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View Full Version : Ugh! I cannot believe this "Dear Abby" letter!



Djiril
December 23rd, 2003, 04:40 AM
DEAR ABBY: I am writing because my 12-year-old daughter, "Dorothy," is pregnant for the second time. Due to our religion, we do not believe in birth control or abortion. We kept the first baby, but we're afraid if we keep the second, Dorothy will continue to have premarital sex. Should we abort this one or let her have this baby, too? Please reply soon. -- CONCERNED PARENT IN TEXAS

I really hope this letter is someone's idea of a sick joke. Aborting a baby as punishment?

asamananara
December 23rd, 2003, 06:36 AM
I don't think the parents are regarding the option as a punishment
so much as a deterent. What they oughta do is invest in a good
strong chastity belt.
Sooo... what did dear "Abby" suggest?

Aine of the Fae
December 23rd, 2003, 10:37 AM
This is where the whole "we don't believe in birth control" thing goes crazy. You know what? Teenagers are going to have sex. Unless you can somehow manage to lock them up until they're thirty, they're going to be out there humping like bunnies every chance they get. I know, I was a teenager. I didn't lose my virginity until I was seventeen, but after that? You couldn't stop me. Seriously, even if it's between class in a janitor's closet teens will find a way to get it on. There are only two options for reducing teen pregnancy: lock up all the teenagers until they are in there twenties, or provide birth control and the education to use it.

Gareth
December 23rd, 2003, 10:47 AM
When I was young and Catholic, the rule about birth-control was 'go forth and multiply'!!

So Iam not surprised at what the parents are saying.

Purrcatnip
December 23rd, 2003, 11:48 AM
What the hell are they talking about, not sure if we want to "let her" have the kid. What happened to FREE WILL?????

Rockprincess
December 23rd, 2003, 12:10 PM
What the hell are they talking about, not sure if we want to "let her" have the kid. What happened to FREE WILL?????
She's 12. What's she going to do, leave home and get a job? She's not even legally old enough to work.

This is an absolutely ridiculous situation. While there are SOME 12 year olds having sex, it is not the norm - most people wait until 15-17. So there's obviously either 1. Massive rebellion or 2.Forced sex going on here - either one of which the parents should clue into and try to help, rather than writing to Abby and continuing to think there's nothing wrong with their religious precepts!

Gah...willful blindness is so enraging.:rant:

blueiris
December 23rd, 2003, 01:09 PM
Oh my goodness..a twelve year old? Pregnant? First off, there's something wrong with that...a twelve year old having sex, that's a shocker. Yeah, maybe the parents should - oh i don't know - try to see why their daughter is having sex and try to get involve with her life?

Lucius
December 23rd, 2003, 01:15 PM
That is so horrible. She's only 12...

Lunacie
December 23rd, 2003, 01:58 PM
I don't think the parents are regarding the option as a punishment
so much as a deterent. What they oughta do is invest in a good
strong chastity belt.
Sooo... what did dear "Abby" suggest?

Here is Dear Abby's response (scroll down a little bit):
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20031219

Vampy
December 23rd, 2003, 02:35 PM
I don't know what to think about a 12 year old having a child. But I do believe that abortion should not be used in any situation. There should be no excuse for having a baby... and I quote "If you are stupid enough to get yourself knocked up when you are not ready then you are stupid enough to take care of the child" - me

Although that puts us into a catch-22 if the parent does not want the child then the parent will either abuse or kill it... so I guess it is a matter of the lesser evil.


That is all I have to say about that.

Forever Yours,

Autumn
December 23rd, 2003, 03:08 PM
Everything about this scene upsets me...something besides premarital sex is going on here and maybe CPS needs to become involved...something is very very wrong!

Sylvan
December 23rd, 2003, 03:11 PM
Now why is it that the parents who are religiously opposed to educating the girl and getting her some birth control have no problem with getting this girl an abortion?

Avalon
December 23rd, 2003, 04:46 PM
Now why is it that the parents who are religiously opposed to educating the girl and getting her some birth control have no problem with getting this girl an abortion?

