Sex

[kathryn-j]

I was wondering what people think about teenagers having sex; on the basis it is protected, educated, and so on ...

What I mean is; how long do you think teenagers should know each other before they engage in the act, emotional levels between the two invovled, how old do you think would be the youngest decent age, and anything else you think about it ... I'm considering the teen years between 13 and 19 ...

Thanks :)

[FaerieGothMommy]

Well... maybe this is not my place to say anything, seen as i had my daughter at the age of 15, became pregnant at 14!
I would never advise teengers that young though to have sex. I lost my virginity on the basis that i didn't want to be the odd one out in my crowd. Very stupid & immature, and i hope my daughter will keep her virginity for when she is properly ready.

I don't think there is a specific age when teenagers can start having sex, i think they should just wait until they find the right person, and when they know they are ready.
13-14-15 is VERY young... in my books anyway, even though i done it. But thats life, and thats what happens.

[kathryn-j]

*nod*
If a couple were ... confident about why they were doing it, and were in the later teen years, over 16 that is, do you think that it is acceptable?

[FaerieGothMommy]

*nod*
If a couple were ... confident about why they were doing it, and were in the later teen years, over 16 that is, do you think that it is acceptable?

Yes i do! and if the couple truely knew that it was the right thing, then yes, why not! As long as they use protection.

Fortunatly, i have been with my partner for over 2 years and his the father to my daughter, he sticks with me through everything. So, i know i done the right thing with him.

But i regret losing my virginity to someone else, before my current boyfriend. I wish i'd have waited.

[RubyRose]

Going by personal experience, I'd say that 16 - 17 is a good age to start having sex ... I think if a girls any younger (or a guy) they aren't emotionally equipt and reading for it.

[DayDreamer]

My boys have been raised to believe that sexuality is a normal part of being human. They have been taught practically from birth what sex is, what it feels like, and what the potential consequences can be.

I don't believe that being "in love" is a prerequisite for sex. I think that many teenagers convince themselves that they are in love in order to justify having sex, and I think that is wrong.

I believe that if two people like and respect each other, and feel confident that they care about each other as individuals, that sex can be a wonderful thing between them. Having sex is much more than two sets of hormones calling to each other.... but it doesn't have to be the merging of two deeply-in-love souls or some such overly-romanticized drivel.

Would I prefer my boys wait until they are considerably older?? Sure. Of course I would because the chances of them being hurt is reduced the more mature they become. Would I have a nervous breakdown if my teenaged son had protected sex with a girl that he knew for years and trusted completely?? Of course not!

I keep condoms in my bedroom drawer. My boys know where they are, and they know that if they feel that they are going to have sex, they are welcome to raid that drawer and take what they need.

However.... if someone is too embarrassed, shy or afraid to go to a store and buy condoms for their own use, then that person is too immature to handle a sexual relationship. If you can't bring yourself to buy the tools, then you are too immature to be doing anything that would require you to use them.

Clear as mud?? :lol

[Raydreamer]

I was going to comment, but you've pretty much said what i feel DayDreamer.

Sex is fun, and what I agree with most, is when you said...

However.... if someone is too embarrassed, shy or afraid to go to a store and buy condoms for their own use, then that person is too immature to handle a sexual relationship. If you can't bring yourself to buy the tools, then you are too immature to be doing anything that would require you to use them.

I believe that one hundred percent. I also think it's everybodies responsibility to give good, sound and truthful information and encourage children/teenagers to research too.
But then I think we should encourage children to research everything!

[Semele]

Teens are no different than adults in that there are teens some who are mature enough to handle things and those who are too immature to make educated decisions.

I wouldn't recommend that anyone start having sex at a young age when so much other emotional stuff is going on, but it isn't very practical to assume that they will abstain.

I don't even think most teens should be driving let alone having sex, but that's just my personal opinion.

[Mindflayer]

I'm going to tell my kids the truth, what happens, what CAN happen, everything they'll need to make a mature decision...

of course, they can't make that mature decision until at LEAST 16 ;)

[RubyRose]

The truth is really the only way too go, there's not point trying to stop the inevitable, as long as they are responsible enough to handle it

[Raydreamer]

I was still thinking about this....
I think anything before 16 is too young. Whether they are emotionally ready or not. But after that, i think they are probably a bit more formed to be able to make a mature decision. If I had a daughter or son who came to me saying they felt they were ready to have sex with their partner at fifteen....i would ask why, and i would ask them to wait until they were sixteen. That's the legal age and also I hope by agreeing to do so, they would prove themselves mature enough anyway.

I'd like to think i'd be able to offer my children the support and love for them to become intelligent, happy beings...aware enough to make their own decisions....but then i suppose that's what we'd all like.

As for other people's kids...i think the age for sex would depend on where their head is at...if they were comfortable with themselves, responsible, caring and able to make mature decisions.....

[FaerieGothMommy]

I do not regret having my daughter at 15! I've learnt alot, and shes my rock! I enjoy being a mother, and was never really like other kids, everyone used to call me "boring" because i didn't want to play stupid games, i'd rather stay indoors...
I'm just saying this, because even though i was 15 i was responsible, i have been ever since my daughter was born! So has my boyfriend, he didn't run away! He was in the delivery room when i gave birth to our daughter. Not every teenager is irresponsible.
If pregnancy were to happen to your teenage child, i bet you'll be surprised how there parental instincts will kick in :)

[DayDreamer]

:)

As far as I'm concerned... a pregnant teen is not a "responsible" teenager. A responsible teen knows what causes pregnancy, and takes the appropriate steps to avoid it. A responsible teen doesn't get pregnant in the first place.

The fact that you accepted responsibility for your actions and the consequences of them - THAT made you a responsible person. The act of getting pregnant did not. I don't find a teenager getting pregnant to be an admirable thing. I DO find a teenager accepting responsibility for a pregnancy and raising a healthy, happy child ... THAT is definitely admirable!! Great job Fairygothmommy.



I do not regret having my daughter at 15! I've learnt alot, and shes my rock! I enjoy being a mother, and was never really like other kids, everyone used to call me "boring" because i didn't want to play stupid games, i'd rather stay indoors...
I'm just saying this, because even though i was 15 i was responsible, i have been ever since my daughter was born! So has my boyfriend, he didn't run away! He was in the delivery room when i gave birth to our daughter. Not every teenager is irresponsible.
If pregnancy were to happen to your teenage child, i bet you'll be surprised how there parental instincts will kick in :)

[FaerieGothMommy]

You've got it completely wrong!
I didn't say i was responsible for getting pregnant! i said i was responsible for looking after my daughter, because she is MINE!!!

Contraception can fail....

Thanks for the kind words :)

[Seren Mara]

It worries me more that my 20 year old flatmate has unprotected sex with complete random guys because she knows that 'contraception can fail' so she just doesn't bother using it, than it does the possibility that my younger sister, who is just sixteen, could be having a sex life, because at least she'll be using protection.

Pregnancy can happen to any female, just about. Age doesn't comes into it. I know that my sister would be a better, more responsible mother than my flatmate, and there is four years between them. I used to work for a playscheme, and sometimes it was the youngest mothers who had the most charming and well-behaved children.

I forgot to say, kudos to you, fairygothmommy, for having the courage to keep your child and bring her up properly. I don't think I would have that courage.

[Pesha]

My late daughter became preggers when she was just 14. We all decieded that an abortion was the best course of action then. I am afraid that young teens in the ages of 13-17 are too young to understand the act of love making is more than just a physical thing. Sex is so much more than physical. Sadly actually some adults have trouble with that concept. I lost my virginity at age 17, and even then dd not know what I had actually done to myself. I wish I had waited till I was older. It is such a difficult subject. And are there really any hard and fast answers??

BB
DS.

[MoonRaven]

If I said anything about this I'd be a hypocrite. I was barely 15 and I'd only been with my BF at the time for a few weeks (at the very least, I knew him fairly well before we started dating). I look back on it now and I'm not even sure if I was ready or not - I could buy condoms no problem, didn't bother me. I know for a fact that he wasn't ready though, because it quickly became the only reason we were together, and when I actually wanted to spend TIME with him he said he didn't want to have anything to do with me.

My parents never had "the talk" with me. It wasn't that I needed it, but I knew that it meant that they didn't approve of anything like that. They were the type to say "not until you're married," so they never brought it up. Luckily my mom's not naive; she knows but she doesn't talk about it. I mean, I HAVE been living with my BF for 2 1/2 years. But I, on the other hand, won't take that approach with my kids. I want them to know everything - yes it's enjoyable, and no it doesn't save relationships - all the crap they never tell you in school but SHOULD, because it would stop a lot of people from making a lot of mistakes. I want my kids to know that it's not a horrible thing that's absolutely forbidden, and that if they're going to, they have to understand the consequences and be careful, and that they'll know when they're ready.

[jennymac]

I lost my virginity at 14, and I definately wasn't ready. I had little or no self confidence and I felt pressured so I did it. When I have kids I will be sure that they know that just because you're feeling pressured dosen't mean you have to give in. I really regret who it was and when I did it and I hope my kids don't make the same mistakes. I agree that under 16 is usually too young for such a big decision.

[FaerieGothMommy]

It worries me more that my 20 year old flatmate has unprotected sex with complete random guys because she knows that 'contraception can fail' so she just doesn't bother using it, than it does the possibility that my younger sister, who is just sixteen, could be having a sex life, because at least she'll be using protection.

Well, sorry to say this, but your flatmate is kinda stupid, it's not just pregnancy that can happen. Theres tons of sexualy transmitted diseases she can get! So it would be extremley wise for her to use condoms, if she were to sleep with random guys!

[Laurelei]

14? Heck, I'm 14 next April!

I wouldn't even consider it 'till I'm about 16 or 17, but NOT because according to my age I'm an 'immature being' (I get so sick of being considered an animal because I have a few spots and greasy hair). I'm the most mature person I know. Lunatics.

But I wouldn't consider it because of the physical stuff. I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about, I did get 100% in my human biology test, but there's that thing they forgot to mention about the higher risk of cancer the younger you are when you do it, and the fact that I'd have to go right through my 20's without a decent figure if I got pregnant :lol: OK, that was generalising a bit. Sorry. I figure it's more trouble than it's worth. *shrugs*

And there's the small detail that the one person who I KNOW 'does it' regularly is the most emotionally unstable, messed up person in the world.

[FaerieGothMommy]

14? Heck, I'm 14 next April!

I wouldn't even consider it 'till I'm about 16 or 17, but NOT because according to my age I'm an 'immature being' (I get so sick of being considered an animal because I have a few spots and greasy hair). I'm the most mature person I know. Lunatics.

But I wouldn't consider it because of the physical stuff. I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about, I did get 100% in my human biology test, but there's that thing they forgot to mention about the higher risk of cancer the younger you are when you do it, and the fact that I'd have to go right through my 20's without a decent figure if I got pregnant :lol: OK, that was generalising a bit. Sorry. I figure it's more trouble than it's worth. *shrugs*

And there's the small detail that the one person who I KNOW 'does it' regularly is the most emotionally unstable, messed up person in the world.

