Why is Paganism so hard sometimes?

[Faery-Wings]

The last few days, I feel like I am silently struggling within myself. Not with the beliefs or wondering if Wicca is right for me, but something nameless inside. Like I am shaking up who I am and it is taking time for the dust to settle and create the new me. It is not a fun feeling :( I feel like I am becoming so introspective and I am somewhat resenting intrusions into my world. And let me tell you, with a 2 1/2 yo and a 5 yo, the intrusions are plenty! LOL!

Have any of you gone through this? I am hoping this feeling ends soon, but I am thinking it is not- it is going to be a long, self revealing road....

Chris

[clef0628]

I think it meight have something to do with people not liking us for what we are. I feel lonely or cut off from the world from time to time. As long as you got friends you understand you thing will get better. You just have to hang in there. ;) Sometimes, I also feel some of that brain washing that I got as a child is still trying to kick in back there some place. Just stay to ture to youself and you will get thought it soon. Try to do somethings that always makes you happy to try and get your mind off of it.

[Lilu]

I go through this too periodically, sometimes it can last afew hours, sometimes a few weeks, you never can tell.

It sounds like you're re-evaluating some stuff in your life, I you have someone who can watch the kids for an hour, even half an hour during the day or night (or maybe after they've gone to bed, if not!) I would recommend taking some time to sit and meditate, perhaps write about what's been going through your head so you can go back to analyse it, or just take time to think.

If you want to chat sometime about it, email me or PM me :) It can be a difficult time if you are struggling with outside interferences who don't necessarily understand.

*hugs*
Good luck!
Lilu

[Rævyn Cigány]

Originally posted by chryssi1
The last few days, I feel like I am silently struggling within myself. Not with the beliefs or wondering if Wicca is right for me, but something nameless inside. Like I am shaking up who I am and it is taking time for the dust to settle and create the new me. It is not a fun feeling :( I feel like I am becoming so introspective and I am somewhat resenting intrusions into my world. And let me tell you, with a 2 1/2 yo and a 5 yo, the intrusions are plenty! LOL!

Have any of you gone through this? I am hoping this feeling ends soon, but I am thinking it is not- it is going to be a long, self revealing road....

Chris

I really do hear you, Chris...I have three kids myself, and trying to figure out things while they are running around is next to impossible. I found the only time I had to myself (to escape into myself) was at night when the kids went to sleep. If my husband was home I would slip out the front door and go for a walk to the Grove (a huge expanse of natural forest just two blocks from my house) and do some light meditating. I say light meditating because if you get too deep into it, you could get lost (this is all assuming you have a place like that to go to). But trust me on this one, it does receded, this feeling, if not completely go away. The Goddess will help you through it if you only ask Her. I myself feel like the 'dust is still settling' as far as my faith and the new me goes, and I find myself turning to Her almost daily for strength. If you need an ear, hon, don't hesitate to call on me...I'm told I'm a good listener :)

Blessings to you, may the Goddess give you peace,

Rae )0(

[Faery-Wings]

Thank you for all of your understanding This is why I love it here so much. I am going to do a simple circle and meditation tonight and ask the Goddess (again and as always!!) for her wisdom and guidance. What would I do with out Her? and all of you? :)

Chris

[Elaine]

I know that you know that I've been through this feeling before (minus the kids of course!!) :) talking out my feelings always help for me!! That's why I come here....with the way my husband is, I would not still be on my path today if it wasn't for everyone here!! I know it's hard but it will pass!!! You know you can always email me if you need anything hun!! *HUGS* The advise everyone else gave is good advise....I'm going to make sure I remember it, cuz I'm sure I'll need it sooner or later as well....let me know if you need anything....Elaine:)

[widukind]

I know what you mean, more or less... I am surrounded by either strong atheists, or convinced Catholics, who think my religion is evil.

It isn't always a ride in the park, but neither is life, and I enjoy it nevertheless...

Brightest Blessings!

