Feels Like Coming Home: How did you first start on your current path in Wicca, etc. ?

[Traz Heart]

Hi all,

Wanted to start a post were we can tell the stories of our beginings. This being that it will be benificial to those who are interested and migh have felt or do feal some of the fealings we have in the search for our path.

No matter if it is pagan, wiccan, shamen, or any other religion share your beginings, how you found the path you walk now, or even to coment to someone about their story.

[Traz Heart]

Here is mine..


I was raised Catholic (no I wasn't a alter boy!! lucky for me)

Well I never really belived in what they were trying to force feed me in CCD.
CCD was a learn about jesus and guilt thing that you did 2 days a week if i remember right.
You had books and homework and stuff.

So basicaly I was not interested in the least. I allways asked alot of questions and they never gave me answers that weren't faith based.

I did my comunion and all that jazz. This hole thing was to please my parents. A little after that I stopped going to church. Figuring I never wanted to go in the first place.

Basicaly I never believed in how they were telling me to live my life and all. For the longest I saw myself as athiest.


I got interested in the pagan/wiccan way of life but every time I found someone that was following that path they kind of brushed me off. Example a couple of friends were messing around with energy play and when I asked about it they instantly changed the subject every time.

Another example is when I got some books to read and look into but I was stopped again.
A family friend had informed my mother and she got frigtened and hid the books. I found them 3 years later and gave them to a friend to study.

Around 1998 I was coming to terms that I was not athiest and that I did belive in a form of deity. But still was recieving the brush off from people when I tryed to talk to them and get a better idea.

I had my belifs and thaughts and that was all.

I aventually came to meet Kaylara and feel in love with her.

I knew she was wiccan and it never bugged anyone in my family. (They are very open minded and excepting when it comes to religion and on average people)

I was allways hoping to learn from her.
But being brushed off by so many people made me timmid about asking.
When I saw her talking to others and helping others I would think in my head what I had started to think when I was being brushed off or overlooked when it came to the subject of anything occult. I thaught that there must be something about me that people don't want to talk to me about this stuff or teach me anything.

Now mind you I never thaught that Kaylara was brushing me off or anything of the sort. This was just a reaction that had been instilled in me by being brushed off in the past and overlooking that I was not speaking my desire loud enough.

Since then I have shown her that I want to learn and she has taken me on as her student.

And I can say with no dought in my head that just by starting on this path I feel better mentaly physicaly and spiritualy.

Kaylara had told me what alot of people feal when they first start on a wiccan path and it is so true. It does feal like your comming home.

[DanuMoonrunner]

My mother forced us to go to church and Sunday School and Youth group at the church her Grandparents had founded. My Daddy was half Native American and had his own beliefs. She wouldn't allow him to share those beliefs with us, but being the inquisitive mind I was, I watched and learned what I could from him. I remember even at a very young age, questioning the Christian faith, the bible, etc. I always asked the "wrong" questions and was given the pat answer, "Because that's what it says in the Bible." So I started really reading that wonderful piece of fiction, no matter how boring and hard to get through I can usullay finish a book. Anyway, I 'd get the pat answer and then say, "but in this chapter and verse, it says...." Well, of course that always got me in trouble. I never could accept, "because I said." for an answer. After three seperate events turned me off the church, I began thinking I was an athiest because I just couldn't believe in everyone else's idea of God. I knew I believed in some higher power though. I think the turning point for me was when I started to study herbs and healing stones. That led me to other things and eventually... home to Paganism. Since realizing what that meant, I've come to terms with many things in my life and have felt at peace with myself and my world.

[Psyche Ague]

My parents raised me roman catholic. I went to catholic school, was an altar server, was involved in the youth choir, and everything. But I never really believed in it all. I really wanted to, but something held me back. I liked the idea of a benevolent god watching over me, but I never believed in Jesus being the son of god, in heaven, or in hell.

However catholic I was raised, I was taught to accept others for who they were. My mother (my primary role model) is an extremely spiritual person and has a deep faith in her god. But she is so open-minded and accepting and I was raised the same way.

I first heard of Wicca in particular through "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I know it sounds awful, but that's what really started my path into Paganism. I became Wiccan, reading everything I could on the subject, and after reading "Drawing Down the Moon" by Margot Adler, I realized I wasn't really Wiccan.

So I realized I was Pagan. And it was good. ;) I saw myself as more of a Green Witch with extreme Druid leanings. Eventually, I gave up the "Green Witch" title I had given myself and looked into Buddhism and found another true Path for me.

Now I consider myself a Buddhist Pagan. I believe that the Goddess/Great Spirit is Mother Nature Herself. She is neutral/dark/light in one, but I don't perceive Her to be any sort of sentient Being. She represents the Earth and the Elements in one force.

Paganism is my religion. Buddhism is my philosophy.

[Traz Heart]

good to hear from both of you.

And I can relate in a way to teh being forced to go to church part. But luckaly my parents were also very openminded and except me and Kaylara as we are.

[Joshua]

This thread was a good idea Traz.

I was raised in a secular home. My mother is jewish and my father was raised baptist but they did not introduce religion into my life. As a teenager I looked into christianity a little bit but never felt the spark that all the other christians talk about, so I abandoned that. As an adult I studied judaism and was observant off andd on for about four years, eventually stopping because I wasn't feeling the vibe there either, so to speak. I eventually declared myself an atheist, convinced after my (thorough) search that there was no higher power to connect to. I also began to study philosophy, even taking a class in it. A while ago my wife started studying paganism. I shrugged it off like any good atheist, but my wife is smarter than I am and her judgment is much more sound. Also the principles behind pagan belief systems were very appealing to me. So, following her example I began to read the books she had on wicca etc. and decided to try religion one more time. Then I felt the spark. That undeniable feeling you get when you attempt to communicate with the powers-that-be and they communicate back. I was sold and am now on the path to becoming a witch.