Good for you :) keep it that way :lol:
I'm not your mother, i know! I'm only 3 years older than you! But, at least you are sensible enough to keep your virginity! Save it for when YOUR ready! :)

[FlyingBear]

For the most part, teens are going to have sex much sooner than adults wanna think about it. There is always the exception, of course. But I think maintaining a good relationship with teenagers helps alot, as well as being honest with them and acceptting of the fact that they are also becoming sexual beings.

However, it's can be very confusing for them. Too many mistake sex for love and have some rather naive notions about what it all entails. But being fair here, I know many adults who are still making the same mistakes as well.

I think that a teenager who is ready to go down that road is someone who will accept the responsibilty of communcation, self esteem and birth control. I think boys should know ALL the options as well as the grrls. The less mystery around sex, the better.

:floating:

[FeatherGoblinglimmer]

I agree on what Daydreamer has said on the most part.. What FGM has said also rings true for me...Contraception can fail!!It did with me too..I was 17 when i was pregnant and 18 when i had my child . I was using the pill, i was in a relationship with someone i liked....


I don't think peer pressure and exceptance into the norm should be a reason.I think there would always be regrets over any first time..Most of thwe time it's not with the one you would have liked it to be with looking back later on.

[Kalika]

I think it depends on the kids themselves, and their level of maturity, both emotionally and physically. If they are mentally and physically ready... I think they should be able to make that choice on their own.

Then again... I don't have kids of my own, and I can imagine freaking out when the time comes!! :) I'm just basing this on my experience. :lol:

Blessings,

Kalika

[FaerieGothMommy]

I think it depends on the kids themselves, and their level of maturity, both emotionally and physically. If they are mentally and physically ready... I think they should be able to make that choice on their own.

I agree!

[Amethyst Rose]

My opinion applies to adults as well as teenagers....

Having sex is making a decision to have a child. Contraception can and does fail, so if you have sex, you have to accept that having a child is a possibility, whether you're using contraception or not.
So, if you are not ready to have a child, you are not ready to have sex.
That seems really extreme, I know. :)

[AradiaSupernova]

I think it's best to just let people do it when they feel they are ready, and both partners (or more) are sure it's what they want. Age is only a factor because our society makes it one. *shrug* I know plenty of 14-15 year olds who are more mature and responsible than most 40 or 50 year olds. It's the times we're in, really. And the more people oppress that idea, the worse things are going to get as far as teenage pregnancy and things of that nature go. In countries where sex is publicised as a good thing, instead of a bad one, there are less instances of things we see now happening to younger people. Less STD's, less pregnancies..that should tell us something. So, my 2 cents is that it is up to the person what age they feel is appropriate for themself to begin having sex. As long as you are educated and can make that decision plus know that there are possible consequences.

[Raihn]

My personal thought is that...well, it's all up to the emotional value of the teenagers. Though, I'm not sure that even these teenagers know if they are set for such a thing in their lives when they go through with it. I believe everyone is different in this respect, having his or her own time of readiness. In fact, I had a good friend once who wasn't ready for sex until she was 23. She just didn’t feel it necessary and was, honestly, a little afraid of it. She never regretted it.

If these kids feel as though they can take the certain responsibility towards sex, then I think they are ready for it. But, of course, so many of them have sex when they are far from mentally or sometimes even physically prepared.

[Imbrium]

The idea of protection is a bit deceptive. Pregnancy can happen even with it, but then again, so can STD's. When I was a teenager a girlfriend of mine threw herself into the sack with a well known, popular guy. She used 'protection', but ended up with a raging case of herpes and mononucleosis. I remember considering myself very responsible at the time, but came away shocked that you could still get an STD while using a condom. Then I turned around and my 'protection' failed, and I ended up pregnant....Gah!

Sex is a wildcard. No matter what you use to protect yourself, or how educated you are, or how emotionally stable, there is no certainty or guarantee that you wont get an STD, pregnant,hurt, or end up with a jerk. Or even worse..... And while I firmly believe that you should have sex wisely, no matter what your age, I also think that teens should wait as long as possible. Developing self control is surprisingly useful.

[Seren Mara]

Well, sorry to say this, but your flatmate is kinda stupid, it's not just pregnancy that can happen. Theres tons of sexualy transmitted diseases she can get! So it would be extremley wise for her to use condoms, if she were to sleep with random guys!

I know that. I also think she's being stupid. But will she listen? Nope. That's her only reason for not using condoms, I swear. I keep trying to get her to go for STD tests but she says that she's known all the guys she's slept with she's known, and of course, that's a GREAT method of determining whether they'll have chlamydia or not.

And it's that stupid logic and lack of common sense that lets me know that if she had a baby, she'd probably put it down and forget it.


So, if you are not ready to have a child, you are not ready to have sex.

What I would say is, if you're not emotionally ready and mature enough to use contraception, and in a worst case scenario, to deal with a pregnancy, then you're not ready to have sex.

[Seren Mara]

The idea of protection is a bit deceptive. Pregnancy can happen even with it, but then again, so can STD's. When I was a teenager a girlfriend of mine threw herself into the sack with a well known, popular guy. She used 'protection', but ended up with a raging case of herpes and mononucleosis. I remember considering myself very responsible at the time, but came away shocked that you could still get an STD while using a condom. Then I turned around and my 'protection' failed, and I ended up pregnant....Gah!

But I take it you'd still agree that taking precautions is a good idea? I'm sorry you didn't realise that contraception wasn't 100% effective. Nothing is, except celibacy, unfortunately.

[boerbabe]

I lost my virginity at 15, almost 16, and I wish i had waited. It wasn't the right time, or the right person.

I do think that 16 or older can be the right age if both are responcible.

[MoonDust]

When do I think it’s ok for teenagers to have sex? Oh goodness. Seeing as my baby sister is on the brink of becoming a teenager this is a touchy subject. Let’s see. I have a bit of a check list.

-When you’re old enough to know your body. I mean know your body. Know exactly how one can become pregnant. And can tell the sex myths from the truths.

-When you can talk about sex to your parents and not feel giggle or squeamish. Not when you can talk to them about YOU having sex, but just sex in general.

-When you can talk to your SO about sex and have to confidence to ask them to get tested and are not insulted when they ask the same of you.

-When you understand that hey sex can very likely lead to you, or the person you’re sleeping with, can very likely get pregnant and you’re financially able to support a child.

-When you can walk in to a drug store and buy a pack of condoms with out turning beet red

-When you can walk n to a drug store and buy a pregnacy test without turning beet red.

There are of course more things to take in to account. The person you’re with. Trust. Are you ok with this person seeing you naked? Are you going to run for cover the second the lights go on?

I think that many people start having sex far earlier than they should –my self being one of them. But I finally got to a point where I decided to wait and not have sex with anyone else until I could be comfortable with myself and the person I planned to sleep with enough to share myself with them.

[Phoenix Blue]

Having sex is making a decision to have a child. Contraception can and does fail, so if you have sex, you have to accept that having a child is a possibility, whether you're using contraception or not.
Umm, no, having sex is having sex. But I would recommend multiple layers of contraception whenever possible (ie., spermicidal condoms and birth control pills). And I don't understand why anyone under the age of at least 16 or 17 would even be seriously considering having sex with someone else?

[Semele]

And I don't understand why anyone under the age of at least 16 or 17 would even be seriously considering having sex with someone else?
Have you watched any MTV lately or the crap that they play on Noggin after 6 pm? There are soap operas for preteens that openly discuss and show sexual topics.

It's the media man!!!!!

[MoonIsis]

I really think that teens should look at themselves more when it comes to sex. How would sex make you feel? So many teens are pressured into sex and it's way worse then when I was a teen...hip huggers, all these reality tv shows that show nothing but people hooking up and having sex, it's all over the tv and movies. Even video games are advertising sex now. It's pretty ridiculous. Some teens might think that having sex is cool or will make you popular, when in fact I think the opposite makes you a better person..inside and outside. I never gave into that kind of stuff, and people had more respect for me because I said "no!" or "stop touching me!". If I didn't want to be with them, I definetly let them know.

I don't think that many people bring up the topic of masturbation as an alternative to sex. The best way to learn about yourself is to "do" yourself...:p hey, it sure helped me through high school, and as a result I didn't loose my cherry till I was 17, in college, and going out with a guy for over 6 months. I thought it was fun, because every night, I could be with someone else...i my MIND. I was never called a whore, I never got hurt, and best of all, I never got pregnant. :)

[lightfairy]

how long is a piece of string?

[boerbabe]

Have you watched any MTV lately or the crap that they play on Noggin after 6 pm? There are soap operas for preteens that openly discuss and show sexual topics.

It's the media man!!!!!

Yup. One of my teachers here at our good old JC also teaches high school, and he said that recently, a girl, a freshman at that, so 14 y/o, was wearing a pair of low-riding jeans that were low enough that when she hoooked her fingers into the waist, cleavage was visible in the front.

Considering what clothes are out there, and what I see jr. high and high school kids wearing, I wonder if half of them can;t be seen dancing for their money after school.
And I'm sure those clothes have a lot to do with their social activities as well, I know when I was in HS, I was rarely wearing enough to cover my butt when I sat down, and it certainly didn't help keep boys away from me!

[Imbrium]

But I take it you'd still agree that taking precautions is a good idea? I'm sorry you didn't realise that contraception wasn't 100% effective. Nothing is, except celibacy, unfortunately.
Of course. I knew that contraception wasn't 100% effective at the time, that is to say, for pregnancy. And my friend found out the hard way that there is no such thing as 'safe sex'. But when you are an hormone addled teen, knowing about somthing and really understanding it are two different things. I look back at my teenage self in total amazement sometimes. It's like I'm a completely different person. Most of my knowledge remains the same, but experience causes me to act differently than now than I would have then. I would never have had sex with the people that I did when I was 17, if I had it to do all over again.

Just no replacement for experience and wisdom.

[Imbrium]

Grrrr..and no replacement for a good spell check program. Sorry about the grammer!

[MoonIsis]

It's hard being a teen because everything is a popularity contest. It appears that some adults haven't grown up from their teens either with all the crap on tv today....girls getting all catty over some "fake" millionaire, people planning and back stabbing to vote someone else off an island to get 1 million, and don't forget other shows like Paradise island where you basically take out your boyfriend or girlfriends heart and crush it on national tv.

The best advice for a parent would be to know your son or daughter's friends. Their friends are a reflection of who they are as well.

[Phoenix Blue]

Have you watched any MTV lately or the crap that they play on Noggin after 6 pm? There are soap operas for preteens that openly discuss and show sexual topics.

It's the media man!!!!!
:p I haven't watched TV outside of CNN, Headline News, etc. (and only then for about 20 minutes at a time) in well near three years. My media exposure consists of the WWW and NPR.

Regardless, I don't think it's the media--unless I've missed the part where Fox News reporters actually buy school outfits for young girls nowadays?

