Would you bind him?

[Mau]

I'm having a hard time here. There is a man who is utterly self absorbed and strictly self serving. He's an alcoholic gambler who spends all of his and his wife's money on these addictions. He leaves for days at a time, won't do anything for his wife and children..not even grocery shop or pay any bills. He raids his wife's bank account and leaves her severely negative which is very detrimental because she is an employee of the bank, and she can lose her job for it. He has had an affair before, and everyone knew before his own family..they found out from others in the neighborhood..and it's highly likely he's doing that now as well. He does nothing that doesn't farther his own interests, has stripped his wife of her self esteem, keeps her boxed up at home and working two jobs..and she has nothing. She isn't even allowed to have lunch with co-workers without being put through the wringer and made to feel like shit. He constantly accuses her of having 'a boyfriend', but at the same time tells her no one would want her..she's old, married, and has had 3 kids. He's a control freak, and brings negativity to everyone around him. To top it off, after squandering the mortgage payments for months last year, they are in the process of losing their home and going through bankruptcy..and he doesn't care, he blames it on her.
This man makes me tremble with anger and disbelief. He hurts everyone around him. I feel like I need to do something. I have been wanting to bind him for months, but keep arguing myself that I cannot manipulate his free will. But where is the line between right and wrong here? He manipulates the free will of everyone around him, especially his poor wife. He walks all over them and is literally destroying their lives. This isn't a one sided story either..I know the entire family, I know the history, I know the present...and I have heard his innane rantings and have seen first hand what he does. Would I be wrong to bind him if that one act could improve the lives of everyone around him and lead to happiness and security?

[Xander67]

well, Intervention here would be ideal, however, the wife would need to be in agreement with you, otherwise you are jsut waisteing your energy...

Freyja would be able to help with advice should it be needed...

[LittleRhiannon]

I don't see a problem with it, though I do think that the wife should agree. The best thing though besides magic might be to divorce him.

[WitchJezebel]

I agree with Xander, but unfortunately many times when you try to help someone in that situation it backfires; they choose not to leave, or if they do leave, they go back. If she's asking for help then I say do it; but even if you do, do you think that a binding is going to "fix" everything that's wrong? Maybe a better course of action is to help this woman find her inner strength to make some changes for herself. I don't mean to sound coldhearted, but it really is up to her to make the choice to fish or cut bait.

[Theres]

i voted No.

the situation you describe is a damn shame, no doubt about that. but if it's not your family, then it's not your business to butt in.

[Mau]

i voted No.

the situation you describe is a damn shame, no doubt about that. but if it's not your family, then it's not your business to butt in.

It is my family..it affects my children. He is my father-in-law. This whole situation is just icky. She wants to be done with him. She told him to leave 8 years ago..he refused. She's scared that if they separate or divorce before her youngest son graduates HS this year, hubby won't help pay for the tuition which is expensive (catholic school). I dont' understand that, as the man pays for nothing..he's never contributed to the tuition payments before, so I think it's a fear of the unknown. She's been with him for 30 years. I did a tarot reading for her the other night..it wasn't great. It screamed of a huge and very neccessary change that needed to take place in her life, and she knows what that is. I have her permission to do any spell I want on him to try and help the situation..but I am second guessing myself now. Perhaps it would be a better approach to do some spellwork focusing on him finding enlightenment (actually coming out of denial and seeing how he affects others) and encourage him to change his ways. But he is so stubborn, and honestly believes the lies he tells and thinks he lives a good honest life and does no wrong...I dont' know how affective any spellwork would even be on a mindset such as his. I could take another road, and focus on her..to find the strength, courage and motivation to finally put an end to her own suffering. I did his birthchart a few months ago..and this is just him. He has turned and lives in a constant state of dillussion, the only thing that matters is his own gratification and how he feels.
Thank you for your replies. I know a binding wouldn't make everything better..but I am very conflicted as to what would really help...just binding him from endulging himself (which will not change his personality or the way he treats people) or what...some people are difficult.

