What do you do??? (Part One)

[Lilu]

Yvonne and I were talking about the possibility of doing a weekly question with regard to pagan parenting etc. Give everyone a chance to either share a story or experience of their own, or to ponder what their reaction would be IF they found themselves in that situation... so here's the first question.

1. Your child has come home from school and is accusing you of being evil because you're a witch, how do you handle it?

[Yvonne Belisle]

Mine actually did this after church. My first reaction shock second anger not at my son but at the church he had gone to. It took a bit for me to calm down and ask him if he really felt that anything I did was evil. I made him stop and think. We had a lot of problems with him putting crosses in his brother's bed for a while and being disrespectful of others beliefs. We had Jahad for a while in the house amungst the children but they seem to have worked it out.

[sylphanie]

Find out who told that to them and beat the person up. ^_^

Teehee. Just kidding.

Well, I suppose it would depend on the age of the child. If they were younger, I'd have to try to reassure them that their source for that information was ignorant and afraid, and then just try to keep them away from those influences. If older...well, presumably they're not just repeating something they heard and actually have begun to believe you're evil. That means they've already developed some religious beliefs that aren't based on your own.

I don't know...how can you try to keep a child away from thoughts you think are harmful, especially if they've already been exposed and found them acceptable for themselves? Eep!

Sylph

[Rævyn Cigány]

Thank the Goddess I haven't had to deal with this, but if I did I would handle it this way....my sons are more Christian than they are pagan, but at this time, they know that their mother is not evil. All I would do is very gently ask them if they think Mommy is bad, or if they have ever seen Mommy do bad things. Seeing as how I know they have not ever seen me do anything bad when it comes to my faith (in fact, the few questions they have asked in regards to Wicca, they have responded quite favourably), I will probably not have to ever defend myself to my own children. They may come home (if their friends find out) and say that their friends are saying that their Mommy is a bad lady, but my kids are not that impressionable, and I feel confident that they will not only come to my defence, but also to their own. They know they are adored by their Mom whether they are pagan, christian or athiest or no faith at all. I'm reading this and realizing that I'm babbling on like a soup sandwich and I don't make a lot of sense! So please bear with me, and I'm sure everyone else will say it a heck of a lot better than I did!

With the love of the Goddess to buoy me...

Rae )0(

[Faery-Wings]

My kids are too little right now to understand that my religion is changing into something not wholly acceptable by parts of society. But they do, especially my son, understand the goodness and love that I try to send out to other people and to nature. I guess I am hoping that this will continue to be instilled in them and they would never be able to perceive their mom as evil. I think I would respond as Yvonne did, and ask them to define their meaning of evil and witch and see if it relates in any way to what I do or am.

I think I am more concerned about how my kids, again, especially my son who seems to have an Old Soul/Pagan perspective already within him, will react if someone should ever happen to call *them* evil. I already can imagine how I will react:smash: JK!
I guess that could be a question for another week!


I like this- really makes you think. Keep the questions coming Lilu and Yvonne!

Chris

[Lilu]

OK. Well let's expand on the topic to include what you would do if your child is coming home and is upset because someone told them that they are evil because they believe in something other than the Christian God.

What do you do?


Personally, I really like the suggestions already made, I think it's important to define what they are being told is evil, and what they think is evil. Another thing that might be useful is pointing out that there are a lot of similarities between Christianity and Paganism (ie. holidays, golden rule, etc.)

It's also important to point out, I think, that people fear what they don't understand. Depending on how old they are, you can find some appropriate examples of this.

Lilu

[Mariposa De La Luna]

I also like the suggestions already made.

*what you would do if your child is coming home and is upset because someone told them that they are evil because they believe in something other than the Christian God. *

My daughter has this wierd, for me at least, "oh well" type of attitude and moves on. she is 8. I don't know if she would take this attitude if someone told her this. Unlike the sticks and stones rhyme words do hurt children especially if they loose friends over them.

So your kid come home and the above happens. First i would explain how they are not evil and calm them down and reassure them. Then I would tell them the next time someone tells them that to ask them "do I look evil? have I done anything evil?" Thier retort will probably be "But you don't believe in God." To that I would have my child tell them there are many people who don't believe in your God are they all evil? I think that would make a child think a bit at least. If said friend will not have thier mind changed I would tell my child I guess they weren't really your friend since they couldn't see who you were and instead listened to other people, you get me I hope?

