Caution: RANT

[Sowelu]

Just thought I'd prepare ya ahead of time...this may be a little long.
It's about.....my mom.
Here goes,
My mother and I are currently not speaking. It upsets me, and hurts...but she reallllyyyy pisses me off. To start off with, my husband and I have moved her, and alllllll of her stuff (which would not even fill the largest U-Haul truck) three times. Just the 2 of us. And she has recently accused me of stealing some crappy ring of hers....again. Every time something of her's comes up missing....she blames me. A while ago, she was staying with us in our travel trailor...rent free. All of her crap is stored here at my house. I have kept an eye on it....picked up spilled boxes of stuff.....re-stacked everything so it wouldn't get wet from the wind and rain (it's all under our car-port) I have taken care of her when she was sick (on-going diabetes difficulties) I have taken her to all of her appointments at that time. And, she still accuses me if she can't find something of stealing it. You have no idea of how tired I am of being accused of crap I never did.
She has always been very dominating. Before my hubby and I met, she'd show up at my house and say "C'mon, were going here"...or there...or wherever it was where she wanted me to go with her, and I'd go...because I couldn't stand up to her at the time. I was "vulnerable" to her and her dominating attitude. She was always putting me down about something or other.
When I met my husband I had learned to stand up to her. My mother holds grudges...big time!!!! A year ago we were having a yard sale....she had some stuff stored here. She had a box or 2 of things she wanted to have put in the yard sale...well...in one of the boxes was some ceramic peppers on a string that had gotten sold. Well, she was pissed about it and held that against us ever since then. I'd have to hear about it every once in a while how we "screwed her over" because the dam things were sold. As you can tell, my mother is very materialistic! So when something comes up missing it's either "I stold it" or "sold it".
She loves playing her mind games...I don't go for mind games.
Well anyways, while she was staying in a nursing home recently because her feet were basically "decaying" and the sores on the side of her legs (thighs) were big enough and deep enough to fit a couple golf balls into...plus she was ill and I was not qualified to care for these types of things....where was I.....oh....she was staying in a nursing home and met herself an older man then leaved the nursing home to live with him. Anyways, she called me to say basically she didn't want any of her junk out there (her things here I've stored for her) and that I could go through all of it (shit) and do as I wanted with it...sell it...throw it away...whatever. All she wanted was her pictures and her Betty Boop collection. So...I said fine. But....
the next day, she calls and accuses me AGAIN of stealing her ring and SHE wanted to know where it was...also, she then said that she did NOT want me going through her stuff until my sister could come out here in April and go through an pick out whatever she wanted first. I am not that dam materialistic, for all I care all the shit out there could burn up. So, knowing this was going to happen...I told her she could get her crap outta here herself, and that I was fu**ing tired of being accused of things comming up missing. That was basically our last conversation. I think I'm pretty ok with that. How much of that does a person have to take? I have put up with all I can...the mind games...the put downs/insults....the grudges she holds on to...I'm tired...I'm hurt...and very pissed!
She called yesterday an all she said was that she was going to have someone come out and get her stuff for her, and that was it.
I don't hold grudges...If I wanted to hold grudges, I could bring up all the beatings she had given my sister and me when we were very young....for no reason....I could bring up how scared I was to come home from school because I knew she'd have a stick or a belt or something next to her chair...waiting to use on us because...I dunno, she was bored during the day or something. I could bring up how when I ended up in the hospital on a suicide attempt years ago, how she threatened to take my kids away and told lies to family services....right in front of me. Oh yeah, I remember all of theses things and so much more, but I don't hold grudges....they can be as heavy as the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Anyways, I remember when I was....maybey 8 yrs old my mom and grandma had not spoken for years over a ring....something materialistic...caused them not to talk for years! My mom and her sister fought over who would get some of my grandmas belongings when my grandmother passed away. I watched all of this go on...I remember it to this day, and I saw all of this comming. And here it is. Sad. I feel sad that my kids will not be-able to spend time with grandma. I don't know what else to do, but for now...I prefer things the way they are. I will be glad when all of her belongings are off my property.
I cannot let her tear me down like she always has.
I don't know what else to do but to distance myself from her. It makes me want to cry sometimes, because I know she will never, after all these years of hoping....change.
I have always wanted a close "mother-daughter" relationship, but that never has and never will happen.

[13thChylde]

:huddle: Sowelu:huddle:

I'm so sorry. I was thinking while looking at your gothic doll that YOU are such a cool mom, for surprising your daughter with her new goth-doll.

So, for what it's worth, I think you are awesome. You are the complete opposite of your mother from what I can tell.

