Thoughts on Timing

[Myst]

When my friend got pregnant she told me she believed even though she didn't think she was ready the Gods decided she was. They even named their baby Destiny to signify how this was their destiny and they recognized it.

Others suggest "you'll get pregnant when the time is right" et cetera. For those who cannot get pregnant or already have children they're not sure they can take care of the fact that "the time was right" may not be any solace. It seems close to the belief that people of a certain religion shouldn't take the pill or use condoms to prevent pregnancy because if they get pregnant that's what God wants...

Have the Gods any hand in this? What's your opinion?

[Danustouch]

Ooo..another touchy subject.

This is where I'm always caught. Being Wiccan..I do believe in the God and Goddess...I do believe that they know things, see things, that often I do not. But ...do they control it??? I'm not sure. I also believe in free-will.

I do know this...the Goddess wants only good things for her children. She wants us to be happy. If having a baby is the thing which would most make us happy in life..I do not personally see that she would deny us this wish.

But then it can be argued...perhaps the Goddess sees some way in which the pregnancy might cause us heartache, and we do not fully see, or understand it. I don't know. I suppose it is one of the greatest mysteries of life.

But all in all...i think we must be careful not to use such sayings with people. First of all..because it is in a way, a bit of a cliche. It seems trite. I've had people tell me that, and my first thought was.."ok..that's all fine and good..but what about what I'M FEELING?? THIS SUCKS!"..you know? I think that when we encounter a person who is in this situation..sometimes, a "REASON" for the problem, isn't as important as just being an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on , and someone to pray/light candles/send energy to them. Because sometimes in life, things happen...and we can't FIND a reason for them. They just happen. Or ..in this case...don't.

I think your story about your friend is lovely...this isn't the SAME friend, is it???

My astrological chart, by the way, told me that MY destiny is to have a child within the next three years. I'd be glad to have a child at ANY point, right now! lol. But..if my destiny (as astrologically foretold) is true...I'll let you know. Maybe it will somewhat answer your question :) heheh

[Myst]

This was the friend that got preggo on the pill twice but not the other one I mentioned..

I don't subscribe to the belief that They control your life. I do believe, however, that everything that happens to you has it's purpose, even if only to teach you a lesson you need to learn in this lifetime. It could be how to cope with raising a child, or anything else.

A cousin of mine can't get pregnant and I almost wonder if there's a purpose for it - even though she's several years older then me she still relies on others and hasn't made her own way, let alone trying to take care of a child too. I would never tell her that tho, obviously, as it is a sore point for her; nor do I suggest that anyone else who can't get pregnant cannot for the same reason - just in her case it might be the best thing.

You're right; it shouldn't be used as it is sometimes - like "well that's the way its meant to be so deal with it". We all know sometimes we like to just rant to someone who will listen, even if we do know how to solve a problem..

[Danustouch]

I am glad that your sister (or was it friend) who is unable to conceive has a compassionate person like you to listen to her!

I have at times, noticed a correlation between people who are unable to conceive, and their lifestyles...but that leaves much to be explained...such as...

Why do SOME people, who seem the LEAST likely candidates, (such as MY acquaintance) have no problem conceiving?

And Why Do some people, who are the best candidates in the world, have such problems conceiving?

Some could say that the least likely candidate is getting pregnant so that she might learn to change her life, and be more responsible...but still there are so many who "just don't get it"...you know? No matter what happens, they continue to live their lives in the same way.

And some might say that the people who want a child, and cannot, for some reason have it, that they need to learn lessons in patience, or something. But..some of these people already ARE the patient ones.

I just don't see how we can come up with a simple explanation to all of these issues. Why they happen.

I do however remember watching a television special with Kenny Loggins, and his wife, some years ago. They were trying to conceive a child for a loooong time. But were having problems, and she miscarried a couple of times, too. They started studying the Mind/Body/Soul concept...about how all three need to be in balance at all times. His wife, it seems, was holding a resentment against Kenny, deep in her heart, that she had not admitted, even to herself. He had refused to legally marry her for the longest time. They were married in every other sense of the word..but legally..he just couldn't bring himself to sighn the papers once again. A Yogic Master that they visited, told her that this was her problem with conceiving. That somehow, this resentment, had been building up inside her. That Kennys' refusal to legally marry her, left her feeling insecure, and unsafe. And she built a wall against having a child, subconciously..until she DID feel secure. Well..Kenny married her, finally...and a few months later, they conceived a child, which she carried to term.

However much value I might see in this story..and it certainly does raise a good point about evolutionary "safety" devices we build within us...it still leaves much unanswered. Like, how do so many young, unwed mothers, who are VERY insecure in their lives, manage to conceive? It's an interesting theory...but unfortunately, doesn't seem to give me anymore answers, then I had before I heard it. More questions, though..

Does a MANS psychological state affect whether or not the couple conceives a child? I mean..biologically..i know the basics. I know that in ONE way..it MUST..(lol)..but..other than that..can his psychological state effect the potency of his sperm, for instance? Or control whether or not the sperm is able to fertilize his partners egg? If we assume that it is possible for a womans mind and soul, to govern the fertility of her body (whether or not she conceives unless the "time is right".)...well..then we must also wonder if the same applies to men.

Any thoughts on this???

[Danustouch]

By the way...

I meant that part about being happy for your friend, having a compassionate friend like you, with all the sincerity in my heart. She is very lucky..it's difficult to find people to listen to your frustrations...right or wrong, without judgement. You seem able to be this type of friend. And she should be very grateful to have you :)

[Myst]

Yup everyone needs someone to listen.

This reminds me of the fact that women like to discuss problems and have someone to listen whereas men often discuss problems in an effort to find an answer. Thus women often get frustrated by their husband or boyfriend offering suggestions instead of just listening...

Ok that was way OT :)

[Danustouch]

it was a little OT..but I'm going to reply anyway..lol..yep. I just finished reading..."Men are from Mars, women are from venus"..and it spoke of the same thing. And it's SOOOO true! LOL.

My hubby can't STAND it when I'm upset, unless he can provide an immediate solution. What frustrates him most, is when I get all hormonal and weepy..and there's no CLEAR CUT reason behind it. Then..he can't fix it ..obviously..lol.

He's always trying to come up with solutions to every problem I have, when I'm just needing someone to rant and rave to. LOL. So..yes..i agree :) Now..back to more ON TOPIC topics. LOL

[Myst]

I dunno, is that really OT? Obviously the communication between men and women has some bearing on fertility :p

My fiance has learned to just listen and hug me when I get in one of those moods (he knows when its coming too, by my pill pack - when I break into the second week look out), and say "I'm sorry you're having a hard time"... Somedays I'll just tell him I'm in a bad mood and there's no reason why and he tries to understand while I rant. He has those days sometimes too ya know :)

[Danustouch]

Heheh...

I would HOPE that a couple who is trying to make a baby would communicate beyond..."C'mere Woman!". If not it would be just a little prehistoric, dontcha think? LOL.

Yes..my hubby is learning, slowly, too. LOL. At first it drove him nuts, but after a few times of me just saying.."WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN????" (LOL) he learned.

Actually..this brings up an ONTOPIC topic! LOL.

Which I'll create a new thread for!

Danus.