How do I?

[RubyRose]

Okay, a little bit of a dilemma here.

Now on Halloween, my mother said to me basically that she didn't believe in the commercialism of the holiday, and that she thought it was a day/night for the witches, and that I shouldn't be partaking in Witchcraft (I happened to be holding some Wiccan and Witchcraft books at the time) and it got me thinking, how can I get her out of this mindset, that witches are bad or evil, and that this is my path now. How can I make her understand and more accepting?

[Pan]

One thing that helped some of my friends was to allow their parent to read one of the books. My mother was already intersted in paganism when she found my book, so I didn't have to do that.

So, offer to have her read one of your books. That often helps rather than trying to convince her yourself.

[RubyRose]

Thanks ... I think I'll do that ...

[Eudaimonia]

.. thinking, how can I get her out of this mindset, that witches are bad or evil, and that this is my path now. How can I make her understand and more accepting?

I know I'm nitpicking, but.... (which means forgive me, please)

You can't make anyone do a gosh darned thing, or understand one bit. They have to be willing to understand.

[MoonDust]

I know I'm nitpicking, but.... (which means forgive me, please)

You can't make anyone do a gosh darned thing, or understand one bit. They have to be willing to understand.
Yup. Sometimes it's best to just bide your time. Small actions speak big. (How cheesy, but true)
I think my mom has an idea, but is in denial. She knows already that I'm not into Christianity the way she'd like me to be. But she also sees that I am no less kind towards animals or people. I am the same person.

My sister actually came right out and asked me on the 30th "so what do witches do on Halloween anyway?"

In time they'll open up. Like I posted in a thread the best place to hide things is right out there in the open. Things blend nicer that way. IMHO

[Ben Gruagach]

I usually recommend printing out (and reading yourself) and giving the "concerned person" a copy of James Clement Taylor's excellent essay, "A Christian Speaks on Wicca and Witchcraft." It was written and distributed back on the old PODSnet BBS system before the World Wide Web was around, and it is still just as relevant now as when it was written.

http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/christian.htm

It is most helpful when dealing with Christians, of course, but could also be enlightening to others who follow other paths but want to get another view on Wicca and Witchcraft from someone who isn't a Wiccan or a Witch themselves.

[Elaira]

me too. i still haven't told them that i'm practising wiccan caz the last time they caught me when i was performing the full moon ritual. they confisticated all my books and supplies and warned me not to do it again. :rant: but, i still maneged to get everything back and still secretly practsed it. i've tried talking to them about it but they just don't want to. my mom says she gets scared when she sees me lighting candles and stuff. i told her that it was normal like they lit it in churches but she says it's different...blah blah blah....while my father says i'm going to burn the whole house down (which is quite true). :hehehehe:

[RubyRose]

I usually recommend printing out (and reading yourself) and giving the "concerned person" a copy of James Clement Taylor's excellent essay, "A Christian Speaks on Wicca and Witchcraft." It was written and distributed back on the old PODSnet BBS system before the World Wide Web was around, and it is still just as relevant now as when it was written.

http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/christian.htm

It is most helpful when dealing with Christians, of course, but could also be enlightening to others who follow other paths but want to get another view on Wicca and Witchcraft from someone who isn't a Wiccan or a Witch themselves.

Thankyou, I was looking for something, to give my mother to read, this might just be the ticket.

I'm not hoping to change her, I'm just hoping she'll understand better, why I chose this particular path for myself ...

[Kalika]

Direct her to literature on Wicca and Witchcraft, and speak with her about it. There is also a book... "When someone you love is Wiccan" that might be worth checking out...

Blessed Be.

[DebLipp]

You don't want her going around trying to find out how to "fix" your thinking, so don't try to fix hers. If you come out to her as a witch, then you can try to help her understand where you're coming from. But you have to start by respecting her, and respecting her right to her opinion. You can't gain her respect unless you give it in equal portions.

Good luck.

[Chibi-Fallon]

(I happened to be holding some Wiccan and Witchcraft books at the time) and it got me thinking, how can I get her out of this mindset, that witches are bad or evil, and that this is my path now. How can I make her understand and more accepting?

Why do you have to tell her anything at all? Why is people are *so* against just keeping their mouths shut? Sometimes that's really just the best option. I swear it is.

For starters, why are you carting around Wicca books in front of someone who can control your life and doesn't like Wicca? Why? Do you want her disapproval? Cause if you don't, stop setting yourself up for it.

Chances are if they don’t like Paganism, you’re first off not going to change their mind about it, and second now they for sure know something’s up.
Keep it inconspicious, and they really don’t have any idea of what you’re doing. And for Christ sake don't use the word witch. Ever. Fuzzy definitions and words that have more then one meaning along with technical terms are the beauty of the English language.

