A question about binding

[moiraine101]

Okay so I'll admit I'm fairly new to wicca. I'm learning slowly but learning none the less. My question is about binding. My husband has asked me to bind him from living in the past and feeling regret over things that have happened so he can forgive, move on and stop thinking about the past. He is really trying to get beyond these feelings himself but he tells me even little things remind him and make him dwell on things that happened a year ago and even five years ago and longer. My question is this...is binding appropriate or is there another way? I'd appreciate any feedback anyone can give......

[Lunacie]

That seems rather like putting the cart before the horse. Once he is able to forgive himself, he will be able to move on and won't feel so regretful. There is nothing he can do now about whatever he did in the past. He might feel better if he apologizes to anyone he has hurt in the past, as long as it doesn't hurt them all over again. And I think it's often normal for little things to remind us of the past. Something he might think about trying is that when this happens, he can acknowledge to himself that something happened that was hurtful, but then let go of the thought and get busy with something else. He doesn't HAVE to dwell on the pain and the guilt. I think doing a binding would just keep him tied to the pain and the guilt, just my 2 cents.

[Aidron]

Binding can be tricky, and even dangerous in some instances. Given that you are fairly new to Wicca, I would most definitely not attempt it.

Binding your husband to feel less regret about the past is inherently robbing him of his free will (which I will not discuss the morals and ethics of, as that's neither here nor there at the moment). He will only find his solice because you gave it to him, and it will never last. It's a quick fix, nothing else.

Suggest he try deep meditations, vision questing, and writing out a list of all the things he feels apologetic over, then burning the list and scattering its ashes to the wind as he asks for forgiveness. Simpler methods which will produce long-lasting results, and much healthier ones I might add.

[kblackthorne]

This is largely a "ditto" of what others have said:

If your husband's problems are coming from within himself (ie: dwelling in the past), then he is the one who needs to fix it.

Nothing you do will help, so long as he choosed not to correct this destructive behavior.

What you can do is work with him to develop his self-acceptance and self-esteem, and reassure that nagging voice in his head that he is a worthwhile human being worthy of love, and can choose to make whatever he wants of his life, regardless of his past, regardless of who may have hurt him (or how), regardless of how he may have made mistakes.

I actually find self-developed rituals a good way to do this. And I like Raven Windsong's suggestions, particularly the burning (transformation) of the regrets, with the reverent scattering of the ashes.

One thing I've recommended in similar situations in the past is a ritual bath:

Start with a scrubbed tub, and -- if possible -- a cleaned bathroom. :p

Pick a scent. For women, I usually suggest rose. For your husband? Rosemary is good and symbolicly correct. Or any scent pleasing to him -- perhaps vanilla? If possible, have some oil and candles with this scent (whatever scent you choose).

Turn off the electric lights. Light some candles. Put on some instrumental music. Turn off the phone. Send the kids to their grandparents (or someplace else). From here on, assume I am instructing him:

Stand naked in front of the mirror.

Look at yourself. See yourself as a manifestation of the Divine (in whatever form you perceive Divinity). If you can't make yourself believe this, pretend you do. Say, "I was created by the will of the Divine (or God, or Whomever, but it should be masculine - for him - if possible), who does not make mistakes. As I was made by His will, He is manifest in me. The unlimited possiblities of the Universe are before me, and I may choose my own path from among them. The past is over and I cannot change it, but the future is mine to shape. " Again, pretend you believe it. (It may take repeating several times until you sound like you mean it.)

Draw the bath, adding some scent to the water. (If you are using Rosemary, you can put some of the kitchen-spice in an old nylon stocking & tie a knot, making a little rosemary-scrubber.) Feel free to use bubblebath, salts, bath oils, whatever. (If your husband showers but normally doesn't bathe, you may wish to help him. Be sure to provide him with some sort of "scrubby-thing" suitable for a bath.)

Enter the tub, and let the warm water relax you for a minute. Breathe deeply in through your nose, exhaling through your mouth.

One by one, wash your toes. As you wash each one, know that you are washing away any and all past hurts, past regrets, past mistakes, and allowing room for unlimited potential and umlimited love to take their place.

Continue, slowly working up one part at a time: Your toes, your feet, your calves, your knees. Go slowly, taking time in each instance ot consciously let go of any regrets, any fears, and to recognize each part of your body as a manifestation of Divinity, and worthy of love. Feel love for each part as you wash it. (Again, pretend if you have to.)

When you are finished, relax for a little while if you like. Before the water begins to cool too much, stand up, and let it drain. As it drains away, know that it is carrying with it all the debris from your past, leaving they way open for you to choose your own future.

After you are dry anoint yourself with scented oil (if you're using it), to mark your new beginning.
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Obviously you may help, but just as obviously he is the one doing the work.

(Adapt as needed and appropriate.)

[moiraine101]

I knew I came to the right place! Thanks...this is the direction I have been searching for. I guess the reason I haven't done as he asked is that it didn't feel right. I knew I needed to keep searching. (I'm still learning to listen to that inner voice.) When he found a section in one of my books on binding it just didn't quite feel like the right way. He's on his own spiritual journey so I think he might be open to your suggestions. He's been hurt badly in his past and I can't help but feel his pain and want to help in anyway I can. I had thought of suggesting a healing spell or even an adaptation of the Navajo Beauty Way ritual but as I said before I'm new to this and I can sometimes second guess what my instincts tell me. Thanks again and of course any other suggestions would be welcome.