Why do I still Love her

[rantnraven]

Even though the divorce is final, and I know I can never go back to her, why is it that I still love her?

Stacy, my "ex", went into ER for an ovarion syst (sp?) on Wednesday. She was kept there for a couple of days because it was deemed life threatening. I didn't find out until this morning when I called to see if I could come over to get some things out of the shed.

She's going to be out of work for about 6 weeks and I ask for you to pray for her - I am. I took her some flowers and a card this morning. I even cooked dinner tonight and froze it so she would have a home cooked meal tomorrow night.

Her mom is here to take care of her but, the old feelings came rushing back - I felt as though I should be there for her. Like it was my job or place, though I know it is not.

I told SAHM earlier that I was over her but, really, what is the definition of that? It's amzing how tragedy can overwhelm a person.

Your thoughts and prayers?

Hoka-hey heya,
Thoma

Guess this goes along the lines of Reds post.
RnR

[Dria El]

Love alone doesn't make a relationship. And love alone can't save one either. And just because you can't be with someone, doesn't mean you can't love them. I don't believe true love truly goes away. Ever. I've loved in the past and those that I've loved, I still love. We just can't be together.

If you need to talk, you know how to get ahold of me.

[clef0628]

It is hard to forget thouse we care for. I was in love with a girl in school. I knew her since 1st grade she was always by my side. When college came we went two different ways and grew apart. I see her from time to time because I happen to like to shop where she works. Even though we have differtences that would make somethings between us hard to work out now. I still get that warm feeling when, I see her smile. And sometimes still worry if I do not see her in the store for a few days. All we say now is hi, and how are you doing? But, deep down inside I still care for her. And I don't think that feeling will ever leave me, even when I move on to other people a piece of my heart will always be hers.

[Semele]

Why ask why???

Why did you love her from the beginning? If you search long enough I am sure you will find those same reasons still in place. Love, unlike other emotions like anger, don't just fade in my opinion, Thank the Gods!!! While you may be better apart....the love remains and that is ok...even good. Love her. Be there for her. Be her friend as much for you as for her. There is never a such thing as loving too much or too many. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to occupy the same house or bed. It is unconditional and has so many levels...all of which are good in my opinion.

I think this is a question we should never ask. However if we "hate" someone then we have to ask why. More times than not the "hatred" stems from a strong love that has caused us pain indirectly. Sorry to be a whitelight fluffy bunny, but that is how I see it.

You are a very loving, giving person by nature....one of my favorite qualities in you. I hope you never change and I hope that you recieve back at least half of the love you so freely give. If you do then you are more than amply loved friend!!

[rantnraven]

To that I have no answer - I know not.

Why did I love her from the begining? Again I don't know.

It was a rainy day in January when I noticed her. I was talking with my friend, Denise, when I first layed eyes upon who was to be my wife. I knew instantly the she was the one. I don't know how but, I knew.

I will never loose that love.

Semele, your words are stong and I thank you for that. One would be foolhearted to think they brought not a tear or two.

Sadly, she will never know.

PS. I will never change. I will always care.

May the Godess walk with you, sister.
RnR

BTW I do not hate - Cannot hate.
Blessings

[Laiste]

I can somewhat relate to your story. My husband and I split up after 10 years. We were separated for almost 20 months. I started having some major health and financial problems and he was always there for me. We eventually got back together. Our relationship is better now than it was before and I am grateful for this chance that we have now. We have been back together for two and a half years now and will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. I'm not saying that you and your ex-swife will get back together, but, there is nothing wrong with you still loving her and being there for her. I'm sure that anything you do for her will help her to see that you still care. Maybe there will be a lasting friendship if nothing else. You have been a part of eachothers lives and should remain so just on a different level. My prayers and thoughts are with you and yours.

Blessed Be,

Laiste

[bluecat]

Okay, time for me to wade in to this little pool.

First of all, I want you all to know that Sherry is the best thing that ever happened to me. My "daughter" and her husband were at the house last night while she was at work and they told me that before Sherry came and moved in with me I was like a dead man walking. My physical problems coupled with my loneliness were really taking a toll on me. I felt as if life had just tossed me on the side of the road like a used up cigarette butt. I was not taking my meds as I was supposed to, because I did not care. Well, that has all changed now and much for the better.

Having given that ground work I want to tell you RnR that it is natural at times to still have certain feelings for someone you shared a great deal of your life with. With me it is what you might call a "caretaker mode." I still help her with stuff, when I can and have genuine feelings that are very hard for me to hide. But we can't stay in the same space for very long without the bad feelings and negative energy boiling up like some Oklahoma thunderstorm.

YOU WILL FIND PEACE like I did, but I had to realize that I was allowed to find that peace and it was okay to feel good about myself. I am saying this because both you and I were in the same boat, BROTHER. You will find a way to move on and find that peace you don't have now. It won't happen overnight and it won't happen until the Universe is ready for it to happen. As I have told Sherry on more than one occasion, there was something broken in the Universe and when her and I got together it was fixed. She has fixed my broken heart just by loving me and letting me love her.