Widukind

[satika]

I understand what you're going through, I only have a 17 year old
son left at home, believe me I have to keep the candles burning.
Meditation helps.
I feel we distance ourselves from others in order to process all
the new information we receive. It's like looking at the world
through diferent eyes, and it's difficult to understand why people
around us can't feel, taste, or touch all the experiences we're
having. Every day there is something new to learn and
think about. Not to mention the vibes we get from others.
So much negativity can really can really bum you out. Gives
you kind of a spiritual rash.
It doesn't matter which path you choose there will be a few
boulders and fallen trees in the way, you just need to remember
that you either have to go over, under, around or through
obstacles on your path, whichever works best for you.
If you'd like e-mail or IM me Lady_drifter7@hotmail.com

Love and Light
Satika

[Faery-Wings]

Hi there Satika and merry meet!

Have you introduced yourself to the Nice Shiny Happy People of the Porch yet? Pull up a comfy cair thingy and grab some lemonade!


I feel we distance ourselves from others in order to process all the new information we receive. It's like looking at the world through diferent eyes, and it's difficult to understand why people around us can't feel, taste, or touch all the experiences we're having

I think you nailed it on this one. Thanks for helping me undertand a bit better why I am feeling this way.

BB!
Chris

[Semele]

Sweetie!!! Big hug for you! It is hard to schedule in time for free flowing energy when you run a house!! I also find the best time at night. Only I usually do it in bed...pretending to be asleep. Works for keeping others out of your hair!! If Trey thinks I'm sleeping he usually leaves me alone but if I am playing with candles and such he wants to be right in the middle of it! Good luck...and don't give up...ever! Some day when we are old and alone, kids grown, cats napping, house is silent...we will long for the interuptions that annoy us now!!

[Lavender]

Originally posted by chryssi1
The last few days, I feel like I am silently struggling within myself. Not with the beliefs or wondering if Wicca is right for me, but something nameless inside. Like I am shaking up who I am and it is taking time for the dust to settle and create the new me. It is not a fun feeling :( I feel like I am becoming so introspective and I am somewhat resenting intrusions into my world. And let me tell you, with a 2 1/2 yo and a 5 yo, the intrusions are plenty! LOL!

Have any of you gone through this? I am hoping this feeling ends soon, but I am thinking it is not- it is going to be a long, self revealing road....

Chris

Hi Chris, I go through this once in a while...it's like feeling you're on the fringe of something or something very important will be shown to you...if you can only find the time & energy to concentrate on it. Almost like catching a glimpse of something profound & beautiful out of the corner of your eyes but when you look, it's not there. The last time it happened to me was about a few months ago. It went on for about 2 weeks & shortly after, I found mysticwicks. I don't know if there was a connection but the feeling is gone for now.

[Armitage]

Don't take it as such a bad thing. Look at it as your belief growing, changing and discarding what doesn't apply anymore. People are always changing, and if your beliefs don't change to fit you then are they really yours?
I try to do this when I start becoming dissatisfied with who I am, or bored with how I have been. I look at myself, see what I do that is stagnating me, and what I should rethink. Kind of like a mental scandisk.

[Wyrdsister]

Hi Chris, and all!

I'm glad that you brought up your feelings here, Chris. When it feels like your insides are shifting around and "the dust hasn't settled yet" (very good way to describe this, btw), it is very easy to feel you are the only one who experiences this. It can be a very lonely feeling if you don't have some form of support network you can call on.

I think the responses to your question can prove that you are not alone! :) I think any spiritual experience or change can stir one's soul, and that feeling is not always comfortable. We wonder "what's happening? why do I feel this way? am I supposed to feel this way?" etc, etc.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Everyone who has posted in this thread (and more I dare say :)) is here to support you and to share experiences with you. "If you post it, they will come," right? ;)

We know how you feel, and we're always here to help!

May the Goddess bless you with love, hope and security,

Wyrdsister

[Faery-Wings]

Your words have meant a lot to me. Paganism/Wicca really forces you to define yourself, your beliefs- everything! After being brought up in a religion that spoon feeds to you what you should believe, then having no religion at all- this is a really different experience for me. And like I said, a bit unnerving. It really helps a lot to know that I am not the only one going through this.

