PDA

View Full Version : Child Lying- Making me crazy! What do I do?



Faery-Wings
August 13th, 2003, 08:44 AM
My daughter is going to be 5 next month. And she is lying so much it is driving me out of my mind. Some of it is lying to get out of trouble. This morning, she purposely dropped a bit of her pop tart on the ground so the dog would eat it and she didn't have too. When I called her on it she said, I didn't do it. It was an accident. Of course I saw the whole thing. It was no accident.
Some of her lies are stories- like about her ride ont he school bus yesterday. She tells me that she went to Shop Rite and that the bus driver got out and bought food. Then she didn't go to Shop Rite, but to A and P. Then she went past our house... uh yeah, right Kid.
All I know is that lying is unacceptable in my house...for all family members. Is this a developmental issue? I know that the Tall Tales are, but these are just weird non truths. And what is the best way to get this to stop? I have told her I can't talk to her when she is lying, and hubby threatens her with spanks, but neither way seems to work.

Help?

DianaStormDancer
August 13th, 2003, 08:52 AM
Yes it is a stage all my children went through this stage around 4 and 5 years old. It is a way of taking control creatively and expression. The tall tale lies are VERY normal from my experience, and yeah they can drive ya nutty. I have 4 kids and it didnt seem to be any different for any of them..they all went through this. I just try to listen to them and give as much attention as possible through this stage because in my experience it is bid for selfexpression and a need to join in grown-up conversations. All I can tell ya is try to grin and bear the tales...keep calling her on the blantant lies and take a deep breath it does eventually pass.

Flar's Freyja
August 13th, 2003, 09:05 AM
I agree with Diana, I remember my boys also going through this stage, some more than others.......Just be consistent about calling her on it and she should outgrow it in her own time. Hopefully you'll have some hair left by then............

You might also tell her the "Boy Who Cried Wolf" and any other stories you can think of about the consequences of lying. I haven't looked at children's books in years but I'd be willing to bet you'll find a few good ones at the library.

~*Ginger*~
August 13th, 2003, 09:14 AM
Yep, what they said...

The thing about the stories is that could be a good outlet for her as in 'story telling'...

Maybe get her a pad and crayons and have her draw out a story or a tape recorder so she can hear herself... *just a thought*

Story Telling is a good thing, lying is not...

BethieRose
August 13th, 2003, 09:38 AM
she purposely dropped a bit of her pop tart on the ground so the dog would eat it and she didn't have too. When I called her on it she said, I didn't do it. It was an accident. Of course I saw the whole thing. It was no accident.

Boy, I feel a sense of deja vu reading that!! My dd did the exact same thing the other day, except it was spaghetti for the CATS! And when dh called her on it, she denied doing it. My dd will be 5 in October.

I echo the thoughts above that it is a stage, infuriating as it can be! We call her out on the lies, talk to her to find out if there's a reason for the lies that she can express. Then we make it clear that lies are not tolerated in the house.

We've also been looking for books, as mentioned, and honestly, we take away priveliges (such as watching TV) when we catch her in a lie. We believe she needs to know there are consequences for her actions beyond mommy and daddy being upset with her.

Best of luck getting through this stage! I'll be walking the path with ya!

LadyOak
August 13th, 2003, 12:35 PM
Oh yes, normal! The best way I found to take care of the blatent lying is to be very low-key, matter of fact. I think they lie not only to get out of something but to test boundries and push buttons.

Once when my youngest two were 5 & 7 someone colored on a wall. Of course neither one did it. I told them since the little Sprite who lived in the closet wasn't around they would have to clean it up.

The Tall Tales are another thing. I think they are stretching their imagination, which is a good thing but I still wanted my kids to know that I knew their story was a story.

Hope
August 13th, 2003, 02:01 PM
Well a thought is ----

Kids are brutal --- we have a kid in the neighborhood who is a liar. And all the kids ignored it for awhile and talked amongst themselves about what was true and not.

