question

[Elaine]

does anyone have any ideas for getting over something that happened a long time ago?? I won't go into the whole story as it is a long one but to make it basic...I tried out for a team and didn't make it because we had to pick partners and I felt bad for this one girl cuz no one wanted to be her partner cuz she didn't know what she was doing, she was kinda clumsy ....I didn't make it because of her!! to make it worse a few weeks later this girl moved to town from another city and they let her on the team without a tryout!!! This was so heartbreaking for me as it was my LIFE!! Everytime I hear anything about this sport I get very bitter and depressed...I don't know how to get over this...any ideas!! thanks...Elaine

[Rævyn Cigány]

Well, I think you already took the first step, Elaine, by talking about it...if I were in your situation, I would do some heavy meditating and ask the Goddess to release you from the hurt. Another thing you can do is go DO that sport for an evening (even if it's something like baseball, where you have to pitch the ball and hit it by yourself)...hit you heart out or dunk your heart out or kick your heart out, whatever... MAKE yourself remember why you loved the sport so much and try and put the bad feelings behind you at the same time. I admit, something as horrible as what you went through is not easy to just 'lay aside', but remember this: it IS in the past and if you let it, it will STAY in the past... you are who you are NOW, not who you were back then! And WE LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!! :heartthro

BB

Rae )0(

[Elaine]

how did I know when I saw a reply to this is was gonna be you Rae:D LOL!!!:D

That's not a bad idea, about doing it one day....but the problem is I now smoke and I'm not in shape at all and I'd end up pulling every muscle in my body if I did...maybe I will try though!! I really like that meditation idea!! I am going to do that!! I just feel weird cuz this is a feeling I've had since my sophomore year of highschool!! I've been graduated for 4 years now!!! I don't understand why I just can't let it go!! I KNOW that I was good enough to make it!!!! but because I was trying to make this girl feel good about herself I picked her to be my partner and didn't get it!! That's so frustrating!!! It sucks to be punished for trying to be a good person!! thanks for your opinion Rae....I'll let you know if it helps:) Elaine:)

btw: I love you too hun:D

[Semele]

Elaine,
i have to agree with Rae!! She makes it easy for me to give advice...uh yeah what she said!!

Was this sport soccer or basketball?

[Lavender]

Hi Elaine!

Sometimes when I'm really mad or upset about something & I can't forget about it, this is what works for me. I would write down my feelings on a piece of paper. Be brutally honest. As you're writing, think of how you feel. Transfer all that negativity onto the paper. Then when you're done, tear the paper into tiny pieces. As you do that, imagine all your bad feelings breaking up into tiny pieces along with the paper. Then burn the pieces (somewhere safe) & see the smoke carry away your bad feelings. This is the important part...to make sure there's no room for the negative feelings to return, think of something good, someone you love, something to replace the negative.

[rantnraven]

Very good Wild. This is something that I do but, the ritual takes a while.

During the Waxing Moon, write and ask for understanding. Place the paper on your alter until the next Esbat when you ask for Balance within your situation and thoughts. While the Moon is Waning, ask for release an then burn the paper. Stand close and use both hands to push the smoke of the flame away chanting something like "Lord, Lady and Elders, remove this thought from me" (use your own words). Imaging, in your heart, the thought riding away on the waves of the air and leaving you.

Done correctly, you should feel a little weak and will sweat.

Take a sea-salt bath and relax. The balance will come.

RnR

[Elaine]

thanks for all the wonderful advise!! i can't wait to try them out!! and nope not soccor or basketball......I'm so hesitant to share what it is (it's kind of embarrassing because it really doesn't fit my character and some people (mostle men...not to generalize, but in my experience) don't consider it a real sport) As long as you promise not to make fun of me I'll tell you:D cheerleading *blush* :D are you all happy now:D

[Elaine]

Now i'm even worse off than I was with this before...I am at work and on the front desk there was this stack of flyers for a clinic to teach you dances and such and they are having competitions for college scholorships and for professional teams....That would have been my chance to get my dream back except for the fact that I have gained weight and now smoke and could never get the energy to go through with this clinic!! They would laugh me out of there if I tried to walk in there BY MYSELF @ 5ft 130lbs!! The average weight of those people is 98lbs!! errrrrrrr oh well...I got to vent...

[Yvonne Belisle]

If you are upset about your weight remember it could be worse. I'm a ball 5 foot and 240 pounds. If I relly don't feel like walking downhill I'm sure I can roll there. I'm working on doing something about my weight but I think I need some buddies. I may start a thread in the greenroom for all of us that want to loose weight of firm upbecause you can weigh 98 and be a flabby little thing. Maybe we can help each other keep on track.