I guess it is not easy for anyone to be a witch alone. It is a good thing we don't have to be ;)

BB!
Chris

[satika]

Merry Meet Everyone:
Sorry I didn't properly introduce myself. I had the opportunity to
sit a spell on the porch back in April, since then I've on the
information super highway, completely lost :) . Seriously
I've been out learning what I could learn. I figured it was time
for me to come back to the porch, and everyone here.
I love the lemonade and the warm conversations here.
I was deeply moved by the content of this thread. I thought
about how my family and friends distanced themselves from
me, then I realized the changes were caused mainly by me,
because I accepted what has always been a part of "me".
Most of my family won't discuss it, only a few friends will.
My children grew up with my... ummm... unique perspectives
so they're ok with it, two are following nearby on their own
paths.
I am an ecclectic solitary witch, hidden snugly in the heart
of the Bible Belt and I've recently discovered our numbers
are great here, through these people I've found that
everyone goes through what you're experiencing, because we
continually learn and adapt, and gain new insights. It's difficult
at times to discard uneccessay and useless closet clutter, btw
that's where the detached, or sifting feeling comes from, and it's
perfectly fine to feel it. Don't let it get you down.
You are not alone. I, along with the others are right here with you.
I'm rambling on again. Sorry.
Love and Light
Satika

[rowan]

Merry meet everyone!

I'd like to thank Chris for posting this thread too. Um, I've only just recently 'found' Wiccan (or did it find me??), and the last couple of months have been hard.

I haven't told my husband or family yet. I'm not sure if I should yet. I mean, I know that Wiccan is right, even this early in the piece. Everything about it feels right. I've read so much and found LOTS of info on the web!

However, in saying that, I have a brilliant friend at work who is so open minded. He is great. He accidentally came across the book by Fiona Horne that I was reading at the time. I wasn't going to say anything to anyone due to the reaction that I kinda figured I'd get from people. But he was really cool. Not critical at all. It kinda made me thought that, hey, maybe there are others like him. But I don't know if I'm ready for it yet.

But a BIG thank-u to Chris for posting this thread! I've just been feeling as though I'm on the outer, but reading all of your wonderful messages has helped a great deal! I can't thank you all enuf!

And you are right. Wicca does make you reassess your entire self. Um, can I, or rather if I get stuck or have a question, is it ok to ask you guys? Everyone sounds way more experienced than I am and I am definitely seeking company!

Thank-you all again.

Rowan

[sherry]

I do agree this must be some kind of self discovery. It seems that we have all had this period in our path. I thought I was the only one to go through it too!

When I realized that Pagan was the right path for me I went through it. Then a friend gives me books about Wicca and the more I read the more it happened. I just could not grasp the ideas as quickly. I decided I would just keep an open mind to the Wiccan ways but study more on the Pagan ways. When I was trying so hard, I could not get anything right. I would try to set aside a time for meditation and get started then remember something I should probably do, and just quit. I felt so scatter brained.

After I left my husband everything was so up in the air, I had no where to turn. I went through the culture shock of moving in with family and the children. It seemed like a simple candle would wake the house up!! And then if my brother in law was around he'd talk about hokus pokus and refused to understand anything I was attempting. The best thing I ever told him was a line from the Movie Beatle Juice I told him " I would go crazy and take him with me!!" So then he started allowing me to meditate in his home!!

If it were not for meditation this move to New Mexico would be harder! I Love Blue, don't get me wrong, But I have left everything I ever knew behind and in one year I have gone thru more changes than I thought possible. I have only been here a little over 2 weeks, and yesterday was the hardest day I have had. I feel like we have known each other for years, and people that know him say the same thing like we have always been together, now everything feels complete. But this town has opened up new feelings for me mostly Lost ones shoot I even carry a map in my purse, cuz I have no clue where in the world I am. Sh*t I can't even find WalMart alone!! The town I am from in Ohio had one red light and I knew everyone, now I can't even understand what they are saying most of the time! I think I like staying here at home better. I learned the path to work, straight there and return home. Then yesterday was payday and yep you guessed it that was messed up to they didn't have my check!! trouble with corporate and the rate of pay I was promised. And the tow truck took my car away again, I do not know why but it will not run here!! I will either become a stronger peson because of the choices I have made or the most dependant wimp anyone has ever known!!

Geesh this got long!! So sorry didn't mean to vent like this I am up early to get my head on straight before Blue wakes up and sees me frazzled!! I feel like it will just take time, and my morning talks with Semele are helping so much!! This also helped so much and I do hope I did not bore anyone to tears!