Now they call him on it, sometimes nice, always blunt, sometimes not so nice. And he is changing in to a more honest kid --- shrugs

love hope

amathera
August 13th, 2003, 02:53 PM
According to my son when he was five, his Dad fell out of a plane and broke his leg. That was embarrassing when the teacher called to express sympathy. Danny grew out of it and so will your daughter. If not, there is always duct tape.

Lavender
August 15th, 2003, 01:04 AM
One thing the child development pyschologist told us is that sometimes a child lies not to tell untruths but they're really trying to change the reality of a situation. For example, she drop the pop tart on the floor for the dog. You know it was done on purpose because you saw her. After she did it, she said it was an accident...not because she's lying but at that moment, she's wishing it was an accident. So by saying so, she's trying to make it an accident to prevent trouble. This realization really helped with our son. Instead of getting mad, we were able to (try) calmly talking to him about the difference of what he did and what he wished the situation was. Although, he's still telling untruths, this helps us to understand him better and was able to deal with each situation.

Flutterby_whispers
August 15th, 2003, 03:10 AM
According to my son when he was five, his Dad fell out of a plane and broke his leg. That was embarrassing when the teacher called to express sympathy. Danny grew out of it and so will your daughter. If not, there is always duct tape.

lol what a giggle lol .. the things our kids put us through!!!

Lavendar .. ya know I think that is a really interesting way of looking at! Totally a diff. side of the box than I have seen and something I will keep in mind!

My oldest boy is 4.5 and is going through the exact same stage and it's driving me crazy .. although I think whats worse is him totally ignoring me .. ugh now THAT is a challenge lol But I know it's a stage that will pass .. and while were here I pray to the goddess MANY times a day seeking patience and smiles lol

Marchosias
August 15th, 2003, 03:32 AM
You can always attempt to correct their lying through good old fashioned negative reinforcement. If I remember correctly, my father would always give me a swift kick in the hindquarters if I had ever lyed to him. Then again, this is a more "nurturing" day and age, I suppose.

Flutterby_whispers
August 15th, 2003, 03:46 AM
I think for some it works .. I was abused by my father so hitting is not in my book it makes me feel uneasy .. I give spankings every now n' again .. but it's for big things & it's very effective when I say he's gonna get a swat b/c he knows I'm serious lol.. However, for me personally, talking and keeping the lines of communication open w/ my child, especially Garrett .. seems to be more effective than hitting .. As he reacts much like I do when hit, I only get angrier and closed off to the person hitting and it's something I really want to avoid w/ my children .. that and it made me feel so worthless when I was hit, not something I want my child to feel.

Now, this is only my opinion and choices I choose to make due to personal past history and knowing how my children are and how they react to dif. forms of punishment. For those parents where spanking works, more power to you ~ I pass no judgement :)

Scarlettvixen
August 15th, 2003, 06:03 AM
having helped raise my 2 nephews and a neice from the ages of 4,3 and 1 i can tell ya some times it never gets better!
they are now collectively 24, 23 and 21 and they still lie constantly about every thing and anything
generally the lies are all about changing their reality to what they wish - but they have never learned that it doesnt work and it rebounds on them!

and believe me we tried everything to stop it

Flutterby_whispers
August 15th, 2003, 10:28 AM
At least you tried, right? :)

~*Ginger*~
August 15th, 2003, 05:35 PM
I think for some it works .. I was abused by my father so hitting is not in my book it makes me feel uneasy .. I give spankings every now n' again .. but it's for big things & it's very effective when I say he's gonna get a swat b/c he knows I'm serious lol.. However, for me personally, talking and keeping the lines of communication open w/ my child, especially Garrett .. seems to be more effective than hitting .. As he reacts much like I do when hit, I only get angrier and closed off to the person hitting and it's something I really want to avoid w/ my children .. that and it made me feel so worthless when I was hit, not something I want my child to feel.

Now, this is only my opinion and choices I choose to make due to personal past history and knowing how my children are and how they react to dif. forms of punishment. For those parents where spanking works, more power to you ~ I pass no judgement :)

I feel the very same way...for the same reasons.

I told my mother just lately that i wish Daddy had not beat on us like he did, maybe it wouldn't be so very hard and guilt ridden to spank my children when they need it, of course there is a big difference between spanking a child and beating them.

