Preteen girls..

[DragonLove]

These preteen years will turn me completely gray. I am talking about my 9 year old daughter and the issues that come up with her friends. I am not sure how to handle it.

My daughter has been friends with another girl since 1st grade and another girl since 3rd grade. She just found out that one of these girls is saying not so nice things about her to the other girl and my daughter is very hurt.

What should I do? Mind my own business or speak up? What should I do....

[DayDreamer]

Ooooh, BEEN THERE. Sigh.

I think I would suggest telling your daughter that you understand that she is hurt by this, and that you will support her decision to do what she thinks is right. But SHE has to be the one to make the decision about how to react to this. I DEFINITELY would not intercede with the one who is causing the problems.... because you'd be seen as a meddling mom, for one thing, and it could backfire onto your child. "Your mom has to fight your battles for you??"

It's a normal stage. I'd suspect that the girl saying nasty things is feeling insecure, which is why she is bad-mouthing the other girl.

[Rockprincess]

In addition to having been a 9 year old girl once ;), I have 3 younger sisters, the youngest of whom is only 14, so I remember that phase for her quite well.

Sadly, as little girls get older, they get b*tchier. It's due to hormones (which are just beginning to rear their nasty heads - even in your sweet little girl!) This continues until about grade 8 - that seems to be the peak of the back-biting and nastiness (although vestiges of it continue for what seems like ages in some girls!)

The best thing my Mom always told us was "Rise above it". She would explain to us the motivations and reactions behind our "friends" behaviours, and then explain the different reactions WE could have - and also point out what the consequences of all of those actions would be. Always, the best choice was shown to be the high road - refusing to listen when the one friend said mean things, continuing to be friendly to the other girl. And when we said "but I feel so hurt, I feel like saying mean things back" (or something to that effect) she would say "Well, that would drag you down to their level. Do you want to lower your standards just because they are?" It was very effective! Even now, as 14, 19, 21 and 25 year old girls, when we are telling each other about problems, one of us inevitably says "Rise above it!" and we all laugh, and remember my Mom's lessons!

Best of luck with your daughter. You are a caring Mother and a nice lady, and that will help her so much through the next hormone-driven years! (Although even now, my Mom says she can't WAIT until my youngest sister is past 21 :lol: )