I was thinking the same thing...if they are Catholic, as Gareth suggested, they would be vehemently opposed. This whole thing confuses me, and I think the entire family could use some help... :(

Djiril
December 23rd, 2003, 05:10 PM
I don't think the parents are regarding the option as a punishment
so much as a deterent.
When it comes to parenting is there really a difference?

Seamus MacNemi
December 24th, 2003, 10:10 PM
I can't concieve of a twelve year old girl getting pregnant in the first place. It seems like a biological improbability at least. I mean, isn't that a bit too young??? And if this is her second child, What on earth is going on in that family????
Oh well, it was sent from Texas. You know, incest is best the family that lays together, stays together.

Djiril
December 25th, 2003, 03:50 AM
I can't concieve of a twelve year old girl getting pregnant in the first place. It seems like a biological improbability at least. I mean, isn't that a bit too young???
Not really, some girls start their periods pretty young.

Djiril
December 25th, 2003, 03:55 AM
This letter could also be the winner of some kind of "Fool Dear Abby" contest. It seems far-fetched enough.

banondraig
December 25th, 2003, 05:44 AM
This letter could also be the winner of some kind of "Fool Dear Abby" contest. It seems far-fetched enough.

hmm, but if it's not, something very, very wrong is going on there, and it's likely at least one person needs to go to jail. i got the impression the parents were agonizing over the abortion issue, being unable either to support any more children or protect their daughter from being impregnated. nevertheless, they need to get her some birth control.

LeftToWonder
December 25th, 2003, 07:35 AM
This is where the whole "we don't believe in birth control" thing goes crazy. You know what? Teenagers are going to have sex. Unless you can somehow manage to lock them up until they're thirty, they're going to be out there humping like bunnies every chance they get. I know, I was a teenager. I didn't lose my virginity until I was seventeen, but after that? You couldn't stop me. Seriously, even if it's between class in a janitor's closet teens will find a way to get it on. There are only two options for reducing teen pregnancy: lock up all the teenagers until they are in there twenties, or provide birth control and the education to use it.

I find this mildy offensive for some reason. I, as well as serveral of my best friends, have talked about sex and none of us have any desire to be sexually active. I'm 18, and still a virgin, I'm not going to be out "humping like bunnies" any time soon. You over generalize me, and my fellow teenagers. You can stop teenagers from having sex, and they can stop themselves, its all a matter of wanting too. If you are open with your child, and they are mature enough to listen to you(Which if you are open and straight foward you will find most are) you should be able to convey that it is best to wait. The funny thing is my parents never said a word about sex to me, nor did I ever talk about it with my friends until recently, I don't see the risks out weighing the rewards.*shrug*
I'm not so mad anymore. Thanks for getting my morning going.:)

Seamus MacNemi
December 25th, 2003, 02:04 PM
I think I see your point. I've read of instances where girls who grew up on a diet of meat contaminated with a bovine growth hormone which caused them to mature at much accellerated rate were menstruating be the age of ten years. But still, this whole business seems to me to be rather contrived. And to be a mother already at the young age of twevle years is to my mind outrageous. What can these people be thinking anyway?
One has to ask. What kind of men live in this family that they would allow this travesty to be perpetuated. Has nobody the sense to call the authorities? Or are they the sorts of men who go dithering about willynilly without conern for the consequences of their acts?
I am well aware that there are some men who think that a woman is nothing more than a life support system for a uterous. But is this attitude ever to be condoned? Haven't we learned anything in the last two thousand years?
These people, who ever they are, deserve nothing more than contempt and communal outrage. Indeed, they should all be thrown in jail. If such were to come amongst my own, I would see them publicly flogged.

Antoninus
December 25th, 2003, 04:47 PM
lock up all the teenagers until they are in there twenties That would just make them breed MORE when they got out.

