Pagan Friendly Adotions?

[Joie]

I'm having a problem conceving. At this point I would rather adopt than go through the prosses of medical fertilty. I can't find any agancies that will except Pagan/Wiccan/ect families. I have found a few that if the mother mets you and likes you you can work out a deal for the child. No way! I've see too many Law and Orders for me to fall for that one!

The overseas program for Korea excepts anyone except overweight (females over size 12) parents.(at least the ones I've found) The other oversees ones are fuzzy and requre mulitable visits to the native country. It would be fine except that my husband is in the US Army and may or may not be with me to go to those visits and they require two parents.

I've looked but it's so irrating. I feel so helpless and alone.

Please rant with me/give support. Any help is welcome.

[mol]

Well, why not just leave that information out of the discussion? I have never went through the adoption process, but I wonder if maybe you are pressing the Pagan issue a bit strong.

[Ben Trismegistus]

I agree with Mol. My semi-pagan next door neighbors just adopted a beautiful baby through Catholic Charities. The topic of religion never came up.

[Joie]

I know that normal couples relgion isn't asked at all but in the miltary it IS asked. Double standard, I know it sounds like i'm doing a 'poor me' thing but that's all we are getting. I'm jealous that your neighbors had such an easy time. They are truly blessed.

[SqueezetheShaman]

I would lie.
Good luck Joie. I know how tough it is when you want a child dearly...I have a friend who is going through it now. She needed a hysterectomy...but went through years of pain and fertility meds. She had to give up, the pain was too unbearable. What exactly are your problems? Is egg donorship something you can look into, or sperm donorship? or are you unable to carry? what about international adoption. money is the only necessity there.

[SylverStar]

What about adopting a child from overseas?

[Amhailte]

Or could you phrase your religion a little differently?

For example, do you have the option of saying something like you "do believe in a God, though you often don't go to church"? (Well you didn't SAY your god was the Christian one... ;) )

Or if you do have to put an actual label on your beliefs, you could try to call it something "nicer" sounding. Even calling your faith something like "nature based spritituality" might sound a lot more harmless to certain people than pagan or druid or witch does.

Good luck!
Amhailte

[Cobalt Cobra]

Hrm, maybe they just didn't mention specific military rules on the requirements pages, but I checked out a few local and overseas adoption sites and none of them listed religion of any kind as a prerequisite, even Bethany Adoption Svcs.

However, overseas adoptions are tremendously expensive, compared to US adoptions, sadly. I looked in to it a few times for myself, and for a child from China it would cost around $40,000. :S

Anyway, it seems kind of um.. illegal for them to place religious restrictions on people for adopting children. Maybe you should check in to state laws, and if the agencies you have been applying with have turned you down for that kind of thing, there may be someone you can complain to about it.

good luck :)

[She-Arna]

It's unfair that they have such ridiculous restrictions on who can and can't adopt. I can understand if someone were sacrificing goats in their backyard and so big they couldn't get off the couch but being Pagan or overweight are both sill reasons to not allow someone to adopt.

It's sad but you may have to lie about your religion in order to adopt. I wish you the best of luck.

[Flar's Freyja]

I worked for the state Division of Children and Family Services in a position that was related to adoptions - part of my job was to help find adoptive homes. I looked at tons of home studies done by the adoption unit......and I've done one comprehensive home study in my freelance practice.

They are not supposed to even include religion, but they do. A family that goes to a Christian church is given a more favorable recommendation than one that doesn't attend at all, especially in this part of the country.

Mol has a point in suggesting that you don't discuss it - but it's likely that you will be asked, even in the roundabout way of their asking about your community and family activities - but it's harder for them to ask you to be specific about which church, etc. - so stay away from detail as much as you can get away with.

The sad thing about this situation is that although there are guidelines that the person performing the application and study are supposed to follow and they are supposed to keep their personal feelings out of it, the impression that the family makes on the interviewer ends up in the recommendation and their personal values will be reflected no matter how professional they are.

BTW - the study that I did was for a private attorney and the family was pagan. I didn't know this when I took the referral. We simply stated that they were a spiritual family and did not attend church regularly.

[gillian_greenleaf]

I'm not able to have kids, and my husband and I contacted an organization online (one you would probably know) that advertised itself as facilitating pagan adoptions. We emailed back and forth for about a week and found out there was a possible connection with a young mother-to-be. Then the individual with whom we were corresponding at the online site just dropped all communication with us. No explanation ... nothing. It was terrible. I don't know what we did or didn't say or do, but it was one more kick in the stomach that I didn't need. I get that same feeling every month when I am again not pregnant. Normally I wouldn't have even used that kind of a service, but I've been feeling desperate. So, be careful not just in a legal sense. Be careful with yourself emotionally too.