Pregnancy turns husband off

[soapywitch]

I'm 5 months pregnant and my husband is not interested in making love anymore. He's just simply turned off by my pregnant belly like I'm a sacred vessel void of any sexuality. He can't see me in a sexual way anymore no matter how much I try to tell him that I am still a whole person with sexual needs and can carry his child at the same time. He can't find me sexy. Every since I found out that I'm pregnant he's been unarousable. He feels really bad and sometimes he attempts to make love to me, but it never works out in the end. I really miss my husband and the way we used to be. I feel so rejected and unattractive that I sob unconsolably. Has anyone male or female been through this before? I could really use someone to talk to who's been through this.[COLOR=Purple]

[Flar's Freyja]

I'm so sorry to hear that, and I can't say that I can help. My ex-husband was totally turned on by my pregnancies, many men are.

But I have heard or read that some men are afraid to have sex during pregnancy for fear of hurting the baby. If this is the case, maybe a chat with the doctor would be in order.

[soapywitch]

Yeah, I told him that the doc says it's totally fine and won't hurt the baby. My husband replies that he knows it's safe and that's not the problem. I feel like my heart is breaking.

[Jenne]

:hugz: I'm hoping for you he comes out of this funk and starts to think of your needs. Maybe he needs time to get used to it. I think you should just keep telling him how you feel, keep those lines of communication open, Hon. In the meantime, come here, pm me, any time you need to vent!

*hey, if it's practical, go around the house naked...maybe he'll get a hint???*

[Rockprincess]

Just a suggestion (as I haven't been in that position myself...) - but ask him if he could take care of your "needs" with his fingers or a vibrator? That way you're satisfied...and he can either get quite involved or not so much, depending on how he reacts.

And if it's just the sex that's bothering him, make sure you're still getting lots of snuggles and cuddles - it makes a big difference to how you feel about your closeness.

:rubhead:

[Phoenix_Blue]

Try blindfolding him before you start the foreplay. **Shrugs** If it's just the visual aspect of your pregnancy that's turning him off, removing that distraction may help the problem. Alternately, Rockprincess' advice is pretty good. :)

[Flar's Freyja]

Yeah, I told him that the doc says it's totally fine and won't hurt the baby. My husband replies that he knows it's safe and that's not the problem. I feel like my heart is breaking.

I must ask, is he happy about the baby? Is he worried about the financial consequences? How stable was your relationship before the pregancy? Does he feel ready to have a baby?

I ask because the issue may be far deeper than your physical condition. Some men (and women) have issues with responsibility and are not comfortable with accepting responsibility for the care of another human being. Your physical condition is confirmation that there is another human being that is going to be dependent upon him. If your relationship is not stable, he may be worried about being forced to pay a large amount of child support if you divorce, not an unreasonable fear since I am seeing some amounts ordered that even I feel are outrageous in my work.

Or there may be some trauma in his past related to pregnancy that he has not shared with you, or that he may not even be aware of.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that this can be resolved.

[Semele]

HUgs! Sorry to hear that you are getting your feelings hurt. I know how those hormones make us crazy and even little things can set the tears to flowing. I get the distinct impression while reading your posts that he is mainly just very concerned and a little intimidated by the pregnancy. He may say that he doesn't find you attractive, but I think it is more of a psychological thing with him that he can't think of you as the woman who is incubating his baby and the sexpot at the same time. i am sure it will go back to normal quickly after delivery if not before. I know that isn't much consolation to you and I am sorry for that.

I have been dealing with the opposite. I am in the second of two back to back pregnancies where I have had literally zero sex drive. My poor husband is very understanding but i feel bad. Maybe your husband is sharing in your hormones and he got the nonsex ones!

Hang in there and good luck to you guys.

[siamesegoth2]

aww hun, and i thought my husband was the only one like that.

When i was carrying Dmitri , my hubby got turned off at around my 2nd month, i wasnt showingm but as he so wonderfully put it.

