English Is Tough Stuff

[Dria El]

It sometimes helps to read it out loud. Enjoy! :)

ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

-- Author Unknown

[Sunday's Child]

Ha, how true that is!

[Wyrdsister]

Originally posted by Dria El
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Dria, this poem is amazing! I could barely read it, let alone write something like that!

Now, with the stanza above, I actually pronounce "aunt" as rhyming with "haunt," though I know it is also pronounced as "ant." :) Is the rhyming with "haunt" a Canadian/British thing? Does everyone in the States say "ant"?

Thanks for posting this, Dria! I'm saving it! :)

Wyrdsister

[Mariposa De La Luna]

That is so cool! :cool:

I couldn't even get all the way through it! Its like a tounge twister for the brain! I kept wanting all the words to rhyme and then went "Dope! that's not the way you pronounce it!" 8O

LMAO!!!

[Dria El]

Originally posted by Wyrdsister
Dria, this poem is amazing! I could barely read it, let alone write something like that!

Now, with the stanza above, I actually pronounce "aunt" as rhyming with "haunt," though I know it is also pronounced as "ant." :) Is the rhyming with "haunt" a Canadian/British thing? Does everyone in the States say "ant"?

Thanks for posting this, Dria! I'm saving it! :)

Wyrdsister


I don't think so. I know people here that pronounce it that way too. I'm so glad you all liked it. I just loved it when it came through my email months ago. :)

[BrigitCayenne]

i think i read the whole thing right but i probally didn't lol
i thought that was great but i completly and totally agree with the last line i never thought about how complicated english is

[ladyrowan]

Originally posted by Wyrdsister
Now, with the stanza above, I actually pronounce "aunt" as rhyming with "haunt," though I know it is also pronounced as "ant." :) Is the rhyming with "haunt" a Canadian/British thing? Does everyone in the States say "ant"?


We pronounce haunt as 'hornt' and aunt as 'arnt'
Does that mean you pronounce aunt as 'ornt'? hehe

[Wyrdsister]

Originally posted by ladyrowan
We pronounce haunt as 'hornt' and aunt as 'arnt'
Does that mean you pronounce aunt as 'ornt'? hehe Hahaha!!! :D :D Oh stop! You're hurting my brain! And my sides - from laughing so hard!! :D 8O 8O

teehee...

Wyrdsister

[ladyrowan]

I wonder what a PC spell-check would make of it! haha

[Rævyn Cigány]

asdlkajsdoijhvas;lkpoasihvba;sldkfa;sldkf asd...WHAT???

as my father would say..."And a partridge in a pear tree"

BB

Rae )0(

[gunner]

"well after all colonel, england and america are both english speaking nations"

"hrmmph!, english!, they haven't spoken english in america for years"

[EasternPriest]

Originally posted by ladyrowan


We pronounce haunt as 'hornt' and aunt as 'arnt'
Does that mean you pronounce aunt as 'ornt'? hehe


LOL...the Kings' English vs. American Enlgish it is!!!

[ladyrowan]

Originally posted by EasternPriest



LOL...the Kings' English vs. American Enlgish it is!!!

Ummmm, would you mean the Queen's English by any chance?
BB

[ladyrowan]

I thought you'd all be pleased to hear that the English language is gettiing easier. How?

The Oxford English Dictionary has included in it's New Word Section the word "Doh!" Isn't that wonderful??

[EasternPriest]

Originally posted by ladyrowan


Ummmm, would you mean the Queen's English by any chance?
BB

nope...twas the Kings when we colonials broke away:)...lol

[ladyrowan]

You make it sound like you were there! That must make you the oldest one here! lol

[Morrighana]

:lol:

I LOVE this poem!

[lauren]

Wow thats excellent, hehe. I just read through the whole thing aloud. Fun :)

[Sequoia]

I stopped about half way through. *chuckles*

hey. . . I'm american, Californian, and I say "ahnt". . . not ant (like the bug). I mean, it's spelled "au". Sheesh.

A lot of those rhymes didn't work for me. . . ;)

But then, I'm weird. I spell it "colour." Don't know where the heck I picked that one up.

[Jenne]

That was awesome. I teach English as a second language, and this is an example of the frustration my students often feel when they try to spell English words, let alone pronounce them. I read half of it and had to stop--my brain was starting to sizzle! :lol:

[docdoo]

Loved it!!! And then we wonder when we hear that english is the hardest language to learn, gotta wonder though how the pronunciation came to be on so many common words when it is clearly spelled different than its pronounced!

Im saving this one for my kids to see!

[Old Witch]

About the Aunt thing, lots of Southerners say "ant" including me....So it might be a Southern thing.........

[Autumn]

I think it is a stetes thing, but there are pockets that pronounce it Aunt not ant My parents are from New Hampshire and I was taught to pronounce it Aunt and my mother was rather militant about it. All my Western New York friends thought I was stuck up or something....

[Xentor]

Imagine what us foreigners have to put up with.

Imagine what English people have to put up with when a Dutch person like me starts talking Double Dutch because they think they can speak all languages fluently.

[Sequoia]

Whoah, Xentor! I never knew you were Dutch!!

[Semele]

That was awesome. I teach English as a second language, and this is an example of the frustration my students often feel when they try to spell English words, let alone pronounce them.

Amen!! Trey was saying stomach with the ch like in chicken and I kept trying to correct him and he couldn't figure out how to explain it. He said like Ch in Chris? I said,"Yes." He asked, "Why do they have to spell everything so weird mom?" Poor kid!

[mol]

Imagine what us foreigners have to put up with.

Imagine what English people have to put up with when a Dutch person like me starts talking Double Dutch because they think they can speak all languages fluently.
Wow. Your english is wonderful.

