Crying site mouse

[Yvonne Belisle]

I am sitting here in tears because my best frind whom I have had since 4th grade and I'm 31 now spent a good deal of time crushing my feelings yesterday. First off I don't work and my husband is very young and hasn't been able to find a job here yet. Transportation is not easy to get and the bus is $1.50 each way per person. She feels that he could have been taking the bus to job hunt which would cost us money we don't have. Then even if he got a job that he had to take the bus to he would need fair money until his first check and $3 a day adds up quick. It can take up to one month at some places to get your first check depending on where in the pay period you start.
Then she tore into me because I am going job hunting today saying he needed to be the one working and I need to be taking care of my kids. After 15 mins of that she began on how she didn't see how someone could stay home all the time and that she would have had a job already. She feels that the kids can wear the same clothes for 2 or 3 days so I should only be doing laundry once a week and that I should be doing them at a laundry mat instead of by hand yet we don't have the money or the transportation and she isn't volunteering to drive. Plus all 4 of my children have some trouble with nighttime bedwetting. The Doctor tried meds for it but the older ones sleep too deeply and just don't wake up well on their own. It's been better since there is no drinking after 7 but sometimes accidents still happen.
I have a few medical problems so I have avoided job hunting till my husband exhasted his walking distance options. I have a goal to pay off my old debts and buy a house when my lease ends I thought it was a possible dream but now I don't know. I feel like a bad parent and I hurt deep inside. Any opinions?

[Dagda Moon~Lily]

There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom! It's more of a job than most people get paid for! I work hard and still can't make ends meet....I just try that much harder....and do what I have to do to get by. :apirate: Personally, I don't care what other people think of my situation....because situations are always changing and they are fleeting.

I know it's hard to deal with a situation like that, but remember, she's just voiced her concerns and opinions. You are the one who decides if it bothers you or if you can get anything good out of it.

Just remember though, you are the one living your life, not her. They are your decisions to make. :D

Oh, and good luck to your husband! ....something is bound to turn up!

[Mairwen]

the bus is $1.50 each way per person.

Goodness! It's only 80 cents here ~ and a month's "unlimited pass" is $30. Then again, our bus routes suck! They don't really GO anywhere! :mad:


She feels that he could have been taking the bus to job hunt which would cost us money we don't have.

People who haven't been there or who aren't there, will never understand, Yvonne. That's one of the lessons I'm taking away from this life. It's like abuse or depression, unless you've experienced it, don't dare tell me (or anyone else in such situations that you've never seen) you understand ~ because you don't. You can't.


It can take up to one month at some places to get your first check depending on where in the pay period you start.


And I thought things were messed up here in Kentucky! :(


Then she tore into me because I am going job hunting today saying he needed to be the one working and I need to be taking care of my kids.

Welcome to the 1950's ~ NOT. How outmoded is that? *sigh* Well, in some people's eyes. For some people, it actually works, so don't knock it. However, it's not "reality" for a lot/most people. Besides, I think a woman should have a job of her own and not be dependent on anyone ~ but that's my opinion.


She feels that the kids can wear the same clothes for 2 or 3 days so I should only be doing laundry once a week and that I should be doing them at a laundry mat instead of by hand yet we don't have the money or the transportation and she isn't volunteering to drive.

Now that's nasty. Would you yourself wear the same clothes 2 or 3 days? I carry extra underpants in my purse and glove box "just in case". *shudder* Don't people know how expense the laundromat is? GAH! What's wrong with doing laundry by hand? *hands you a washboard*


I feel like a bad parent and I hurt deep inside. Any opinions?

My opinion is that your friend acted like a real JERK ~ and no, Yvonne, you're NOT a bad parent! Your kids are so sweet! And so are you! :D {{HUGS!}}

My other opinion is this: Walk a mile in your friends' shoes ~ then you'll be a mile away, and she'll be barefoot! :D

[Yvonne Belisle]

I'd like to thank those that cared enough to say something. I am a still crying and still hurting but when someone shares there is often a lessening of the pain, then there are those days where it doesn't help or you get kicked again.