[loopy]

Elaine--don't despair! If you really want this, it'll happen. :D (btw, is your sport cheerleading? 'Cause I have to tell you, after seeing Bring it On I have nothing but the utmost respect for cheerleaders. I even want to go to cheerleading camp now, just for the experience! 8O )

Many hugs and best wishes to you, and remember it's never too late! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Mariposa De La Luna]

Try to find one positive thing that has happend because you didn't get on the team. Better yet try to find more than one, if you can. It can be any little thing or something major. Once you start seeing it in a different light your perceptions will change. It may take time but it will happen.

:heartthro and hugs!

[Elaine]

Yvonne-it's not really that I'm upset about my weight....I'm better weight wise then I used to be....it's just that to a cheerleader or dancer I'm too big to do those...that's all...

loopy-yup it's cheerleading...I said that in one of my previous posts....ya missed it I think:) It is hard work and it's just so much fun!! In this case the "it's never to late" thing isn't exactly true...It would take me years to get into the right shape for it...and then I'd have to go back and re-learn everything ...by the time I would get everything back I would be too old to go pro!! I mean, the girls on these teams have college educations and degrees in dancing and gymnastics and such and have been doing those things since they were basically toddlers!! I stopped being athletic in my sophomore year of highschool and haven't done anything (except tae-bo once for a month) since then!!

SAHM-I was thinking about what you said about finding something good that came out of me not getting on the team....I really can't think of any! I spent the next week or 2 after I found out crying and on the phone with the coaches trying to see if there was another spot and asking what I did wrong that I didn't make it and asking for another try-out! I lost friends because I didn't get on and I became really lazy...I made the decision that I was going to a broadcasting school for radio and stopped caring about my grades (cuz you didn't need good grades to get in) as long as I passed I didn't care.....I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend cuz I had nothing else better to do! I tried doing other things...I joined the concert chorus at school cuz I tried out for the show choir and didn't make it...I also tried out for singing lessons and didn't get that either...(I think the music teacher at school had it out for me!!) I'm trying really hard to think of something ...but I'm just blank! If you can maybe think of something I might be missing let me know....

thanks again for everyones help...I know you're trying...and maybe it's just me being in a crappy mood!! thanks again

[Myst]

While I understand your anguish at this I highly suggest you try to get over it. Every line you've posted suggests the world has been bad to you and you've been wronged; when did life become a phenomenon in which you had no choices? You say you "can't" get over it.

What you need to do is decide you can, and demand that you do it. Either that or you can you can give someone else credit for every problem in your life and every mistake you made instead of taking the initiative to look forward to and craft the future for yourself.

Paganism is, if anything, a group of religions which encourage you to determine your own destiny.

P.S. I suggest also you take the quote in your own sig to heart -
"Can't you see the wonder at your feet, your life's complete"
-Robby Krieger of the Doors

[Elaine]

with all due respect, the reason I made this post in the first place is that I AM trying to get over it!! I'm not saying that I feel like I have been wronged and that my life sucks...I have a lot to be happy for!! I am usually a very positive person who spends most of her time helping others with their problems...I take care of my problems, but I do not let them get to me!! This is just something that is on my mind, and has been on and off for years!! I don't remember ever saying that I can't get over it!! What I said was I don't know how to!! but am trying to as hard as I can...hence the reason I came here to ask for some help! And I do take the quote from my sig to heart! I love that quote and I try to live by that every day....but that doesn't mean that things don't get to me sometimes or that I don't get down every once in awhile!! I am very happy with my life....I have a wonderful family and a fun job....no not job CAREER!! I have a roof over my head and many unnecessary lucturies (sp? i know that's wrong) but I am human still and I have emotions.....beside from being human, I am a moody female at the moment :D!! (don't think I need to explain that one any more:D) regardless of how happy you are and how much you sit down and thank the lord and lady for what you have you still have those things that you just sit back and say, why did this happen this way.....and I'm sure that one day that will be answered for me, but it's just that it's been so long and I still miss it this much...I feel that it was something that was meant for me...and it's just one of those questions I can't get answered....do I sit here 24 hours a day, every day, thinking about it and being depressed about it...of course not....I enjoy my days as much as I can...but when I sit at work for sometimes 10-12 hours at a time...by myself, I get a lot of time to think...and sometimes things get surfaced while sitting here like that!! I do not and have never blamed all of my problems on other people...you do not know me and I do not know you and I think that was an unfair statement!! I worked very hard for that and I know I was better than some of these people that actually made it!! sometimes things happen that are unfair...we've all been wronged in some way or another at one point in our lives....depending on what it is and who you are we all deal with it diferently!! I have been striving to make myself a better person lately and when this came to mind I felt that it was something that needed to be dealt with in order to make myself a better person....I'm sorry this ended up being so long!! I hope I didn't upset anyone by any of the things I said

[Myst]

First,


Originally posted by Elaine I don't understand why I just can't let it go!!

was the quote I was referring to; suggesting you "can't let it go".
Second,


Originally posted by Elaine I do not and have never blamed all of my problems on other people...you do not know me and I do not know you and I think that was an unfair statement!

but


Originally posted by Elaine I didn't make it because of her!!

in your first post about it you blame it on the other girl. Then you continue to blame things on the fact that you feel you're overweight, that you smoke, that people might laugh at you, that "sometimes things happen that are unfair", that you can't do this or that, etc.

