Banishing or binding your own thoughts/memory?

[Margie]

A year and a half ago something happened to me that I would much rather never think about again. This is something I have delt with and come to terms with, it just still hurts to think about it and I think I can do without that pain. So my question is what can I do to banish or bind these thoughts? For the past year and a half a quick little chant ("Banish these thought that haunt my mind")would do the trick temporarily but lately it seems that's not even working. I've tried different simple little chants like that, I just don't know what kind of ritual or ceremony would be affective in achieving something like this.

:( Thank you :(
:heartthro Margie :heartthro

[clef0628]

Bad thoughts never really seem to leave my mind. Just have to tink about the good things in my life now and try not to think to much about the past.

[sherry]

With not knowing the details it would be hard to give advise!!

I do know that when I moved out here with Blue he had a definate depression that was draining to everyone around him.
The thing that worked for him was to keep his mind off of this subject. He was so concerned that his health issues would be a burden to me he was making them one. So bad that everytime he took his pills in the morning he would begin the day with a gloomy speach about them. I hated to be blunt about it but showed him it is not as bad as some have it and now he just gets it overwith and the day starts much better

I am not sure if this will help, but to bring it up in a chant that you resay often or dwell on the facts would hurt repeatedly and I really wish there was a way I could help you get past all of this.
So if you can think of anything just let me know and I am there for you!!

[Margie]

I thought up the little chant not long after the even happened and one night just meditated and thought about the situation and chanted...then I really wouldn't think of the whole thing for 5-6 months! When it did happen to cross my mind again I repeated the chant. Like I said, this had worked until recently.

Well, the situation in a nutshell was my boyfriend cheated on me. :( We have been together now for 4 years and he was a very different person a year and a half ago when it happened. We are very happy now. But sometimes I just can't shake the vision in my head - No I didn't catch him but I was home (sleeping in our bedroom) when he was with this other woman. We were engaged too. :mad:

Anyways, I know it's kind of a weird situation and I understand if you can't really help. I really appreciate you trying anyways.

Thank you again
:heartthro Margie :heartthro

[Ellegon]

Never say I will try...yet, say, "I can do it!" or better yet, "I have done it, it is gone.", or something to that effect.

This places unconcious thought in motion as concious energy...get it out there and it will be so.

If for instance you are having problems getting the money you need to save your home...as if I don't know this one...simply state. "I have the money to save my home and I will not be evicted. I will prevail!"

Works for me...good luck!

Elle )0(

[Kaylara]

Well, I have found that hiding or pushing down those bad memories that we have only makes them come back worse later.

I have had some very negative experiences in my life, but they came back to haunt me after a while. So rather than trying to get rid of them, I first had to validate them, Second let myself feel the pain of them, and third talk about them to other people. It is part of accepting your darker half.

As I am polyamorus, a situation like yours really wouldn't bother me that much, but then again, he would more likely than not tell me that he was messing around with someone else.

My advice is to work through those feelings, tell him that you are still upset about it, and I think that it will help you feel better in the long run.

I hope that this helps,
Kaylara

[Margie]

NOT trying to be difficult...I DO see what you all are saying...but I HAVE dealt with it, talked to him about it and come to terms with it. I've gone through all the phases of the grieving process over that part of our relationship. I don't feel the need to revisit the memory, but every once in awhile it does pop up out of nowhere.

I guess the face that it still hurts says something? But I don't hold that against my boyfriend at all.

Well in any case thank you all for your advise.

[Myst]

If it still hurts you are you sure you've really gotten over it? You might consider going to a counsellor to deal with this, and forgive him and yourself. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life trying to push this to the back of your mind or do you really want to be sure it's done?

*shrug* Good luck.

[SamuraiInBlack]

Not to sound like a jerk, or anything like that...

But is there something you did then that may have provoked him to do that? That may be why you are still hurting over it. Because perhaps a part of you is blaming yourself for it and you're still kicking yourself for not seeing it. I don't mean to be insulting but it's very true. In fact it happened to a friend of mine recently, same situation.

My friend and her fiance went over to a ex-boyfriend-turned-friend's place and stayed awhile. Well, old flames rekindled between her and the ex and they had a wild night of fun. My friend is a very sexually..."geared" I want to say, person. As in, she has the sex drive of ten men it seems. LOL!

Well her fiance isn't always one to satisfy her needs. He was when they were first going out but after they got engaged that satisfaction slowly started to fade. Not as in her wanting more, but him just not being that same sweet attentive guy. In some ways he even ignored her outright. So when they went off to see this ex, she was so sexually frustrated it took over and she had to let it loose.

Her fiance found out and he's not angry by it because he knows that he brought it on by barely paying any attention to her or her needs for a month if not longer. Of course my friend feels bad for it to say the least. But what can she do? She has a sexual appetite almost bordering on nymphomania.

[SamuraiInBlack]

again I apologize if you are offended. I meant no offense by it. Just something that may help you at least understand why you are still hurting by something that you feel you have come to terms with.

[Margie]

SamuraiInBlack,

:( I do appreciate your honesty and in all actuality I do feel some responsability. Ohh....I didn't want to gross people out with the details so I'll try and keep it simple...

Two "friends" (boy/girlfriend) moved into our apt. temporarily. One night...well take two guys and two girls and alot of beer and well...stuff happened.:o But there was an greement between us all that if any of us at any point didn't didn't feel right, we would all stop right there. Well I was the one who got to that point and everything stopped...just fine...but after a little bit I went to bed and the three of them continued...I didn't find out till weeks later when I read through the girls journal :(:o:(

Anyways, so yes, I do feel like it's my fault because I allowed myself (and him) to go as far as we did go and maybe I feel if I hadn't of made them stop when I did and I just let everything go then I couldn't be mad at him cause I "let" him do it....do you know what I mean?...:confused:

Again, thank you for being honest.

[Isis]

Well sounds like you haven't deal with those issues as completely as you should.

As a survivor of Rape/Incest I really understand about not wanting to remember. However sometimes you have to live in the pain, recognize it for what it is, and then move on to the other side of it. It sounds like you haven't givein yourself enough time to mourn your situation. You were violated. You trusted him, and he tore that from you without a thought. You have the right to be angry, and even a little bitter(not a good emotion, but it has its place in small doses) at this violation. Once you really allow yourself to deal with the pain and all the other emotions, I think you'll naturually just not think about it, banishing won't be necessary.


Best of luck, love and wishes for you,

Isis