Rævyn Cigány
June 24th, 2001, 09:07 AM
Wyrdsister and I were just laughing about the hilariousness (yipe, is that a word???) of comedians like Robin Williams and such, and I received this in a Joke Master email and recognized the original author right away because I have the whole CD...it's
so funny!
Enjoy! and BB
Rae )0(
Here's Your Sign
(originally titled 'Stupid People' in the article I got it from, but this is the title of the segment in his CD, oddly enough also titled 'Here's Your Sign')
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just
say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them,
would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be
like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your
sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full
of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope.
We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see
how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of
mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this
big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock
goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -
Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery
Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And
there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got
that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to
jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it
hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my
sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one
of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant
walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR
he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.
Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three
just swelled right up on me. And without blinking an eye the kid nodded gravely and said "Ayup, the heat'll do that." Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy
came over to the house and drove the car around for
about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out
of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing
his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The
truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how
I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local
cop shows up to take the report. He went through his
basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was
clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your
truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him,
looked back at the rig and then back to him and
said "nope. I'm 'delivering' a bridge...here's your sign."
8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O
so funny!
Enjoy! and BB
Rae )0(
Here's Your Sign
(originally titled 'Stupid People' in the article I got it from, but this is the title of the segment in his CD, oddly enough also titled 'Here's Your Sign')
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just
say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them,
would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be
like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your
sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full
of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope.
We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see
how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of
mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this
big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock
goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -
Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery
Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And
there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got
that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to
jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it
hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my
sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one
of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant
walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR
he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.
Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three
just swelled right up on me. And without blinking an eye the kid nodded gravely and said "Ayup, the heat'll do that." Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy
came over to the house and drove the car around for
about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out
of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing
his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The
truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how
I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local
cop shows up to take the report. He went through his
basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was
clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your
truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him,
looked back at the rig and then back to him and
said "nope. I'm 'delivering' a bridge...here's your sign."
8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O