My life hasn't changed dramatically, but it's nice to know that there's something beyond the five senses.

[Traz Heart]

This thread was a good idea Traz.

I was raised in a secular home. My mother is jewish and my father was raised baptist but they did not introduce religion into my life. As a teenager I looked into christianity a little bit but never felt the spark that all the other christians talk about, so I abandoned that. As an adult I studied judaism and was observant off andd on for about four years, eventually stopping because I wasn't feeling the vibe there either, so to speak. I eventually declared myself an atheist, convinced after my (thorough) search that there was no higher power to connect to. I also began to study philosophy, even taking a class in it. A while ago my wife started studying paganism. I shrugged it off like any good atheist, but my wife is smarter than I am and her judgment is much more sound. Also the principles behind pagan belief systems were very appealing to me. So, following her example I began to read the books she had on wicca etc. and decided to try religion one more time. Then I felt the spark. That undeniable feeling you get when you attempt to communicate with the powers-that-be and they communicate back. I was sold and am now on the path to becoming a witch.

My life hasn't changed dramatically, but it's nice to know that there's something beyond the five senses.

Good to hear Booleanicus.

[Pesha]

Well let me see, I was born and raised Jewish. I have known since I was a child that I felt peoples feeling very strongly. That if I touched someone, just right and concentrated I could make pain leave. I saw my first ghost at three years old. As time progressed and my empathic abilites grew stronger, I began to feel different and so Istarted as a teen to read books on witchs and empaths. At 19 I was just into the Army OTC and I went in search of books to read. Atthe public library, I actually found Gerald Gardners first book tucked away and the libraian turned out to be a witch. So after many discussions withher, I began my Year and a Day training period into the Craft. I choose Wicca, for its closeness to the natural world. I felt the Goddess and the God to be real in my life. So now I have been in the Craft for......well a long time lol. Nothing really dramatic in my tale. I am who I am.

BB
DS.

[Forgotten Past]

I guess I'm similar to the rest.

Raised roman catholic (my sunday school teacher and preist used to turn away from me because of the questions I used to ask!) and my mom used to throw away any books I bought on the ocult. So finally when I arrived in Portugal I decided to seriously research the "pagan world" and I'm still searching for my path.

[Traknavar]

My first experience with religion was with some Christian church in my town. My parents never forced any kind of religion on me, they rarely ever went to church. But they thought it was important for me to get some exposure.

I was in 1st grade and my best friend's parents and my parents thought it would be good for us to take sunday school together. The teacher taught us about numerous different characters in the bible and right from the start i really didn't believe a word she said. At the young age i was, i already thought that the chances of what they were saying being fact were slim to none. So because i basically didn't pay any attention after the first 5mins we just used sunday school as play time. My best friend and I just ran around being the heathen little boys that we were instead of being good little Christian children. Eventually when our parents found out that we were even worse in bible school than in real school they pulled us out. No punishment or anything, they just realized we had no interest in religion and that was that.

As meaningless as my parents thought the experience was for me, it was actually something that has helped to shape my adult life. That experience turned me away from anything christian for most of my life, viewing it as made up fairy tales to keep people in line.

I first picked up a witchcraft book when i was about 16. I went to a bookstore with one of my friends and he was looking at the book so i picked up a copy of it to check it out too. It was "The complete book of Magic & Witchcraft" by Kathryn Paulsen. It had little to do with the actual religion and more to do with spells and magick. This intrigued me very much. After reading that I eventually started to get my hands on anything to do with witchcraft i could find in hopes of learning how to perform magick.

Well that was about 7 years ago and i have spent many periods of my life 'in and out' of wicca. Never completely leaving it behind but just being more into it at certain times than others. In the past year after recieving a CD full of mp3s of Alan Watts lectures from a friend i have truely learned to become a spiritual being. Learning to incorperate Buddhism, Hinduism
and Wicca into my belief system.

My parents don't really think much of it since they aren't very religious. My Dad has recently starting going to church more often, i think it may be because i have been into religion more so he thinks he should too :lol: They think i'm kind of wierd and everytime religion comes up my mother reminds me that there are many more christians in this world than what i believe so therefore i'm somehow on the wrong path soley because i'm outnumbered :bangyourh But reguardless they aren't very religious so they don't buy into the whole 'if your not christian your a devil worshipper' thing. I think i have made them question it enough to realize that line is BS :) Well anyway i guess i'm pretty lucky i didn't have hardcore religious parents as i don't know how that would have worked out but that's how it did and here i am.

edit: wow that was longer than i intended, sorry if i make anyone's eyes hurt :)

[CelestiaSynth]