[MoonFaerie]

I personally wouldn't do a binding. Would you want to be connected to him in that way afterward? I wouldn't, but thats just me. However, being she is your mother in law, I would try to help her as much as possible. Perhaps it would be easier to show her a better road without him than try to change him?

I wish you the best in this situation..
~ MoonFaerie

[LittleRhiannon]

Could you do a courage or strength spell on your mother in law to help her be able to take necessary action, such as divorce him. Again, I wouldn't do it without her permission.

[Nitefalle]

I agree that focusing on her might be a better solution. Perhaps having her work a spell with you to help her find the strength to do what is best for her children, if not herself. Having the strength to find a change for the better.

~N~

[Lyrical]

If Mom-In-Law has given you permission to do spellwork to help the situation, why not help build her own self-confidence and courage for her to get out of this relationship so she can have a better life? Binding him is only a temporary fix - it doesn't *change* him, merely suppresses the bad behavior. Much like putting a muzzle on a biting dog - doesn't change the dog, merely ticks him off while he bides his time until the muzzle is removed and he can bite again, even fiercer.

What does your husband think of all this? You say it's your in-laws -- what is he doing to help his mother? (I'm assuming you're the wife, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry) -- but seriously, what is he doing to help his mother realize she doesn't have to live this way? Having the support of her children and KNOWING it could make the difference she needs and give her the courage to step away and give the father-in-law an ultimatum, shape up or ship out!

Also, might help to show her on paper, in black and white, that *she* is the one paying all the bills and supporting them now. What will change if she leaves?

Good luck :)

[Faol]

I voted "it's up to you" but I have to say you should give fuller details for more correct answers - you don't have the right to interfere in a friend or acquaintance's marriage/relationship, because self-determination is everything in personal growth - or lack thereof
HOWEVER
When it's family, you not only have the right, you have an OBLIGATION to intercede - and thereby bear the consequences and the soul-burden for your actions.

Remember: sometimes the ends DO justify the means but the payment is very very high

[Mau]

If Mom-In-Law has given you permission to do spellwork to help the situation, why not help build her own self-confidence and courage for her to get out of this relationship so she can have a better life? Binding him is only a temporary fix - it doesn't *change* him, merely suppresses the bad behavior. Much like putting a muzzle on a biting dog - doesn't change the dog, merely ticks him off while he bides his time until the muzzle is removed and he can bite again, even fiercer.

What does your husband think of all this? You say it's your in-laws -- what is he doing to help his mother? (I'm assuming you're the wife, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry) -- but seriously, what is he doing to help his mother realize she doesn't have to live this way? Having the support of her children and KNOWING it could make the difference she needs and give her the courage to step away and give the father-in-law an ultimatum, shape up or ship out!

Also, might help to show her on paper, in black and white, that *she* is the one paying all the bills and supporting them now. What will change if she leaves?

Good luck :)

I agree with the muzzle analogy :)
Hubby (yes you were right :lol: ) has always shownhis support of his mother leaving his father. He is the oldest, and remembers everything he put them through, and knows all the crap he pulls. When he was a teenager he confronted his dad about the affair which led to a fist fight. It was then that hubby helped his mom pack his dad's things in hopes he'd leave. He has really had his fill of this now, he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He feels (and has told her) that until she gets the gall to get rid of him...don't even bother crying to him about it. His two siblings have also come to verbal blows with their dad about the things he does..and always voice support to her. I am her confidant. I'm the one she calls when he leaves her account $500 negative, when she doesn't know where he is, when he leaves her sick with the flu in a snowstorm to take the bus home from work, when he blows up on her for 'blowing money' on a $10 pair of black pants for work..after he has blown hundreds at the bar and track. I have been telling her for months what needs done. She finally opened her own account WITHOUT his name to deposit her paychecks into, and has started having $50 a month taken out for bonds in her name only. I have a feeling she's waiting..as if the only good enough reason to leave him is to catch him cheating...and it was in her cards, if she doesn't make the change soon, the outcome will be a betrayal on a large scale. She's waiting for confirmation for something that is only part of the problem, and she doesn't understand that sometimes it's better to NOT have your evidence thrown in your face and confirm your fears.