Also, i do not like to raise my voice to them, or anyone...it always puts me in a very bad mood, just by raising my voice.
I feel i should be able to talk to them and help them understand.

I do not care for 'spanking' either, but there have been times and those times have helped them to know that they would rather be good and mind, and they know it hurts me to have to do this...

They know where the point is to talking and doing the right thing and where they have chosen over step, by being stubborn...

Mostly they decide to do the right thing, before their time limit is up.
Thank Goodness!

Scarlettvixen
August 17th, 2003, 05:00 AM
At least you tried, right? :)

yes we did!

Flutterby_whispers
August 22nd, 2003, 02:00 AM
Sorry for being so late in responding :)

Flora ~ first I LOVE your avatar lol everytime I see I smile and giggle to myself, it's such a friendly avatar lol Makes me think your a really fun person to be around :)

I totally hear you on the raising voice thing, it takes sooo much energy!!! ANd a bad habit I have .. it's something I work on everyday ~ I think you made an excellent post and somthing I totally agree with:

I feel i should be able to talk to them and help them understand.

also a giggle at this:

Mostly they decide to do the right thing, before their time limit is up. Thank Goodness!

I double the thank goodness lol I so hate getting mad ~ although lately my 4.5 yr old (garrett) is REALLY REALLY REALLY did I say REALLY??? testing me these days lol whew he is a challenge .. although my friend who has 7 children said I get a small brake, all of hers calmed down from 5-6 and again between 8 and 9 and to enjoy it cuz then come the teens LOL Although ya know ~ for some reason while I knwo it's gonna be hard, I am actually looking forward to their teen years :)


yes we did!

*smiles* I've no doubt! lol

Tarbh Nathroch
August 22nd, 2003, 07:10 AM
May not help you but….Friends of mine had a problem with their kid lying. Couldn’t get her to stop. So they just lied to her. Every word out of their mouth for almost two month was a lie. After not going to MacDonald’s, or getting ice cream, the car ride that did end at the doc office, the toy they told her she could have and didn’t get….so on, so on and so on. She got really sick of lying after a bit and saw how much lying bites. Worked for them any way.

Faery-Wings
August 22nd, 2003, 07:19 AM
May not help you but….Friends of mine had a problem with their kid lying. Couldn’t get her to stop. So they just lied to her. Every word out of their mouth for almost two month was a lie. After not going to MacDonald’s, or getting ice cream, the car ride that did end at the doc office, the toy they told her she could have and didn’t get….so on, so on and so on. She got really sick of lying after a bit and saw how much lying bites. Worked for them any way.

That seems pretty drastic, but I guess when you have no other option...

We have been talking about it and we have read the book, Donald Cries Wolf (Disney's take on The boy who cried wolf) and it seems to be better for now. I keep calling her on it when she does lie and she knows she is caught. She laughs and runs away. *shakes head at thought of her as a teen* AHHH!

Flutterby_whispers
August 22nd, 2003, 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by Tarbh Nathroch

May not help you but….Friends of mine had a problem with their kid lying. Couldn’t get her to stop. So they just lied to her. Every word out of their mouth for almost two month was a lie. After not going to MacDonald’s, or getting ice cream, the car ride that did end at the doc office, the toy they told her she could have and didn’t get….so on, so on and so on. She got really sick of lying after a bit and saw how much lying bites. Worked for them any way.

I think for some this could be a good way of showing a chid what lying results in. But I fear that it could also backfire in my face and cause a situation where there is absolutley no trust between the parent/child due to both lieing and neither ever knowing when the parent/child is actually telling the truth.

Am glad it worked for them though :)


We have been talking about it and we have read the book, Donald Cries Wolf (Disney's take on The boy who cried wolf) and it seems to be better for now. I keep calling her on it when she does lie and she knows she is caught. She laughs and runs away. *shakes head at thought of her as a teen* AHHH!

Oohhh I think books are a brilliant of showing a child things, it gives them the verbal as well as the picture to figure things out and show them the laws of cause and effect. And a LOL at your teen comment, man I hear ya!! loud and clear!