8O 8O 8O 8O ;) :)

[Lilu]

Hi Rowan, the thing I love about this place so much is how supportive the members can be when you are having a hard time, and even if you're not and just have a question, they are very friendly and helpful! Ask any questions you like :)

And hang in there Sherry, things will work out for the best :)

BB
Lilu

[Faery-Wings]

Welcome back satika! I didn't recognize your name because I wasn't here when you were, but I am glad you came back to hang with all of us. Isn't Blue's lemonade the best? :)

Merry meet Rowan!! I am so happy you found us. As for experience, I am very new to all of this too. But everyone here is so helpful and caring and fun too :p Please feel free to ask any questions you have. Someone will be around to give some ideas.

((((((((HUGS)))))))) Sherry! Things will get easier- you have been through a lot, let alone all in one year. Vent away hon!

Chris

[Ellegon]

I think it has a lot to do with most pagans wanting to do the right thing...its not always easy to do it.....

Just a thought.

Elle )0(

[satika]

Greetings Everyone:
Just wanted to add a little somethiing extra about the different
experience levels. We all walk our individual paths, sometimes
we meet with other's on their journey. For a time we'll walk
together, some will continue until...
We'll learn from each other, heal wounds old and new, mend
a few fences along the way. When one stumbles; anothers
hand will be offered in support. What is so wonderful about
our path is each degree of knowledge has value. Your personal
view on an old idea can bring new life to it. More experienced
eyes can point out stumbling blocks, yet accept the knowledge that
we all have to trip up, in order to learn the lesson.
(Time for a refill, I just love the lemonade)
Let's practice visualization. Can you get this picture?
I'm sitting in a rocking chair, on the porch, shaking my empty glass
with one hand and tapping my staff on the floor with the other
hand, wondering if I'm making even a thimble ful lo' sense.
;)
Brightest Blessings
Satika


You can't know where you're going, if you don't know where you've been.

[rowan]

Thanks Satika. Good point and I hadn't thought of it like that. You're making more than a thimble full of sense!

Sherry? Hope you're feeling ok!

Thanks Lilu too. It is good to know that it doesn't have to be so lonely!

[satika]

MM Rowan:
If you ever want to talk, I'm an instant message away.
I may be a bit ahead or a bit behind you on our paths.
Just remember there is always someone close by.

BB
Satika

[gunner]

hey chryssi, if you're still feeling down grab a sword and let's go kick some rocks on the glory road!

[Faery-Wings]

Originally posted by gunner
hey chryssi, if you're still feeling down grab a sword and let's go kick some rocks on the glory road!

Hey gunner! I don't need to be down to do that- sounds like fun! I'll have to sneak out when the kids are asleep. Can't let them see me doing something that they would get a time out for, ya know :p

C

[rowan]

Thanks Satika! That is good to know. There are so many kind people here. It feels "comfy"!

[satika]

There are a lot of good people here, If I am considered one of them, I'm honored.
Each member of this and other wiccan communities, has an important role to play, whether we walk dreams to heal the sick,
or the wounded spirit, mix a poultice, stir a brew, sometimes the magick is in just being there, when needed. Kind encouraging words from the heart can aid in the most terrible of heartaches, a cool drink and the slightest breeze can refresh the spirit and the mind. Within each of us is the cool drink, the breeze and the restful
presence of spirit, for others and ourselves.
This is not to say that we shouldn't stand our ground firmly
My wish for us all is to meet at the crossroads, visit a while,
learn what we can learn, pass it on to another generation,
The old ways have been silenced far too long, and many of us are still learning.
Even though I'm an old soul, I learn something
each time I interact with other people here. I feel at home here.
and you're right it is comfy .
I got long winded again...
BB
Satika

[Ellegon]

Nay...wise maybe, but long-winded? I think not!

Elle )0(


:D

[satika]

Merry Meet Ellegon: I agree with you that most of us want to do
the right thing. Most of us do the best we can. There seems to be a real hunger, a sense of longing, to teach and to be taught, sadly
history has made us fear each other, some even to the point we fear ourselves. So I speak from my heart, and from someplace
deep into the past, a knowing that is theirs for who will listen.
Each day I see our numbers grow, some are genuine seekers,
those not, will falll aside, making no committment, and that's ok
too, they're on their path.
If I can make a difference, a real difference for just one person,
then my time here is well spent and my life this time round will
not be wasted.
An Ye harm none, do as ye will.