[blueiris]

wow- i'm fourteen and i'm not even comfortable with my own body - forget about letting other people see it and touch it.
part of it is the media - well, the music at least - i don't know if anyone here has seen any recent rap videos but the girls in there are in the tighest shortest shorts in the world that don't even cover their butts and incredibly low shirts - alot of people think that is cool. it also doesn't help that most of the songs are about getting laid, etc (i'm personally into rock - but that's a different story).
then there are all those movies where teenagers are having sex so alot of other teenagers think it is cool and normal.
oh no i have to go...grrr stupid aol time limit...

[boerbabe]

Excellent point there blueiris!
When it's all you see, it's what is forced on your by society as being normal.. wether it is, isn't, or is even good for you.
Sad but true. :(

[Prudence Rose]

I believe teenagers should wait until they are married. I'm 16 and a virgin. I plan on staying that way. Maybe I'm just pregnancy paranoid. But condems and the pill dont always work. The only sure-fire way not to get pregnant is to have a histerectomy. So if your taken those odds I'd say its best to have a kid with your husband or wife. Not to mention I beleive that sex should only be between to people who are truely inlove. And being married kind of assures you that they haven't just been trying to get in your pants. A lot of people will tell someone they love them just to get in bed with them. If they want to marry you, chances are that they really love you. Not to mention, if you believe in any of the Christian laws whatsoever, you are Biblically married to who you lose your virginity to (although that might only be if both parties are virgins). It kind of bothers me that with the media and such today a lot of teenagers think that they're not cool unless they are having sex. I've had some of my friends pick on me for being a virgin. Your peers call you a goody goody and tell you you're lame just because you're safe. I just listen to it and in my mind think "lets see what tune you're singing if you get pregnant or get STD."

[moonchild]

i was 15 when i lost mine....now 12 yrs in the past....

my overall statement to contribute here is EDUCATION. that includes the down and dirty of birth control, emotional attachment (or lack there of by a partner), the consequences and the sheer fact that most people that have sex early don't stay with their first (i know some do but in my experience it seems rare, correct me if i'm wrong). but try to tell a teenager that...i work with a 14 yr old that lost her virginity at 12. she is an extremely intellegent girl and knows all the consequences but she tells me that it "felt right". reflecting on it now she knows better (at least that's what i was told when i handed her the pregnancy test for a scare). but does it stop her from doing it now? nope. new boy(s), new "felt right's". and that pregnancy scare wasn't long ago either, 2-3 months ago now. sigh. the best education i got? besides books and an open door policy with my parents (ask anything)? Planned Parenthood:) its straight talk. no sugar coating and you can truely ask anything! and our folks are nice.


i think if the kids are UNeducated we are setting them up for decisions that they just can't make without knowledge.

bottom line? EDUCATE. so they can make educated decisions when it "just feels right".

oh, almost forgot something...i'm 27, just got married and still not a very comfortable with my body. i think i was more comfortable with my body at age 15 because i was cocky and proud of my body.

any ways, i'll step off my soap box now....
i hope some of this made sense....

MC

[Kalika]

Honestly... hearing people blame the media makes me sad. Not because it isn't true... but I wish that young women would be able to see it for what it is... and realize that 10 years out of high school... its not going to matter what clothes they wear, or who they did nor didn't sleep with... but what's inside is what will count. Hell, 2 years out of high school it doesn't matter.

Unfortunately... many people learn this much too late.

I think sex is a very individual thing... :) I was younger so far than anyone who has posted their age on here (I prefer not to post more than that) but at that time I WAS emotionally mature enough and knew what I was doing, and have no regrets, as I was with someone that I love to this day, even though he is no longer a part of my life. Age does not have much to do with maturity, in my opinion. (Of course... a 2 year old isn't going to be very mature, but ya'll know what I mean.)

I agree with the fact that a lot of young people have sex to "fit in" or to not be the odd one out. And I hope, for that purpose, that this message gets out to the ones who DO read this board, and will maybe help them to take a deeper look at themselves before doing something that maybe they are not ready for. I agree also that education on the matter is a MUST, before anyone, of any age, considers having sex for the first time.

'Nuff said. :lol:

Blessings,

Kalika

[Casanite]

I think sex should be done when YOUR ready....but everybody has enfluances on them so anytime after boy and girls are done growing. Like if things don't fit, why make them? I don't know, i made the mistake of not caring and now i wish i did, so i could have saved it for somebody special....

[Alyn]

Wow, there is a lot of wisdom in this group.

i see it this way...

Sex is magic.* Those who claim that it can be merely a physical pastime are fooling themselves.

Most of you who practice magic cast a circle. This can be symbolic, figurative, metaphoric or real. It can be protection like a shield, from incoming force. It can be a boundry or limit for outgoing force. It can be mere ritual for sake of tradition. And it can cast aside by those who have no use for it.

When my daughter's body has physically matured. And curiosity and drive have taken hold. She will be taught the magic of sex.
I will tell her as long as she casts the circle i will support and encourage it. That circle is most often marriage, or loving monogamy. (but is not limited to)

Many have spoken in this thread as to the negative results of having a "weak circle" around their sexual magic. If you look deeply you can see why. All magic must have it's limitations.

If she wants to marry at 13 and both of them have passed my testing and "run the gauntlet" I will even support them financially, help them get started in life, roof over head, food in cupboaard etc. When she can set healthy boundaries, it will be up to her. Until then i will be standing guard like a rabid badger.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" A man's got to know his limitations" --> Dirty Harry


*For my definition of magic, see my "belief" post in another thread.

[Raydreamer]

Umm, no, having sex is having sex. But I would recommend multiple layers of contraception whenever possible (ie., spermicidal condoms and birth control pills). And I don't understand why anyone under the age of at least 16 or 17 would even be seriously considering having sex with someone else?

I don't agree with birth control pills. I believe if you're having sex...you should understand the possibilty that you might become pregnant and of course use condoms. But Birth control pills/injections....filling your body with hormones to dupe your body...i don't agree with. Hell i don't even use paracetamol!
I don't like taking chemicals at all, whether or not the chemicals are those that you already have in your body...it seems not quite right somehow.

[Raydreamer]

Sex is magic.* Those who claim that it can be merely a physical pastime are fooling themselves.

Most of you who practice magic cast a circle. This can be symbolic, figurative, metaphoric or real. It can be protection like a shield, from incoming force. It can be a boundry or limit for outgoing force. It can be mere ritual for sake of tradition. And it can cast aside by those who have no use for it.

I totally agree that sex is magic...and physical....it's an art, it's wonderful...you can have sex for fun, but fun is magic too. I've had wonderful sex with people i wasn't in love with...
and it just so happens the best sex i've ever had is with my current partner who i'm head over heels in love with. I've never loved anyone the way i love him.
This doesn't mean to say i believe you can only have meaningful sex with the one you love. I believe you can have meaningful sex for fun.

Anyway...what am i saying...pretty mush what you were saying Alyn! I'm just repeating you! :lol:

Do you ever do that when something funny happens on tv, and everyone was there and saw it, but you repeat it exactly to them? And you wonder, "why did i just repeat the exact same thing they just saw??" :lol: i do that all the time!!

[Phoenix Blue]

I don't agree with birth control pills. I believe if you're having sex...you should understand the possibilty that you might become pregnant and of course use condoms. But Birth control pills/injections....filling your body with hormones to dupe your body...i don't agree with. Hell i don't even use paracetamol!
To each her own, of course. . . but I don't see anything inherently unhealthy about hormones. In fact, I know at least one person who used them to help with mood swings, in addition to their intended use as a birth control method.

I respect your choice not to use birth control medication, but I'd rather take the extra level of precaution.

[MoonIsis]

I don't agree with birth control pills. I believe if you're having sex...you should understand the possibilty that you might become pregnant and of course use condoms. But Birth control pills/injections....filling your body with hormones to dupe your body...i don't agree with. Hell i don't even use paracetamol!
I don't like taking chemicals at all, whether or not the chemicals are those that you already have in your body...it seems not quite right somehow.

I totally agree with you. I never liked the idea of stopping something such as the natural cleansing of your womb. That's a place I want to be as drug free as possible. I don't like the side effects associated with taking some type of birth control.

"Side effects, that may go away during treatment, include nausea, vomiting, bleeding between menstrual periods, breast tenderness, or weight change. If they continue or are bothersome, check with your doctor. Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience persistent or recurrent abnormal vaginal bleeding, a missed menstrual period, dizziness or fainting, swelling of fingers or ankles, headache, or difficulty wearing contact lenses. Contact your doctor immediately if you experience sharp or crushing chest pain, sudden shortness of breath, sudden severe headache or leg pain, yellow skin or eyes, changes in vision, numbness of an arm or leg, or severe stomach pain. "

SHEESH! Might as well dig my grave now! My sister has been on the pill for over 8 years and I'm starting to get worried. Number one she smokes a lot and smoking cigarettes while using the pill may increase your risk of stroke, heart attack, blood clots, high blood pressure, or other diseases of the heart and blood vessels. She has already had negative readings from her OBGYN during her visits, she developed calcium deposits in her breasts that she is now taking medicine to decrease, and complains of pain in her abdomin area sometimes. All this so that you don't have to use a condom? I think it's stupid. I told her to get off the pill and give her body a rest but she refuses. My mother is also worried considering cancer runs rampid in our family and my mom is living proof, already having a hystarectamy and breast surgery. She's obviously not concerned about the risks she is putting on herself.

I NEVER had a contraceptive fail since I started making love. I have used condoms forever, and now they make them so well, my mate says he can't even feel them and often gets scared like "did it fall off?" because it feels so good. Also, spermacidle inserts are the alternative to condoms and you can have sex naked...wheeeeeeeee! No pill, no side effects, no problem! It's good to use the inserts right after the girl is done her period, and then whens she starts to ovulate again, you switch and use condoms again just to be safe. I've been doing this for a long time and it works like a charm...I think more people have gotten pregnant because the pill didn't work or they may have taken some other medicine that made the pill malfunction...or just forgot to take the pill altogether. I don't like how the commericals make like "going on the pill is good for you" by advertising "why not go on the pill that makes your skin look great...ortho try cyclin". Meanwhile, ortho try cyclin is 2 different hormones you are taking...

I can't see how a condom could break if you put it on correctly. Jesus, I think I filled one up once with a liter or more of water and it still didn't break. Unless you put a hole in your condom, or you ripped it yourself, I can't see how it would break.

I know some women go on the pill for other reasons. My obgyn said "do you have pms" and I said "no" and he told me that if i had severe pms that going on the pill would help. Well, I lied...I do get pms...I just learn to deal with it. I think being natural is the best thing you can do for yourself. I hope this post does not offend people who are on the pill. It is in no way meant to. It is just how I feel on the subject.

[boerbabe]

My Grandma is freaked out by me being on Depo because I don't bleed, and haven't for any of the time I've been on it. I was off it for a while, but I think it's been about 7 years.

She thinks that it means something wrong, but I see it as this.
Your bleed because your body is passing the materials used to cushion and protect the egg, if it were fertilized.
But because of the hormones, no egg was released, meaning there's nothing to be done to protect it, and nothing to be flushed from the body.