The problem with this day and age and sex is that people are used to breeding young like we did in the ancient times. There hasnt been enough time for our instincts to adjust to the increase in child lifespan. So our boddies are used to being sexually active at 13 or 14 because of hundreds of thousands of years, probably millions if you consider the stone age, of early reproduction, then along comes science and buggers up the works. Now its taboo to carry out a function that is totally normal. So now we have a bunch of horny teenagers, used to reproducing at that stage in thier lives, and all we do is give them condoms and education? I personally dont see how that helps. There needs to be a way to -A- Curb our sex drive untill its practical -B- Find a way to COMPLETELY satisfy our sex drive WITHOUT getting anyone pregnant or STDs. Now, Im going to be as subtile as a MACK truck in a glass factory so stay with me, I know what some of you will say "What about masturbation? That takes care of everything!" Well...no it doesnt, thats the problem, it helps to a certain extent, and those of you who are/have been teenagers know what Im talking about. There is NO subtitute for the actual act of sex in our minds, nothing. Drugs, alchahol, roller coasters, movies, nothing can simulate that. So we need to find a way to tailor our sex drive, or better yet just change society so that its socially acceptable for teenagers to have PROTECTED sex. Im not advocating a total destruction of things like birth control, but we need to change things or ittl just get worse and worse.

What shocks me is that its painfully obvious what needs to be done, but these anti-abortion pro-teen celibacy pinheads do nothing but whine and complain about it.

Valkie
December 25th, 2003, 10:58 PM
Ok, here's one to think about... She's 12 and pregnant with her SECOND child. Since the letter says that they kept the first, that means that she had to have been at the most 11 when she got pregnant with her first. And which is the greater evil in all this?? The fact that an 11 year old is looking for affection and acceptance outside of the family union or that her parents are still doing nothing to help her emotional well-being??

Things like this make me want to slap people.

Valerie

fahawk
December 28th, 2003, 08:06 PM
Well, on the chance this may offend..here it is anyway..using religion as a reason to let a girl beocme preg. twice by the age of twelve...that just does not set well with me..
there is alot more going on ..and to set back and say "no birth conrtol", "no restrictions", because of religion, is in my opinion being totally unresponsible as a parent!!
I cannot, and do not believe any "God" wants us to turn our back, and look the other way as parents, and then say we are doing it in the name of religion!!

Laurelei
December 29th, 2003, 07:24 PM
Dis-GUSTING!

And then you get people like them pointing to Pagans and saying that WE'RE immoral!

On a lighter note, why have I never seen 'Dear Abby' before?... it's fantastic! *goes through rifts of pages reading about people who are worse off than myself*

Sylv
December 29th, 2003, 09:08 PM
So our boddies are used to being sexually active at 13 or 14 because of hundreds of thousands of years, probably millions if you consider the stone age, of early reproduction, then along comes science and buggers up the works.
Actually, I was reading and the book said that during the Middle Ages, the average age of menstruation was 16. I wish I could remember the book so I could figure out if it was a legitimate source. *roll eyes*

What shocks me is that its painfully obvious what needs to be done, but these anti-abortion pro-teen celibacy pinheads do nothing but whine and complain about it.
First of all, what exactly is 'painfully obvious'? Secondly, just because someone is anti-abortion and pro-teen celibacy (both positions I hold), doesn't mean they're anti-birth control. And thirdly, I'm not a pinhead. :p lol

I find this mildy offensive for some reason. I, as well as serveral of my best friends, have talked about sex and none of us have any desire to be sexually active. I'm 18, and still a virgin, I'm not going to be out "humping like bunnies" any time soon.
I completely second LefttoWander. I'm 17, a freshman in college, and of the 12 girls in my suite, only 3 aren't virgins, only 2 of those are sexually active at all, and only 1 is active on any kind of regular basis. I'm perfectly happy as a virgin, as are the rest of the girls. I also have many guy friends who have no intention of being sexually active. Plus, a 12-year-old isn't even a teenager yet-she's a preteen. It's really sad that she's having sex and I agree that the family should be looking into why.

Antoninus
December 29th, 2003, 10:22 PM
First of all, what exactly is 'painfully obvious'? Secondly, just because someone is anti-abortion and pro-teen celibacy (both positions I hold), doesn't mean they're anti-birth control. And thirdly, I'm not a pinhead. lol
:D Never said you were. Im talking about those people who go around screeching about "Those horny teenagers!" and think that teenagers have no worries at all. Whats 'painfully obvious' is indicated in my post. And in the Middle Ages, yes menstration did start at 16, but people also MARRIED at 13 or 14, so teenage sex was LEGAL back then. Your sex drive didnt start up untill right around when you got married so it worked out.