Brightest Blessings
Satika

[Ellegon]

I must totally agree with your assessment, as I have had the honor of helping people make a difference in their lives and becoming happy with who they are and are not...never having had any path to follow and finding one that they know is true. It would be very nice indeed if all peoples could accept our differences and work to incorporate understanding, but alas, we do the best we can.

Light and Blessings,

Elle )0(

[Mairwen]

I think it comes with the Path, like so many before me have already said. Paganism, regardless the branch, forces you to define yourself on your own terms ~ something not many of us are used to doing. Not "stationed" just in the beginning, these dark periods come at different points on the Path, to mark change, reflection, and growth. I have a great paper. Let me see if I can find it. It's relevent to this thread, and I think would be quite appropriate. brb

[Mairwen]

The Dark Night of the Soul
Fra.: Apfelmann


"The Dark Night of the Soul" is the name given to that experience of spiritual desolation that all students of the Occult pass through at one time or another. It is sometimes characterized by feelings that your occult studies or practices are not taken you anywhere, that the initial success that one is sometimes granted after a few months of occult working, has suddenly dried up. There comes a desire to give up on everything, to abandon exercises and meditation, as nothing seems to be working. St.John of the Cross. a christian mystic, said of this experience, that it;

"...puts the sensory spiritual appetites to sleep, deadens them, and deprives them of the ability to find pleasure in anything. It binds the imagination, and impedes it from doing any good discursive work. It makes the memory cease, the intellect become dark and unable to understand anything, and hence it causes the will to become arid and constrained, and all the faculties empty and useless. And over this hangs a dense and burdensome cloud, which afflicts the soul, and keeps it withdrawn from the good."

Though the beginner may view the onset of such an experience with alarm (I know I did), the "Dark Night" is not something bad or destructive. In one sense it may be seen as a trial, a test by which the Gods examine our resolve to continue with occult work, and if you are not completely whole-hearted about your magical studies, it is during this period (at its beginning) that you will give up. The Dark Night of the Soul should be welcomed, once recognized for what it is (I have always received an innate "warning" just before the onset of such a period), as a person might welcome an operation that will secure health and well©being. St.John of the Cross embraced the soul`s Dark Night as a Divine Appointment, calling it a period of "sheer grace" and adding;

"O guiding Night,
O Night more lovely than Dawn,
O Night that has united the lover with his beloved
Transforming the Lover in her Beloved."

When entering the Dark Night one is overcome by a sense of spiritual dryness and depression. The notion, in some quarters, that all such experiences should be avoided, for a peaceful existence, shows up the superficiality of so much of contemporary living. The Dark Night is a way of bringing the Soul to stillness, so that deep psychic transformation may take place. All distractions must be set aside, and it is no good attempting to fight or channel the bursts of raw energy that from time to time may course through your being. This inner compulsion to set everything aside results in the outer depression, when nothing seems to excite.
The only thing to do is obey your inner voice and become still, waiting for the inner transformation, (which the "Dark Night" heralds), to take place. You may not be aware for a very long time of the results of that inner change, but when the desire to work comes again and the depression lifts, the Dark Night has (for a moment) passed. No one can help during this time, and in many cases there is hardly anyone to turn for advice. One must disregard the well-meaning advice of family and friends to "snap out of it" this is no ordinary depression, but a deep spiritual experience which only those who have passed through themselves (in other words to a magical retreat) but for many, as the routines of everyday life prohibits this, all you can do is cultivate an inner solitude, a stillness and silence of heart, and wait, (like a chrysalis waits for the inner changes that will result in a butterfly) for the Transformation to work itself out. There are many such "Dark Nights" that the occult seeker must pass through during the mysterious process of mitigation. They are all trials but experience teaches one to cope more efficiently.

[rowan]

Mairwen, thank-you! You have put into words, exactly the feelings, or lack of, that I have been feeling for the last couple of months. There have been times, that I have wondered, is this right? But there is always a feeling at some point that it still is right, that this feeling of questioning or doubt will pass and to "hang in there".

