maybe someone can help me with this

[Tammy Sullivan]

My grandmother -- who is almost 75 -- is about to undergo surgery at the risk of a stroke to prevent a stroke...color me confused but I don't get it! It just seems to me like the doctor does test and procedure one after the other and I have a hard time believing all of them are necessary...I mean she IS 75, why cut her open? Doesn't she have a better chance without having surgery at that age?


I may sound cold hearted but believe me I am not, I am just so tired of seeing her all bruised and bandaged up after seeing the doctors. I have cried about this all morning and am hoping someone can make sense of it for me. I almost feel she is being abused with all this...I mean she is 75, she will die soon and it sucks, it sucks bad, but dammit we should not have to go through having her cut open...

[Eudaimonia]

I'm not a doctor, so I can't help you with factual info... but perhaps a shoulder.

My Granny died about 2 years ago... cancer... and they did cut her open several times. She was even younger than your gran. You just have to do the best you can to be strong for her, and know that she loves you. Life sucks sometimes, but there's very little we can do about it.

Sending you love and courage...

[Old Witch]

I understand exactly what you're talking about.........But I guess it's your Grans decision.........(((((((Zephrina))))))))

[Cerulean]

I know what you mean. That generation does whatever the doctor says, and they are all old and getting lots of medical attention now. It can be tough to watch. My older relatives are all in this age category. The more wealthy, or prominent they are, the more aggressive the medical attention. The newest, the latest, this famous doctor, this famous clinic. Unfortunately, it's nearly all invaisive. You try to talk to them, if you are close enough to them, but they have an absolute terror of taking responsibility for their wellbeing in adverse circumstances. I was thinking of writing a comedy routine where everytime you see your parents of this age they have more pieces missing and bandaged and that the doctor said to remove it for some preposterous reason. Mom, what happened to your head? The doctor said to remove part of it because it was in the way. And as it gets worse, you are talking to your parents and the doctor is there in their home doing stuff to them for absolutely stupid reasons.

Balance is missing from Western medicine. They should support her in a non-invasive way. This man's world just isn't run right, especially western medicine. Sorry.

If this post is insensitive I'm sorry. If so ask the moderator to remove it.

[Flar's Freyja]

(((Zeph)))

It's a catch-22 sometimes. We felt the same way about my mom, and so did her doctors. Sometimes we wished they would do surgery - like when they refused because it might make kill her - she was dying anyway and not living a good quality of life, so we felt that it would just shorten her pain.........

Sending energy for the best outcome.

[Tammy Sullivan]

I know what you mean. That generation does whatever the doctor says, and they are all old and getting lots of medical attention now. It can be tough to watch. My older relatives are all in this age category. The more wealthy, or prominent they are, the more aggressive the medical attention. The newest, the latest, this famous doctor, this famous clinic. Unfortunately, it's nearly all invaisive. You try to talk to them, if you are close enough to them, but they have an absolute terror of taking responsibility for their wellbeing in adverse circumstances. I was thinking of writing a comedy routine where everytime you see your parents of this age they have more pieces missing and bandaged and that the doctor said to remove it for some preposterous reason. Mom, what happened to your head? The doctor said to remove part of it because it was in the way. And as it gets worse, you are talking to your parents and the doctor is there in their home doing stuff to them for absolutely stupid reasons.

Balance is missing from Western medicine. They should support her in a non-invasive way. This man's world just isn't run right, especially western medicine. Sorry.

If this post is insensitive I'm sorry. If so ask the moderator to remove it.

No I don't find it insensetive at all, in fact you pretty much hit the nail on the head about how I feel on it. I feel like I am being insensetive or a jerk for preferring her to have quality of life, and not go through all of these risky procedures but since I can't make her choice for her...*shrugs*

I wonder what goes through the docs head...I just don't get it. At the age of 75 it's a given she will die and soon. She is in horrible shape and there is no way around it, no amount of surgery will ever restore her to health and seems to be doing the opposite. I just find it so distasteful to perform such drastic measures on those that it cannot save. I feel like such a jerk for thinking all this....I just can't seem to help it. I want my grammy whole and comfortable, and I guess it makes me selfish.

[Thistle]

I can understand wanting your grammy to be whole and comfortable, and I don't think it makes you selfish. It comes from love. ((((Zephrina))))

[Cerulean]

"I wonder what goes through the docs head... "

___________ not a whole lot.


I'm so sorry. You can try the Patient Advocate in the hospital if there is one to try and talk to the doctor, or just call him to a meeting with you and or others to express what you are saying here. You can hire another doctor to attend to your grandmother who has privileges at the hospital if you have that power and you can dismiss this one, although it doesn't sound like you can. You might find a sympathetic doctor through a hospice. Hospices are for people who are not going to recover to be taken care of noninvaisively while they are alive. It sounds like your grandmother isn't there. It sounds like your grandmother is currently making her own decisions too.

[Tammy Sullivan]

well I spoke to my mom about it and my gramma has said that she doesn't care if it kills her, she wants relief from the pain. I can understand that, seeing it that way I'm better able to deal with it. I guess until I was told that, I felt like she was being tricked or given false hope or something...

[Hawk Shadowsoul]

Zephrina,
Ongoing non-stop pain is so difficult to live with. Hope the procedure is successful and improves her quality of life. Energy to you all.((((((((((Zephrina & Family))))))))))

[Thistle]

Zephrina, I'm so glad you talked with your mom. Knowing what your gramma is facing, and why she wants to undergo the surgery makes all the difference. Energy and hugs to you and your family.

[Old Witch]

Wanting to be relieved of pain explains it all.....I really hope it works for her.........