About your roomates. Thats good that theyre keeping out of serious sex for now, but that may be because thier sex drive hasnt fully come around yet. Sometimes people's sex drive turns on at puberty, sometimes a little later, sometimes MUCH later.

Mau
December 30th, 2003, 05:41 AM
What the hell are they talking about, not sure if we want to "let her" have the kid. What happened to FREE WILL?????

#1-Under the age of 15, it's a high risk pregnancy. #2- She's TWELVE, her free will on certain things is superceded by her parents and what they feel is best. #3- a twelve year old has no idea how to care for a child, and no means to do so..who do you think is taking care of the first one..and will have to care for the second one?


As to the initial post, I dont' see how you got an abortion as punishment out of it.

Mau
December 30th, 2003, 05:47 AM
I think I see your point. I've read of instances where girls who grew up on a diet of meat contaminated with a bovine growth hormone which caused them to mature at much accellerated rate were menstruating be the age of ten years.

It's not abnormal to get your period that young. Hell, I got mine at 9, and almost all of the girls I went to school with had theirs by 12.

Antoninus
December 30th, 2003, 01:57 PM
I kinda agree with Mau. Im all for free will, but on something as dangerous as pregnancy can be, then I think it should revert to the parents.

They probably consider abortion a punishment because the girl wanted to keep the baby.

Mau
December 30th, 2003, 06:52 PM
They probably consider abortion a punishment because the girl wanted to keep the baby.

Well, if your kid brings home a puppy that you KNOW it can't take care of, and it will be your responsibility to feed, clean, train and care for it....and you decide it isn't a good idea, so you're toying with the idea of getting rid of the puppy..is it punishing the kid? ;)Nope. Just a reality check. Better than punishing the puppy (or baby) that is brought into a home not getting the care from the one that wanted it and being inadvertently neglected.
Yes, abortion is VERY different, and adoption is usually a better option..BUT it's a major health risk letting a 12 year old carry and deliver a baby for a SECOND time. This simply is just not a decision that a 12 year old has enough knowledge or experience to make up their mind about on their own.

Djiril
December 30th, 2003, 07:13 PM
As to the initial post, I dont' see how you got an abortion as punishment out of it.
Because of this:

We kept the first baby, but we're afraid if we keep the second, Dorothy will continue to have premarital sex.It sounds like a punishment to me. (or a deterrant, which I believe are the same thing when it comes to parenting)

lovemy1dane
January 1st, 2004, 05:18 PM
I cannot believe those parents!!! I have a 12 yr old daughter and cannot imagine her coming home pregnant for the 1st time, let alone the 2nd!!! Where are her parents while she is out getting knocked up?? I have to agree with some of the others here, CPS should be involved.

Miss Edith
January 10th, 2004, 07:53 PM
My hearts practically breaking for that girl. If the baby is a result of some kind of abuse, she's going to be totally confused and twisted right now. If its not, She's too young to be making those kind of decisions, and if she's gotten pregnant twice, it suggests that its probably been someone elses decision.
Someone else who could do with being put in jail.

What a shame...

CajunLady
January 14th, 2004, 12:59 PM
I can't concieve of a twelve year old girl getting pregnant in the first place. It seems like a biological improbability at least. I mean, isn't that a bit too young???


It's not impossible..a girl can get pregnant very soon she has her first period. Not that you want to know, but I started a month before I turned 11. And, when I was 16 and having my first child, my doctor(who specialized in high risk births) had an 11 yr old patient. Scary to think....

crashtime
January 14th, 2004, 01:28 PM
:foh:Yeah...there's definately a lot of things wrong with this picture. First, did anyone notice that at 12 she's on her SECOND child?! And, if my math is correct, it takes 9 months to have one kid...so she was probably 10 or 11 when she was first pregnant. I tend to agree with some other posters that this is probably a forced sex situation. At 10 or 11, I wouldn't know what to do with a boy! Boys still had cooties then! I jsut thought it was weird that the mother is concerned about the pregnancies...I would be concerned about WHY my daughter was getting pregnant. :foh:

Danustouch
January 19th, 2004, 03:51 AM
As I see it, there are numerous possibilities here. I do agree that there is enough cause for concern that this child-mother may have been the victim of incest or molestation. However, there is an equal possibility that the child-mother may be acting out against a super strict religious upbringing, or any one of a dozen other stimuli which we know nothing about.

