Losing my mind

[Gala]

I hesitate to ask for help when so many people need help so much more than me, but I am beside myself.

Some of you know my story about my daughter. She won't communicate with me. So I don't know how she is, how my granddaughter is. I don't know how to live without her. She lives on the other side of the country, won't answer my mail, phone calls, doesn't respond in any way.
She is mad at me and with good reason, but I have apologized, and as always in these circumstances it takes two to screw up a relationship. She is not without responsibility. But I don't even care about that. I just want to talk with her and my granddaughter. I want to know that she is ok, that her husband is treating her ok, if she likes her new job. and on and on.
I have done rituals for it. So far nothing.
Not having her is like not breathing, not having a part of me. It consumes me. Yes I have another child and he loves me, but he is happy and calls me. And one child does not replace the other.
When I look back at my life, I see so much that I wish I could do over. I was a good mom but I did many things wrong, either out of ignorance, or some misguided sense of what parenting is. Or to try and keep my kids "friends"
My daughter is making a mistake by keeping her and the baby away from me and my family, What can I do?
I am sick with it all.
Anyway, thanks for any energy you can send. And to all the other people who need it.
Blessed Be

[Hope]

may you both find peace

love
hope

[Witchzee1]

Maybe it's time to let go of it and put it in the hands of the Lord and Lady. They've ALWAYS helped be when I've been willing to give my problems to them.

May they hold you both gently in their loving hands!

Blessed be!

[DanuMoonrunner]

Well. I don't know the whole story, so I can't really comment on this except, are you my mother? I haven't spoken to her for 5 years and she lives in the D/FW area. She said something she shouldn't have about me at a very bad time and I just can't find it in my heart to forgive her for it. She has taken it to an extreme though, by not speaking to my children. I tried to call her a couple times, but she won't return my calls and she has disowned my sister as well, only for better reasons. It hurts everday. I sure hope you can find a way to come to turns with your daughter before it is too late! I'm sure she is hurting as much as you.

[Xentor]

I whish you get all the help you can get, and may your gods be lenient.

A suggestion (you may not like this). You say you write and call and your daughter doesn't respond. How often do you write and call?

How about bringing it down to one letter every month, at a specific day? This way they know you keep thinking about them, without being invasive.

Instead of showing your desperation (and possibly make your daughter feel uneasy), accept for now that she doesn't respond.

Give her time to heal. Take time to heal. Keep contacting her, but at regular intervals.

And perhaps instead of telling them how much you miss them (and sounding posessive) tell them how your month was (and sound communicative). Of course, inquire about their well-being and tell them you love them.

In short: try not to sound desperate and posessive. Try to let go.

[LadyOak]

Xentor has a good point...Maybe back off on the contacts and let your daughter and you heal for a time?

Energy sent...

[FeatherGoblinglimmer]

Healing energy sent for your pained souls. Give your daughter time. contact her by all means but don't overdo it. I don't know what happened between you guys but it must have been big for this to happen. I hope you can work it out.

[Gala]

No I really haven't called but twice in four months. When the hurricane was going to the east coast. She didn't return them. My husband called twice in July and left messages, she didn't return them. I have written to her maybe 5 times since June. Nothing.
And I usually just chatter. About my day. My parents (elderly) etc. Usually nothing heavy.
Thank you all for your energy and thoughts. And advice.
It means alot to me.

[Flar's Freyja]

Everyone's given good advice and suggestions. Just wanted to add that you're in my prayers.

[Gala]

Thank you. And to all who have sent karma, thank you as well.

[Thistle]

(((((Gala))))) You have all the energy I can spare. You're in my prayers every day. I haven't seen or spoken to my daughter in almost a year, either, and it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. I know your struggle and your suffering too well. I hope it ends soon for you. You know you have a standing invitation to PM me if you need to talk, okay?

Be good to yourself, and don't let yourself be completely consumed by all this. Easier said than done, I know. Hang in there.
Love and Light.

[DixieWitch]

Sending energy your way.

[Gala]

Thistle :hugz: you are in my thoughts as well. I think about you every day.