I am telling you these things as words of encouragement to a friend. It will happen and it will sneak up on you just like it did me and give me the most pleasant surprise I have had in a long time. Nature abhors a vacuum and right now there is a vacuum in your heart and spirit. The Universe will repair that vacuum when it can do it right, just don't rush it and be ready to recognize it when it happens, because IT WILL HAPPEN!

Blue :cool:

[Elaine]

True love never dies!! it's a simple phrase, but if you think about it, it really says a lot!! You all have me almost in tears with all of the things your saying!! hang in there...Blue's right, it will happen!! *HUG*

[Tigerwallah]

I have an ex who I once loved very dearly. This relationship lasted on and off for 10 years. Whenever he was in a jam, or ill, etc. I felt that old love welling up and went off to take care of him. In fact, it wasn't really love. It was my, all human's, need to be a care taker. I once read, I think it was Deepak Chopra, that the person who cares for the another is more vulnerable to fall in love than the one who receives the care.

I'm a very strong, confident woman, and I'm the opposite of needy. I spend most of my time alone. Interestingly, though, there was this one day that I was suffering from a terrible cold and lost my voice. I was weak, and fragile that day. I had promised my friends I'd meet them at the mall, and I had other errands to do. Before the end of the day, I had met two different men who wanted to follow me home to "take care" of me, and the ex-boyfriend that I always cared for, was lining up right behind them. This lead me to the conclusion that being needy is very attractive. I took full advantage of the situation :bad: knowing I'd probably never appear vulnerable again.

So, my question to you is, were you feeling these pangs of love before you found out that she was ill? If not, my guess is that you are a victim of needing to be needed. We all miss people who were important in our lives, occasionally, though.

Sometimes, it's a delusion.

Sorry for not being more romantic on the subject. I am not that kind of a girl. :uzi: :heartthro

[rantnraven]

Sorry for not being more romantic on the subject. I am not that kind of a girl. :uzi: :heartthro

Apologize not. I appreciate your candor in the matter. The love I have for her now is less then what it was before. What I mean is that this is like a old sports injury – every now and again something happens that makes it more apparent.

I think it boils down to this: when she hurts, I hurt. I know “we” can never be again and I accept that. Despite that pain and anguish, I cannot stop caring.

Thank you, again, for your candor, it is very commendable. Never loose that trait.

RnR

[Elaine]

unless you never had love for her in the first place it is natural to still care...no one ever said you couldn't care about her anymore ....my ex-husband...I never loved and could really care less what happens to him....but the boyfriend I had right before him, it would kill me if I found out something were to happen to him...(don't ask me why I married the one I did instead of staying with the other boyfriend!! still can't figure that one out:D).what we had was good and my feelings were true for him!! I don't know where we pick up the feeling that just because we are not together we have to stop caring...but I think everyone feels that way at some point!! (I hope this doesn't come off as just mindless babble...I'm trying my best to say what I want to say...but it's 3am and I've been awake since 9:15 yesterday morning...so I really don't know what's going on right now!!!:D)

[Lucidia]

alas, I am young... but I was once more in love with someone than I understood... i was foolish and let him go.. and at one point thought that i'd never be able to move on... but it took a few years... and a lot of deep thinking, but eventually i realized that time had passed, and i still loved him, just in a different way. I realized that I would find another person... and i would love them... but it would be different...

you never truly stop loving someone... at least i don't think so... but circumstances change. and people change... and sometimes it's really hard to understand and deal with.

you're definitely not alone... *big hugs*

[Lilu]

Hi RnR

I think what everyone here has said has been good advice, and great insight into things. My Mum and Dad split up a few years ago, and while they can't live together, I know there is love still there. You just don't stop loving someone, especially when you've invested yourself in a relationship and then it ends.

There are all different kinds of love, you can love someone, but not be "in love" with them anymore, and you can be "in love" with someone yet not be able to live with them, or be completely incompatible in every other area. Like someone said earlier, love isn't always enough to maintain a relationship.

You aren't wrong to still love her, it's a lot better than being bitter and vindictive about it. I think it's commendable that you can admit that you still feel for her. And maybe, even though the relationship didn't last, you may have the opportunity to start a lasting friendship. And good friends are hard to come by.

I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers and hope for a quick and safe recovery from her cyst etc.

BB
Lilu

[Faery-Wings]

RnR,

I don't think I can add any more advice than what you have here- some very wonderful words of wisdom. I can, however, throw in a hug.:) If you are anywhere near as nice and caring in real life as you are here, than I am positive that the Universe has someone in mind to reciprocate.
You show your true self by caring this much about your ex. And I believe that a love like that will always reside in your heart, even if it is not meant to be.

Chris

[sherry]

Was this the lady from Ohio? If so I am sorry and see how your opinion of Ohio women was formed.

I feel so bad as I read your posts and can feel you heart going out in all of it!! I do hope she is feeling better for your sake because I know how it feels when an EX is injured or sick you want to be there for them but at the same time you do not want them to know you care!! It is a vicious turn of events.

Please Take Care and if you need some one to talk to you have all the info!! I do care and will always be here for ya!! After all I been there done that too !!