I come from a different religious background than most pagans, because I never had one from my perspective, before Wicca. My mother referred to my family as "Baptist" to others, but I believe that was more to present us on the surface as a highly spritual family, mainly to appease the older, more fundemental members of my family that most definetely were.
I suppose my father is Christian, and he's always been lenient with is dogma. I was never forced to go to church every Sunday or told that I should believe in what my parents believe, or else . Granted I was encouraged to go to church on Easter Sunday, but once again, it never had anything to do with what I believed. It was just to please others. That's not to say we weren't spritual people. We just didn't go around inquiring one another on what we 'believed' in a greater sense. We kept to ourselves in that way. Of course, being the dominate religion of this country, general Christian beliefs were always related to me, but I always took them for someone else's beliefs and not mine. I had no deep interest in any religion, althought I was intrigued by religion itself. Religion just came across to me as something else that seperated people, and turned them against each other because of the differences they had. Yet, the idea it seemed behind all the religions I had heard about at that time, was to being people together. Therefore, I didn't want to have any parts of religion at first because it clashed so often with the freedom my personality desired, and questioning that isn't acceptable, and more than anything, my philosophical beliefs. I didn't want to comprise myself as a person, just to believe in something like everyone else. But I did believe in certain things, I just couldn't find anything similiar, until I stumbled upon Wicca. Since I was a child, I had been fascinated by "occult" matters like mysticism, divination, parapsychology, astrology,mythology, witchcraft especially, and etc,. But those things had always been presented to me as 'supernatural' and storytelling fiction made up to scare children to sleep.
It was to be ignored or feared for the larger part of the year until it could be glamorized and exploited moving towards Halloween and forgotten after for Christmas. But I had a much deeper spritual connection to these things than I even had for any mainstream religion which felt so distant and throughly commodified by now. But now I had found something I felt I could relate to, so I started researching it myself. I started out by watching movies and reading newspaper clippings and such. When I realized most of that was superficial matter, I moved on to reading books. Lots of books. And I was pleasanty surprised. Although I had ideals and beliefs that are a key part of Wicca, I had no knowledge that a actual religion of these ideas existed. I was just so wonderful to see that views I had, which were so foreign, misunderstood, or feared most people I knew, were not only in this one author's book, but was apart of an entire community. I wasn't alone after all. It meant alot to me to know that.
I've been Wiccan ever since then.

[Fairywolf]

I was raised in a very religious family. I wasn't forced to go to church or Sunday school but I was told what I should believe and what I shouldn't.

I never believed what people were saying about God and Jesus. I couldn't bring myself to believe that on a whim that God would just wipe out everybody. It has never went over well with me.

About 4 years ago a friend and I were talking and we were discussing polytheism. During that discussion wicca and paganism in general came up. I decided after that to go and research these different religions.

Well here I am :) I am still searching for MY path. I know I am on the right course but I just have to weed out what isn't for me and what is.

[Traz Heart]

Im really happy with how this thread is turning out. Thank you all for posting your stories.
It is another way that we can share with people and let them know they are not alone.

Thanks again.

[Ceallach]

Great stories! I am glad to be able to share.

Unlike most here, I was raised in an almost anti-religious home. Religion was never spoken of for the most part. Good people went to heaven. That's all I knew. I hungered for anything spiritual. I worked at a grocery store as a teenager and at one point I was so desparate for a spiritual life, I began secretly studying with jehovahs witnesses. I would hide the literature they gave me and study at night after everyone went to bed. My boyfriend at the time (who would become my hubby many years down the road) got a bible for me that was made of leather and had my name embossed on it. Well, the inevitable happened and my parents found all the books and bible. They call me a crazed religious fanatic and threw it all away. That was the end of my relious phase for that time. Years later I began attending a church, I then joined the choir and began working there as well. I realized after a few years that I wasn't feeling satisfied, I was always questioning everything and was never happy with the answers I was given. I decided to quit the church and start a journey of my own making. I studied Buddhism, Taoism, the Toltec religion, and finally came across a wiccan book. I felt guilty from the start, feeling I was doing something wrong. I hid it from my husband and would suck in the knowledge, like I was starving. He, of course found out, and told me he would support me in any thing I chose to do. I have been studying wicca and paganism for almost a year now, and I feel more spiritually free and fulfilled than any time in my life prior to this. I am so grateful for this site and the things I've learned. Without it, I would still be miserable. I think I will always be searching and looking and learning. But I think that is what life is all about. At least I know where my home is.

Thank you for the chance to tell my story.

Brightest Blessings.

[Kaylara]

well, by request from Traz, here's my story...

I've always been interested in nature, and also the "supernatural". I was raised with no religion, until I was 12, but my grandparents used to take me to Catholic church with them... My mom always said that she wanted us to be able to choose our own paths when we were old enough to understand, so she wouldn't let us get baptized or anything... When I moved to Florida, my father forced me to become Baptist... But while I was down there, I found a few other friends who had similar beliefs to my own. We soon formed a small pagan coven, and were very happy, until I moved back to NJ.
Once here, I met the man who was to become one of the biggest influences on my life. I was hanging out by the Ocean, and I met Tom, who became my teacher a short time after... And it was kind of a relief finding people who shared my views on a lot of things, and even knowing that there were others out there who were as strange as me... ;)

[MystIc_WolF]

My mom is christian (I don't know what sect exactly, and I don't care), my dad is of the opinion that there is no god and religions are pointless, and my brother used to be christian until he went to a catholic University in Portland, and I used to be christian. My mom never made me go to sunday school, and we didn't start going to church until the beginning of last year. Well, I never really felt like I fit in with christianity or catholocism, I just didn't let myself accept this fact until the middle of last year. Around that time we started studying alternate religions and philosophy in school. Although paganism wasn't mentioned in any form, most of the religions that were discussed made much more sense to me than any Judeo-Christian faith. That summer I was riding around the U District (which is kind of a cross between uptown and downtown in Seattle), when I saw an occult shop, and figured I'd take a look. I left with a tarot deck and a book on the tarot and reading techniques. Somewhere in there it mentioned casting a "magic circle" to help focus the energy of the reading. Well, I knew the author was wiccan (after reading her bio in the back of the book), and I figured if I was going to use something from her religion it would be kind of disrespectful not to have at least a rudimentary knowledge of wicca. Well, the first books I got were "Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", and "Living Wicca: A Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" both by Scott Cunningham, and, lo and behold, IT MADE PERFECT SENSE TO ME! Since then I've been studying and practicing wicca (much to my mom's horror, and disapproval), however I still consider myself searching, as I've found that most religions make about a million times more sense to me than either christianity or catholocism.

[Traz Heart]

Well, the first books I got were "Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", and "Living Wicca: A Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" both by Scott Cunningham, and, lo and behold, IT MADE PERFECT SENSE TO ME!