At times, it truly is as though there is nothing that provide pleasure. And it is sooo hard! I have always been a bright cheery person that everyone could always get the biggest of grins from, but lately.... I'm not the same. There is a change happening and it is kinda scary.

I am continuing to read up on Wicca although I have slowed, as I think I was trying to take in too much at once!!

Thank-you everyone! It gets lonely - or feels it - too and this site is brilliant! Thank u Mairwen for the paper. That is incredibly reassuring and to Satika and everyone else for support.

No doubt, I'll be back again around the traps with a question or 2, or 3 or 4!

[satika]

Mrry Meet
I would say, then that our lives have been blessed. I do not
believe in random chance. We meet specific people at specific
times and for a reason, determining the reason is sometimes
a bit tricky. By staying true to our path and standing firmly in
our beliefs, the answers will usually come to us.
Isn't it amazing how we pick up a thread and follow along. I'm
glad we picked this one.
Thank you for your words, they've strengthened my spirit, and
brightened my day.

Brightest Blessings
Satika

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by rowan
Mairwen, thank-you! You have put into words, exactly the feelings, or lack of, that I have been feeling for the last couple of months.

You're quite welcome. :D Happy I could help.


There have been times, that I have wondered, is this right?

Believe me, I have that feeling often, even though I know my soul is even more entrenched in the Path than I am. (if that makes sense) Hanging in there is the best thing you can do. Three years ago, the Two of Swords echoed my life perfectly. I had a huge falling out with my teachers and had the choice of walking away from everything I'd learned and seeking elsewhere, or striking out on my own. I struck out on my own. It's not been easy ~ but had I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing! It's been, ime, that nothing worth having in life is free or easy. To some people, that doesn't make sense, but life it for a while and it's crystal clear.


I am continuing to read up on Wicca although I have slowed, as I think I was trying to take in too much at once!!

Well, let me ask you this (asking as a Craft Elder). Are you sure that Wicca is the correct Path for you? Just because "everybody's doing it" doesn't mean that it's correct for each and every individual. You have to find your own way.

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by satika
I would say, then that our lives have been blessed. I do not believe in random chance. We meet specific people at specific times and for a reason, determining the reason is sometimes a bit tricky.

Isn't synchronicity an awesome thing?! :D

[satika]

:D Synchronicity, Yes it is awesome. There's more to come.
Mairwen, Thank you for sharing your paper, your insight and
wisdom. It means a lot to me.
BB
Satika

[rowan]

Is Wicca correct? (Thank-you for asking this as it is making me define why it is) Yes, I feel that it is. I was baptised a Catholic and went to catholic schools my whole life, but ever since I was 16 I questioned whether Catholicism was right for me. My beliefs, views, thoughts were no longer "in line" (I'm not sure if that's the term I'm looking for) with those of Catholicism. I didn't like the rigidity, the one-sidedness (this is really bad English isn't it??).... I believed in something but didn't know what.

I was always interested in the occult but didn't know a lot about it. About 3 or 4 years ago I met a white witch. (This is what she called herself and to date, she is the only other person I have met who follows Wicca or even any Pagan path.) She told me a little about it and pointed me in a VERY general direction. I began reading up on various paths and it wasn't until this year that I really started reading up on Wicca, and only because I happened to stumble across a web-site!

I was kinda confused as to whether it was "right", although everything I felt was right, the brain wasn't in sync. It certainly felt more right than anything else I had read about. I know exactly what you mean by your soul being more entranched in the path than you are!

I have only just bought Scott Cunningham's "Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner" after reading some of the other threads at this site. It is a REALLY good book and is making so much more sense.

I'm finding that I am going through a point in my life where I am questioning everything, more than I ever have and it seems as though my head is filled with nothing but questions. And as your paper said, it is like I have been deprived of the ability to find pleasure in anything. However, slowly, the questions are being answered. Some as I read various threads here, some through books, some from what I think/feel. There are still a few questions, although I am learning to be accepting of this having used to feeling so "in control".

I feel that this phase of change is about to pass as I am feeling a lot less confused, more content and calm again. Your paper helped tremendously as I hadn't been able to describe or figure out where these feelings of confusion were coming from (does that make sense??) being so unlike the me of before. It didn't answer questions, but it helped in that what I was feeling was ok.

