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kathryn-j
October 11th, 2003, 02:25 AM
This may sounds strange, and I'm not sure what answer I want ... but I am sixteen, and have been getting my period for about three years. The strange thing is, for about a year or so, I've been getting really strong feelings about having children - not just pointlessly, but having a family etc. etc.

Now, I do realise that in this day and age that its not the done thing, especially because of financial restrictions, but I was wondering what people thought about having children at this age,and on what conditions? (I do not have a boyfriend, so I am not considering being in this position anytime soon ...)

FeatherGoblinglimmer
October 11th, 2003, 08:03 AM
I think that as long as you are mature enough and are in a place in your life where you have somewhere to live that is safe, and the capacity to nurture and care for a child than go ahead. It is hard work, and there are times when i wish i hadn't had my daughter so early but i wouldn't change it for the world. I had my daughter when i was 18 and it has done either me or my daughter no harm:)

darastar
October 17th, 2003, 01:34 AM
Okay, let me start this by saying IN NO WAY am I suggesting teenagers can't be good parents... I have many friends who had children as teens, and by and large, they all did a great job. The thing is, having kids is harder than you can ever imagine, no matter what age you are. I had my eldest daughter at 22, when I was married and financially secure, and I still found it tough going. Having kids can be absolutely exhilarating, and they really do fill your life with love and joy - BUT having kids is also exhausting, scary at times, sometimes downright boring. I have a cousin who had a baby last year, at the age of fifteen. She loves her son and he is well cared for, but I know she really feels like she is missing out on a lot - she can't go out with her friends as much, her social life is practically non-existent and she is struggling to finish school. I suppose my advice would be to wait till you are a little older. Finish school first, make sure you have some way of supporting your child, and you will enjoy motherhood so much more. Do you have any relatives or older friends or neighbours who have babies?? Maybe you can volunteer to babysit or help with the kids, if you really need a baby fix.

Blessings :-)

Flar's Freyja
October 17th, 2003, 01:38 AM
Pregnancy and motherhood are one of the most awesome blessings of being a woman, but please wait. Having a child cuts off your freedom in ways you can't imagine, and it will be that way until the child leaves home - and they frequently come back :lol:

The responsibilities of parenting also take a great deal of emotional maturity, the kind that takes many, many years to develop. I know I'd be a far better mom now than I was then, just due to living and learning so much longer. I was 24 when I had my first and I feel that this was a pretty good age. I'd had a chance to live on my own for a while and was a bit more ready to settle down, but if I had to do it again, I'd probably wait even longer than that.

While you certainly can be a successful mother at your age, you will be sacrificing some of your best maiden years. You'd be doing yourself and the child a favor if you wait a while. Happy mothers raise happy children.

EmilyFair
October 17th, 2003, 01:50 AM
i had those very same feelings when i was about your age too! but i didnt just want a baby...i wanted 5! figure that one out! :smiles:

i love love love kids! i babysat as a teenager, and even ran a day care in my home when my own kids were babies (for about 5 years)

my son was born when i was 28. my daughter when i was 31, and am i glad i waited until then? oh heck ya! it gave me much more time for me, my family, friends, my new husband.

kids are the frosting on the cake of your life...just remember to make sure the cake is done before you frost it!

take some time, and the great advice from us older mommies, and volunteer, or take a job at a day care, and get all the love you need from someone elses kids, take time to be a kid yourself, play, run, have fun!!!!

when the real time to have babies comes, you'll be much more ready for it if you live your own childhood to the fullest first!

love,

~em

kathryn-j
October 17th, 2003, 04:36 AM
Thank you for your input so far; as I (think) I noted, I do not plan to have children until I am stable, although I do love them. At least I am glad to know that what I am feeling is just me. What about stable young single mothers ... as in, around 20, 22 ... what do you think of them ... none of you have mentioned being married or being in a relationship, so I was just interested ...

FeatherGoblinglimmer
October 17th, 2003, 06:42 AM
I was a single mother of 18 up until i met my partner. I am 19 now, and i woul no longer class myself as single. My partner has took my daughter on as his own and loves her dearly. I wasn't ready to be a mother, not knowing I was pregnant but I was able to provide a stable environment for my daughter all the same.

DragonLove
October 17th, 2003, 10:24 AM
Thank you for your input so far; as I (think) I noted, I do not plan to have children until I am stable, although I do love them. At least I am glad to know that what I am feeling is just me. What about stable young single mothers ... as in, around 20, 22 ... what do you think of them ... none of you have mentioned being married or being in a relationship, so I was just interested ...