He has a great way of writing. Great author.
Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner is the first book Kaylara set for me to read up with.
And I must say when you read that book it just flows into you and even by just reading it I felt more at peace then I have in years. It was like a big weight had been lifted off my sholders.

I thank Kaylara all the time for helping me in finding my path. She is not only my fiance, my lover, and my teacher, she is also a dear friend.

[Kaylara]

awwwwwwwwwww *huggles* I'm so lucky to have such a great fiance'!

[Nissala]

I think there is a similar thread here but anyway... I was raised Baptist, went to several churches and tried to live the way mom wanted me to, but there were always too many unanswered questions after reading the bible or attending church that no one seemed to be able to answer. I stopped trying to be what everyone expected me to be and a few years ago started doing some research on the internet into Wicca to see what it was all about having heard a little here and a little there. I also bought and read Scott Cunninhams "Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" and it hit home, it was like coming home. I found that I was very comfortable with this, like it has always been only I did not realize what it was.....I only wish I could meet more like me in my area, I still have much to learn.

[I]*Edited to correct misspellings*

[Traz Heart]

I only wish I could meet more like me in my area, I still have much to learn..

Im sure if you start looking on here you will find someone or more.

[Kaylara]

You can also check out www.pagans.meetup.com (http://www.pagans.meetup.com) or www.witches.meetup.com (http://www.witches.meetup.com) for meetup days in your area... www.witchvox.net (http://www.witchvox.net) is also good for finding people in the area.

[writitive]

Like Ceallach, I was raised in a fairly religious-less home. We never went to a church, never mentioned religion or god at all. I never really had much interest in religion at all, but was always fascinated with nature, magic (when I was a kid I used to pretend I was a witch, casting spells, whipping up "potions", and controlling the wind), and all things "occult". When I got to college, I met a few Wiccans, and started to look into it. At the time, I was still very anti-god and -religion, but I liked the Rede and felt that it represented my basic morals. Fast forward almost 7 years, and I've found myself feeling like I'm missing something; I started reading up on Paganism this past spring, and have recently started taking a closer look at Wicca. I'm finally becoming more comfortable with the idea of a religion and something larger than myself. Since "coming home", I feel so different...so much less anger, so much more comfortable with myself, so much less distrust. What a great feeling!

[Jeleia]

What a great thread, I enjoy reading over everyones experiences :)

I was raised in a Baptist house hold. We would go to church every Sunday, there was no getting out of it, we lived across the street! My dad was the only one who didn't have to go to church. When I got older, I would go on occation, but I never felt connected to Christianity.

One day I stumbled across a Wiccan site on the internet. I started doing more research and finally I started to feel connected with my beliefs and spirtuality.

[Proserpina]

It started to sprout when I'd met Sandra --my friend in early 2002.
She had kept her"secret'' to herself for monthes until finally the point came where when I had gotten a book on weird occult subjects,etc. she mentioned something about her being Pagan.I laughed at first and kind of thought her to be some devil-worshipper(I was much unexposed then to this sort of thing).
All of this is scattered so I'll tell bits and pieces:I once found a paper with herbal talismans/potions/oncense recipes on it in her room.I thought it was silly to slave over so much just to get enlightened or protected.
Another instance she had a candle and suggested that we say a chant and watch until the wick went out.I knew what this was of course.
Yet another instance,we experimented with the Ouija board(which I know is not some child's game to be reckoned with),but still I thought it to be stupid;meaningless;a waste of precious time.Not until I began to realize that nature was beautiful did I come to want to learn more about paganism.The only religion of Paganism I knew then(Sandra's to blame)was Wicca,in particular Green Wicca was a strong interest.
Fastforeword to 2003(iI now live with my father other than my critical aunt and uncle)
Oh crapI have little time to write the rest out.CIAO>

[Skyshadow]

Merry meet. I'd like to tell you my story.

I was raised as the baby of a family of four children in a home with a mother who was Baptist-turned-Presbyterian, and a father who was Presbyterian-turned- Theosophist. When we did go to church, not often, it was to the Bohemian Brethren Church in our primarily Czech neighborhood.

I was able to read Daddy's books relating to Theosophy, and listen to his theories on topics such as astral travel and reincarnation. My sister and I scared ourselves silly playing with a Ouija board, seances, etc., and our house had a resident ghost, Mr. Blade, whose antics included, for instance, throwing things around, closing doors, and turning off lights. I had premonitions, and quite often experienced the "dejas", e.g. "vu", "va", etc.

I was always at the head of my class, seemed to know things without being taught. (Daddy said we brought intelligence and talents with us from the other side.) In high school, I was still in advanced and college-level classes, but started "loosening up".

In my late teens, I was a hippy and a free spirit; I partied, I "tripped", my life was free and easy. I wrote songs and poetry, played my guitar, had a great time, and was comfortable with my lifestyle.

Then I "grew up". I was introduced to a reformed Christian church, was baptized, moved to the home state of the church, married "Mr. Right" who turned out to be an abusive creep, so after eight years of marriage and five children, four of whom are living, I became a single mother; when baby was only five months old. I hadn't been happy during the entire marriage, but, as good "M*****" girls got married and had children, I did!

Well, when I reached middle age, with the children grown, as a single woman I no longer felt welcome at church. Truthfully, I'd been a pariah for 20 years, because "M******" women don't get divorced! And if they do, they're out to get everybody else's husband, so, look out! Keep away!

By this time my self-esteem was gone, disappeared, destroyed by years of abuse. I had no self-confidence and had been suffering from depression for years. I hadn't written a word since my marriage.

So, I stopped going to church, took down all my pictures of Jesus, and the First Presidency, and the temples, put my shelves of books into my closet, and decided to have a drink with my sister when she offered one! I was damned for sure!!