Rowan_firemist, thank you.

I feel all your energy and am trying to heed your advice.
Blessings to all.

[Gala]

I weakened and called and left a message on her machine to call collect just so I could talk to my grandbaby and she won't even do that.
My husband nearly always finds a way to start a fight when I am the most down. Do they do that because they are jealous or what?
He is so good to me all the time... ????
She has a very strong will, just like her dad, my ex-husband...What is worse is that when we fight, it is just like fighting with her dad. And she despises him...
She really doesn't like anybody. Don't want to sound too down on her. I love her with everything I have but being with her is so hard because of her sarcasm, and condescending attitude to me.
She is very, very smart. a good momma, she cares for the environment, and social responsibility. She is funny and very quick witted.

Anyway. Sorry but I had to write. I just don't have any friends but you guys.

[Hoot]

(((Gala))) Positive energy and strength sent - I hope you all will find common ground in your love for one another.

[Hawk Shadowsoul]

Healing energy sent.

[Sylvan]

Energy sent. I really hope this can be resolved, I can feel your pain through the monitor here. :( Nobody should have to live like that.

You say your son is in touch with you all the time, but is he in touch with his sister? Maybe he could be a go-between for now? Maybe not so much "Oh you really need to talk to Mom", but more just letting you know how she's doing and such.

I wonder what she does with your letters when she gets them. Does she throw them out, unopened? Does she stuff them in a box, unread, because she can't bear to throw them out? Does she read them and weep because her pride won't allow her to contact you?

The silence would drive me crazy too.

This is definitely a "let go" time. I know how impossible that sounds. But I hope some peace comes to your life soon....

[Gala]

Hoot and Hawk Shadowsoul. thank you for the energy.
Kurgarra, thank you for the energy. I can feel it from you all.
I feel better today but what happens tonight and what happens on those 1 and a half hour drives to and from work.

Kurgarra, What you said tugged at my heart. What does she do with the letters? What does she do with the cards...
There haven't been very many, I have tried to give her ---her space. But enough is enough. Sometimes I write emails and send them to myself. Just to get things off my chest.
I don't know whether to send my granddaughter a christmas present because will Sterling give it to her?

I am going to try harder to meditate and shake off these feelings. I know I need to let go. I just can't believe it sometimes.

My son is trying to stay neutral. He was the fixer as a child ...always trying to make things right. Now he just stays out of it. But I think maybe if I write him and not try to talk...I get too upset. I don't really want to put him on the spot though.
I might try though..


Thank you all, you help means so much to me.

[Sylvan]

Me, I would definitely send grandbaby a present. If she can read, put a small card in it asking her to give her mommy a hug.

Even if Sterling won't give her the present, she knows you're not stiffing her child at xmas. Grandbaby isn't part of the rift between you two...

And I can so understand Son's not wanting to get involved. Being a Fixer is tough. It would be nice if he'd let you know she's doing ok though (if he knows, that is).

Those drives to and from work- I know how those can go too, even though my drives are only 20 minutes.. Do you have some music you can put on, something you can just rock out to and forget thinking and dwelling? Or maybe you could carpool with somebody and talk during the ride?

Patience, hon. She'll realize that she does need you in her life. It sounds like she's just still hurting...

[Thistle]

Gala, I hope you got my PM.

Your daughter sounds an awful lot like mine. I always have and always will love her, but considering the way she treats me, it's hard to like her. I've sent my daughter a christmas card and a birthday card, and I wonder what she did with them, too. If she threw them out, I wonder if she'll regret it someday. I know what you mean about the e-mails to yourself. I bought myself a birthday card. . .it says, "Mom, I realize I may not have been the easiest child to raise. Looking back, there were probably tiring moments and certainly challenging days. Today I can recognize all the great things you did for me time and again. And I've grown grateful for the person you are and the wonderful mother you've been." I haven't sent it to myself, because on one hand I feel too pathetic already, but then I think, I'm doing what I have to do to help myself get by. One day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. We can get through this. (And I think I'm trying to convince myself of that, too.)