"what happens if i damage the baby? "


with chris it was a combination of my looks and the thought he could unintentionally bring about the loss or some permenat harm to our little one.
But after i had dmitri and was able and felt ready enough we settled back into our old "routine"

But if you want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on and have AIM just give me a buzz on siamesegoth2 , im always online till like stupid o clock my time, so im here if you need me ok hun.

blessings to you and yours.

[Valnorran]

You know, with my wife's first pregnancy I was worried I'd be turned off by it. My reaction to her condition turned out to be the exact opposite. I don't really know why, but I found it quite arousing. All I can think of by way of an explanation is that perhaps I saw her creating life as the ultimate feminine act. My torture began when we had to stop as the due date drew close. Once or twice she's tried to use that to tempt me to get her pregnant again. We have two kids, I love them, but I don't want any more. Sorry I can't be of any real help. I just found that bellyfull of life wonderfully exciting.

[Toad]

If its of any help. I leaned your husband’s direction during my wife’s two pregnancies. I was very protective of her and I was clearly concerned that I might hurt her or the baby. I knew at the time that it was an irrational fear...but it was a fear just the same.

Good news is...after the babies...the wife had no complaints. :smoke:

[soapywitch]

:hahugh: Thanks everyone for your comments, you've been really helpful. I do think that my husband's issue is more of a psychological one; a combination of anxieties about a new baby as well as my changing body. He promises that things will get better with our sex life. He tries to make up for the distance it's created with extra cuddles & kisses. He can admit now that it's him that has the problem not me. I know he loves me and he wants to keep trying. I love him and our baby so much and I just hope that this will work itself out over time. It's just really hard right now, but thanks to all of you for your caring input and compassion.

[DayDreamer]

What do you look like when you are NOT pregnant? Could that have something to do with it? When I was pregnant with my first and started to show, my (now ex) DH was physically turned off by me, due to the pregnancy. NOT because I was pregnant, but because in his mind I was FAT... regardless of what the cause was. He found a fat wife unattractive and unsexy, and the bigger I got, the more disgusted and repulsed he got.

Could that be part of it?

[fahawk]

Maybe, as mentioned for your hubby it is fear, emotions, stress, worry, or upbringing-that preg. women are not sexy, attractive, to be touched??..

Hopefully he is open to talking with you, and maybe just talking, getting stuff out in the open will help.. perhaps if he will not talk, you could write down how you feel, and let him read it, it is not so confrontational that way sometimes..
a good baby book, that talks about sex during preg..might help with any fears..

Actually my husband found preg. wonderful..and I am thankful...
I also think a preg. is beautiful/glowing time!! (Nice not to worry about b-control :)

Anyway, perhaps feeling the baby kick, move, will help hubby connect..??

Reassurance that the baby cannot be harmed...

For me we made love through the end of preg...and have read/learned that there is no Harm!!, but, when "it" is the right time for labor to proceed, making love can actually help labor along..

[Gareth]

I had a fear of hurting the unborn child during sex when my wife was pregnant.

I remember not wanting to do anything sexually with my wife.
She convinced me one night. :heybaby:
Then I just had to do things slightly different so we both could enjoy it.
You may have to 'convince' him one night, then I think he'll get over it. Good luck.

[Valnorran]

The doctor telling me the kid would be fine was all I needed to hear!

*turns on Southern drawl* Come here, darlin'...

[Amethyst Rose]

Not much to add, except personal experience.

When I hit about 5 months, it seemed that all of a sudden my husband wasn' attracted to me anymore. This lasted for about 2 months, and then everything went back to normal. (I had no sex drive, so it didn't really bother me all that much).
When I finally asked him about it, however, he admited to me that the problem was I didn't look pregnant, but I had lost my waistline, and just looked chubby, and he didn't find that attractive. When I finally started to show enough that I look pregnant rather that just fat, that was when he became interested again.
Hang in there. :)