[Calzaer]

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
Couldn't get past this line. "corps" is pronounced "core", not like "corpse". Trying to say "horse" and "worse" don't rhyme is more likely to be a regional nitpick, but "corpse" and "corps" definitely do NOT sound alike.

[Kaylara]

Ik heb geen Idee wat u over Xentor praat.

[Kaylara]

Eller er det, jeg ikke har noen ide hva De taler omtrent Xentor. :) :durrrr: :lilangel:

[Kaylara]

Damnit he's offline...

[Ben Trismegistus]

Couldn't get past this line. "corps" is pronounced "core", not like "corpse". Trying to say "horse" and "worse" don't rhyme is more likely to be a regional nitpick, but "corpse" and "corps" definitely do NOT sound alike.
I think the point of that line is that those words DON'T rhyme.

"Horse" and "worse" use totally different vowel sounds.

[Ivelisse]

Ufff!! ... could you imagine how hard it is for me. I came two years ago from Puerto Rico (only Spanish with some English). I'm just learning and my pronunciation is really bad!!
;-)

[Ben Trismegistus]

Ik heb geen Idee wat u over Xentor praat.
Xentor spreekt prachtig het Engels!

[Kaylara]

Ik ga totaal akkoord.. Mijn Nederlands echter verschrikkelijke is.

Maar ik heb serieus geen idee wat ik zeg. Ik spreek echt niet Nederlands.


verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...

nope still can't figure out how to pronounce that one. Too many consecutive consonants for this girl.

[Kaylara]

Ufff!! ... could you imagine how hard it is for me. I came two years ago from Puerto Rico (only Spanish with some English). I'm just learning and my pronunciation is really bad!!
;-)La cosa que confunde acerca de Puerto Rican para mí es eso hay ciertas palabras que no aparecen en otros idiomas españoles. Sé muy poco español honestamente. Pero adoro otros idiomas. Algún cómo ellos son apenas más expresivos que ingleses. (Y mucho más fácil en la oreja.)

[Ben Trismegistus]

Maar ik heb serieus geen idee wat ik zeg. Ik spreek echt niet Nederlands.
It's ok. We still think you're cute.


verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...
Sounds dirty to me. Or rather: Het klinkt vuil aan me.

[Ben Trismegistus]

La cosa que confunde acerca de Puerto Rican para mí es eso hay ciertas palabras que no aparecen en otros idiomas españoles. Sé muy poco español honestamente. Pero adoro otros idiomas. Algún cómo ellos son apenas más expresivos que ingleses. (Y mucho más fácil en la oreja.)
Я совершенно соглашаюсь. Изучением других языков будет чудесная вещь.

[Ivelisse]

Muy cierto Kaylara... How many languages do u speak?!!

[Kaylara]

Hahhaahahaha. You must be using the same crappy translator as me. You just said: "It sounds dirty at me"


Hahahhahaa!!!
Ik hou van u! U bent onbetaalbaar!

[lightfairy]

that wasnt too hard for me but i was reading the newspaper at the age of three and was on shakespeare at ten so i suppose its different for me

:graduate: :graduate: :graduate: :graduate: :graduate:

[Kaylara]

Actualmente, hablo sólo un idioma. Sin embargo, yo aprendo a japonés, y el plan a aprender a francés, al húngaro, y al eslovaco en el futuro.

[Ivelisse]

Escribes el español muy bien...

I'm surprised!! :-0

[Kaylara]

Utilizo un sitio web libre de la traducción.
www.freetranslation.com (http://www.freetranslation.com)
Eso es la única razón por qué yo puedo escribir la clase de normalmente en español. De otro modo yo sólo sé cómo decir unas pocas cosas.

(Las cosas que harían usted se ríen como: Mi muy contente porque con leche en mi pantalones.)

¡Pero gracias para el cumplido!

[Ben Trismegistus]

Hahhaahahaha. You must be using the same crappy translator as me. You just said: "It sounds dirty at me"
Busted!

Actually, I'm using http://www.worldlingo.com/wl/Translate but I'll have to try yours as well. :)

Honestly, I don't speak a word of Dutch. But I have studied Spanish, French, Italian, and Russian. Not enough to really carry on a conversation, but it's a start.

[Kaylara]

If you pay attention to how people actually speak in America, it becomes painfully obvious that most people don't even know how to speak proper English here. I can imagine how hard it is coming from another language. I think that I have the english language pretty much down; so why not try other languages? :)

[Ben Trismegistus]

If you pay attention to how people actually speak in America, it becomes painfully obvious that most people don't even know how to speak proper English here. I can imagine how hard it is coming from another language. I think that I have the english language pretty much down; so why not try other languages? :)
I was also thinking about how difficult it must be for non-native speakers because of all the slang pronounciation in English - words like "gonna" and "wanna".

[hedgecub]

This has put me in awe of all the people I know who speak English as a second language, some to near fluency. :fpraiseyo

It also makes me appreciate Finnish even more, as Finnish spelling is phonetic, so if you know how to spell something, you know how to say it, and vice versa.

- little cub -

[Xentor]

Kaylara, Ben, you scared me witless. :lol:

Your Dutch is worse than my French! Don't you just hate automated translators?

About that poem, I knew almost all of those words, knew their UK-English pronounciation and spelling. Currently, even my own English is better than my Dutch. That's what happens when you spend most of your day reading and writing in English, for the better part of five years.

[Kaylara]

What exactly did we day? (hee hee hee)

[Xentor]

verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...
verschrikkelijke...

nope still can't figure out how to pronounce that one. Too many consecutive consonants for this girl.
Try this:

Furrs-crick-a-lick

And it means what it sounds like, terrible!