Yvonne Belisle
July 8th, 2001, 02:28 PM
Things That Irritate A Sane Person
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little
plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the
back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to
find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize
it till you walk across your living room rug.
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror
and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a
cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get
a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the
radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the
tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire
laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian
finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your
filling.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get
out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a
counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the
dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store
that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't
find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and
smash your head on the way up.
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little
plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the
back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to
find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize
it till you walk across your living room rug.
The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror
and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a
cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get
a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the
radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the
tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire
laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian
finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your
filling.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get
out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a
counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the
dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store
that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't
find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and
smash your head on the way up.