As for my reasons for using this, well, spending 3 to 5 days a month all but in tears and with all of my muscles in a state of exhaustion from constant cramping that I can't hardly walk, it's an instant fix for it. Taht, and for what it's intended, it's 99.7% sure.

Depo Provera is also used in animals to make a fetus stronger, and prevent natural abortions, and has been for years. Why they don't want humans to be on it if you are pregnant I really wonder.

Condons.. oh yes, they break! I'm not even going to count how many I can think of, so doubling up with birth control methods is definatly a good thing! If you can't give a child the life they deserve, you probably shouldn't be having sex, but people do, and so they should protect themselves.

As for Alyn's magic bit... I don't know about magic, but there is soemthing speecial about it, and ever person I have been with, there has been something amazing and wonderful there. Never have I been in love with the person, but the friendship you share, or whatever brings you together can be... nvm, repeating Alyn too..lol.

I think I'm done with my little rant now.. heehee

[Nissala]

having my first child at 16 (pregnant at 15) and watching my daughter have her first child at 15 (pregnant at 14) I may not be the best person to answer this question. My daughter is now 24 and has 3 children.

IMO, if they are emotionally prepared and take precaution and hopefully over the age of 16.. then why not. But under 16 (and sometimes even over 16) some cannot deal with the emotional side of what could happen. Just be prepared for the possibility of consequences.

I tried to educate my children at a young age about sex, even told them when they are ready, no matter what their age, I would get the protection for them if they were not old enough to get it themselves. Of couse, they were in that "it can't happen to me" phase.....My son, who is 17, has a son who is 16 months old (his girlfriend, who also lives with me, is 19). I have to give my son kudosthough for standing by his girl and sticking around to raise his son. My son was 15 (almost 16) when Lil T was born :D

Just make sure it is something you really want to do, and you can deal with ALL the aspects of it before jumping into something you may not be prepared to deal with....*off my soap box now* ;)

[Prudence Rose]

I plan on using birth control when I'm married. I don't want to have kids, or babies rather, even when I'm married. However when I'm married you can count on me having sex with my husband. I want to adopt some older kids but I dont want the whole pregnancy birthing package or babies. If some is psychologically incapable of having a baby, then they should use the pill or whatever it takes to keep them from getting pregnant.

[Kalika]

I don't agree with birth control pills. I believe if you're having sex...you should understand the possibilty that you might become pregnant and of course use condoms. But Birth control pills/injections....filling your body with hormones to dupe your body...i don't agree with. Hell i don't even use paracetamol!
I don't like taking chemicals at all, whether or not the chemicals are those that you already have in your body...it seems not quite right somehow.

There are MANY benefits to being on the pill or other hormones. For many women it helps to regulate their cycles. A friend of mine was having her period CONSTANTLY, but for a few days a month. The pill was the only thing that solved this problem. Pills and shots are just activating and adding to hormones that are already present in your body. They regulate your cycle, and help to limit the receptiveness of a fertilized egg.

It also is a very smart move to use multiple layers of contraceptives, as others have stated. Condoms do break, pills and shots sometimes fail, etc. Having a backup plan is a good thing. I also believe in being responsible for yourself, which is why, until recently ('cause we're ready for babies!!! :) ) I was on the pill. Just because I love someone does not mean that I want to put my own health, and responsibility as a woman in their hands. That, and I think condoms are icky. (the female kind) :lol:


Basically, what is true for one person, is not true for all. If you feel that you can be responsible for a child, or that a condom is all the protection that you need, then that's the right choice for you. Noone else can decide that. But there ARE other options available.

There are also downfalls to the pill, and to the depo shot. Both can make you gain weight, or they can affect your hormones to the point where you are a little unstable. In this case, there are other alternatives.

I've seen people on both ends of the spectrum. I can see where you are coming from in not wanting to alter your body - but like you said, these hormones are already present, you're just giving them a boost. Even vitamins can alter your body, if you take too much, or not enough. There's that risk with everything. (OK, almost everything)

But overall, I think the pill is a great thing. I also think that Planned Parenthood (which if none of you have heard of, it is an income based clinic, mostly for young people who cannot afford contraceptives and exams, and do not usually have health insurance other than under their parents - services are often donation based - pay what you can- for non-working students, or those with a low income) is a great place, and would recommend that any young teen considering having sex, or wanting to protect themselves "just in case" go there and speak with the nurses. They're great and very informative. Pills and the depo shot are also much cheaper there, for those who are unable to afford the normal pricing. They also provide counseling, condoms, and STD testing.


Just my opinion.

Blessings,

Kalika

[Xander67]

this is a tough call, but i would say that personally, when i was a teen, sex was something i used to think about alot, just as i do today, and just as everyone does, it is only normal......

today, I feel sex is something that is beautiful, magic, and something that should be shared by two people who care about each other, and not something to do just for fun, or pleasure,

so I guess, it is a mater of experience, and perspective :)

[boerbabe]

Thanks for the explaination up there Kalika, I was wondering what the heck Planned Parenthood was or did.

[Kalika]

Xander- I agree that its a matter of perspective. I think sex CAN be "just for fun" if both people understand that that is the point behind it, and both people are emotionally stable enough to accept that without psychological repercussions.

Boerbabe - Don't know if you are in the US, but Planned Parenthood was a great resource for me when I was younger. I don't know if they are in all 50 states, but its a good resource, so pass it along if you get the chance. :)

Anyone else find this conversation interesting...? I sure do. I'm used to people blushing and turning away at the mention of sex. ;)

Blessings,

Kalika

[Prudence Rose]

Yes this is an interesting topic. I've never really understood why the topic of sex is thought of as something that should not be talked about. Sex has been around since the creation of man. Its natural. It stupid when people think its okay to talk about love but not sex. I wonder if they realize that the 2 go hand in hand. I also think it is rediculous when people try to shelter there children from the topic. If you wait till your child is lk 13 to give them the talk they're likely to have already had sex. I knew what sex was before I could even read. It hasn't corrupted me to know about it at a young age. If anything it was an advantage. I'm proud to say that I'm still a virgin and I've known about sex for around 13 years. So the concept that some parents have of "if we tell them they'll go and have it" just really isnt true. Even if you dont give them the talk earlier, if they want to have sex they will. People have had sex without even knowing what it was. Take the movie the Blue Lagoon for example. I will admit though, that my parents never actually gave me the talk. I learned from watching television and hearing older kids talk about it.

[tallulah]

I have a different opinion about sex for me than most here. I was sexually molested when I was four and again when I was eight, for a few weeks the first time and a few months the second time. I got on with my life and didn't really think about what had happened to me until my sophomore year of high school. I have an incredibly hard time being close to a guy that wants me now, even kissing and physical contact will make me feel incredibly dirty, bad, and wrong somehow. I'm a junior in high school now, and most of my friends are guys, but I can't stand being around one who likes me. I know that eventually I will get over this and might even come to enjoy sex one day, but it won't be soon.

[boerbabe]

Boerbabe - Don't know if you are in the US, but Planned Parenthood was a great resource for me when I was younger. I don't know if they are in all 50 states, but its a good resource, so pass it along if you get the chance. :)
Yes, I am in California, about an hour and a half North of Los Angeles.
I've heard of Planned Parenthood, but never looked it up to see what it was, and what they did.
I'm not even sure that we have a location closer then Los Angeles though, which makes it very difficult for a lot of people to get there- if you can't afford the county doctor, chances are you don't have money to get down to LA and back as well... not to mention possibly needing an excuse to disapeer for the day if they didn;t want their parents to know.

[Xander67]

that is understandable Bore, i guess im weak emotionally then, it means alot more to me ........ I m not into casual sex

[Prudence Rose]

I have a different opinion about sex for me than most here. I was sexually molested when I was four and again when I was eight, for a few weeks the first time and a few months the second time. I got on with my life and didn't really think about what had happened to me until my sophomore year of high school. I have an incredibly hard time being close to a guy that wants me now, even kissing and physical contact will make me feel incredibly dirty, bad, and wrong somehow. I'm a junior in high school now, and most of my friends are guys, but I can't stand being around one who likes me. I know that eventually I will get over this and might even come to enjoy sex one day, but it won't be soon.
You're not alone with the melestation. I was once when I was 12 (unless it was just a horribly realistic nightmare which I hope). And to this day I still get sexually harrassed by that person. I don't let it bother me with other guys though. Just because the one is a jackass, doesnt mean they all are. I just try to keep the experiance out of my mind and move on with my life. Plus, I figure that he'll get his comeupons oneday. Kharma can be a mighty thing. It like a boomarang. What you send out you get back. Just like the rule of 3 says.

[blueiris]

just checking back in...
on the birth control pills - my friend had her period for 2 months straight - and extremely heavy too - so she literally has to be on birth control pills to control her period because she had to go to the hospital for blood, etc. it was a very scary time.
i think teens might also have sex to make themselves feel good about theirsevles and their bodies. i know that's why my friend does it - she feels good about her body for the time being. unfortunately though - it can lead to emotional disaster.
i am so sorry for you tallulah - tell that guy to screw off.
also, in health classes the teachers do not ever mention birth control or anything. occasionally my health teacher would say use a condom but she always said do NOT have Sex and then she would say *in order* pregnancy, AIDS, and STDs. Never once did she mention how to avoid those "side affects" of sex, not to mention the emotional side affects and so on. What they should really do is have a REAL sex-ed class with All the information, not just one side of it. they don't say how it's pleasurable, and so. sex is bad according to the school system.

[Kalika]

This thread is getting a little personal... but what the heck, right?

I was raped when I was 15. And yes... I had had sex before... but this messed me up quite psychologically for awhile. Still hurts to think about it to be honest, but I'm a much stronger person now than I was then, just because of so many various things I have been through in my life. I didn't come forward about what happened until almost 2 years later - to the guy who is now my fiance, and my best friend. It helped to start the healing process. This is kind of off topic, but this is a big reason why I am big on self defense training. I was a tough cookie even at age 15, but when its someone I knew and trusted, and thought was my friend... I didn't pay close enough attention until I was in a position that I couldn't fight my way out of. I got my "payback" later (he got his butt kicked by a girl - me - yes, when necessary, I will resort to such measures. I've changed alot since that time though!) but the psychological effects are not the same (for him), and they never completely go away. His comments to someone else? "Yeah, I just f***ed a 15 year old"

Until that happened, I was pretty happy with my life, the person I had been with (there had only been one, happy to say) and it had been a pretty long time. So saying, at such a young age, the psychological ramifications were not bad for me, until the above-mentioned happened. I didn't do anything to egg him on, or even make him THINK I was interested. In fact, I had quite blatantly told him I was not. So why did it happen? (Its a philosophical question... no need to answer)

But, back on topic, I think that the above-mentioned occurence... and the others that have spoken up here, is a good reason for the young to be educated regarding sex. As well as what is right and what is wrong regarding sex. Because I've seen many young people come forward in molestation cases, where they didn't realize anything was wrong, except for deep down inside, because noone TALKED to them about it. (I used to do a LOT of volunteer work) And I have seen many cases where people are unwilling to come forward because they think that they somehow deserved what happened, or brought it on themselves.