[ladyrowan]

Very sorry to hear your story, i hope you have other more understanding friends around you to call on for support.

I don't suppose this will help much, but I'm sure many others here have had periods in their life when they've reached rock bottom, and would tell you that no matter how bad it is, things WILL GET BETTER.

Just hang on in there, and if you need to talk more, i'm sure others will join me in offering an ear and a shoulder.

Blessings to you and your family

[rantnraven]

Rant here,

Thought you might need a little uplifting so I PM'd ya.

Otherwise, I hope you don't mind, I did a little three card reading for you and it looks good.

Past - You have traveled - duh. The 2 of Cups shows a lady traveler on a boat clinging to her man. Perhaps the move was for the best at the time.

Present - The 9 of shields, to me, is a rather powerfull card. I feel you are "coming out". By this, I mean, there is a sence of anguish and sorrow but, you know you can handle it. You may need to sacrifice something but it can be done (problem is, what to sacrifice).

Outcome (sorry, don't like to use the word Future) - Justice. Balance is closer then you think. I can't see a time frame but, it is just around the corner. Things will work out. Cry though, you will and I shall cry with you. Know, in your heart, that all WILL come together and your enlightenment will stop the rivers flow.

The second card also told of a loss so, I pulled a clarifier - 10 of Cups. I sence there will be some further strain with your friend. However, it is strain on your friends part and not yours. There may be some isolation but it should all work out in the end.

Blessed are those I allow and who allow me, into the heart.
RnR

[Mairwen]

Thanks Rant. I know she'll appreciate that! :D

[Lavender]

Hey, Yvonne, I wasn't on the boards earlier. I think you need a big hug right now. I wish I could give you one in person. I'm really sorry your friend was like that...especially one that you've had for such a long time. As Mairwen said, unless they've been there, they don't understand. I'd like to think that your friend was trying to be helpful. I hate to think that anyone can be mean on purpose. Just the optimistic in me. Anyways, here's a big hug & I'm sending you lots of positive energy that things will look up for your family.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS!!! )))))))))))))))))))

[MistOfTheSea86]

When Faolan first joined the message board, she PMed me and asked me to tell her about Wicca, I told her What I knew and then I tolds her this. "There is a great woman here named Yvonne Thomas, she is very wise and helpful, she is like my mother of the message board. YOu and my mom are the greatest Moms I could ever wish for! You were by my side when I was feeling bad and helped me through and only because of you I am still here! I think I would of went down the wrong road if I didn't have your help. And I love you for that! How could you be a bad mother? If you showed your love to me, and how much you love, that is all that matters is the love. You do not deserve to be in tears, you deserve to be embraced with the most loving hugs. YOu have all mine, and always will...Mom.

Love,
Mist


About your friend she was being very ignorant and unsensitive to you. She looked upon thingswith her own eyes and not yours. How could she know what it is like to be an at-home mom! My own mother had my brother when she was 17 and was a single mom for 3 months! and even then money was tight, and even worse when she had my other brother. But guess what she got through. She is know an aerobics instructor and thinking of going back to college to either become a botanist or Nuetrionist. My point is that the people who have it hard usually in the end are the most happy and the people who just waltz through life correcting and ridiculing others for not being as good as them. Usually end up sad and alone and regretful. You will make it through this, just as my Mom did. You both are very strong women! I admire you both for that!:)

And on a final note... When things seem unbearably grim and hopeless without the faintess chance of getting back up. Remember there are those who love you... Your husband, Your Kids, Your friends here at MW, and can not forget me. Brightest blessing Mother.

[D~M]

We :heartthro you yvonne, and I'm sure we'll all be there for you!!!!!

:D

[reanna]

I absolutely agree with everyone else. I would also like to add.....
Although she may love and care for you.... it is still none of her beeswax!!! Keep that in mind hun! I highly doubt she would tolerate that downplay from you! Likely as well:being as considerate as I have seen from you, you would never have downplayed her to begin with. :)
Maybe she was just having an "off" day. I'm not trying to make excuses for her(because I truly feel that her attitudes were uncalled for) but sometimes, people say or do things out of character, for no apparent reason.