To be concise, I don't know WHAT drew me to Wicca. (But I think the Goddess had a hand in it.) I was just playing around on the internet, found some sites, I don't remember which ones, got interested and bought my first Scott Cunningham book, and I WAS HOOKED! That was only a few months ago, and I've read many, many books, including the all-important "Drawing Down the Moon" and "Spiral Dance", in addition to Buckland, Cunningham and others. I've started gathering ritual tools, and have attended some public circles held in our town. I haven't settled on a tradition yet; as of now I consider myself to be a solitary eclectic. I read and study, then read and study some more, and my Book of Shadows is filled with history, essays, the Charges of the God and Goddess, the Rede, some spells and rituals I've adapted from those I've found in books and on the ‘net, and some basic information on correspondences, astrology and divination-- plus a beautiful color print of the Wheel of the Year on the front.

I feel much more comfortable with myself on my new path. So far I have told only my sister what I'm doing, and she's very happy for me, and is sort of looking into Wicca herself. (She still has my book, "Wicca--A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", darn her hide!)

I'm getting out into nature much more often than I used to. Most of my contact with nature lately has been with my fish, houseplants, and my two cats and my dog, as I live in a highrise apartment building right downtown. But as I've taken to visiting my sister more often, (she lives about three hours north of here) we've been able to get out into the woods, up in the mountains, with day trips to Montana and other amazing natural areas. I've been collecting rocks, feathers, gemstones, and other wonderful earthy objects, oh, airy, too! I found a lovely branch fallen from a willow tree, and made my wand with it.

Although I'm still fighting depression, I'm sure of my path. I only need to get some of my self-esteem back, and the self-confidence that was taken from me during almost a decade of daily verbal, emotional and physical abuse, and during the 30 years I spent trying to pretend I worshiped One God and had a testimony of the divinity of Jesus. I wish I could say I wouldn't trade those years for anything, but, believe me, I would. I think of them as wasted, the majority of my life gone, as I traveled down the wrong path.

Now I feel at home. Please help me feel that I am, help me realize that I'm a worthwhile person, and the Lord and Lady love me. I need affirmation that I am loved. I'm a CRONE, for goodness' sake, and I can't even bring myself to express an opinion or bring up a subject for discussion! I've had some 30 years of feeling nothing, feeling LIKE a nothing, now help me feel like a SOMETHING. Help me find the poetry and music within. With the help of my new friends, and the Lady and Lord, I think I can make it now.

Thanks for listening, and
Blessed be, all.

[Traz Heart]

Now I feel at home. Please help me feel that I am, help me realize that I'm a worthwhile person, and the Lord and Lady love me. I need affirmation that I am loved. I'm a CRONE, for goodness' sake, and I can't even bring myself to express an opinion or bring up a subject for discussion! I've had some 30 years of feeling nothing, feeling LIKE a nothing, now help me feel like a SOMETHING. Help me find the poetry and music within. With the help of my new friends, and the Lady and Lord, I think I can make it now.




Very good to hear from you.
Glad to see you have found a path that feals right for you, and welcome to Mystic Wicks. :floating:

[Hawk Shadowsoul]

Merry meet. I'd like to tell you my story.

Then I "grew up". I was introduced to a reformed Christian church, was baptized, moved to the home state of the church, married "Mr. Right" who turned out to be an abusive creep, so after eight years of marriage and five children, four of whom are living, I became a single mother; when baby was only five months old. I hadn't been happy during the entire marriage, but, as good "M*****" girls got married and had children, I did!

Thanks for listening, and
Blessed be, all.
Former Mormon Elder here, of 13 years. I will e-mail you. At first Mormonism held many attractions for me. As I progressed, I was in the Bishopric, certain things began not to sit very well with me. I had left the church and my ex. My new girlfriend was wiccan and it really felt comfortable. Now I am confirmed Pagan, while not following any particular path completely, Wiccan fits the best.

[lightfairy]

hi just thought i would add a little bit about the beginning of my path to discovery. my mother is without religion and my dad is jewish my parents split after years of arguing and dad left home i was never forced to believe in anything. my gran was a witch and my parents feared her so i used to skip school to go see her my parents tried in vain to scare me with horror stories about witches and paganism but my gran showed me the truth she said i was ''gifted''. when my parents realised what i was doing they freaked understandably as i was barely a teenager at this point. They strictly forbade me from seeing my gran but that didnt stop me i used to sneak out in the middle of the night to preform rites and rituals with her and her friends. then she died and for a while i lost it, wouldnt eat or sleep or anything till she came and told me not to forget what we had had. and not to lose my path. Several years on and i have not forgotten and never will as a promise to a dead woman and because it feels right

[Mindflayer]

Well, my father is Episocal (sp?), my mother is Lutheran, so they're both Christian.

I was baptised under my dad's religion, but

They NEVER took me to church, the only time I went to church was when I was with my grandmotehr (my dad's mom) and that wasn't even for mass, usually just went when she was watching us and had things to do at the church.

I did stay with her for a couple weeks during one summer with my cousins and sister (hehe 5 of us with 1 Grandma...it was fun ;) ) during this time we went to this Christian "Day-camp" (kinda like sunday school, except 3 days a week and only for 3? 4? hours)

I don't even remember anything from that time except the party (free-food!) at the end (shows you how much I pay attention and beleived what they were saying)

Other than that I've only been in a church for her funeral :(, and when I spent the night at one of my friend's house on saturday's (he's Catholic) when I went with him, I did the motions (kneeling, standing, etc) just to be respectful, but I never really payed attention (besides I couldn't even understand what the priest was saying)

For a good chunk of my life I did say that I beleived in the Christian God (though I never said I was christian) until one day when I started learning more about him, a week later I shrugged him off.

at this point, I was anti-religion I was angry towards that god and organized religion in general.

but, I still couldn't deny that I felt SOMETHING (no matter how hard I tried) I started looking around me (at the stars, trees, the moon, the sun) and everytime I did this I felt calmer...especially when I looked at the moon, it was just very...peaceful

I don't know HOW I got to the next point (I didn't search for anything on the subject, and a lot of it just popped into my head spontanesly), but it happened, I started believeing in Nature itself, in the spirit behind nature (Gaia), then I learned that this is what Paganism is about (for the most part), and recently I started learning more about Paganism, and agreed completely!