For the same reason, I think that children should be taught that no means NO at a young age. I feel that if you ingrain this in someone early on... it sticks. Its just my opinion and thoughts on the matter though. I spent many hours wondering, what if his parents had taught him that no means no right off... would he have backed off? I'll never know. But he was the kind of guy that got away with everything, with friends, with family, with girlfriends. Its sad. And it makes me sad that it happened to other girls as well, and he never got punished for it. He never went to jail. None of the other women were willing to testify against him (actually, they were girls ages 14 - 17) when it came time for trial and the potential for him to go to and stay in jail, and by the time I came forward... it was too late, according to the courts. I don't believe that, but I'm no longer willing to pursue it. I've grown past it, and I firmly believe that he'll get what's coming to him one of these days.

I guess, my point is, to young women out there - be careful!! Not all men are horrible, and its not wrong to have guy friends, nor should you be afraid to do so. But follow your instincts. If you aren't comfortable being alone with a guy... if you don't like how he looks at you, or whatever... don't be. I wish I had been able to heed my own advise 7 years ago, so I'm saying this in the hopes that it may help someone else. And, so as not to be biased, the same applies for guys, because it DOES happen, believe it or not. Females can also be the offending party.

But... for anyone looking to get past anything similar than my experience, I'm one hell of a testimonial. I have been in a monogamous relationship for 5 years, I trust my fiance with heart and soul, and I have made an effort to better myself and become a better and stronger person because of the things I have been through. If anyone out there reads this, and needs to talk... I am here!! (I'm not trying to brag or anything about how great I am... I hope it doesn't come across as such, cause I don't think that)

Sorry, that was way off topic. :P

Xander - Just because you don't want to have "casual" sex, doesn't mean that you are weak. Just means that you are more sensitive, and that isn't necessarily a weakness. I actually think that's a great quality, and one that is somewhat rare these days. I've seen more people here that feel the way you do, than I have met in a long time.

Boerbabe- The closest clinic to me growing up was 45 minutes away... and I lived in podunk Iowa. There might be one closer than you think. :) For the sake of those who may need it in your area... I hope so!

Blessings,

Kalika

[Kalika]

...Sorry folks. That was kinda long.

Apologies if I scared anyone off too!!

Blessings,

Kalika

[tallulah]

Thank you Kalika and Prudence Rose - it helps to know that I'm not alone.

The first time I was molested, when I was four, the boy was half a year younger than me and didn't know anything about sex or that it was wrong to force himself on a girl, and I still don't blame him because he really didn't know that it was wrong.

The second time, it wasn't a guy, it was a female friend of mine. Oddly enough, I don't blame her either. She's an incredibly sweet and nice girl, but I can't forget what she did.

And until now I've been too ashamed to tell anyone. This is the first time I've mentioned it to anyone. I don't blame myself, I know that it wasn't my fault, except perhaps for letting it go on so long without telling someone, but somehow I still can't get over it. I still have a lot of guy friends, I actually have more guy friends than girl friends, and I even have a boyfriend now, which, although tough, has been helping me teach myself that not every guy or girl is uncontrollable when turned on.

[boerbabe]

that is understandable Bore, i guess im weak emotionally then, it means alot more to me ........ I m not into casual sex
I don't look at it as casual sex, because to me that implies that there is nothing there but the physical action. And there is always so much more then just that- there's got to be a connection with the other person on some level besides just on the animal one. Otherwise when it's over, it's over. No afterwards, no emotions, no nothing. Just sex.

For that reason, because there is no one I want to share that with right now, it's been well over a year since there's been any activity on the homefront, and that's fine by me too. :)

[Kalika]

I don't look at it as casual sex, because to me that implies that there is nothing there but the physical action. And there is always so much more then just that- there's got to be a connection with the other person on some level besides just on the animal one. Otherwise when it's over, it's over. No afterwards, no emotions, no nothing. Just sex.

For that reason, because there is no one I want to share that with right now, it's been well over a year since there's been any activity on the homefront, and that's fine by me too. :)

*chuckle* Good for you. It's good to see that you don't HAVE to be with someone to be happy.

Blessings,

Kalika

[Kalika]

Thank you Kalika and Prudence Rose - it helps to know that I'm not alone.

The first time I was molested, when I was four, the boy was half a year younger than me and didn't know anything about sex or that it was wrong to force himself on a girl, and I still don't blame him because he really didn't know that it was wrong.

The second time, it wasn't a guy, it was a female friend of mine. Oddly enough, I don't blame her either. She's an incredibly sweet and nice girl, but I can't forget what she did.

And until now I've been too ashamed to tell anyone. This is the first time I've mentioned it to anyone. I don't blame myself, I know that it wasn't my fault, except perhaps for letting it go on so long without telling someone, but somehow I still can't get over it. I still have a lot of guy friends, I actually have more guy friends than girl friends, and I even have a boyfriend now, which, although tough, has been helping me teach myself that not every guy or girl is uncontrollable when turned on.

Hey hon, I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to post the information here. Anytime you need an ear... please feel free to contact me.

I'm not generally very open about things that have happened in the past... but I hope that this reaches someone somewhere, and makes their life a little easier.

Blessings,

Kalika

[boerbabe]

Looks like we are all posting in spurts at the same time here!

Kalika,
That is awful that no one else would step forward and testify against him! And just as awful that it was "too late" for you to do your part.

Tallulha, Prudence, & Kalika,
Things like that shoould never happen to anyone, but they do, and so much goes unpunished that should be. You all have incredible courage to be able to say it happened.
I wish people would think that others have feelings too, and what they are doing is wrong in so many ways. It makes me sick to think about it.

A few months ago, I was driving with a load of hay in the back of the truck- almost a ton and a half- and suddenly this girl throws herself into the road in front of me. I nearly hit her, and sure I would have killed her.
I hit the brakes, and swerved as hard as I could with my load, and amazingly, didn't lose any of it.
I pulled off the road to start breathing again, and she was running towards me. And I waited because when she threw herself in front of me, I had never seen such pure terror on anyones face.
I reached over, and locked the door as a precaution, watching the car that was on the other side of the road, and watching her run to my truck. But I did crack the window.
The first thing out of her mouth was that the man in the car tried to sexualy assault her, and I unlocked the door, and told her to get in.
She said she threw herself in front of my truck because he had flat out said he's rape her when she said no, and she would rather be dead then have him touch her.

She never reported him to the police, and I didn't think to take her there when I picked her up because I didn't know where the station was, and at that point I was nearly as scared as she was.

[Kalika]

Boerbabe,

That's a scarey experience. I hope that this girl eventually reports the incident to the police... or gets some sort of help.

And I hope that it never happens to her.

It is a horrible thing, but if you can make it through... and live your life without letting it overshadow everything, then you've done something.

Blessings,

Kalika

[boerbabe]

I called the police station after I stopped shaking (I had driven her to her house) and gave them all of my info, as well as what little I had on her.
I did all I could do, and can only hope for the best for her.
I have friends that live in that area, and that town is well known for it's sex offenders, so it's not only me I worry about, or the girl, but my frienbds, and really everyone.

On the other hand, i just noticed your smiley fish..lol. Cute!

[Kalika]

I called the police station after I stopped shaking (I had driven her to her house) and gave them all of my info, as well as what little I had on her.
I did all I could do, and can only hope for the best for her.
I have friends that live in that area, and that town is well known for it's sex offenders, so it's not only me I worry about, or the girl, but my frienbds, and really everyone.

On the other hand, i just noticed your smiley fish..lol. Cute!

The scarey thing about sex offenders here in Phoenix, is you never know where they are. For some reason there are many that slip through the cracks and don't register once they are out of prison. Ugh. I don't know if its that way everywhere, but it seems to be on the news ALOT here.

Thank you... he is cute isn't he? My little phishy phishy.

Blessings,

Kalika

[Prudence Rose]

Thank you Kalika and Prudence Rose - it helps to know that I'm not alone.

The first time I was molested, when I was four, the boy was half a year younger than me and didn't know anything about sex or that it was wrong to force himself on a girl, and I still don't blame him because he really didn't know that it was wrong.

The second time, it wasn't a guy, it was a female friend of mine. Oddly enough, I don't blame her either. She's an incredibly sweet and nice girl, but I can't forget what she did.

And until now I've been too ashamed to tell anyone. This is the first time I've mentioned it to anyone. I don't blame myself, I know that it wasn't my fault, except perhaps for letting it go on so long without telling someone, but somehow I still can't get over it. I still have a lot of guy friends, I actually have more guy friends than girl friends, and I even have a boyfriend now, which, although tough, has been helping me teach myself that not every guy or girl is uncontrollable when turned on.
With my case, it was by my step father. Only a few people know about it and niether are my parents. I have no proof and he's a very believable liar. I'm hoping I can get some evidence against him b4 long so I don't have to see him anymore. Your situation was tough, although feel lucky that is wasnt by someone over 30 years older than you. I had a friend who was melested by her grandfather. That would be some definate cause for psychological problems. Speaking of the step father thing, it seems that a lot of young and teenage girls are melested by their step fathers. ITs almost like the guys who do this pick a woman who's daughter he finds attraactive so he can have the wife and take advantage of the daughter. Its really sick. I hope you are able to get over not being able to let a guy friend hug you or anything. BB, PR

[Kalika]

With my case, it was by my step father. Only a few people know about it and niether are my parents. I have no proof and he's a very believable liar. I'm hoping I can get some evidence against him b4 long so I don't have to see him anymore. Your situation was tough, although feel lucky that is wasnt by someone over 30 years older than you. I had a friend who was melested by her grandfather. That would be some definate cause for psychological problems. Speaking of the step father thing, it seems that a lot of young and teenage girls are melested by their step fathers. ITs almost like the guys who do this pick a woman who's daughter he finds attraactive so he can have the wife and take advantage of the daughter. Its really sick. I hope you are able to get over not being able to let a guy friend hug you or anything. BB, PR

That is sick, and I hope that that is not the majority. :( Though now that you mention it, there is ALOT of that. I'm so sorry hon. I hope that you are ok (as much as can be) and that both of you learn to get through everything.

Blessings,

Kalika

[Prudence Rose]

"She said she threw herself in front of my truck because he had flat out said he's rape her when she said no, and she would rather be dead then have him touch her." posted by boerbabe

Did he actually rape her or did she get away in time?

[boerbabe]

No, he didn't. She jumped out of the car, and that was when she threw herself in front of me.
I think the only reason I was able to avoid hitting her was because I had slowed down because of the car she came out of was kind of on the road, at an odd angle, and she was trying to flag people down.
But he waited for me to turn her away too, and stayed sititng there until I actualy started driving with her in the truck.

[9-2-2]

If a couple wants to have sex (or random people, for that matter), then age should be no barrier. If one of them gets pregnant, or STD's, it's their responsibility to figure things out, get help, and support from friends, professionals, and *maybe* parents (be careful with parents; they tend to drop you happily on the street with no money, no job, a young'un in the oven, and nothing but the clothes on your back... though some parents are nicer about it).