Hang in there and big (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you and yours!!! :):):):):):):)

[MistOfTheSea86]

Everyone loves you!

[Rævyn Cigány]

Originally posted by Mairwen





My opinion is that your friend acted like a real JERK ~ and no, Yvonne, you're NOT a bad parent! Your kids are so sweet! And so are you! :D {{HUGS!}}



I agree 100% with Mari...what an insensitive, cruel thing for this woman to do! Number one, I know what it's like to struggle with lack of jobs and lack of finances. Does this friend of yours have a job? I don't know about you, but both my husband and I work our collective rears off to provide some semblance of normalcy in our children's lives and we're still not getting further ahead. I also completely sympathize with your children's bedwetting problems...I was a bedwetter for 13.5 years, and now my oldest son has to wear GoodNights every night, and he's eight. What has the doctor prescribed for them, do you remember? Because I was on Septra for 11 of the 13 years I had it (btw the medical term in eneuresis) and it seemed to work...that and not drinking anything after 6:00 p.m. and laying off the salt (my doctor told me the salt shrunk my bladder) altogether. I am going to have an esbat circle tonight with Wyrdsister (I hope) and in our workings, we will pray for you~promise! No one should go through this. NO ONE. My heart breaks for you, sweetie, and I will ask our Mother to aid you and to heal your heart. Please remember you have true friends here that care about you :heartthro

BB

Rae )0(

[Yvonne Belisle]

Thank-you all. There are now tears running down my face for a completely different reason and they are good tears. I think what I needed more than anything else after what she did was to know that I wasn't horrid that I do make a difference for the better in this world and that I'm not alone. My husband is wonderful and I love him dearly but sometimes that just isn't enough. With any luck we will get a ride and get the car we want on Monday. That will make us more self reliant and open up a whole new area for job hunting.

These are my goals
#1 car (hopefully we reach this Monday)
#2 job (asap)
#3 old bills paid (asap)
#4 savings for downpayment (asap)
#5 Broken down fixer upper with land spend about $30,000 (1 year)

I can do more home repair than one would think and for that price in this area I can get one with about 40 acres. Problem it's in bad bad shape for that price. It should however be barely livable and monthly payments should be around $300 I have checked with the morgage calculators on the realestate sites. My Veteran's pension is just under $200. Even if I only work part time I will be able to afford my morgage if I work full time I can afford materials for repairs. Then as I can afford it I want to put in windmills and solar for power that way I don't have to worry about the price of electricity. I figure if I put in both I will always be covered besides I would put in a generator just to be on the safe side. I realize it may be 2 or 3 years before I can do that part but I can do it. As is I am trying to find a way to build a kiln that doesn't involve electricity because hand made dishes sell well here as do copper enameled jewelery plus they can be sold online. I eventually want to switch from work out of the home to work in the home. My life is reletivly simple I don't want or need to "keep up with the Jones's" I just need security for myself and my children This is the best way I can think of to do it. The acres of land will provide enough food for us to be almost self reliant. That makes me feel secure. Please keep us in your thoughts and cross your fingers that these goals can be reached.

[Xois]

I am going to make sure you are remembered daily in my shrine!

Also, I will ask the Nisut of Kemet orthodoxy to say daily prayers to the Netjer (egyptian gods) for you as well

I have called my Roman Catholic sister, and she has ramped up her prayer circle! (there are about 10 of them) :D And her mass at her church will be for you and your family today at 10:30 eastern...

We do love you!

Keep us posted!

Xois

[Sunday's Child]

First of Yvonne, You are NOT a bad mother!!!!
We all know you are a very loving mother and person in general. I don't know your friend, maybe she was trying to be helpful in her own way.

I'm not going to lecture you on how going through hard times can make you a better person, you have probably heard enough of that. But, I will tell you that you have lots of love and support here. I will pray for you and send you positive energy.Here is a big HUGGGGGGGGG!!!! Things will get better.. Remember, it's always darkest before dawn.

