JeweledNight's journey of self-discovery

[JeweledNight]

I look out towards the night sky and feel your presence nightly. I feel you compelling me to push myself further...to grow...to become the woman I am meant to become. It is both a beautiful feeling and a horrifying feeling...to know that I am a woman that is on the edge of her comfort-zone, about to embark on...life. You know me so well...better than I appear to know myself...and I am eternally grateful for your guidance you continue to give me during these trying times.

[JeweledNight]

Thank you for this morning. It felt wonderful being in his arms again. You never cease to amaze me...

[JeweledNight]

My beautiful, beloved friend has left this Earth after 16 years of love and devotion...my heart aches and my soul longs to see her one last time, yet I know that she is no longer suffering and I thank you for that.

Thank you for listening to my prayers and meditations while she was nearing the end of life on Earth. I will always be grateful that I was able to help her keep calm and stop struggling...with your guidance.

Please bless her beautiful spirit and help guide myself and my family through this difficult stage of adjustment to being without her beautiful spirit and spunk. Make sure that she realizes just how loved she was here on Earth, and assure her that I will be there...waiting to re-unite with her at the Bridge.

So mote it be

[JeweledNight]

I have been so exhausted lately. This should be a happy time in my life. I have been blessed by you with the arrival of Jules into our family. My love has finally returned home after 10 months at school. I have made it through summer classes with flying colors.

Yet I cannot figure out what has brought me this feeling of exhaustion and despair. My life is at a great stage right now. All of the things I had hoped would happen have happened, and yet all I find myself wanting to do is sleep.

I have so many thoughts and feelings I want to express. My sketchpad, graphics programs, and my BOS are all calling me. I want to dream...to express...to create...yet my heart cannot devote the time to it.

I am once again asking for energy and guidance. I long to create...to write...to express...

[JeweledNight]

Thank you for everything. You are so beautiful and so gracious. I feel truly blessed.

[JeweledNight]

Please guide us through. We both have so much on our plates right now. Please help keep us from allowing our own problems to wedge between us, keeping is from the committment and love that we have worked this last year to build. Help him...guide him along the path to employment and security.

I cannot leave this area to follow him yet. I feel helpless. Things are great between us right now...I want them to stay that way. I want a life with him.

[JeweledNight]

Thank you for seeing that I remain strong and that I continue expressing myself. I have so many thoughts and feelings to express. I honestly feel that all of these years of shoving my own thoughts and feelings aside have caught up with me and now I find myself constantly writing, expressing, creating, and dreaming. Thank you for helping me find my happiness in art and writing again. I have truly missed it.

I have found the perfect journal today, and I can't wait to see where I go from here. Life is good right now, and I am very grateful.

[JeweledNight]

I need a better balance. I need to allow myself time to relax. My mind needs to calm itself down before I completely exhaust myself.

How am I to deal with this? With my racing mind? Racing emotions?

How can I handle what Jon is going through if I cannot handle what I myself am going through?

[JeweledNight]

...why has he not contacted me?

[JeweledNight]

Life has been so complicated and conflicting these days. All I want is a little consistency, yet I know that life is inconsistent in itself.