[Gala]

Thistle...send it to her???
I probably wouldn't either. Myself or her.
Yes we can, we just have to have strength. And be resolved to --it's their loss (as well as ours) It is their karma and although we don't want our children to suffer loss or bad karma, we have done all we could.
Now with that being said. It is hard to accept that. But not only will she be sorry one day, but Unity, my granddaughter may even be angry with her for not allowing contact between us.
And also. If we were to talk and communicate right now. Would it be a pleasant experience or just more fights.
Hey I talk tough but none of this will matter tonight when I go to bed.

[Thistle]

Sigh. So true! At one point I told her "Someday you're going to look back on the things you've said to me and cringe." And I know she will. I still cry, but not every day any more. So that's an improvement. And considering the scathing reply I got to a loving birthday greeting, the response would probably just be more nastiness. I tried to teach her that hatred corrodes the vessel that contains it. Her actions toward me feel like hatred, and even though I've been told not to take it personally, it feels *real* personal.
Does it ever make you wonder where you went wrong as a parent? I did my best to guide her, and this is how she turned out, so I am struggling with feeling like a failure. Some days it's better, and some it's worse.
You know, Gala, sometimes you're strong for me, and sometimes I'm strong for you, and so far, we seem to be alternating pretty well. (((Gala))) Keep hanging in there!

[Gala]

(((Thistle)))
You know I would almost rather mine would rail at me, cuss me out, anything but ignore me.
But I am feeling especially down today, got the flu and switched antidepressants, so I am way down today.
Yep we sort of switch roles. That is good. Cool how that works... HUH? :shift:

Love G

[Gala]

Just wanted to update.
My daughter is still not speaking to me. But I can't do anything about it. I feel stronger right now. I don't know about tonight or tomorrow, but right at this minute I feel stronger. I also realize that for her it is a matter of control. She is controling me by not speaking to me.
Believe me she knows what buttons to push.
Anyway. I still need your prayers. Hoping that soon she will soften. Thanks guys. Love and Kisses to all Gala :floating:

[IvyCeltress]

You got 'em!

[Old Witch]

(((((((((Gala))))))))))

[Lunacie]

(((Gala))) and (((Thistle)))

I don't know how old your daughters are or how long they've been living away from you, but all kids go through a phase when they need to flex their wings and fly on their own. My daughter moved out after high school graduation and moved in with someone who was jealous. I only saw her once or twice a year for three years. Boy, those were long years! Finally she realized that she wasn't happy in that kind of a relationship and over the next couple of years we got back to being very close again. I'm praying and sending energy for you to both become close with your daughters again.

[Xentor]

Ignoring is one of the worst punishments. Just don't be tempted to repay it. Keep up a steady amount of (be it single sided) communication.

You stay in my thoughts, ((((Gala)))))

[DanuMoonrunner]

You are right, ignoring is the worst punishment. My daughter called my mother the other day to tell her about the baby. She knew I was sitting right there, but she wouldn't talk to me! I have tried several times, Hawk even called her once, but she won't call me. She told my daughter she's been in a wheelchair for three months and now I'm scared I'll lose her before we patch this up, but what can I do? She's always been this way with me, you'd think she'd grow up at 62!

[WynnJera]

:huddle: Group Hug :huddle:

I am sorry that sometimes us younger kids ( I am almost 30 ) make our mothers crazy .... Sending energy that things will come to an end soon ... Just try and keep the lines open and let them know you are always there ....

Hubby is in a simialr situation with his sister ... she has not talked to him sinse the summer when her hushy bit me and he asked he nice to do something about it as what the dog was doing was against city bylaws ... well now she flat out will not talk to us anymore .. he just had a birthday no card not phone call .... in Canada we had ourThankgiving and they refused to come cuz we were there .... Jason as some of you might know is ill and has been waiting for about a year and a 1/2 for a heart transplant and in a heart failure right now ... his is dying ... he is getting weaker and weaker everyday and we have made every attempt tp keep the lines open and hims sister keeps dumping all over him just cuz she can not control her dog and it bites ..... unfortunatly guilt is a very powerful thing but it only tends to work if you have a soul :lol: <------ insert sarcasm :lol:

[Gala]

Wow!!! alot of us need family counseling-- don't we?