[Yvonne Belisle]

One of her other beefs with me is that I make the kids help clean the house not just their rooms. When I was growing up I did the housework my parents helped. I didn't have others to share the chores with I was an only child till after I moved out. My children share the burden and I am right there with them. I will often hold dinner really late if they won't do their chores but they still eat it. The parenting class I took and the books I have read all say that the kids can and should be helping around the house. Am I wrong in this?

[Yvonne Belisle]

This would be perfect.

ABANDONED FARM
41 acres $29,900 Prime rolling
acreage w/woods, views, nice
setting. Twn rd, Survey, Terms!
Call TODAY! 1-877-892-5263
www.upstatenyland.com

It's how I know they are out there. Now to just reach the point where I can have it.

[Rævyn Cigány]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
One of her other beefs with me is that I make the kids help clean the house not just their rooms. When I was growing up I did the housework my parents helped. I didn't have others to share the chores with I was an only child till after I moved out. My children share the burden and I am right there with them. I will often hold dinner really late if they won't do their chores but they still eat it. The parenting class I took and the books I have read all say that the kids can and should be helping around the house. Am I wrong in this?

Guess what MY kids are doing right now???? Yep, you guessed it...cleaning the livingroom and the playroom...cleaning up THEIR mess!!! I have no problem with designating chores to my kids...working outside the home or not, the kids SHOULD learn to clean up after themselves...or you're going to be hard pressed to get them to do anything in the future...their wives/husbands will hate you! LOL! Plus, I refuse personally to work 40 hours a week then come home and spend another 8 or 9 a week just cleaning one room!!! Way behind you honey!!! And another thing...they're not getting breakfast till they're done! Which, thankfully, they almost are..now I have to get off MY duff and clean the kitchen!! LOL!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you!! :heartthro

Rae )0(

[Sunday's Child]

It's not wrong to make your kids help around the house. It's not like you are a slave driver and make them do everything. Kids need to learn responsibilty and that you do get rewarded for doing your chores and behaving.... but at the same time... kids need to be kids also. You know what I mean. Keep working on your goals and you will achieve them. At least you have a plan, most people don't even lay out a plan. Good luck to you!

[rantnraven]

Hi, Mousie.

Thought to let you know, I am burning a candle for you. Not just any ol' little whimpy one eather :rolleyes: . NOPE, this is one of those industrial strength, 7 day suckers that make night seem like day :D. Look West and you might see the glow. I lit it for you in Circle last night. It is blue, for strength.

Blessings,
RnR

[ladyrowan]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
Thank-you all. There are now tears running down my face for a completely different reason and they are good tears. I think what I needed more than anything else after what she did was to know that I wasn't horrid that I do make a difference for the better in this world and that I'm not alone. My husband is wonderful and I love him dearly but sometimes that just isn't enough. With any luck we will get a ride and get the car we want on Monday. That will make us more self reliant and open up a whole new area for job hunting.

These are my goals
#1 car (hopefully we reach this Monday)
#2 job (asap)
#3 old bills paid (asap)
#4 savings for downpayment (asap)
#5 Broken down fixer upper with land spend about $30,000 (1 year)

I can do more home repair than one would think and for that price in this area I can get one with about 40 acres. Problem it's in bad bad shape for that price. It should however be barely livable and monthly payments should be around $300 I have checked with the morgage calculators on the realestate sites. My Veteran's pension is just under $200. Even if I only work part time I will be able to afford my morgage if I work full time I can afford materials for repairs. Then as I can afford it I want to put in windmills and solar for power that way I don't have to worry about the price of electricity. I figure if I put in both I will always be covered besides I would put in a generator just to be on the safe side. I realize it may be 2 or 3 years before I can do that part but I can do it. As is I am trying to find a way to build a kiln that doesn't involve electricity because hand made dishes sell well here as do copper enameled jewelery plus they can be sold online. I eventually want to switch from work out of the home to work in the home. My life is reletivly simple I don't want or need to "keep up with the Jones's" I just need security for myself and my children This is the best way I can think of to do it. The acres of land will provide enough food for us to be almost self reliant. That makes me feel secure. Please keep us in your thoughts and cross your fingers that these goals can be reached.


