bunnies were. Shelli(14) said that I think ANYTHING with fur is cute. Sam(12) replied, that must be Dad too. My hubby is a tad furry. I can't wait 'til he gets home!!!! :lol:

amathera
July 22nd, 2003, 01:35 AM
We got a couple more good ones out of Daniel this weekend.

We stopped in Pueblo for dinner on our way up to Denver. We went to a buffet, and after salads, my husband got up to get his regular food. Daniel said "Just STUFF yourself". I don't think he realized that it sounded like he was telling his Dad to stuff it.

He was thrilled to meet his new cousins. A girl 9 and twin boys 11. All the way home it was my cousins this and my cousins that. After a while we just nodded our heads without even hearing what he was saying. All of a sudden he said something weird. I asked him what he had said and he replied, "I was talking about the turtle twins". I asked him what turtle twins were and he said "You know. They are twins but not the same."
OOOHHH!!! Fraternal. We had to pull off the road we were laughing so hard.

~*Ginger*~
July 23rd, 2003, 09:54 AM
Those are all cute....
Set up:
My 8 year old pulls the footstool, covers it with a sheet and they play 'tent' for awhile, then she decides the footstool is a bridge.

Saying everytime she gets up on it, "This is going to be a bridge."
My 3 year old gets on top, and jumps off of it and says she's flying.
Then she gets on top and says, "this is gonna be a bitch"
I just died laughing the oldest comes back in the room, "mom. what did she say?"
"She said, 'This is going to be a bridge" (still laughing)

then, when the oldest gets on the 'bridge' the baby hollers, "Get off my tit!"
LOL
meaning tent.

I laughed all day!
Kids are so funny!

Night_Goddess
July 25th, 2003, 05:29 AM
One morning as we were driving him to kinder-school, my 6 year old asked me, "Why are we here?"
"Well, we are at the corner of ___ and ___ because...."
"No, mom; I want to know why we are here."
--"Why do you think we are here, honey?"
---"To make things better."
"You know, Ian, I think you're right." <big smile>
I'll never forget that moment.
There he was, sitting quietly next to his 2 year old sister, while I drove with one eye on traffic and the other eye on his newborn sister asleep in the baby carrier/seat next to me...
My little philosopher.
He's going to be 23 this year.

13thChylde
July 25th, 2003, 09:13 AM
Yesterday we were getting ready for school/work, and my 7 yo daughter comes into my room, takes one look at my outfit, and says "Mom, you look like a freak." I had on some harem pants, which I have worn on numerous occasions...and we had watched Aladdin the night before.

I said, "Jasmine wore pants like these, what's wrong with them?" Savannah says, "well, they don't look as good on human people, and she wore them with just a bra."

She goes out, then comes back in asks, "aren't you embarassed walking around dressed like that?" Needless to say, I ended up changing b/c she had given me a complex!!

But on Sunday, when we go out for mommy/daughter time, I'm going to wear them and embarass her!!!

13thChylde
August 1st, 2003, 11:10 AM
My son, Dakotah, reallyyyyy wants a dog. Last weekend he bought a "dog care for dummies" type book with his piggybank money, and I told him after he's read the whole thing and passes the test we'd talk about getting a dog.

So, he's read the book each day. I came home from work yesterday, and he asks, "mom, should I get a dog or a bitch?" I said, "let's just start with a dog" :lol:
"but, mom, bitches are much more relaxed than dogs."

LadyOak
August 1st, 2003, 12:22 PM
That is so good!!! He is studying!!!! :lol: :lol:

~*Ginger*~
August 1st, 2003, 05:43 PM
LOL, that was cute!

Today my oldest were singing "anything you can do I can do better".
We had been singing it awhile, i was trying to teach her where to end and where to begin again, and of course we were singing loud.

The 3 yr old jumps up off her chair and says, "Be quite".
We sing a little more and she says,"Be quiet".

I told her we were just singing and she throws her hands out in a pleading gesture and says, "Yeah, but your breaking me!"

It was so funny!

curiousfae
August 3rd, 2003, 12:41 AM
in a parenting class a single mom told a story about her three year old. she starts by saying he would often come into the bathroom with her while she got ready for work ie. taking a shower, going to the bathroom...you know the usual. anyhow, he stayed at grandmas for a weekend and came home and said:
"mama when i get big i dont want to cut my penis off."
startled she replied "why would you have to cut your penis off ?"
"well you and grandma both don't have them" he explains.
she was mortified and quickly explained the difference between boys and girls.
later that day after telling her mother what happend she explained to her dad what not having a man around all the time has left her son to think and asked her dad to take him into the bathroom the next time he had to go to. ya know, give him another view point if you will. her father quickly replied " i am NOT going to show my grandson my penis!"
poor little guy!
your stories have made me smile. my little one is 22 months and just starting to talk. i can't wait to experience some of this stuff (maybe not the embarassing stuff)!
i know when i was little my dad tells a story how i yelled out in a dept store "hey daddy! why does that lady have a beard?" she appently had a full beard! my dad grabbed me up and darted behind a rack of clothes and could'nt stop laughing!

Altheia
August 3rd, 2003, 10:58 PM
Yesterday my neice (8) and my nephew (5) were playing with beanie babies. They both had monkies...they kept playing with them and soon enough it turned out to be an all out brawl...then my neice stands up and screams out "STOP SMACKING MY MONKEY!!!" That's not the end of it...my sister (their mom) took the monkies away from them so they would stop fighting...my nephew being the little persistant one that he is...he goes up to his mommy (who is wearing a skort and a tank top) and yanks up the front of her skort and starts looking around...she looks at him and asks him "what in the hell are you looking for son?" he looked up at her and said..."I'm looking for my monkey mommy..." I almost died of laughter at the sound of that....she just looked at him and said "honey, mommy doesn't have a monkey...." He didn't get it, but needless to say we were laughing pretty hard for the rest of the day.