That is why I am absolutely shocked that Dear Abby didn't reccomend getting counseling and/or psychiatric care for the girl.

If the child is being raped/molested or whatever, a psychiatrist/therapist would quickly discover that in their sessions, and would be forced to report it to the proper authorities. If the child is sexually active of her own volition... then, the reason for THAT could also be discovered and dealt with.

For all of you who are shocked that a 12 year old could be sexually active, and become pregnant....I was a sexually active 12 year old, unfortunately. I got my period at 11...shortly BEFORE I turned 12, and I became sexually active shortly AFTER I turned 12. Disturbing? Yes.

Low self esteem, lack of attention, extreme fear of abandonment were amongst the reasons I turned to sex. The person I was having sex with, was only three years older than me. Not a predator. Merely your average teenage boy with a little more than average ambition.

At any rate, the whole "We cannot use birth control" but..."We're considering aborting" thing does irk me. Exceedingly.

And for the record, it isn't just Catholicism which bans birthcontrol methods. Mormons for instance, do as well, as far as I know.

Part of me does think, very strongly, that this girls partner is the one writing in. I am thinking he is indeed older. He doesn't LIKE using condoms.... (as many men don't), or is either too lazy or too broke or too scared to buy them. And of course, being that she is 12, he can't figure out how to get her on the pill without her parents knowledge.

Anyway..those are my theories. At any rate, whoever DID write this letter, has absolutely NO clue, as far as I can see. And is obviosly not thinking about the welfare of the girl. And is probably INCAPABLE of thinking about the welfare of this girl. So...Dear Abby really missed the mark by not first and foremost reccomending therapy.... (even if she mentioned a school guidance counselor or something), because to me, that is what the girl desperately needs...
intervention.

~ Monk ~
January 19th, 2004, 10:39 AM
and I quote "If you are stupid enough to get yourself knocked up when you are not ready then you are stupid enough to take care of the child" - me
Ugh. I just can't agree with this attitude at all. Just because someone gets pregnant/impregnates someone it doesn't mean they're stupid. Even the most careful people can have this happen to them.

Vanessa TPD
January 31st, 2004, 03:56 PM
I'd like to second (er, third, in this case) LeftToWander's and Sylv's points about teenagers - most kids I know have not had sex, suggesting that our "raging hormones" aren't exactly the indomitable force of all the stereotypes. I really do think it's all about self-control - about setting your own boundaries with respect to sex and following through on them. Not to imply that all of those who do choose to have sex in high school lack self-control - their priorities might be different from the priorities of those who don't. But to intimate (pun fully intended :lol: ) that all teenagers go wild in high school and junior high really is insulting.

And, speaking of priorities, I totally agree that the parents' views on their daughter's sex are completely skewed. Even today, I highly doubt that most kids choose to have sex between ten and twelve. I personally suspect rape.

Chibi-Fallon
January 31st, 2004, 08:03 PM
Christ, I was barely able to have kids at 12, let alone 2 of the little buggers. Once again I am *so* thankful I don't like guys.
First off there is something so wrong with this girl on such a deep level that it's scary. People who've had a hunky dory life don't go out and have kids at 12. Hell, people who've had a hunky dory life don't go out and have kids at 18.
She's probably a *sever* trauma survivor or will be depending on what her situation is. At the very least someone could do is get CPS in there because if she's had 2 kids at 12 I'm assuming other things are going wrong at home too that would make her feel she had to go out and find someone who "loved her". And that's if she's not being molested in the first place.
I just feel bad for this kid... and her kids. I mean how messed up are *they* going to be.
Thatís what wrong with this country. We refuse to recognize that these are *cycles* and just pretend like everyone has the same shot at becoming and abuser or a teenaged mom. When ask anyone who's even read the foreword of a psychology book and they can tell you that isn't true. We really canít spend any time on specific prevention of this sort of stuff?