So, here I am now, DEFFINATELY Pagan, and studying about Wicca (it interest me, but I want to learn as much as I can before making any decissions on wether it's right for me, but so far, it sounds right)

[Sylvan]

When I was about 7, my family decided we needed a new church, as the one we had been going to had lost its pastor (good family friends- they moved to a new state). So we spoke with one woman who had found an awesome new church and encouraged us to go. At first it was great. There was Children's Church, all kinds of stuff. We had dances, parties, and there were interesting things to see at church- people talking in tongues, dancing vigorously in the aisles, being "slain in the spirit"...

The years go by and we are brainwashed. Literally. I grow up repressed and oppressed and wind up with a huge guilt complex and wishing for death. *sigh*

Waco, Texas happened. The local newspaper printed a list of signs to look for in case you think your church may be a cult. It may have been Isaac Bonewits' list, I'm not sure. But KC matched just about every single warning sign. We got out quick, and moved on to another church. I was 16. Click for more info on cult church. :P (http://www.rickross.com/groups/king.html)

The next church wasn't much to speak of- similar energetic-ness in the services, but without the cult vibe.

That's just background, though.

Meanwhile, my dad had gotten sober (finally!) and when he moved back in with us, he brought a bunch of new age-y books. Stuff on crystals, etc. I got caught reading the books and they disappeared.

So I had a friend who did a report on Wicca for a class. It was interesting, but I was still kinda reeling at that point.

The next year, another friend hooked me up with his good friend and we started shoplifting. :bigredblu Not the best idea, granted. But my friend was very much into Jane's Addiction and found out that Perry Farrell had had a Santerian wedding. So we wound up in the New Age/Occult section of the bookstores more and more often, looking for Santeria books for him, and I started grabbing books on Wicca & Witchcraft. I'd flip through them sometimes, and when my cousin asked me if I wanted to attend circle with her and her mom, I said yes.

That was the beginning for me. Since then, I've read all those books and bought and read many many more. And decided that a strict-trad Wiccan path is just not for me, so I call myself a very eclectic pagan most of the time. :D

[Imbrium]

There is a lot more to my story, but because most of you would turn 90 before you finished reading it, I will give you the lazy Reader's Digest version.

I was raised with no conviction whatsoever. My father hadn't a clue what to do with religion and my mother was a searcher, who searched, and searched.....I think that my brother and I were baptized into every major relgious sect in the Phoenix metropolitan area. We didn't stay with any one, but to this day the Mormon's still come a knockin' to see if we need anything. Quite nice of them really. It's been 20 years....:)

When I was about 18 I found Jesus. It was a major change for me because I went through a huge religious epiphany where I met God, shook his hand, became saved, that kind of thing. Unfortunately I was with the wrong person when that happened. My mother in law was a fanatic in the true sense of the word and I was living with her at the time. She introduced me to the power of faith and the difficulty of dealing with a nut who has the power of faith. While I was living with her and my boy freind we had many adventures where she would take advantage of me and I would take it because I didn't have any spine and because she had really backed me into a corner. Those stories would take too long, so I'll just skip over them.

Anyway, its 10 years later and my hubby's going to college while in the Army. We're again living with relatives but this time it's with my mother and things aren't so bad. However, I became pregnant with our second child by accident, and that put us in a huge financial crisis because the military wasn't paying my husband but he was still under contract. ( He was prior service) On top of that, my job fired me because I was pregnant (long story). So he opted to re-enter the Army again, full time, rather than starve his family. Between the time he left ASU and entered enlistment again things were hard, and my mother in law agreed to help us out if we could manage to move to Oregon where she lived.

Now, I'm still big on Jesus at the time, and a fairly forgiving individual. I know that my Mom in Law hasn't really had a chance to see her grandchildren and it seemed like the right thing to do (only temporary, right?)...so....With help from the rest of my family I moved on up to Oregon. MISTAKE! MISTAKE!

As it turns out my in law has badly misrepresented things. She is living on unemployment despite being perfectly able to work. Her nice little house in Portland is probably in one of the least kid friendly areas of town. ( Well, thats what the prostitutes across the street told me.) Not to mention that she left her church for the local town cult. My husband and I immediately had problems with her treatment of my children, and that was actually the least of our worries. Here again I have quite a bit more to tell, but will leave it out until another time.

Anyhow, so here I am, living with a truly abusive person, who is listening to about four hours a day of my favorite preacher while treating me like somthing she stepped on in the gutter. I'm getting bombarded with faith messages and at the same time being called "stupid". While all this is happening I'm getting major surges of empathy and for the first time in my life I have to deal with it. I lost 20 lbs in a month due to depression and what I actually consider a major negative energy overload. Eventually, my politeness disintegrated and I snapped. I blew up and confronted her. I believe my exact words were " WHAT KIND OF CHRISTIAN ARE YOU!" .....And for that she punched me in the schnoz. No kidding, if she wasn't 50 years old, she would have beat the crap out of me. As it was she hit me as hard as she could and as many times as she could before I was able to get control of the situation. After that my husband called my father up and pleaded that he get us plane tickets home because we couldn't afford it.