Third, I never suggested you dwell on it 24/7 or any of the rest of that. You said "does anyone have any ideas for getting over something that happened a long time ago??" and my response was as you've read. This was my personal opinion, and supplemented by my sig, which reads "As always, served with a grain of salt.", meaning sprinkle liberally on your bacon and eggs or throw it over your shoulder.

I don't presume to know everything (or anything, for that matter) but you'll have to excuse me if you think my method is unreasonable. It is what gets me through my problems. Feel free to ignore as desired.

[Elaine]

me blaming the other girl was not just me blaming her...it was a fact!! there were things we had to do as a team...and she dropped me....the coach even said when I called her to ask about my scores that that's why I didn't make it...If I would have gotten the points from the things when she dropped me I WOULD have made it!! There was nothing I could do about it!! I apologise about the not letting go thing....I looked over my posts and I must have skipped that line...I do apologize!! The smoking and being overweight and such are valid reasons why I can not go to this clinic!! It is a FACT that the average college cheerleader is 5 ft 98lbs!! I do not feel overweight....but I AM overweight for a sport where the main action is other people picking you up and throwing you in the air!! and as in any sport...smoking is a bad thing....you move around and you can't breathe....that's a bad thing...I apologise if I sounded snappy with you...I did not mean to...I am just really tired and bored and I guess I just wasn't thinking...so I'm sorry if you took offense to the way I worded my response!! I didn't mean it that way!! thanks for your imput!! It is honestly appreciated!!

[Faery-Wings]

I am just on for a minute but I have a quick thought for you...

What if you started a girls cheerleader camp? For young kids, maybe 6-8 years old or so on Sat mornings or whenever your schedule fits. Let them make pom poms out of crepe paper and show them some simple moves and cheers.

You would be able to pass on your knowledge and talents to a new generation. Plus you might be able to make a buck or two.

if you get the ideas going now, you could have it all ready for back to school and fall.

Oh and one other thing, I have an online friend, she is in her 30's, has two kids and a few months ago, tried out for the Redskinettes! She didn't make it but she said that the best thrill was just trying out and doing it. I say, go for it anyway. If you ven just cut back on the smoking, that will help. And man, if I remember right, just about *all* off my HS cheerleaders got busted for smoking in uniform at one time or other :)

HUGS hon!

I'll try to write more later.

Chris

[Mariposa De La Luna]

I am very happy with my life....I have a wonderful family and a fun job....no not job CAREER!! I have a roof over my head and many unnecessary lucturies (sp? i know that's wrong)

Would you have all these things if you made the team? These are some positive things to focus on. :) We are sent down different paths for different reasons. Maybe yours won't be evident till you're old and grey ;) but you have the rest of this life to figure it out. :) I know its hard to let go of things that bring you down. I have quite a few at the moment that like to pop up unexpectedly. Maybe you haven't mourned for your loss enough. Do you try to be strong or do you cry your eyes out? Crying is a healing activity that even I don't like to do. I like being the strong mother but its not very productive. Now that you've made me think about it, i think I'll take my own advice next time I'm down. I hope you get over this soon. may the Goddess bless you. :)

[Elaine]

Now that I'm in a better mood today I feel like I was being downright whiney!! lol anyways...all of those are very good ideas! I do feel a bit better about things! I think that maybe talking it out was what I had to do to make myself better with the situation! I am going to sit down and seriously try to figure out something to fill the void that it has left with me! I just made a new friend and was talking to her yesterday and found out that she makes jewerly....her mom works for this big company and they put a very professional looking catalogue together of her stuff and distribute it! It gives her something to do and she makes some cash off of it!! maybe something like that is what I need! I'm gonna look around for ideas of stuff that I could do! Thanks for all of you help!!:) I feel better:D Elaine:)

[Mairwen]

Just fwiw, there is a cheerleading forum over on Delphi. :D

[Elaine]

sorry for my ignorance Mairwen...but Delphi?? web site I assume but what's the full address! I'd love to check it out!!

[Myst]

www.delphi.com

when in doubt, tack a www and a com on it... or search Yahoo!