[*GrumpButt*]

Maybe a poppet (sp) doll could help a bit.

[Mau]

Maybe a poppet (sp) doll could help a bit.

I was thinking the same for him. Even if I help her, he still remains the same. He may not be affecting her anymore..but my husband and him are a team at work. His crap has begun to directly affect my immediate family.

[Sylvan]

If it's not against your beliefs, you could throw some major karmic mirrors around him, reflect back to him all the negativity he's been inflicting on everyone for 30 freaking years.

I agree that the best course would be to do something to bolster her, get her strength up and push her to make a move.

But a creep like that can't just get away with that crap. He needs a smackdown. I'm not sure if you want to be the one to deliver it though. Maybe setting a mirror facing outwards around *her* would be better, that way it's not specifically *for him*, but since he's the source of the negativity, it goes back to him anyways...

[Mau]

That's a GREAT idea..and no, karmic mirrors are not against my beliefs. Now I just have to find a good starting point as to how I go about doing such..:lol:

[Lunacie]

My first thought was along the line of mirrors reflecting his own behavior back to him, whether good or bad, it would only be his own energy, eh? And for sure work with mom-in-law to do something to increase her self-confidence, self-esteem, courage and strength. Good luck to you and the rest of the family.

[Xander67]

so what exactly have we done here about this ... I prayed for you, that is about all I can do from here.......

you are closest to the situation, so maybe you need to talk to the wife, maybe you need to see if you can help in a more physical realm... Have the Kids Ate supper, its 9:22 pm here in jersey...

edited to add.. my point is that many people have given you some sound avice here, why not try a few of em out and come back and let us know what's going on...

[Kadynas]

I'd focus more on your mother-in-law like some others have said... Maybe do some work on helping her to build up her self-esteem, confidence, courage... Binding him does no good if she's willing to stay with him and put up with his crap! :)

[Flar's Freyja]

I don't think that you would be wrong a all to bind him or to do a mirror spell to ask that he take a good look at himself.

But it would be best to do something effective in the mundane - like offering her your support if she decides to leave. You can't talk her into it, this has to be her decision. But you can offer friendship and support so that when that time does come, she will feel that she is not alone.

[Sylvan]

Ooh, you could take her to go do something empowering- self-defense classes or shooting lessons. She doesn't need to own a gun (that might be dangerous with 30 years of repressed built up anger), but having that for an outlet might give her a boost of "power" she needs...

[moonmorgan]

I probably wouldn't bind him but maybe a spell/ritual to get someone to either notice what he is doing and help the family or for the wife to leave him and take the children someplace safe. I do believe in binding, but not in this case.

[Alexandra Asinine]

As you bind, you are bound. Consider if you truly wish to be tied to this individual's karma, perhaps forever.

[zakzekezedd]

If all "mundane" courses of action have been pursued with no effect, then you deservedly might consider magical means. Positive magics to help strengthen and support your mother-in-law, and very possibly other family members would be very appropriate, but ultimately something may have to be done to block or prohibit your father-in-laws negative and disruptive behaviors. How do you feel about a poppet in the freezer? Put a real "freeze" on his drinking and gambling.

[crashtime]

This is just my opinion so if you think it's a load of crap just disregard this.

Personally, (although I'm not in th situation so I only know what you have posted) but honestly, I don't think people can jsut shred you of your self esteem...unless you let them. I think in this case, she's let him walk all over her...let him control her. He has the power, but she gave him that power. I agree that he isn't licing a healthy lifestyle, and the things he is doing are probably damaging to a lot of people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should try to get to the root of the problem.