And so that's what happened. I was living with my mother again, but this time without my husband because he had to report to duty from Oregon. By this time in my life I still believed in God, but had been through too much. I couldn't watch my favorite preacher on tv much less go to church. I had been taken advantage of too much in the name of Jesus, not to mention that I needed to solve that empathy problem that I was having. Now, my mother owns every new-age book in the world, but I had always avoided them because I had seriously believed that they were satanic. However, I knew that the information contained within would help me handle being around negative people and so I prayed about it.....the most amazing thing happened....I got permission. Not just permission to read, but to find out about everything! The same God that touched me at my conversion to Christianity reached out and touched me again. I realized then that I didn't know anything and that searching was not only ok, but the right thing to do. I didn't hear a voice, but anyone who comes into contact with diety knows what I mean. You know that you know that you know, right? ( Jeez, I hope so, or I might just be imagining things.)

After that I found my way in to an eclectec Pagan existence. As for my in law, I'm waiting until the Army moves our household goods out of her house before I cut her off completely.
And that's my story. I apologize for the size of this post!:zzz:

[nomadicdragon]

My path started 5 years ago when i was teaching in the caribbean. I had been drawn to tarot and all things natural.. and one day i started talking with my 3 best friends and we discovered that we had all been interested and we began researching together. Practicing tarot. We performed an initiation spell together one windy night on the roof of my buiding.. it was amazing... we stil lhave a tight bond today.. but it was wonderful having a support group while beginning m y journey.

[helen pickering]

there was no religion in my family only my grandparents and some aunts and uncles, my family was based in italy and my grandparents on my moms side were catholic my dads family unknown. as for me my dad didnt get into religion or god at all, me i was atheis for a while now im just in limbo.alot has happened to me so its hard to find the right path. i was always fascinated by wicca and paganism.i just thought how i felt then was not allowed but now im trying to learn everything i can about the wiccan religion and beliefs.my fathers family is cherokee my grandfather was a medicine man.but i do not know what they believed in. sorry thats all i know :RuNew:

[zakzekezedd]

Feels like coming home is a phrase I frequently use to describe discovering Wicca. I did not grow up in a particularly religious home. In all truth my parents joined the church they did because "it was expected" of my dad by the people he worked for/with. Of course, I was baptised, confirmed, and hauled to church and Sunday school every Sunday until my mom died when I was 16. After her funeral, the family never set foot in that church again. In my late teens I began exploring the Ouija Board and things that are now considered "New Age"..at the time I just knew it interested me. In college, I begin to investigate Tarot. I wasn't consciously seeking anything in the way of a spiritual path, just reading and absorbing ideas. In my thirites I lived next door to a very dedicated conservative Christian family and they were determined that I needed to be "returned to the fold". I found nothing in their Christianity that "felt right". But, I kept being drawn back to the Tarot, and about three years ago something really clicked, I began to seriously study Tarot and allow my intuitive side freer rein. A co-worker was actively Wiccan and terrible things were being said about her because of that. My Libran sense of fairplay led me to come to her defense. I began reading books about Wicca. I found myself reading Scott Cunningham and suddenly things started occuring to me about my own spiritual needs. The more I read the more I realized that there was something in Wicca that satisfied a deep need I had never realized I had until then. I sometimes wish I had found this path earlier in my life, but I also realize that there may well be a reason that isn't mine to know now. So, I suppose I have taken the long way 'round to get where I am now, but it does feel like I've finally come home.

[Traz Heart]

And that's my story. I apologize for the size of this post!:zzz:

Don't worry and thanks for sharing with us all.

[indigo rain]

i was raised a baptist, but in a family where only us children went to church, our parents never accompanied us. and when i made the decision to stop going while my brother still went, it wasn't questioned, only quietly disapproved. i've always had strange dreams, seen and felt strange things, astral projected, and believed in and interpreted signs. my prayers have always been answered, and i always knew there was a god, but i didn't believe it to be cruel, jealous, or to work "in mysterious ways." i've always been fascinated with the unknown, my family calls me, simply "weird." i found the word for my beliefs while watching, of all things, buffy the vampire slayer. willow was going to a "wicca group." i was like, "what's wicca?" so i looked it up on the internet, excitedly realized i believed what wiccans believed and i was not alone, and have been calling myself a wiccan ever since. now, i'm a wiccan shaman in training. Bat came to me in meditation and told me to get rid of my traditional wiccan tools and my bookcase full of books that i didn't even like but felt i should keep because they were books "every real wiccan should have." Bat told me it was time for a new start, a rebirth, and to stop reading and start doing. he led me to shamanism, which i'm training for now with a local shaman, medicine woman, and aromatherapist. i had my first journey just two days ago, and i think i met my guide and my totem. they gave me a message i'm only beginning to understand.

[indigo rain]

I didn't hear a voice, but anyone who comes into contact with diety knows what I mean. You know that you know that you know, right? ( Jeez, I hope so, or I might just be imagining things.)

yeah i know. :) you're not imagining anything.

[Traz Heart]

Well It has been over 9 months since I found my path.
ANd 9 months since I started this thread.

I am learning more and more every day.
I am also starting to udnerstand so many things that have remained a mystery to me.

I know that only good will come out of all the hard work I have ahead of me.

Thank you to my teachers and guides.

[Tzhebee]

It is difficult to explain. I guess you could say I "found" my path (however wide and twisty as it is) by questioning everything. I was raised by my "bible-thumping" Baptist grandmother and my mother, who never really talked about religion. My mother always said it was not important *what* you believed, so long as you believed something. My grandmother had me read the bible for 20 minutes and then pray on what I had learned. But my prayers always ended up being questions.