Age in sex is nothing but socially-engineered horse sh!t. Children aren't the same little innocent angels they were in the 20's. My fiance's 5 year-old son gets threatened by his classmates to be shot by daddy's gun. Kindergarteners, pushing for gang wars. :rolleyes: People buy into so many misconceptions and illusions. :rolleyes:

[Kalika]

The really sad thing is, that gang wars are now a reality with that young of children, and I wish that is one of the million things that I could save my future children from.

But, that's off topic. I agree with your post... age shouldn't be a barrier, although I can't see a VERY young person reasonably having sex. (Say under 10) but even that is kind of pushing it IMO. :p

When they want to, they're going to. I hope that everyone wises up to that fact and makes the most of the education that can be provided. I'd love to see better sex education in schools.

Blessings,

Kalika

[boerbabe]

Children aren't the same little innocent angels they were in the 20's.
I know I'm putitng this a bit out of context, but hey! I didn't know anything about sex til there was a penis in me! *blushes*

[FaerySong]

I'm just about 15, still a virgin, but i know too many people who are having sex, or sexy relations. I don't know, but i think alot of human behavior is..well.. barbaric. LoL. I don't even like my own body enough to be interested in someone else's combined with mine. I even have issues with people seeing me naked/semi-naked. I just think people should wait until past high school, yes past high school, because thats when I feel the general group of people have grown up and taken some responsibility in their lives. All these stories in the news about sex offenders, I am so paranoid. Anywhere I go, I don't sit by people i don't know if i can help it. Even when I used to go to church when i was younger. That behavior just sickens me.

[boerbabe]

I agree with your post... age shouldn't be a barrier, although I can't see a VERY young person reasonably having sex. (Say under 10) but even that is kind of pushing it IMO. :p

When they want to, they're going to. I hope that everyone wises up to that fact and makes the most of the education that can be provided. I'd love to see better sex education in schools.

Blessings,

Kalika
Isn't the age of consent in New Mexico 13? That's pretty darned young!

And yes! Better sex education in schools would be a good start! When I had that class, the teacher next door (same class) only talked about his and his wife's sex life.. 24/7.. ugh!
And our teacher was a football coach who was embarrassed to be teaching it!

[Kalika]

I know I'm putitng this a bit out of context, but hey! I didn't know anything about sex til there was a penis in me! *blushes*

:graduate:

Sorry... I can't help it... that made me laugh a little, 'cause it sounds so innocent.

[FaerySong]

:graduate:

Sorry... I can't help it... that made me laugh a little, 'cause it sounds so innocent.

lol it really does ~_~

[boerbabe]

:graduate:

Sorry... I can't help it... that made me laugh a little, 'cause it sounds so innocent.
I was innocent..lol. I seriously knew nothing about sex until it happened.. but I did word it that way for a giggle. :p
But I've learned lots since, though I'm not up to writing a book or teaching sex ed- stage fright, you know? :lol:

[Prudence Rose]

No, he didn't. She jumped out of the car, and that was when she threw herself in front of me.
I think the only reason I was able to avoid hitting her was because I had slowed down because of the car she came out of was kind of on the road, at an odd angle, and she was trying to flag people down.
But he waited for me to turn her away too, and stayed sititng there until I actualy started driving with her in the truck.
I'm glad she wasn't. Noone should ever have to go through something like that. If I was ever raped I know already that I would go crazy and be exteremly depressed.

[boerbabe]

I'm just glad I was her angel that day and stopped when no one else would.

[Élistariel]

Yup. One of my teachers here at our good old JC also teaches high school, and he said that recently, a girl, a freshman at that, so 14 y/o, was wearing a pair of low-riding jeans that were low enough that when she hoooked her fingers into the waist, cleavage was visible in the front.

Considering what clothes are out there, and what I see jr. high and high school kids wearing, I wonder if half of them can;t be seen dancing for their money after school.
And I'm sure those clothes have a lot to do with their social activities as well, I know when I was in HS, I was rarely wearing enough to cover my butt when I sat down, and it certainly didn't help keep boys away from me!

Didn't your school have a dress code? I remember in Middle and High school, if we wore tank tops, we had to be able to cover the straps with 3 fingers, and we had to be able to touch the bottoms of our shorts with our fingertips. If we broke ANY of the rules, we either got sent home, had a parent bring in appropriate attire, or we wore something from the lost and found, if you didn't have your gym clothes on you...

[boerbabe]

Yes, my school had a dress code, and roughly the same as any now. (not that it was that long ago)

But the teachers didn't enforce it, and only some of the security people did, namely the women. The male security caught us smoking, and said we'd be finish fast before anyone else came along, which was why us girls did a lot of smoking in the boy's room!

Really it was a matter of watching who was watching you, and what circles they watched.

They would give OCD (on campus detention) or ask you to change to your gym clothes here too, which didn;t bother me on the off chance it happened, mine were never worn for gym, so they were always nice and fluffy and clean...lol.

Guess I should add in that I ditched about half of my freshmen year, and never got caught, went on independant study halfway thru my softmore, and stayed there til my senior year. I came back to the main campus for first quarter, and went back to IS. And on IS, the dress code isn't really enforced at all, since you're barelt there and hardly anyone sees you.

[Cerulean]

A fundamental principle of law is that you must understand what you are consenting to and not be pressured into agreeing. To understand the physical, emotional, and social consquences of sex, and to have an ego and social-self developed enough to refuse without compunction, would seem to happen at about the age of thirty. Before that, few women frankly speak their minds about what they want in and out of bed, if they even know. They are hoping that in going along with things, they will get love, sex and orgasms. The ability to have a frank discussion about sexual histories and STDs, demanding tests if desired, would seem to arrive at about thirty too.

Physically, many females are ready to have sex at about sixteen.

[9-2-2]

Huh. I know few people who are willing to wait until they're 30, or 16, for that matter. Nothing is barring them for it.

You'll never know until you try. You'll never understand until you try, but you'll know a few things. Understanding comes from experience. Thus, most people know what they're getting into, but could care less about understanding until afterwards. And 30 is an easy number to target, because it's assumed that a lot of folks are jaded about things. It's still a simple assumption, and nothing more. Half the U.S. could wait until they're 90, and have the same mind-set as a 30 year-old. The only difference is, they get senile.

[Cerulean]

It's not realistic but it's still the age at which people really understand what they've gotten into, usually by learning from experience. It might not be physically healthy either, I'm just saying that that's the actual age of understanding of sex and what it means. There should be a lot more education so females can speak up and ask for STD tests and to be treated well and to get what they want in bed and to say no if need be. There's a lot of people who will take off their clothes in front of someone but not speak their true minds or ask for what they need. If you can't speak your mind to someone then you shouldn't be getting naked with them.

[9-2-2]

It's not realistic but it's still the age at which people really understand what they've gotten into, usually by learning from experience. It might not be physically healthy either, I'm just saying that that's the actual age of understanding of sex and what it means. There should be a lot more education so females can speak up and ask for STD tests and to be treated well and to get what they want in bed and to say no if need be. There's a lot of people who will take off their clothes in front of someone but not speak their true minds or ask for what they need. If you can't speak your mind to someone then you shouldn't be getting naked with them.



Excellent clarification. :)

I must agree. All through life, people have been told all sorts of moralist garbage, instead of being taught how to think for themselves and use responsibility. Also, family environments have been unhealthy; teenage parents (and younger parents) are resorting to domestic violence, because they either can't control themselves, or they were raised in the same manner, and so they don't know what else to do. Popular culture today demands that the only attitude that gets things done is aggression, money, and a fat ego. :rolleyes:
Thus, people don't tend to feel good about themselves, they don't speak out because they don't feel valued. Jeez, doesn't anybody in the mainstream love their kids anymore? Or have they totally converted to buying love with their fat corporate jobs? :rolleyes: :rant:

[Kalika]

Hmmm... Do you mean the norm is around 30? I understand what the two of you mean by this... but I have to disagree somewhat, unless you are saying the AVERAGE is 30, then I would agree. I have several friends that are over 30... but are still at the emotional level of a child when it comes to sex and such things, although they ARE having sex. Does anyone else see this on a regular basis?

Because I think I understand the in's and out's so to speak, but I am 22. Of course, then again, I have learned from experience, and have become more and more emotionally stable as time goes on... and maybe this has something to do with it. Anyways, I was just curious.

Do you think if people were willing to petition for the things listed by Cerulean and several others, that the schools would incorporate this into the sex education classes? I agree that being comfortable with your body is VERY important, especially if you are considering having sex. So this is a serious question.

Boerbabe, I agree about the stage fright bit. But I think I could overcome it if I felt that I could really be of some help. I've been asked to speak about my experiences in life before, but have always refused because I was afraid. Maybe I should stop doing that and start stepping up. I think there are many women out there that have valuable experiences that they could share.

Oooh... guest speakers in sex ed. Hmm.

Blessings,

Kalika

[menolly]

I'm sorry if anyone has posted about this before, but I haven't read the entire thread.

I'm from the UK, where the legal age of consent in 16. I find that acceptable, but what I don't like is the fact that there is a there is a motion that may be passed soon which will make it a criminal offense for anyone under the age of 16 to even so much as KISS!!! That young people will be criminalised for expressing their love for someone else is disgusting IMO. I hope this motion is not passed, as it will make young people feel less able to talk to adults about sex, therefore making their only avenue of education experience. The idea behind this is to protect children from paedophilia, but I believe that it would in practice, do the opposite. If a child is being abused with these measures in place, they may well feel less able to tell anyone for fear of being prosecuted. I feel very strongly about this, as this is the protection of children gone insane!

I was brought up with the attitude that sex was dirty, and so had a lot of hang ups on the subject until recently (eg, post-coital depression/anxiety). I also suffered a degree of sexual abuse, which I believe added to this. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, in a loving relationship, and of my own accord, but I still don't think I was ready looking back at it. If I had waited a few more years, I think I would have had a much more healthy attitude towards sex than I did.
I know now that I will not teach my son that sex is a taboo. I don't believe in taboo subjects. I am going to try to bring him up with the attitude that sex is a normal, healthy part of life, and to be responsible with sex. I know I can't stop him from having sex when he thinks he is ready, and so I hope he will feel able to talk to me about it.

[boerbabe]

Boerbabe, I agree about the stage fright bit. But I think I could overcome it if I felt that I could really be of some help. I've been asked to speak about my experiences in life before, but have always refused because I was afraid. Maybe I should stop doing that and start stepping up. I think there are many women out there that have valuable experiences that they could share.

Oooh... guest speakers in sex ed. Hmm.