If you could read the above through an outsider's eyes, you would see an incredibly strong woman who will not let life's problems get the better of her. You are thinking positively which is the best thing you could do right now - Well Done for that, you're halfway there already. You'll still get bad days, but they will get less and less frequent, until the good days overtake them.
I've had times when i thought there was no point in living anymore, but it was only when i started thinking positive thoughts that things started to improve. The hardest part is starting to think positive in the first place and you've passed that point now.
I'm well and truly over the worst now, and i know i'm a much stronger person for it, a great sense of achievment and a lot of lessons learnt - you'll be there soon as well.
I don't know you, but i can tell that you are a lovely person, don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
My thought and best wishes are with you
Blessings

[EasternPriest]

I question how much of a "best friend" this woman really is...It sounds like she is way too full of herself to make room for you.

Prayers and blessings your way Eve. Been praying for you guys since you left here.

[idusty88]

Good Luck to you!
I second all the good things said by everyone else here. Hold on to your dream. You have an excellent plan going; that alone is indicative of your wisdom.
As for your friend's attitude, I'm reminded of a line from an old song, "You can't even run your own life, I'll be damned if you'll run mine."

[Myst]

You love your children and yourself; pay no mind to this person who obviously has issues.

Blessed Be!!!!

[Lavender]

Yvonne, you should do a poll & see how many of us here have our kids do chores! My son has a set of chores that he's expected to do...on top of keeping his room clean. When I was a child, my brother & sister & I all helped out around the house & at my parent's grocery store. *sheesh!* I agree with the statement as to what kind of friend is she really? Just wondering, does your "friend" have kids of her own?

[Mairwen]

:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro
LOVE YOU YVONNE!!!
:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro:heartthro

[Yvonne Belisle]

She has one child.

[Rævyn Cigány]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
She has one child.

Oh poor child!! I will pray to the Goddess that that child does not become 'the apple that doesn't fall very far from the tree'...



If you could read the above through an outsider's eyes, you would see an incredibly strong woman who will not let life's problems get the better of her.

HERE HERE!!! *clink clink* You GO girlfriend!!! Don't let nuthin get in your way...you are a STAR!!!! :heartthro

BB

Rae )0(

[evilslinkycat]

Well hon everyone pretty much said what I was going to, i haven't known you or talked to you much, but you should let your friend get to you like that... if you want to talk sometime I'll listen

[Sunday's Child]

Tell me Yvonne, how do you feel about your friend now? Why did you let her upset you so much? Do you think you are a bad mother?

[Yvonne Belisle]

I haven't quite figured out exactly how I feel about her right now. All my life I have heard from my Mother that I can't do this or that the other one she was known for is you are a lousy......This tends to breed insecurities. I try daily to counter those feelings within myself the main reason it hit so hard is because I love my children very very much and the idea that I am not good for them is terrifying to me and a constant fear for me. My Mother has told me for years I'm a bad Mother so it tends to hit very close to a sore point. I was a bad mother because I had a child out of wedlock then because I chose such a J....ss to have as a partner then when I left him ect.... I try to believe she is wrong but sometimes I wonder. I know I have very loving children and deep down I know it's not my fault that the boys have adhd or my daughter has bad vision but then something goes wrong and I wonder where I erred.

[Sunday's Child]

Gosh, I'm very sorry about the relationship between you and your mother. I can't even imagine how that must feel. You have alot to deal with.. I see you are very strong,indeed. If you weren't a good mother you wouldn't be worried about it, would ya?
Adhd and vision problems are common, not your fault.. how you deal with them is another issue. If you need to talk, I'm here anytime. I feel for ya!

[Yvonne Belisle]

I try very hard to look at it from the stand point of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't always succeed but I always try.:D It's good to know I have people I can lean on that are only a keyboard away.