I think it would be worse if your child's friend came up to them and told them they couldn't play with them because thier parents said your parents are witches or something. Intolerance in not instinct it is learned.

[MammaStar]

This has come up for me & my son. He's a Cub Scout, and in all the books, there is always a section on religon. To get his badge, this achievement has to be filled. This year it was to discuss & get a pin to wear on your uniform. Needless to say, there were not "pagan" faith pins for my son. So I blew that part of it off and left it alone. I am not comfortable around the people at my son's school. There are lots of people who can be a bit, shal we say, High strung. At home, J-man and I talked about nature, respecting the earth and those who dwell on it. We also talked about how some people for one reason or another, believe that if someone doesn't believe in something that they do, that person is bad. I asked him if he thought it was bad to believe in faeries, or not hurting animals or taking care of the earth. He told me "No Way. It's fun." We talked a little more, I told him that some of the kids at school or at scouts may not apprreciate it and maybe we shouldn't say anything outright about it. He agreed, and I did tell him to answer as truthfully as he could if someone asked him about not getting a pin. Luckily for me, the only people who stressed over it were the den mothers and not the kids. It got to a point where I actually shouted at one mom to drop the subject. I continue to support my son in his path of discovery with the scouts. I don't agree with all their ideals, but my son has fun there and learns all kinds of neat stuff. I'm sending him to the local scout day camp again, he loves it there so much. It's all he talks about. So just because I don't actually agree with them 100%, I'm still gonna send him. That's just the kind of Mommy I am. :D :heartthro

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
When the NUNS and PRIESTS told me my father
was a "heathen" and was going to hell because he was JEWISH. I was extremely upset at the time, and even attempted to pursuade my father to convert. My anxiety was enormous, to the extent that I have NEVER forgotten that experience,and have placed it in my personal hall of fame of first hand experiences of hypocrisy,and religious intolerance,and spiritual abuse of a child .
And I also remember how my father handled it, I guess when he realised how upset I was.....
HE LAUGHED,and he said to worry more about the
priests and nuns,than about him, because he was a good person ( which he was )and he didnt think any god would be that small minded,and he hugged me,and took me out for a ride in the car to get some ice cream. He essentially showed me he was the bigger person, and how to see the larger view,and his laughter was very reassuring :>

Love and Light and Laughter
Swannie

[AutumnFire]

I was raised pagan(both grandfathers native american and on granny psychic, the other grandmother was a proudly proclaimed Irish witch and I saw the ignoranc and prejudice she had to endure at times. My kids are all pagan following their chosen paths. This brought to mind a situation that happened to my son when he was young. Being approached by a christain handing out pamphlets on a street corner,
I explained I have my own faith and was not interested and wished him a good day. The man with the pamphlets asked meif I kne the "one, true god". Before I could answer my son popped up and said.
"You ONLY have one god? Must takehim forever to answer your prayers. We got lots of gods and goddesses. I think cause that way they can answer our prayers quicker." My son was young then, but it hushed the person long enough for us to leave.
.

[Swanspirit]

Merry Merry,
What a beautiful story.... I am sure you were SO proud of him ....... awww give him a mommy hug for me ........ LOL
Love and light
Swannie

[MistOfTheSea86]

Can Teens reply to this thread? Their opinions on what they would do if their kids came up to them in the future and said this? I dont have kids, so if I was giving off that inpression I am sorry. But Peas guys can I?

[Myst]

I would hope that two factors would contribute to this not happening in the first place
a) my being open about my Pagan practices
b) my children being confident about themselves and not likely to feel bad because of what other people say

If one were to come home and say "mommy you're bad" or something similar my response would depend on their age. If they are very young (ie. 7 and under) my response would be to tell them that sometimes when people are afraid they think things are bad that they don't understand - just like how a big strange dog is scary even though he might be friendly. Older would mean a response more complex also explaining that people are often afraid of what they don't understand, just like some people are afraid of the dark or ghosts or water if they can't swim. 12 or 13 and up I think would already have some idea as to the theology and principles as well as ethics behind what I do, and how history is always written by the winners, etc.

I just hope I can always instill in my kids the belief that everyone is equal and is allowed to have their own opinions.

I say this, of course, as a not-yet-mother, so excuse me if it all sounds silly :)

[Yvonne Belisle]

There is no reason that a teen can't answer this. I assume from your various posts that you intend to someday have children that just means that you want to be a good parent if you have been thinking about these issues already. Plus you are closer to the age bracket that is likely to come home with this issue and can give better insite into how they would feel.