Blessings,

Kalika
Remember that movie Milk Money? LMAO!
I'm not as bad as I used to be, this semester I haven't ditched clas once when I've had to give a presentation, amazing for me because I would "be sick" in elementry school and junoir high, and ditched on those days in high school, as well as most of my college classes since.
It's just the idea of people watching me..lol. If I go out somewhere, I won't dance inside.. but I do dance in the parking lot where there's very limited people) if I happen to wander outside. :farmerjoe

[ajna]

I think about 17-18 is the right time to start having sex, unless the kids know eachother well and have been together a while. I had a three year relationship when I was in jr high-freshman year in high school. I actually wish I wasn't so prude then and would have lost it to that boyfriend rather than what happened to me. I would have known the value of sex had I have not turned him down.
I also believe parents should be open about this with their kids. My parents were so uptight, I didn't tell them abot my first kiss, let alone my first sexual experience or doubts I might have had (I have since blacked out my first experience). I hope I can do that for my girl(s) when I have her/them and that my husband, whoever he may be, can help the boys along. It is just as big, if not bigger, than a baby's first word, why not "coach" them on this too.
(just to let you know, I am 18)

[ajna]

A fundamental principle of law is that you must understand what you are consenting to and not be pressured into agreeing. To understand the physical, emotional, and social consquences of sex, and to have an ego and social-self developed enough to refuse without compunction, would seem to happen at about the age of thirty. Before that, few women frankly speak their minds about what they want in and out of bed, if they even know. They are hoping that in going along with things, they will get love, sex and orgasms. The ability to have a frank discussion about sexual histories and STDs, demanding tests if desired, would seem to arrive at about thirty too.

Physically, many females are ready to have sex at about sixteen.
Lol, physically most females are ready to have sex at 11...
They are ready for the commitment about 16...
Males are about ready for the commitment....well, I can't count that high yet ;)
I agree with you on the understanding bit though. I also think it comes earlier once you have found "the person" and have actually tried it as well though. It is all in the circumstances.

[Prudence Rose]

I'm just about 15, still a virgin, but i know too many people who are having sex, or sexy relations. I don't know, but i think alot of human behavior is..well.. barbaric. LoL. I don't even like my own body enough to be interested in someone else's combined with mine. I even have issues with people seeing me naked/semi-naked. I just think people should wait until past high school, yes past high school, because thats when I feel the general group of people have grown up and taken some responsibility in their lives. All these stories in the news about sex offenders, I am so paranoid. Anywhere I go, I don't sit by people i don't know if i can help it. Even when I used to go to church when i was younger. That behavior just sickens me.

I feel alot like that too. I'm not comfortable enough with my body to let someone else see me naked. I also don't think people should have sex until they are mature enough to handle it.

[Prudence Rose]

I meant do think, my bad.

[menolly]

(just to let you know, I am 18)

'S okay, I'm only 21 and I agree with you completely :)

[menolly]

physically most females are ready to have sex at 11...

Actually, it's been found that girls having sex before the age of sixteen can up the risk of Cervical cancer...

[tallulah]

Do you think if people were willing to petition for the things listed by Cerulean and several others, that the schools would incorporate this into the sex education classes? I agree that being comfortable with your body is VERY important, especially if you are considering having sex. So this is a serious question.
Most schools in my area I don't think would even think about telling kids to have sex, protected or otherwise. It seems to me that the schools either have a policy of pretending that sex doesn't exist (although there aren't many like that left now) or that if you don't abstain until you're married, you're a dirty bad person who'll go to Hell (although they don't mention the bit about hell, its implied). A lot of parents are scared that their kids will have sex, and they adopt the opinion that if anyone mentions it to them, they'll get ideas. That's total bs in my opinion. The kids/teens already have ideas.

Sex is saved as the last unit in health classes, and teachers usually use the 'scare method.' They tell us all the gory details about every STI imaginable, show us slides of them, and inflate the percentages of people that have them. They try to make it seem like everyone who has sex before they're married will get an STI. I realize that recieving information about STI's is important, but I don't agree with them using the pretense of informing us about relavent topics while using it as a tool to make us afraid of sex, make it seem unnatural and wrong. This has led a lot of students to choose to disbelieve all of what they say and go ahead and have reckless sex with no thought to what still might come of it.

[boerbabe]

Our sex unit was given the begining of the second semester, so almost smack in the middle.
What amazed me (besides the teacher next door) was how many students' parents had them place din another class for that time because the school would teach them dirty and unclean behaviors!
One of my good friends parents did that to her, and she happy about it, aggreeing with her parents.
Considering the way things went after that though, I think she should have taken the normal curriculum and at least learned something!

[Kalika]

Its been long enough since I had a sex ed class now (I think I was a sophomore, maybe?) that I don't remember WHEN it was held, but I do remember that they didn't express that sex isn't always bad. They made it sound like an evil, awful, icky thing. Which hey, that may have been the way to go in the times of my parents and my grandparents. But young people nowadays have easy access to so much more information than the generations before, and I think sex ed needs to step up and keep up with the times.

It would be interesting to see a school become interested enough in whats REAL instead of what they want things to be... to a point where they would step up their education a bit. By this I mean maybe having guest speakers come in. People from both sides of the spectrum - someone who has aids or HIV and is willing to talk about it, and how they got where they are today.... someone with children at a young age... someone who had great experiences... I think young people these days (and hey, I'm still one myself) would get more out of it if they could SEE someone who has gone through it, rather than read something out of a book.

Boerbabe - Milk Money... I'm not sure I've seen it, though I may have... the movie "Why buy the cow..." cracks me up. (I almost think this may be the same movie you're talking about.

Where I come from, a certain amount of sex ed was mandatory, no matter how uncomfortable you were you had to have the basics. The only GOOD thing they did, was they made condoms available in the counselors office, which was always open. So maybe they weren't so blind after all....

I also think that when you're dealing with teens... the tendency is that the more you tell them NOT to do something... the more they will. From my experience anyways.

Well... that was long enough for now.

Blessings,

Kalika

[boerbabe]

I can't remember the whole story line, but Milk Money was about this boy (10 or 12?) who wanted to see a lady naked, and he and his friend offered her all their milk money (a few hundred dollars) to let them see her naked.
She just happened to be a prostitute..lol. But he also talked her into teaching his class sex ed.
I remember it being pretty cute, but it's been a long long time since I've seen it.

[Cerulean]

Sex ed in the schools in the US right now seems like an explosive issue but I do pass on what I wished I'd known to younger females. It has helped some of them too. I think that throwing young people, especially girls, out there to the mercy of fate can be very unkind for some people. 30 is an average. There is an astrological event called a Saturn return that occurs when a person is roughly 28-29. That usually marks the beginning of true mature understanding and the gathering of what has been learned.

[Kalika]

Boerbabe - I remember now!!! You have GOT to check out "Why buy the cow", its hilarious. The theme is "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". My fiance and I got a kick out of it anyways. :D

Cerulean - The Saturn Return? Hmm... so are you into astrology and planetary alignments (there's a word for this... )? That's one of those things I have always wanted to learn more about but never have time... :lol: But that's an interesting theory.

It's my thinking, however, that women these days mature more quickly. Is this a good thing... not necessarily. But if you think about it... its true. We get our periods at a younger age... have sex younger, have children younger, get jobs younger, etc. (This doesn't apply to ALL, but alot) That's why I WISH sex ed would be stepped up a bit. The girls and boys need this at a younger age. Women even mature physically younger now (which is not fair by the way!! :lol: ), so obviously the men are going to sit up and pay attention to THAT.

I'm at work, so sorry if this is short or abrupt... trying to hurry.

Blessings,

Kalika

[FaerySong]

... We get our periods at a younger age... have sex younger, have children younger, get jobs younger, etc. (This doesn't apply to ALL, but alot) That's why I WISH sex ed would be stepped up a bit. The girls and boys need this at a younger age. Women even mature physically younger now (which is not fair by the way!! :lol: ), so obviously the men are going to sit up and pay attention to THAT...

That really is true, I hear this all the time from people when I go out with friends, they think I am at least 18 because my body (...cursed human shell! lol) is in the figure of such. Alot of -older- men look at me for that and it is kind of disgusting. But, eh.

Its really interesting to see what everyone thinks of this subject. ^-^

Bright Blessings,
FaerySong

[boerbabe]

Boerbabe - I remember now!!! You have GOT to check out "Why buy the cow", its hilarious. The theme is "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". My fiance and I got a kick out of it anyways. :D
I'll check it out if I happpen to see it..lol.


It's my thinking, however, that women these days mature more quickly. Is this a good thing... not necessarily. But if you think about it... its true. We get our periods at a younger age... have sex younger, have children younger, get jobs younger, etc. (This doesn't apply to ALL, but alot) That's why I WISH sex ed would be stepped up a bit. The girls and boys need this at a younger age. Women even mature physically younger now (which is not fair by the way!! :lol: ), so obviously the men are going to sit up and pay attention to THAT.
I agree with that. When I was in 5th grade, they divided the boys and girls up, and sent us off to learn about puberty and the like. Not sure what the boys were told (they never would tell!) but we were shown badly animated "drawings" showing the developement of the female body, from change is shape, pubic hair, and a brief explanation of menstration.
At that time, they were saying that 13 to 14 was the average age to first start your period. I started mine at 11, about the time this was shown.

So.... aparently even though all these weird and interesting changesa are going thru the body, there's no reason to kill two birds with one stone and give at least a brief overview of sex ed at that point.
Yes, that's pretty young, but considering by the time I made it to 8th grade I can't count how many girls were perpetuallly pregnant and aborting them, I think it should have been instituting earlier.

And now when you see these beautiful women, perfect in everyway, no one can keep their eyes off them, and then you find out they are 13 year old girls? We've got a problem here!

[Kalika]

I agree... and its weird too. Because it makes me wonder WHAT is changing in our bodies that we are producing children that develop and mature more quickly? Hmm.... I'd LOVE to have the funding to do reseach on that subject.

[boerbabe]

That would be a never-ending project!
And it could be anything! What has changed over the last twenty years? Everything! There's enviromental factors, health and medical factors, so many things it would take years to compile a list and stare comparing the data on each individual!
Did this child's mother grow up in city or rural? Was the mother vacinated for any of these diseases? What vaccines has the child recieved?
But to see the results, and to have an answer as to why it's happening...
What is strangest to me is that (since we're on this subject) since we are making advances to live longer, and help our bodies to not wear out so fast, why is nature speeding the process up?

[Kalika]

Honestly, I think we're pushing our luck with all the advances we are making... its my theory that eventually, mother nature is just going to get fed up with us and our meddling and say "bye bye" and we're back to square one. And honestly.... I wonder if this has happened before. (I think ALOT in case you haven't figured that out. :) )

As for the project... that's what would be great about it. I could definitely make those studies my lifes work. :) I want to be a doctor as it is, but research.... ah... I love it.

Blessings,

Kalika

[gyroWang]

Apparently humans are meant to mature geneticaly by about age 13 anyway, its only the laws imposed by society that hold us back.

[Kalika]

Whaaa?

If anything, society (ie, media, etc) seems to promote sex at a young age, as well as a voluptuous figure.... or did I misunderstand?

[boerbabe]

I don't know Kalika. I am in complete agreement with you on this one.
Right now I am taking a physical anthripology class, and we've been working over human evolution for the last few weeks, and will be til the end of the semester, in three more weeks.
Considered what has been discovered in the past (although I could be missing something he hasn't told us yet) d the parallel lines that were so different in our ancestors, it could easily be that a massive set back occurred way back when... 3 million years ago.