As for everybody's doing it, um, I was starting to feel as though I was the only one!! :-))))

I haven't met anyone who is on the same path, excepting those that I have 'met' here at this site. I lost touch with the lady that I met 3/4 yrs ago.

Like Satika, I do not believe in random chance. And synchronicity is awesome! I think and I believe that I have found my way, totally on my own, believe you me! And it is great!

Again, thank u Mairwen. For being a friend, advisor and craft elder.

WOW! This turned into a story!!

[Faery-Wings]

Mairwen, I want to take the time to thank you too, for posting this paper. It describes exactly what I have been feeling too. It is a relief to know that this is normal and to be welcomed and expected. And asking you as Craft Elder, how do you know is Wicca is completely right for you while in this Dark Night? I ask because I have stared out studying Wicca because my beliefs fit strongly in there. Also I must admit, I started with it because that is what information is available. I am not sure if it completely right for me of it there is some other branch of Paganinsm that will fit better. I am trying to write my own beliefs and practices and ideals together and it is not easy! (I am sure you know that ;)) I am trying to tell myself I don't need a label, and that is not easy either. Do you have any advice? I am feeling a bit lost and adrift.

Satika- keep on talking! You have great wisdom too and I appreciate your words.

Rowan~ would love to talk more to you. Seems like we are in the same place. Maybe we can talk and help each other out :)


BB Everyone,

Chris

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by chryssi1
And asking you as Craft Elder, how do you know is Wicca is completely right for you while in this Dark Night?

I can't answer that question as far as Wicca is concerned. I'm not Wiccan! 8O But, I can say this. When I was faced with the decision of walking away from my Craft or forming my own Branch, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if I walked away, I'd never be whole again. You just have to keep searching and keep studying and writing and doing everything you can on your own ~ even if you're with a group ~ to find your own place, the place where you fit in. For me, I fit in at the "top" of a group, and it branches down from me. It's not an easy place to be, but this is where Goddess put me. :D

[Faery-Wings]

I can't answer that question as far as Wicca is concerned. I'm not Wiccan!

DOH! I knew that! :o

I think what you advised is what I am trying to do. I am reading as much as possible, books, websites, and here, and using that information as a test against what i believe and what feels right. And hopefully, as time goes on, I will have a better sense of what I need and what I feel to be my right Path. Like casting circles... they just don't feel right. Not so much the casting of energy, but asking the Guardians and the Lady and Lord to be present, the consecration of the space, etc . To me there are always there and I can just talk to them as easily as that *snaps fingers* and all space on Earth is sacred to me. I disliked lots of ritual and ceremony in Catholicism and I don't see the need for it as a Wiccan/Pagan.
*sigh* I think I am babbling again:o Thanks for the thoughts Mairwen.

Chris

[satika]

Greetings Everyone:
I can understand the searching, I searched my whole life for a
place to fit in. I was raised in an Assembly of God and Pentacostal
Holiness enviroment, I've been exorcised, and baptized, all
because I saw spirits, heard them speak, had dreams that scared
my mother more than me, she considered me a thing of evil, and
usually ignored me as much as possible. I hid my feelings and messages because that's what spirit told me to do for my safety.
There's so much I didn't have the opportunity to learn.
Most of my work is done instinctivly.
I also have difficulty casting a circle. I feel it's because I've been
unsure if I do it proper, but when I do my heart is pure, so it must
be the right way...for me.
If one is open to the lesson and the blessings, each of us can be
led to one path or another, we, as individuals choose which path to follow and how far we go. Be true to yourself, search yourself,
accept yourself, when you've done this, you should hopefully
know what path to follow.

Love and Light
Satika

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by chryssi1
Like casting circles... they just don't feel right. Not so much the casting of energy, but asking the Guardians and the Lady and Lord to be present, the consecration of the space, etc .

The Wiccan way/concept of the Circle is over and beyond me. People have sat me down and tried to explain it to me, and I just don't "get it". LOL! 8O


I disliked lots of ritual and ceremony in Catholicism and I don't see the need for it as a Wiccan/Pagan.

Me either, and you're quite welcome. ;)