The more I learned about the God my grandmother worshiped, the more uncomfortable with Him I was. Everything I read was so contridictory and I went to everyone around me for answers. I litterally talked to Morman, Jewish, Episcopal, Catholic, Jehovah's Whitnesses, etc. etc. Looking for anwswers to the "simpliest" questions:

If there are no other Gods, why specify that we can't pray to them?
If God is perfect, why is He so egotistical? I mean creating a whole planet of people just to worship you? Come on...
God has the power to intervene, he "proved" it with Moses and parting of the Red Sea, etc. So if he loves us, as his children, why hasn't he intervened lately?
Why does the bible skip from Jesus' childhood to adulthood? What did he do as a teen?
Christians (typically) get upset when you call "Jesus" Jehovah, yet the bible shows his name as Jehovah in Psalms...what gives?
NO! "It is not meant for us to understand at this time" is NOT an acceptable answer!
Etc. Etc. Etc.

So I questioned everything. Then I started pulling bits and pieces from here and there. Things that made since in my head. Things I could understand. And I formed my own beliefs.
I believe that Mother Earth is my Goddess.
I believe that there is a Heavenly-type place that we may go to when we die. But only after we have learned all that life has to give us, which takes many lives as many different types of beings/plants/etc.
I believe that there is a Higher Power. I don't think that my High Power cares what name I use for them, I can call it Mickey Mouse if I want to, so long as the respect is there.
I believe that "Gods" walked and continue to walk the earth. Gods are what we make of them. For the basketball fans, Michael Jordan was a God for a while.
I believe that you should try to do good by the world and yourself, but you should never turn the other cheek. It just weakens you and gives false strength to the person you turn from.
I don't believe that Hell is a burning pit of pain. I believe that Hell is a vast space of dark emptiness that you sit in and reflect upon your past life so that you will not make the same mistakes in your future ones. Some people never go there, some only stay a day.

I could go on, but I think you get the gist of it. These are things I have believed since I was a young teen. My views on things change as I learn more and question more. My beliefs fall under the broad category of Pagan. It was not until last year that I had even learned what "Pagan" meant. Until that point, I had just dismissed it along with terms like Heathen, Satanism, Witch as stereotypical and "fairy tale".

So now, I travel on my Path and I learn every day. I change my opinions the more I learn. I seek out knowledge from everyone so that I do not have "tunnel vision". In order to understand black, I have to white. I cannot truly learn about something with only one perspective, so I absorb as many as I can and make my own desicisions based on the information provided to me. That is my path.

[frigga]

As corny and fake as I know this sounds, and I know it does, I came from what could be called a family tradition. Growing up my family wasn't like others and I knew it, and accepted it! On family gatherings the women would sit around divineing, usually tarot cards or medicine cards, and talking about the latest sighting of Great grandma Sophie, a matron of the family long since past. Going to the local psychic is a common trip, and everyone has an aloe growing in their kitchen, and herbs in the backyard. Despite the abundance of perfectly wonderful magic possibilities, I am the first to look into it as a religion and bring the gods into it. For the rest of my family, it's well, an alternative lifestyle I guess. I could go on and on at how my families odd ways often made me laugh, or redden from embarassment (nothing like walking in on your parents on the ouija board, naked!). I think the biggest thing that needs to be said here is this, all this great stuff I grew up with doesn't mean squat when it comes to what I know and how close I am to the gods! It does make it easier with telling everyone " Hey, by the way, I'm Pagan, I mean I believe in many Gods and Goddesses and worship them.".
* everyone nods and continues with conversation*
But I have a close friend who knows way more than I do who grew up in a very unreligion orientated home.
So in a nut shell, though I had the perfect environment to nuture a young Pagan soul, I was totally not into it until I myself became grown and looked into my families oddities!

[Equinox]

Hi-

(reposted from similar thread)

So many people have such interesting spiritual histories! Our separate paths can be long and convoluted, but rewarding too. I’ve put my story online - use the link for chapter 1 below. It'll take about an hour to read the whole thing – though you might want to read just chapters 1, 4 & 8 to get a good feel for why I’m a People today.

http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/tjchap1.htm
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/tjchap4.htm
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/tjchap8.htm

I use the metaphor of the wheel to connect to life, the year, and nature:
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/TJPSUM/woverv/wovervhome.htm

Here’s the short version in case you don't want to read any of all that:

Around age 19 or so, I started having problems reconciling my Christian faith with simple logic. There were too many contradictions – like:

“if God made the world and humans according to his divine plan from the start, and he is in control of his plan, then why does the Bible explicitly state that most people will go to Hell? Why would God design things that way?” or

“Most people go to Hell, and those in heaven can see them (in the Bible, gospel of matthew). So even if I get to Heaven, will it really be Heaven if I spend it watching some of my friends writhe in agony for all eternity? Isn’t that really Hell for me too?”. or

“if god doesn’t lie, why does the Bible say that God does lie? (2 Thes 2:11)"

Then I read the Bible cover to cover and saw all the contradictions and problems there, like the different sets of 10 commandments given in different parts of the bible, or the dozens of other undeniable contradictions in the Bible.

I finally decided that I had to find my own spirituality instead of just swallowing the one given to me.

I started to connect with our beautiful earth, and I realized what a spiritual metaphor evolution can be - it connects us with all life by making all of life our brothers and sisters. I realized that we are all descended from people who worshipped nature in stone circles in the Neolithic age. I found a spirituality that is about THIS life, THIS world, and our connections in it.

After a lot of thought and experiences of what I consider the divine to be, I started down the path People Humanism path as described in chapter 8. It has been wonderful! For me it’s a healthy, living, real, and powerful spirituality. :huddle:

A summary of my beliefs (best guesses) can be found linked to from my main home page below.

May the stars light your path-

-Equinox