And if you really wanna do complex rituals, do them somewhere that’s hard to find. Like a closet (seriously it works), or dismantle your alter when you’re not using it. And do it *after* they go to bed. It’s all really easy stuff.

What they don't know can't hurt them. Just deal with what the crappy hand you got dealt and trade it when you get outta the house. Sure it'd be nice to practice in the open and whatnot but is that *really* a battle you wanna fight? Plus, it just gives them stuff to bring up and use against you later.

I'm sure I can't be the only teen in the world who's used to not telling their parents stuff... :rolleyes:

[suninmymouth]

though i agree that sometimes it's best to keep somethings to yourself, especially if it's going to keep you from the things you believe and love, i personally think that you should always at least try to help your parents understand. the book suggestion is a great idea. when my mother first found out she was exactly the same way, but i just said to her, "this is really important to me, it's what i believe, and if you care how i feel about this you will at least look at this book." she gave the book back a few days later and all my other books and stuff and never said another thing about it. she probably still feels weird about it, but the point is if your mother cares about what you believe in she will at least look at it if you ask her sincerely. you have to give parents some credit sometimes...it may suprise you. on the other hand she may be a freak fanatic catholic or something for all i know and maybe it is best to keep it low, but i'm sure your judgement will tell you what is best to do. if she does like my mother (just tries to ignore it), try and keep it as private as possible so as not to offend her or bring up another argument about it. i keep my books in my closet and my altar is pretty well disguised: i keep it decorated with various shells and rocks and feathers and things i have collected when im not using it, so it doesn't look too out of the ordinary and i can use it whenever i need to and for rituals i can just bring out my tools and put them away afterwards. anyway, i personally think it's best to not have to lie to parents about things like this, but if they just don't understand, keep your cool and try to be quiet about it.
:erin

[RubyRose]

For starters, why are you carting around Wicca books in front of someone who can control your life and doesn't like Wicca? Why? Do you want her disapproval? Cause if you don't, stop setting yourself up for it.

I came back to my place to fetch them, because a friend, asked if she could have a look at them, she was curious, so I went to get them.

As for wanting her disapproval, I didn't set out to gain that (my mother has this thing where after she gets on the booze she starts bouting everything that she won't tell you when she is sober) and I didn't realise I was going to be setting myself up for that.

That said. I'm not out to change my mother's or my father's minds about any of the religious beliefs they might have. I just want them to understand why it is I was drawn to Paganism and Wicca in the first place, and have them understand that this particular religion can be beautiful too ... I just thought they might gain a better understanding of it, if I gave them some reading material. That's all. I'm not out to convert anyone into my way of thinking. And I'm most definitely not here to cause an argument with such a very nice bunch of people, whose opinions I value ...

[Mindflayer]

I wanna know why people are pratically jumping down her throat...


She's said since the first post, she wants her mom to understand that wicca is not evil, and that this is her religious choice...


yet people think she's trying to completely change her mom's beliefs, she's NOT! she's jsut trying to get her mom to think a little more openly...how is that such a bad thing?

[cloud]

I wanna know why people are pratically jumping down her throat...


She's said since the first post, she wants her mom to understand that wicca is not evil, and that this is her religious choice...


yet people think she's trying to completely change her mom's beliefs, she's NOT! she's jsut trying to get her mom to think a little more openly...how is that such a bad thing?

exactly what i was wondering myself. :ugh:

[DebLipp]

Not about jumping down anyone's throat, but about giving a different perspective.

We all wish to show other people things, hope they understand, etc. When you've spent enough years doing that, you realize it's a fool's game -- no one changes anyone else. And that perspective can be very helpful.

RubyRose can save herself a lot of pain by learning that she can say "I hope you understand this, I want you to understand this," but by letting go of any expectation that she will be understood.

[JWill0ws]

I hope I make some sense in this response :chatty:

It is tough to tell a parent, while living under their roof, anything different than what they have planned for you. Though they want you to be happy and you practicing wicca makes you happy, if you were to tell them this - they would probably scare and react poorly. If your parents are good at heart, their intentions for you are good, but their methods and actions at times are not. :rolleyes:

I am 31 years of age :hehehehe: , and have not followed much Jewish religion (save studding Kaballah) for 15 of those years. My parents were not made aware of this until I moved out of the house. Only then, did I slowly introduce them to who I was, am, and will be. They have accepted me, for the most part, as a individual thinker when she puts her mind to something - she gets it done. Part of that acceptance came from being independent of them and basically saying - "tough nookies - this is who I am". :uhhuhuh:

I will say this - I have since learned to make some type of compromise with my family. There are four Jewish holidays that remain "biggies" for my family and are big get togethers. Since I still have a great tie to my Jewish culture, I do attend these get togethers - but I avoid temple/church. This way, I am with my family and my culture - but I am not being innondated with a tradition that just hasn't sat right with me since I was 16.