Lunacie, It is just the one daughter, but she also has the granddaughter that she won't let me talk to.

Xentor, No I write to her a couple time a month, I just don't know if she reads it. I try to stick to day to day events. Nothing too heavy.

Danu, sorry I didn't know. It is such a hard thing to live with.

Wynn, I didn't talk to my brother once for nine months, he was drunk and screaming at my daughter, so for her sake I was angry at my brother. Now .... anyway.

We will all be strong together.

Thank you all :huddle:. Lets use this thread to try and get our families straight.
Gotta go finish up lunch.. Blessed Be.

[Thistle]

Maybe we could get group rates on that family counseling! Using this thread to support one another and get our families straight is a great idea! Count me in for sure.

Gala, I'm so glad you're feeling better. So am I. All the support here has been such a help.

Lunacie, thanks. I appreciate that. My daughter's 22, and an only child, which may contribute to her "spoiled brat" tendencies. Her situation sounds a lot like the one your daughter was in, so your story really gives me hope.

Danu, not you too! I wish I knew what to suggest besides to hang in there.

Xentor, what you said about keeping in contact even if it's one-sided is the way I'm thinking, too, even though most everyone else I've talked to disagrees.

WynnJera, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. This must be hard enough for you without the extra guff from your husband's sister. I wish there was a way to get her to make peace. If Jason doesn't make it, she'll regret it for the rest of her life.

Hugs to all.

[Gala]

((((((((((((Thistle))))))))))))))))))))

[WynnJera]

((((((((((((Thistle))))))))))))))))))))

:huddle:

You hit the nail right in the head ... his teenage sister is who right now to be self absorbed and all into her friends and like all " WHATEVER " :lol: is going to movies with him and she bought him a birthday card and even put 20 bucks in ... all she does is baby-sit and to a teenager 20 bucks it alot of money .... I think she realizes more than the older sister that Jason might not make it and she wants to spend as much time and make what memories they have count ... we went over there for a b-day dinner and played a game called Mexican train and instead of taking off after dinner she played with us .... Jenn and her hubby did not even show up ... but were more than willing to come over when they noticed they left a baby bottle over there and they live 5 blacks away but do you think she would come in ........ hell no .... she made Jason's little sis bring it to the car ... very selfish and childish ... but I look at it this way .... Julie the younger one is spending more time with him as I really think she understand he might not make it .... he might not ... right now his heart it functioning at 7% .... now heart ever works at 100 % but he really needs a new one but by the time a match come he might now be strong enough to make it the operation but it is a change we take .... we loose him to heart failure in the end or loose in trying to save his life from heart failure ... rock and a hard place .... if Jason does not make it and Jenn is is still refusing to talk will him ... even after everything we have done ... her b-day was in late Aug ... we sent a card with lotto tickets as we do for everyone ... no thankyou call ... nothing ... we do not want to stoop to her level and ingore her but at the same point there is only so many times you can kick a dog when it is down before it will not get up anymore .... you are right Goddess forbid Jason is taken away from me she will have to live with her guilt of turning her back on her brother ... pretty sad thet the younger sister gets it and the older one is clueless :huddle:

[Xentor]

((((WynnJera)))) Energy sent for you, your family and Jason in particular.

[WynnJera]

:huddle: Xentor :huddle:

Love ya loads :)

Gala sorry for the :fofftopic in your thread hun ... I really hope things work out with your daughter and grand-daughter .....

Just seems all families have little rifts for some reason or another ....

still sending energy that all works out :)

[Lunacie]

My sister has two daughters who don't speak to her and two granddaughters she never gets to see. They believed all the horrid things their daddy told them about her when he divorced her. One of her sons-in-law would like for his daughter to be able to see both her grandmothers, but he can't seem to make my niece lighten up or forgive my sister. The other gramma lives only a block away from my sister and she takes their granddaughter for walks around the block, hoping that my sister will be outside and can at least see her granddaughter and keep track of how much she's growing.

To make a sad story even sadder, the youngest daughter and her family have moved several hundred miles away and now my sister doesn't get to see that grandchild either. It all just breaks my heart. And on top of it all, my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer over the summer and has been going through chemo without her own family there to support her.

It makes me think twice about whining about my own problems, that's for sure. Oh, I still whine at times, but it does put things into perspective.

[mothwench]

oh, i wish i'd seen this thread sooner! you're family sounds just like mine... don't worry too much about asking your son- the amount of times my brother has saved the family by acting as a mediator between me and my parents! we would not be talking to each other had it not been for him. and he's never said anything about being put on the spot or feeling awkward. i'll ask him if you want, he's coming to visit on thursday.
best wishes

[mothwench]

just reading other peoples' stories here. wynnjera, i admire your strength. ((((hugs))))

[eneurian]

sorry for being a johnny come lately... i've read your whole post and i empathize with all in pain. i've been there for about thirty years now. i've just found that my son is on the Autistic Spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome). it was such a relief to learn that it wasn't either of our fault. he simply doesn't process emotion the way 'normals' do. this information has taken the onus off of us both. we've practically stopped fighting. the disability still causes grief and stress but we aren't blaming each other and ourselves anymore.
i know this sounds off topic, since i ramble but if there's anyway to determine if a similar casue pertains to your situations it might help. the reason for the last fight is not necessarily the cause of the rift between you.
i send peace and harmony to all. and most of all energy to endure. goodness knows we all need that...
love always,
eneurian

[Gala]

:huddle: Xentor :huddle:

Love ya loads :)

Gala sorry for the :fofftopic in your thread hun ... I really hope things work out with your daughter and grand-daughter .....

Just seems all families have little rifts for some reason or another ....

still sending energy that all works out :)

HEY Wynn Jera, don't worry about it. We all need to talk about this stuff and frankly, it has helped me to know that I am not the Lone Ranger. I mean I am sorry for all your troubles, but at least I know I'm not a freak mother or something.

Mothwrench, Thanks! I did ask my son to at least find out some facts...is she ok, does she like her new job... just little things, I am sure he'll do it.

Eneurian: I can imagine your relief. This in no way compares, but at the age of 38 I found out that all the problems I'd had all my life were due to panic disorder. You can't imagine how much it helped me to know that I wasn't headed for the loony bin... :hehehehe:
But seriously. Just knowing, like I said above, that others are out there like you. Make all the difference.

Keep talking peeps... We can only help each other...

Big HUGZ to everyone...

[Gala]

"you are right Goddess forbid Jason is taken away from me she will have to live with her guilt of turning her back on her brother ... pretty sad thet the younger sister gets it and the older one is clueless :huddle:[/QUOTE]" quote from WynnJera

You know, that will be her loss and her karma screwed up. I know that isn't a comfort to Jason, but She is the one with the problem and he is too sick to get sicker over it.

btw. I like mexican train, too. if it is what I'm thinking of... dominoes...???

[Thistle]

[QUOTE=Gala] We all need to talk about this stuff and frankly, it has helped me to know that I am not the Lone Ranger. I mean I am sorry for all your troubles, but at least I know I'm not a freak mother or something.
QUOTE]

(((((Gala))))) No kidding! I don't think I told you this, but until you first posted about what was going on for you, I thought *I* was the Lone Ranger, and that nobody else had any idea where I was coming from, so I just kept pretty quiet about it. It's helped a lot to know there are others in the same boat.

(((WynnJera))) Sending energy for you and Jason

Eneurian: Funny you should mention that. . .my daughter's always been touchy emotionally, and since our big rift, I have wondered if there is something that has never been diagnosed.

Big hugs all around!!

[WynnJera]

You know, that will be her loss and her karma screwed up. I know that isn't a comfort to Jason, but She is the one with the problem and he is too sick to get sicker over it.

btw. I like mexican train, too. if it is what I'm thinking of... dominoes...???[/QUOTE] gala


:lol: Mexican train is played with dominoes yeppers ... just played it tonight as well .... :lol: love that game ... hate getting stuck with the blank ... :lol:

As for Jenn ( older sister ) she will come around or she won't ...we will have to see when the shit hits the fan when the pager goes off when the match is REALLY found all the ball gets rolling ... right now we are in the waiting phase but regarless .... he still needs his family .... So we will have to wait and see if you will step up to the plate when he " needs " all the family support ... until then we will just let sleeping digs lie .......

thx for the love and support :huddle:

[WtchyChick13]

Many hugs and much love all around!!! :huddle:

[twisted_silhouette]

Blessings sent, and hugs spread; to all.

[Jax]

I hesitate to ask for help when so many people need help so much more than me, but I am beside myself.

Some of you know my story about my daughter. She won't communicate with me. So I don't know how she is, how my granddaughter is. I don't know how to live without her. She lives on the other side of the country, won't answer my mail, phone calls, doesn't respond in any way.
She is mad at me and with good reason, but I have apologized, and as always in these circumstances it takes two to screw up a relationship. She is not without responsibility. But I don't even care about that. I just want to talk with her and my granddaughter. I want to know that she is ok, that her husband is treating her ok, if she likes her new job. and on and on.
I have done rituals for it. So far nothing.
Not having her is like not breathing, not having a part of me. It consumes me. Yes I have another child and he loves me, but he is happy and calls me. And one child does not replace the other.
When I look back at my life, I see so much that I wish I could do over. I was a good mom but I did many things wrong, either out of ignorance, or some misguided sense of what parenting is. Or to try and keep my kids "friends"
My daughter is making a mistake by keeping her and the baby away from me and my family, What can I do?
I am sick with it all.
Anyway, thanks for any energy you can send. And to all the other people who need it.
Blessed Be

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I have three very young children and can't imagine how you must feel. Take comfort in knowing that we can't be perfect and that parenting is very difficult......we all make mistakes. We are only human, after all. I'm sending you as much calming, healing and positive energy that I can muster in the hope that you will all be reunited soon. (((((hugs)))))

[Gala]

Well it's been a long time since I've written here. I have actually been doing pretty good on the Sterling front.

But yesterday was very hard. It didn't hit me until after I called my son to tell him Happy turkey day. and I knew that my daughter wouldn't pick up the phone if I called.
I haven't talked to her or Unity in 6 months.

I miss them both so much. I cried myself to sleep. First time in a couple of months.

I am tempted to tell her that either she picks up the phone and talks to me or I fly out to Savannah and sit on her door step till she talks to me. Oh well. Don't have the cash for that.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent. :heartbrea

[Pesha]

{{{{{HUGS}}}} and lovelight and sorry I am late but energies, power, calmness and srength to you sweetone. If you need me pm me please.

BB
DS.

[Thistle]

(((((Gala))))) Know how you feel, sweetie! Just got back from turkey day at my brother's. He had a small stroke recently. He's okay, just a bit forgetful. Scared everyone, though.

It's been a year since I've talked to my daughter now. There's a certain cruelty in all this that does not distinguish her as a young woman. Holidays are tough. I miss her so much. Geez, it hurts. She's still my daughter, even though she's mean. I cried myself to sleep, too, for the first time in a couple of months.

Keep hanging in there. Love you.

[Hoot]

For all left hurt by our family members: forgiveness and peace, and the serenity not to pass pain back to those who hurt us. Recognize and live up to the very best in each other.

I hope we can repair our ties of love, that they become even stronger than our blood ties in kinship.

[Gala]

Thank you all for your thoughts and words. I sometimes don't think I can bear it. But for some reason I have to. I don't always know why we are supposed to keep going on, but there must be a reason.
Maybe I am just really tired.
Thank you again. I am going to truely try to snap out of it.
Thistle, I am so sorry for you. I am also sorry about your brother. Hope all is better for him. I haven't been up to see my uncle who is dying. It is so hard to see him so weak, but he has also had tons of other company and i know he is tired.
anyway...
thanks again.