[Prudence Rose]

When I took sex ed, or family life as we call it here, all we really did was lable diagrams of the reproductive organs and talk about getting your period. There wasn't really any talk of actual sex that I can think of. For us that class was more so about getting to know the nature of each gender by means of physical development through puberty.

[Prudence Rose]

I started my period when I was 11 too. I delvoped these huge J-Lo hips (I'm about 5'5" and my hips are almost 40") by the time I was 13 probably. I've had quite a few people think I was older than I was like as soon as I really started puberty. Its kinda creepy when these old guys think you're legal and will just stare at you, o well though.

BB,
PR

P.S. boerbabe, I totaly agree with you that geeks are hot!

[kathryn-j]

Thank you all so much for posting; I didn't realise how much of a response it would generate!! To make afew general comments on the few topics which have come up in the thread;

I live in Australia, and was taught sex ed from year 6 (about 12 years old), but it was very basic, periods etc, and nothing on sex. Not until last year did I have a teacher (she was wonderful, only 22) who brought it up, told us we could ask her anything we liked as long as it wasn't about her personal life, and gave us realistic details; she figured that 'we' (teenagers) were most likely going to end up having sex, so we should at least be educated about what 'we' were doing. Unfortunately, it was only for one semester, and it was a mixed gender class, so I think that this made alot of people feel awkward asking what they wanted.

Also, I was told by my mother, in all blatancy, what sex was when I was about 8; I only remember being very upset and crying because I didn't want to know, but she never spoke about anything other than the physical act.

I speak to my two best (female) friends about it, but I still feel awkward discussing more physical details; I have considered having sex, although have never been in a position where I directly considered it(ie.never been with anyone with whom I wanted to), and know that I want to be informed when I decide to.

I agree that age has little relevance to maturity, although it can be a general indicator, not a rule. Sex does need to be discussed more often. I think moondust made lots of good points about having sex; I think there is nothing that *shouldn't* be consdiered before engaging before the act,because as so many of you have said, education and knoweledge are the keys. I think media puts lots of pressure on teenagers and young; many ages infact, and that it is our dealings and response to them and the society around us (trying to be 'cool' etc) which lead to problems.
Someone (I'm sorry, I cant find who) made a valid point about masturbation, which I noticed nobody picked up; I think it is a very taboo topic ... even more so thatn anything else so far discussed, and that *all* these avenues; sex, contraception, masturbation, possibly children, love, lust, like, friendship, physical attraction, emotional attraction, mental state and many more things need to be addressed in much more depth; I am not nearly as educated as I would like to be, and am often too embarassed to ask except of close friends. As I do not live at home because of family problems, and with two other girls (one 17, the other 18) I do have more experienced people than me to ask and learn from in a comfortable environment, and many people do not have this.

As stated before; education and knoweledge, I think are the true keys, even before experience; as some of you know, this can be the 'hard' way (not to say there is anything wrong with having children wrong, but from what I have found, it is not the easiest life to lead?).

Sorry for the length; I just had to say my things

Thank you all

P.S I have a very womanly figured myself; something I like but feel uncomfortable with, and am sure it will take a while to accept.

[boerbabe]

I caught the masturbation refferrence! lol I just figured one person said they can take care of it themselves didn;t need my seconding..lol. :p
But it is a bit of an awkward subject to broach. Even the comment (who wa sit anyway?) was a bit offhand and humourously written.

I thikn you stirred up the pot asking this, but I think you also got an awesome bunch of responce, and on quite a few related subjects!

That's great that you had a teacher who was willing to discuss sex with you, and answer your questions, though I can see how it would be uncomfortable for most to ask those questions in a mixed sex group at that age.
Heck, I still have a hard time on some sexual topics in regular conversation! :shhhh:

[boerbabe]

I started my period when I was 11 too. I delvoped these huge J-Lo hips (I'm about 5'5" and my hips are almost 40") by the time I was 13 probably. I've had quite a few people think I was older than I was like as soon as I really started puberty. Its kinda creepy when these old guys think you're legal and will just stare at you, o well though.

BB,
PR

P.S. boerbabe, I totaly agree with you that geeks are hot!
I looked like a 12 year old boy til my freshman year, and then I had fairly slim hips witha little curve, awesome legs (this happens whe you walk 4 miles a day in 4 inch heels...), and was barely a B cup..lol.
Took me til I was about 17 before I really caught up to everyone else. :rolleyes:

I remember even when I was 13 or 14, having men, grown men over 40, hitting on me, giving me phone numbers, flirting, you name it. Ack! Gross! And I know I didn't look legal or even close to it then!

And yup.. Geeks... Yummy... :smoke:

[Kalika]

Ok..... :)

Personally, I think masturbation is a healthy way to get more comfortable with your body. ESPECIALLY for those who aren't ready to have intercourse, this may be a good option. And yeah... I caught the reference too. :lol: Can't remember now who said it.... and there are 12 pages of posts!!

I also started my period at 11... I was at summer camp :lol: but that's another story.

Kathryn-J,

I think its great that you had a teacher that was willing to openly discuss all relevant sex issues with you, instead of just feeding you all a bunch of statistics and scare tactics. And I wonder if maybe that is the solution - the next generation of teachers may be more openminded to the idea, because sex is no longer as taboo of an issue as it was in previous years.

I know it can be uncomfortable to talk about sex... but if you don't, and you DO wind up having sex with someone... the repercussions of not knowing what you are getting into could be much more severe than the discomfort felt in talking about it. (not directed at anyone.... just a general statement)

I had, and still have, a rather slender figure, but even I had MUCH older men hitting on me at a young age... people always think I'm very young until I start talking for some reason. :lol: I agree that its creepy to have that happen when you are barely into your teenage years.

So, anyone else have any ideas or things they want to bring up on this topic?

[Cerulean]

It's hormones in the food supply and estrogen-mimicking chemicals that cause girls to mature earlier. I can definitely see the change since I grew up in the seventies. There is a much greater proportion of voluptuous girls than there were then too. Society has also become more sexualized too, and clothes are more provocative than they were. When we were young, we tried to look attractive, sometimes sexy, and we showed more of our bodies than our parents generation, but the impulse to do this came from us. No clothing company tried to push this on us. MTV didn't exist. The T.V. showed Gilligan's Island and the Partridge Family. We made cut off shorts from jeans because they didn't exist. We made tops from scarfs. Now, I'm afraid the sexualization feels imposed, like the kids have been turned out by pimps. Sexy images are constantly shown to young people, along with everyone else, of course. I'm not against sex, but it would be nice to go to a movie with my co-workers, my family or a first date, and not see people screwing.

I'm not trying to say that young people don't have their own interest in sex and looking sexy, but a lot has been imposed on top of that is not necessarily of their making.

[banondraig]

It's hormones in the food supply and estrogen-mimicking chemicals that cause girls to mature earlier.
off topic, i know, but they don't even have to tell you on the carton that the cows your milk came from have been fed hormones. no one is really monitoring this. it's scary. in my personal opinion, the mass feeding of antibiotics to livestock is one of the reasons that there are so many antibiotic-resistant bacteria out there. </ramble>

to get back on topic . . .


Now, I'm afraid the sexualization feels imposed, like the kids have been turned out by pimps. Sexy images are constantly shown to young people, along with everyone else, of course. I'm not against sex, but it would be nice to go to a movie with my co-workers, my family or a first date, and not see people screwing.

i've noticed this. i never thought of sex as a spectator sport. :lol:

[QUOTE=Cerulean] I'm not trying to say that young people don't have their own interest in sex and looking sexy, but a lot has been imposed on top of that is not necessarily of their making.


exactly!!! there is so much more sexualization of teens now than when i was in high school, and i graduated less than ten years ago! about a year or two ago i was walking around the mall and i saw girls who looked about 9 years old wearing makeup. where are their parents in all this? are they that afraid to impose limits for fear of making their kids unpopular? or are they just not paying attention?

the really sad part is, younger people are so constantly surrounded with this stuff that they get the idea there is something wrong with someone who doesn't want to bang the first halfway attractive/popular person who comes their way.

[Kalika]

I think young women really need to learn to dress how THEY want to... and not do what the media imposes upon them. I know I did. I like to look cute, still, but I don't like a lot of the high fashion things that they have around today. I have my own style, I feel sexy, and screw what everyone else thinks or is wearing. :lol: I wish that I saw more women today doing this... though I have noticed that a lot of women on this board have stated that they too have their own style. Its nice to hear.

Hormones in food... yep, that may be part of it. But does anyone think we're evolving, as we have for thousands of years? I mean, if you think about it.... are we at the top of the evolutionary ladder... or do we have farther to go? Just curious...

That was kinda off topic, but anyways.... :)

Blessings,

Kalika

[kathryn-j]

I agree; the pressure too, although it may not seem as much to those not in the midst of it, it also high; in general, not just from peer groups. Often, it is not spoken, but looks, cliques and such can show that dressing or looking a certain way seem to set your social status, which *also* has a lot of importance put on it ... I think its hard to get out of; I'm sixteen, and I do think for myself, but *showing* this can sometimes seem intimidating ...

[Ben Trismegistus]

Apparently humans are meant to mature geneticaly by about age 13 anyway, its only the laws imposed by society that hold us back.
What separates us from the animals is that we don't give in (most of the time) to the demands of our bodies. Just because humans are genetically capable to reproduce by age 13 doesn't mean that they *should*. I think it's pretty obviously that people aren't *psychologically* ready for sex at 13, even if their bodies are.

It is the "laws imposed by society" that keep us from lapsing into primitiveness - without those laws, it would be anarchy.

[Cerulean]

Pregnancies in thirteen year old girls have a high rate of complication. Sexual maturation is a complicated process that takes years. There may be passion and physical changes at that age, but the process is still on-going.

It's a little off topic but some males and even a few females are still growing in height 'til twenty-five. I have one male relative that grew several inches after eighteen. I have a female friend that even grew an inch or two after eighteen, although that's rare. (I wish I had known that because I spent my teen years crash dieting and living on diet Pepsi and I'm shorter than my parents.) This is a little off the subject but it shows how not finished our souls and bodies may be at thirteen.

[Xeen]

Personally, I think teenagers should not have sex. I don't think anybody should have sex unless they're married.

My reasoning? Think of all the poor babies brought into this world just because a couple teenagers (or older, I'm not trying to pick on anyone here) thought they were in love. Think of all the STDs that has spread because of all the carelessness. Etc etc.

That's what I think. People tend to not agree with me on that, but you asked, so I told ^-^

[kathryn-j]

You are right; I did ask, and I think everyones opinion has its good points (well ... the majority of opinions) ... and you are right, I dont totally agree with you overall, but in certain cases (many more than I would like to think) this is true ...

Just remember the divorce rate is pretty high in western countries, but following that we could get into love and commitment and life changes and *sigh* hey, its up to you guys*grin*

And another thanks as we go along for all you who have posted!!!
*smile*

[Xeen]

*nods* Divorce rates are really high, wich is unfortunate. And I know quite a few people get married for the wrong reasons. I just wish this world wasn't so... messed up.

Alls I'm saying is if people waited til they got married, there would be less problems. That's how I always feel about it anyway.

Thanks for accepting my opinions :)