I'll be honest here..I certainly would not want to be a single Mom at 20 with no partner for support and companionship. Its hard enough keeping a marriage alive in your 30's with a couple of kids running around. I understand mistakes happen and all of a sudden you are young and pregnant but to plan it that way?

Rockprincess
October 17th, 2003, 10:56 AM
Hey there....

I am 25 now - and I have seriously wanted to have a baby for about 10 years :lol: However, until I was 23 I lived at home,and my Mom's rule was: If you have a baby before you finish Uni, I get to keep it and name it and have all the fun, and you get all the bad stuff like diaper changes, and you STILL have to finish school :lol:

It was a good rule ;) I am now getting married in 6 months, have a stable job and my education finished, and I feel like I have done SO many things that I could not have done with a child. (Lots of travelling, lots of self-examination). I also feel that I am my own person...not *just* the mother of my children.

However, despite all that...I had to fight the baby urges fiercly the whole time. How silly our bodies are!

Be well, and much strength to you on your journey!
Rockprincess

MoonDust
October 17th, 2003, 11:18 AM
I went though the same thing as you did at that age kathryn-j. As a matter of fact when Iíd get my perid Iíd cry partly because of the whole overly emotional junk (I will not say the 3 letters but you know what Iím talking about :D), but mainly because I would feel so empty.

Time passed. I found someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and actually ended up getting pregnant at 19. Not too bad I mean I was 19 right? I was over the age of consent and all. But I was working at a dead end job, I hadnít gotten any further than high school and had no intention of going to college. I wasnít ready for a baby. Then the person who I thought was The One left me. Ok really not ready for a baby. I lost that little one. I was heartbroken and nothing could really make it better. So my stubborn butt got out of bed one day and decided Iíd never put myself in that position again. I went to a Jr. College, enrolled, went back to work and started getting my life back together.

Now Iím 23 and Iím still not ready for a kid. :D

Point: Itís great to want a little one. They are wonderful gifts who are full of joy and bring that to those around them. But before you think of bringing one in to this world make sure youíre able to care for yourself. All by your self.

DragonLove
October 17th, 2003, 11:24 AM
Sure, there is lots of joy in raising a child..but there is also lots of tears, pain, frustration etc. It aint a bed of roses : )

Semele
October 17th, 2003, 06:01 PM
kids are the frosting on the cake of your life...just remember to make sure the cake is done before you frost it!


I absolutely love this quote. What a great way to phrase it!! I agree wholheartedly!

I think your maternal feelings are awesome and a good indicator that you will be a great mom when the time comes. Just make it as easy on yourself and the child/children as you can and be prepared to provide for them without having to either depend on someone else or work yourself to death in doing so. I wouldn't think working two or three jobs to make ends meet and paying soemone else to raise your child is what you invision right now. Sounds like you have a good head on you and I know you will do well. Good luck!

docdoo
October 17th, 2003, 09:44 PM
Greetings!
Im glad to hear that you dont plan on having children yet. I have just turned 31, I have 3 boys ages 12,11,8. Yes they are wonderful, yes they are joyous and yes they are miracles. Now I will say the unthinkable...children truly do limit your choices. Please dont get me wrong my boys are my light, my hope and the one thing in my life that pushes me always to be better tomorrow than I am today. However having said that there is also a painful truth to having children young, your options to grow and be YOU become severely limited. Unless you are standing on FIRM financial footing with a strong career and even stronger sense of self than having children young could be something you will see as a mistake in years to come.

Case in point, when I had my kids I was a kid...I didnt think so at the time but I was. I desperately wanted a family and children...the works. What I got was completely unexpected. I found that in the bustle of caring for my children, tending to my husband, taking care of the house, running kids to doctors and pets to vets I had completely lost who I was. Now at the age of 31 I have realized that I no longer know who I am anymore, so entwined have I become in my childrens happiness and my husbands happiness that I forgot what it really was that made me happy. Finally, I have decided to pursue my own dreams, to seek the person that I could have been had I not engrossed myself so completely in caring for my family. This decision has wreaked some serious havoc in my household...my husband wonders that suddenly I have taken to doing what I want to do.

I dont want to turn this into a post about me but there is a warning here for any young woman who feels empty inside. Children are blessings, undeniably they are life-altering little souls that require so much more from us than we thought they would. However, please be sure you know who you are before you think about having children. Do all the things that you want to do before you committ yourself to 18 years (at least) of caring completely for another human being. I find myself wondering at odd moments now if I could have become more than a housewife, more than a Boy Scout mom and more than 'Shawns wife'. I am a very intelligent woman (My I.Q. is quite high :graduate: ) and I had dreams, many dreams in fact but the demands of running a household and raising 3 boys to be polite, courteous well-spoken members of the community left me little time for anything else.