I hope through that story you understand that by no means am I saying don't try to help your parents understand you while you are under their roof - just that it will be much harder. In addition, I agree with DebLipp - compromise in understanding. Value them and you wish them to value you. This is harder when you live with them - but I think you might be able to do it.

I wish you luck :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[PoetryInDespair]

If you have time you should have your mother listen to a sermon by Rev J. Bechle. http://www.nvogel.com/audio.html Its called "The truth about witches". Her site also has a ton of information and other interesting things.

[Pan]

...
What they don't know can't hurt them. ...

I totally disagree. :/

I find that, even if your parents forbid you from practising, at least you came out and told them. That shows that you trust them, respect them as adults, and are willing to talk to them about your most personal aspects of your life. By not telling them, you show them that you are most likely irresponsible, distrustful of them, and that you don't respect them enough to let them know anything. That is, if they find it themselves.

To me, talking to your parents is the best way to gain their trust, and for them to gain yours. If you don't trust your parents, who can you really trust? They gave you life. Of course, this is coming from a girl whose parents have been together her whole life. :( I've had too many friends whose parents are separated. It's horrible that I'm the minority anymore.

Back to the topic.

I would mention to your mother that you trust her, respect her, and value her opinion in your life. This usually cushions the blow for any kind of revelation you might have in store for them.

I never did like "what they don't know can't hurt them". It just isn't true. In my opinion.

[Chibi-Fallon]

I came back to my place to fetch them, because a friend, asked if she could have a look at them, she was curious, so I went to get them.


You couldn't just put them in a bag? :huh: I come home to grab my cigarettes but I don't go showing my parents the pack. :rolleyes:
I pretty much agree with DebLipp. Why do you really need her to understand, do you really to go through all of that, and probably not change her mind.
Even if you don't want to convert them, they're gonna think you are. Why? Because that's what *everyone* thinks.
Someone askes you to study the Bible or the Koran, sure they might not say they're trying to convert you or change you, but that seems highly unlikely even if it is true.
Can't you just go under the radar until you turn 18? Just don't rock the domestic boat and go to college really far away.
It's really hard for adults to be told they're wrong by children. Especially their children (because they always know what's best for you and whatnot). If she seems open to learning about it, then I'd say go ahead. But by your first post when she already told you "no witchcraft" I doubt you can change the way she feels, at least at this point.

[Mòrag Elasaid Ní Dhòmhnaill]

I just wanted to jump in and point out that if you look at RubyRoses's profile you'll see that she's 20 and engaged, and from what it sounds like, not even living with her mother (though I could be wrong anout that last bit). So I would imagine that more of this is coming from a need to have her mother understand and accept her for who she is than anything else.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand why everyone assumes when another person asks for advice about telling parents of their path that they are still just a kid. ~shrugs~ Just from the context of her posts it seemed fairly obvious to me that RubyRose wasn't...but maybe I read things differently.

~Saoirse Aiyana

[RubyRose]

Saoirse Aiyana,
Yes, Rhyce and I are engaged in the pagan sense ... we've performed a handsfasting, again, in the eyes of my parents, we're not engaged, he's asked me to marry him twice, but the ring has never materialised, I still live at home. The idea of a ring, doesn't bother me so much anymore, not as much as it used to, I know inside that we are engaged, and that's all that matters.

Cloud & Mindflayer,
Thankyou! No really. I don't know where everybody got the idea that I want to change my parents views on religion, I don't. Never did, and never will. I'd just like some understanding ...

Chibi-Fallon,


I totally disagree. :/

I find that, even if your parents forbid you from practising, at least you came out and told them. That shows that you trust them, respect them as adults, and are willing to talk to them about your most personal aspects of your life. By not telling them, you show them that you are most likely irresponsible, distrustful of them, and that you don't respect them enough to let them know anything. That is, if they find it themselves.

To me, talking to your parents is the best way to gain their trust, and for them to gain yours. If you don't trust your parents, who can you really trust? They gave you life. Of course, this is coming from a girl whose parents have been together her whole life. I've had too many friends whose parents are separated. It's horrible that I'm the minority anymore.

Back to the topic.

I would mention to your mother that you trust her, respect her, and value her opinion in your life. This usually cushions the blow for any kind of revelation you might have in store for them.

I never did like "what they don't know can't hurt them". It just isn't true. In my opinion.