What about having an intervention to see the error of his ways? What about counseling? What about a divorce lawyer? If you do want to get magic involved, how about spells to give her strength to stand up to him...or a protection spell for her.

[MidnightVirgo]

I think you should focus your energy on the person you want to help. As long as she gives you permission maybe you could do a spell to help her get over him or get the strength to let go.

[Gentian]

I wouldn't do a binding. The muzzle analogy said it best. Binding him would only put off the inevitable: she needs to leave him. Do a strength or protection spell for her, surely.

But you need to help your mother-in-law ask some tough questions. Namely: what is she getting out of this? Why is she still here, a grown woman, very obviously self-sufficient, with the full support of her family to leave this man? It's obvious, at least, that this is getting her a lot of attention from you. I think she may be feeding off of that without it helping her. Your husband won't discuss the matter with her unless she leaves him and there is probably a reason for that. You, on the other hand, are new and will listen.

It's cathartic for her to talk about this; she feels relief from doing so, but it's not going to be permanent relief until she leaves.

Karmic mirroring might be okay, if she is well protected enough. But the most painful thing that can be done to him is in your m-in-law's power -- losing his wife. THAT'S the karmic law of cause and effect in action.

Good luck.

[JuniperSigne]

I agree with the others who think you should focus on her not him. Try a spell for clarity/wisdom and some enpowerment for her. I was in a similar situation involving my parents (minus the gambling add on drug use) and it took a lot of Reiki sent her way to get my mother to leave him. A lot of the time people may not wish for a solution to their problem....they may need time to even realize it is a problem. By letting her solve this one mostly on her own(with some spiritual support from you) she will feel better about herself in the long run than if you just limit the problem, because she may end up deciding that the newly bound hubby is bearable and then you're back to square one. Good luck, I'll send Reiki for you guys.

[Jeremy Westenn]

* Blink In! *

Personally, I would curse him to death.

Insurance money.... ;)

Blessed Be....
)O(

* Blink Out! *

- Jeremy Westenn

[Cerulean]

"I'm the one she calls when he leaves her account $500 negative, when she doesn't know where he is, when he leaves her sick with the flu in a snowstorm to take the bus home from work, when he blows up on her for 'blowing money' on a $10 pair of black pants for work..after he has blown hundreds at the bar and track" . . . MauHere's the problem. You need to plug this hole. She needs to deal with the consquences of her choices, alone. You and your husband both need to tell her you won't be bailing her out or listening to her talk about your father-in-law anymore. Then follow up. Don't be surprised if things reach a "crisis" that begs for your attention soon afterward. Be otherwise occupied. As much as this looks like a really bad guy and an innocent victim, she draws something from this, and has chosen it. Sometimes it's as simple as fear of change, as you have intimated.


You're being drawn into this because she's using you as he is using her. You might want to tell both of them how you feel about their actions first, to get it out of your system, but then turn off and let them sort it out. Instead of a binding I would advise a planned confrontation to tell them how you feel about all this and let them know you won't be there in the future.

Be sure to have some ideas on how to use all the energy you will free up from this for yourself.

[Mau]

Thanks all. I've decided that if she cannot use her will to resolve her problems herself (which is easily done), then why should I use my will on a higher level to try and change something that can be easily taken care of by other means? I have told her what she needs to do, as have MANY other people. I have told her that I don't want to hear it anymore. Until she steps up and does something for herself..I don't care. I'm a very sensitive person, and I absorb the negativity that comes from others very easily..and it can be very hard to shake off. I can only take so many oil/salt baths a day here! :lol: I refuse to expose myself to all of their bad vibes. I can't even take my sons over to visit anymore because there's just a heavy, thick, massive atmosphere of negativity hanging in the air..and it all draws itself to me as soon as I walk in the door. She knows what needs to be done, it's up to her to make the change. No one can do it for her. I'm the type of person who just *has* to help a bad situation when I see it, but it's not always my place or my responsibility.