Complete sadness

[cluny]

I am trying to deal with the death of my beloved husband which occurred 4 months ago. I can find no comfort in my usual rituals in my faith in the God & Godess in fact I can find no comfort in anything at all. I desperately want to join him but feel it would be wrong to take my own life and I am also afraid that this would prevent him coming to meet me. He does not come to visit me as my Father did and I am confused and afraid he does not love me. My heart is broken and I just can't seem to get a grip on raelity anymore. Has anyone any advice?
I would appreciate it. I am seeing a Grief Counsellor but he does not seem to be able to help