Ah trusting my mother!? Yeah, I have issues about telling my mother anything, as she tends to throw it back in my face. I tell her about relationship worries, between my other half, Rhyce and I ... and all I get when she's drunk is "Rhyce is useless" blah blah blah ...

Maybe I'm trying to prove something, I don't know, I just think I oughta prove her wrong, that paganism isn't all bad, I want to show her the good and the beautiful side to this religion, rather than her just keep to her beliefs of old, how everybody who was "different" in the old days, was deemed a witch or heretic ... I'd like her to see the different side, instead of the side that history has rammed down everybody's throats, and deemed as correct and true

And I'm sorry, if I'm being a bit crass and rude, but the first thing my sister did when I told her of my choice was laugh, and maybe it's just me, but I'm sick of being laughed at or mocked because of something I do, or something I believe in. It's time they see the real me and start accepted me for who I am. I'm sick of hiding, I don't want to live in the shadows anymore.

Well that's all I wanted to say on the subject, and sure, if you don't my views, that's fine, your entitled to your own opinion, but just don't make me change mine. I've thought long and hard about this ... and in a way, like so many of you, I too, am coming out of the broomcloset. And if you chose to say locked away, that too, is your choice, and once a persons mind is made up, generally, it stays that way.

Again, that's all I want to say.

Blessing, RubyRose

[cloud]

/applause

[RubyRose]

applause

Thanks, I was waiting for that.

*steps off to the side, and bows*

[Kalika]

Saoirse Aiyana,
Yes, Rhyce and I are engaged in the pagan sense ... we've performed a handsfasting, again, in the eyes of my parents, we're not engaged, he's asked me to marry him twice, but the ring has never materialised, I still live at home. The idea of a ring, doesn't bother me so much anymore, not as much as it used to, I know inside that we are engaged, and that's all that matters.

Cloud & Mindflayer,
Thankyou! No really. I don't know where everybody got the idea that I want to change my parents views on religion, I don't. Never did, and never will. I'd just like some understanding ...

Chibi-Fallon,



Ah trusting my mother!? Yeah, I have issues about telling my mother anything, as she tends to throw it back in my face. I tell her about relationship worries, between my other half, Rhyce and I ... and all I get when she's drunk is "Rhyce is useless" blah blah blah ...

Maybe I'm trying to prove something, I don't know, I just think I oughta prove her wrong, that paganism isn't all bad, I want to show her the good and the beautiful side to this religion, rather than her just keep to her beliefs of old, how everybody who was "different" in the old days, was deemed a witch or heretic ... I'd like her to see the different side, instead of the side that history has rammed down everybody's throats, and deemed as correct and true

And I'm sorry, if I'm being a bit crass and rude, but the first thing my sister did when I told her of my choice was laugh, and maybe it's just me, but I'm sick of being laughed at or mocked because of something I do, or something I believe in. It's time they see the real me and start accepted me for who I am. I'm sick of hiding, I don't want to live in the shadows anymore.

Well that's all I wanted to say on the subject, and sure, if you don't my views, that's fine, your entitled to your own opinion, but just don't make me change mine. I've thought long and hard about this ... and in a way, like so many of you, I too, am coming out of the broomcloset. And if you chose to say locked away, that too, is your choice, and once a persons mind is made up, generally, it stays that way.

Again, that's all I want to say.

Blessing, RubyRose

:) Bravo. You are very mature for your age (...and in being so close in age, I have to admit, that is not something I see much of in others... but have noticed a lot of in other Pagans. Odd)

I think you are on the right track with your way of thinking, and its good that you don't want to completely change what your mother believes, because if you go about doing that, things usually go wrong.

I hope that you find a way that works to make her understand your point of view, and maybe see things in a different light... even if she can't accept it for what it is.

Brightest Blessings.

Kalika

[RubyRose]

Bravo. You are very mature for your age (...and in being so close in age, I have to admit, that is not something I see much of in others... but have noticed a lot of in other Pagans. Odd)

I think you are on the right track with your way of thinking, and its good that you don't want to completely change what your mother believes, because if you go about doing that, things usually go wrong.

I hope that you find a way that works to make her understand your point of view, and maybe see things in a different light... even if she can't accept it for what it is.

Brightest Blessings.

Kalika

Thanks girl. I think I am very mature for my such advanced age of 20 too ... :lol: Um, I'm currently (not this very minute mind you) compiling some basic information on Wicca, and Paganism, for my mother to read ... yeah, though strangely enough, I was working on making an altar pentacle, from an old tile (we've just ripped up our hallway and put down new tiles) and she was like "how are you going to cut it out?" and I said, "I don't plan to" ... so maybe she's finally accepting just a little bit ... but I can't really be sure ... delving into my parents heads, sometimes proves very difficult ... :lol: