Sox the Tornado Cat

[BrightStar]

Sox the tornado cat first arrived at my home May 4,1999.He was about 5 months old.The day before we'd had a mile wide tornado rip through my neighborhood in Moore,Oklahoma.I guess he was a refugee.He was black and white,with white feet.His eyes were emerald green.He moved right in.I had an older outdoor cat named Worthless,and he stole her food to begin.But he stayed,we grew to love him.Worthless died when she turned 18.He became the sole outdoor cat.I tried to move him in,but he couldn't get used to my dogs and as we also had a cat already living indoors,Miss Cleopatra Jones,a manx who dislike him,,he stayed outdoors or in my garage.He had his own door and slept near the washer and dryer.Always running out when he heard people.He loved attention.He greeted me each morning and he'd eat.He'd follow me as I did yard work,biting my leg if he felt he wasn't getting enough attention.Everyone had to pet Sox!
Sox was a really great mouser too.He also once killed a rabbit in my front yard.It was rather horrible,but the rabbit was done for,so I let Sox finish it off.It was just nature,all be it a bit too up close and personal for me.
Sox died last night.Or more accurately he was killed.He somehow got into my backyard,and my dogs killed him.He was still alive when I discovered this,but his jaw was ripped loose,and he was in excruciating pain.Not owning a gun,and it being Saturday night with a vet not easy to find,I took a shovel and hit him in the head.I put him out of his misery,yet I feel so awful.I've never killed a living thing before and I did love him so.
I beat my dogs,they knew why.I really love my dogs.Little Bear,my black Lab/shepherd,who is the sweetest dog to people I have ever seen,ever owned.He was the main one,with the help of my Blue heeler,BowTie.BowTie is usually a bit on the ornery side,but also nice to all people.They live in relative harmony with Cleo,the Manx.They had killed the occasional opossum of an evening.I'd find the poor things in the morning,and since they can play dead,he had only ever killed one before,a small possum.He was very proud of his kills,even brought me a live possum once.
Usually,when I lose a pet,I turn to the others and give them that much more affection.But in this case,I thought about killing the dogs.I won't do that,but I am enraged.I don't know if I'll ever love the dogs again.So it's doubly sad.I lose Sox,and my love for my dogs all in one fell swoop.You must understand,I dearly love(d?) my dogs.
I buried Sox in my garden,which surrounds a crystal cairn.The Fae appear there occasionally.It's a place where I worship The Lady.
I really can't make sense of why this happened.It certainly tests my faith in The Goddess.I realize that all that happened is a part of nature.The eternal struggles of life and death.Or,at least I realize this on an intellectual level.Inside I'm really torn.Any advice would be appreciated.
Also,what of my dogs.Do I punish them for being dogs,and send them away?Or try to find it in my heart to still love them?
I know!I'm a grown man and should be able to deal with all this myself.But inside I'm shattered.
Thanks for reading.
Peace and Love
Rain BrightStar

[Lavender]

Hi Brightstar,

That was a beautiful tribute to Sox. I'm sorry for your sadness. I hope that in time, you can forgive your dogs for being themselves. As domesticated as our pets are, sometimes they have to follow their own natural path. It's cold comfort for you right now. It's ok to take time to mourn for Sox. I think you still love your dogs now but you're angry about what they've done. Give it some time...don't send them away yet...& see how you feel.

[Sequoia]

Brightstar. . . :(
*hugs you* I'm so very sorry to hear about Sox. I know that pretty much anything right now won't sound very heartening, but in time things will get better. After your heart's had a chance to mourn, you may keep caring about your dogs. If the time comes that you decide you don't anymore, you can give them to a friend, and know that at least two animals are still living and happy.

I know Sox had to have been a great loss to you. I have lost close pets, and even a poor pathetic stray who came to me. He was a fluffy angora kitten, but some sickos had dyed him bright pink. I took him home with me and took care of him for a while, but he was still a wild cat.
After a time, I had to move in with my dad. I couldn't live with my mom anymore. But the cat couldn't come with me. So I had to leave him there with my mom and brother, who insisted on naming him "kitty" instead of Vincent. I came to visit him a few weeks after I had moved, and they told me he ran away after I left. Granted, I wasn't very close to that cat, but he came to me shortly after my very VERY close cat Tiger had died, and it was nice having him around. I was heartbroken when he left.

In a way Sox came into your life and left. Maybe he taught you a lesson along the way, or easied your discomfort in something. Maybe he was there to give you a special kind of companionship, or perhaps because he needed yours. At any rate, I'm darn willing to bet that the good times you had together will always outway the bad. And when you're hurting and can't help thinking of his death, try thiking about the good stuff, too. Like, did he bat cat kibble across the floor and make you laugh? did he chirp to birds? did he have silly special things that only he did? Things that made you smile? Think of the smiling things. I know that you'll cry, and that's ok. But you'll also eventually smile through the tears, and then just smile back on it. You'll always feel a sense of loss, naturally. But it does get better. I still miss my cat, but I can look back on how she used to do sweet or cute things, and actually smile. She lives on in my heart. And he'll live on in yours. And perhaps the dogs will be ok too. Just time will tell.

I wish you luck, starbright. *hugs* I hope everything works out for the best.

~Puma Hime

[Mariposa De La Luna]

*HUGS*

I'm sorry BrightStar. :( May the Gods bless you and your family and bring you healling.

[BrightStar]

a small bumb for Sox.He was a cool cat