Athena-Nadine
August 27th, 2003, 02:34 PM
The last two years have been some of the most turbulent years of my life. Things have moved so quickly, and changed so often, I could barely keep up with it all. The last few months are no exception. The only difference is that the last four months have been filled with only changes for the good.
I have never been so happy as I have been the last four months. Mark has been such a wonderful addition to my life—more wonderful than I thought possible. Until maybe the last couple of weeks, I was so happy it scared me half to death. Everything moved so fast between us. We still can’t believe it’s only been the short amount of time it’s been. But we love each other, we’re great together, and we’re happy. For the first time in my life, I’m truly happy in a relationship.
But I’m so stressed out today. There’s just so much going on right now. I miss my heart-sister terribly, now that she’s moved out of state to be with the man she loves. My other heart-sister is moving this weekend. And while she’s moving closer to me, I’m just so worried about getting everything done so she can get herself settled in. Once that’s done, I have to go and get the rest of my things so I can be officially moved out of that house as well. Then I have to break the lease and find people to rent the house. Hopefully, I can be rid of that house by the end of the year. And now Mark is saying that if I’m OK with it, he’d like to start thinking seriously about getting a bigger house, that he’d like to maybe move in April. And this one would have to be big enough, and in the right location to be “home” home, not just another house to live in. All of these things are good things, but even the best things can be stressful. There’s just so much to do and so much to think about. If this were all there is, I’d already be under enough stress. But there’s more.
*…sighs…* In a week from Friday, on September 5th, Mark and I will be flying back East. I have to spend that weekend with his entire family, most of whom I don’t know, because we have to go to his cousin’s wedding on Saturday, and his niece’s Christening on Sunday. I’m just a little stressed out at having to meet his entire family, all at once, though I know it’ll be fine. We’ll get a break for one day the Monday after that, and then on Tuesday we have to go see my family. *…sighs…* I’m so not looking forward to seeing my father again, stuck in bed, hooked up to all those machines. I know he must have his reasons for hanging on after almost a year of this, but I don’t understand how he’s been able to. I hate seeing him this way. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. And I hate that this is how Mark has to meet him, and that this is how he has to meet Mark.
After a couple of days of being with my family, we have to go to NYC that Thursday. That will be Sept. 11th. This, I am more stressed about than anything else right now. The dreams have started again. I suppose I should have expected them.
The closer I get to that day, the more I remember—the smoke, the noise, the fire, the terror, the sadness, the anger, the feelings of futility… And the closer I get to that day the more I begin to remember the past, and what the World Trade Center meant to me. More and more often, throughout the day, the memories of childhood dance in my head.
It takes too much space to rewrite it all, so I'm just going to have to link the original thread I wrote my story in:
http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthre...ighlight=Nallia
Most people expect that the pain and sadness from that day should have faded by now. It hasn’t. The closer we get to the two-year mark, the more I realize that this loss hurts me just as much as it did then. *…sad smile…* It probably always will.
Athene, please grant me the strength and courage to get through the next few months.
Apollo, please help me to continue to heal.
Thanatos, please let the time for my father’s pain to end be soon.
Hypnos and Morpheus, please guard my sleep.
Thank You All for always watching over me.
I have never been so happy as I have been the last four months. Mark has been such a wonderful addition to my life—more wonderful than I thought possible. Until maybe the last couple of weeks, I was so happy it scared me half to death. Everything moved so fast between us. We still can’t believe it’s only been the short amount of time it’s been. But we love each other, we’re great together, and we’re happy. For the first time in my life, I’m truly happy in a relationship.
But I’m so stressed out today. There’s just so much going on right now. I miss my heart-sister terribly, now that she’s moved out of state to be with the man she loves. My other heart-sister is moving this weekend. And while she’s moving closer to me, I’m just so worried about getting everything done so she can get herself settled in. Once that’s done, I have to go and get the rest of my things so I can be officially moved out of that house as well. Then I have to break the lease and find people to rent the house. Hopefully, I can be rid of that house by the end of the year. And now Mark is saying that if I’m OK with it, he’d like to start thinking seriously about getting a bigger house, that he’d like to maybe move in April. And this one would have to be big enough, and in the right location to be “home” home, not just another house to live in. All of these things are good things, but even the best things can be stressful. There’s just so much to do and so much to think about. If this were all there is, I’d already be under enough stress. But there’s more.
*…sighs…* In a week from Friday, on September 5th, Mark and I will be flying back East. I have to spend that weekend with his entire family, most of whom I don’t know, because we have to go to his cousin’s wedding on Saturday, and his niece’s Christening on Sunday. I’m just a little stressed out at having to meet his entire family, all at once, though I know it’ll be fine. We’ll get a break for one day the Monday after that, and then on Tuesday we have to go see my family. *…sighs…* I’m so not looking forward to seeing my father again, stuck in bed, hooked up to all those machines. I know he must have his reasons for hanging on after almost a year of this, but I don’t understand how he’s been able to. I hate seeing him this way. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. And I hate that this is how Mark has to meet him, and that this is how he has to meet Mark.
After a couple of days of being with my family, we have to go to NYC that Thursday. That will be Sept. 11th. This, I am more stressed about than anything else right now. The dreams have started again. I suppose I should have expected them.
The closer I get to that day, the more I remember—the smoke, the noise, the fire, the terror, the sadness, the anger, the feelings of futility… And the closer I get to that day the more I begin to remember the past, and what the World Trade Center meant to me. More and more often, throughout the day, the memories of childhood dance in my head.
It takes too much space to rewrite it all, so I'm just going to have to link the original thread I wrote my story in:
http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthre...ighlight=Nallia
Most people expect that the pain and sadness from that day should have faded by now. It hasn’t. The closer we get to the two-year mark, the more I realize that this loss hurts me just as much as it did then. *…sad smile…* It probably always will.
Athene, please grant me the strength and courage to get through the next few months.
Apollo, please help me to continue to heal.
Thanatos, please let the time for my father’s pain to end be soon.
Hypnos and Morpheus, please guard my sleep.
Thank You All for always watching over me.