Please think carefully before choosing a course as difficult as having children young. All the best to you :)
Til next time,

Jax
October 17th, 2003, 10:12 PM
Pregnancy and motherhood are one of the most awesome blessings of being a woman, but please wait. Having a child cuts off your freedom in ways you can't imagine, and it will be that way until the child leaves home - and they frequently come back :lol:

The responsibilities of parenting also take a great deal of emotional maturity, the kind that takes many, many years to develop. I know I'd be a far better mom now than I was then, just due to living and learning so much longer. I was 24 when I had my first and I feel that this was a pretty good age. I'd had a chance to live on my own for a while and was a bit more ready to settle down, but if I had to do it again, I'd probably wait even longer than that.

While you certainly can be a successful mother at your age, you will be sacrificing some of your best maiden years. You'd be doing yourself and the child a favor if you wait a while. Happy mothers raise happy children.It wasn't until I was 26 that I had my first child, and looking back I wasn't ready even at that age! Callum was a 'honeymoon baby' and at the time I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for! It wasn't until the moment that he was placed in my arms that it suddenly dawned on me what a huge responsibility having him was! We were financially secure, but for me it was an emotional issue. As Freyja mentions above, you have to be emotionally mature which was something I wasn't! Money, in my opinion, doesn't really matter a great deal in raising children as money can't buy happiness, but a happy, confident, safe and loving environment does. We are all different and mature at different rates (some of us A LONG time after others!LOL!!). I just hope that having a child this early doesn't mean looking back at missed oportunities etc. Good luck and feel safe in the knowledge that what ever happens, millions of women before you have been through the same thing. What will happen will happen. (if you know what I mean!!LOL!!) (by the way, I have gone on to have a total three children aged 9, 6 and 2!!!!LOL!!! After having my first I HAD to mature emoitionally!LOL!!!)

kathryn-j
October 18th, 2003, 07:32 PM
I thank you all so much for your replies so far ... as I said, I would not seriously consider motherhood at such a young age but I was curious ... I can see, through your views, that having children is much more than I ever really thought into it; of course, that is not to say I did not realise that financial, emotional and personal matters came into it, but all your personal experiences I think have helped me deeper understand having children.

Of course, I still want to have children, but knowing that I will approach it in a much more practical way, knowing all avenues, and foreseeing possible outcomes which may not be as idyllic as I once hoped.

Each and all of your posts has helped me a great deal, and I am sure you are all wonderful mothers and people.

Thank you so much for all your help

Kat

Mau
October 23rd, 2003, 02:15 AM
Let me give you some advice..from experience. At 15 and 16 I had those same feelings. I also wasn't with any guys at this point..so no biggie. I met a guy at 17...got pregnant. I was a senior in HS. I had no job..he was in college and working FT at a grocery store. I kept the baby. We stayed together. In my third trimester I dropped out of HS..it was too hard being that big, tired and awkward to run to different classes all day. We moved in together, had the baby, got married, had two more sons...here I am, 21 with a hubby, 3 boys, and PENNYLESS. I love my family more than life itself, and I wouldn't give them up..but if I had to do it over again..I would have done it MUCH differently.
Get your education..find your knack in life..get financially stable, and meet someone financially stable who you love...get married...get to a place in life where you're both comfy and secure..THEN bring children into the picture.
Things fall apart under financial stress. I can't count how many fights and near break ups (and one actual break up) hubby and I have had which all stem back to doing things ass-backwards and having kids before we were financially ready.
It's not fair to the children to be frustrated and strung out trying to make ends meet..when you should be the one consoling them when they are upset, and being happy when they are happy.
Many will say that money isn't a major issue..love is, but it is hard to always show love when the neccessary evil of money is tugging at you all the time.

fahawk
October 24th, 2003, 08:34 AM
Nature has an amazing thing "ovulation" and for me at least, I know I feel more maternal at that time, like what to heck, "getting preg. would not be so bad time of month".

I think we all of inner strength, and we all manage when we are called upon too!
Being a teen parent is not a terrible or disgraceful thing..one Native Amer. tribe honors all babys, and there is no disgrace in being preg. (wonderful concept)

I for one though, am glad I waited till I was older, it is alot of work!! And in some ways, a person has to be willing to put the babys/ childs need ahead of their own.

I love my children, and I feel very maternal...children are a blessing...but live life abit, find who you are..and keep those maternal feelings...one day they will be there for you to parent wonderfully with! :)