[branwen74]

:hugz:
13thChylde is right. you seem to be a very good mother, and the exact opposite of your own.

[Sowelu]

:huddle: Sowelu:huddle:

I'm so sorry. I was thinking while looking at your gothic doll that YOU are such a cool mom, for surprising your daughter with her new goth-doll.

So, for what it's worth, I think you are awesome. You are the complete opposite of your mother from what I can tell.
Thank You:heartthro
I always swore I would never be like her, in the aspect of all the negative things about her.
:hugz: 13thChylde:hugz:

[Sowelu]

:hugz:
13thChylde is right. you seem to be a very good mother, and the exact opposite of your own.Thank You Branwen:heartthro
thank you both for taking the time to read and reply to my loooooonnnng rant:)
I needed to hear (read) those things.:heartthro

[Goddess Rhiannon]

would you accept an adopted sister?. I would love to be your internet sister....Sowelu

[Sowelu]

would you accept an adopted sister?. I would love to be your internet sister....Sowelu
Yes I definately would!:hugz:

[Goddess Rhiannon]

*dances around the room.....screaming.....YAY!!!!!!!!*

[Sowelu]

*dances around the room.....screaming.....YAY!!!!!!!!*
:lol: :floating: :bouncybob :bouncybob :bouncybob

[morrigen]

You poor thing...I'm so sorry you've had to go through this....I agree with the others...you're doing a great job as a mom :hugz:

[Hoot]

:hugz: Sowelu, just because someone gave birth to you doesn't mean you have to let them kill your soul. (And you can have the close mother-daughter relationship you always wanted... with your daughter. :) )

[Sowelu]

:hugz: Sowelu, just because someone gave birth to you doesn't mean you have to let them kill your soul. (And you can have the close mother-daughter relationship you always wanted... with your daughter. :) ):heartthro Hoot:heartthro So true!
I actually 2 daughters and one lil boy, and I plan...with all my power....for us to be very close and to always be able to communicate openly at all times with eatchother...about anything.
Thank You:heartthro :heartthro :heartthro

[DixieWitch]

Sowelu, while I have no good words of advice, I can offer you a shoulder, if you need one. From the little I know you from here, you aren't even 1% of your mother. Like Hoot said, just because she gave birth to you gives her no right to kill the real you, the soul you are. I see a wonderful person who's soul shines through the darkness. A kind loving person. Stay that way!! Do what you feel you must. (((hugs)))

[Jenne]

:hugz: Hon...gosh, you've been through so much. Don't torment yourself anymore--you need to survive your mother--in every aspect of the word. Her poison needs to not touch you and yours anymore. I'll pray for her, that she realize what she's losing, but I also send you strengthening energies, that you may battle this thing and conquer it. I think you're a great mom too! :hugz:

[Fairywolf]

There are no words of comfort that I can give. I know how you feel for the fact that my father is the same way. From all I have read you seem to be an excellent mother to your children, don't ever change. If you need someone to talk to I am here anytime. :hugz:

[MzNeko]

Sowelu, I feel for ya.

There are three different people in my life who have had toxic relationships with their respective mothers... so toxic that the only solution was to cut off all contact.

It hurts and feels awful, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do to save yourself.

Is it possible that mental illness is a factor? (On her part I mean, not yours!) Some of her behavior does not sound too sane.

[Teshuva3D]

Sowelu, I feel for ya.

There are three different people in my life who have had toxic relationships with their respective mothers... so toxic that only solution was to cut off all contact.

It hurts and feels awful, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do to save yourself.

Is it possible that mental illness is a factor? (On her part I mean, not yours!) Some of her behavior does not sound too sane.
I was wondering the same thing about your mom being mentally ill...NOT that it should be an excuse for what she's put you through...
You're being smart enough to be a different mom than she was...so why couldn't she have been smart enough to do a better job as a mother??
Sending energy to ya,
Tesh

[Juniecat]

I think it's wonderful that you are able to step back from all of the harsh things you endured growing up and treat your children with the love and care that all children deserve. I can't fathom why any mother would treat her children so horribly and can only imagine the pain she must carry around inside her to make her behave that way towards you.

And if you feel you really need to build the bridge, perhaps, some day...when things are not quite so upended as they are now, she might consider some kind of counseling with you where a third person could moderate and help her see things from your perspective.

[Sowelu]

:hearthear Thanks you guys for your replies, it means ALOT to me!!!!!!!!!!!:hearthear

[Nighthawk]

:hugz:
13thChylde is right. you seem to be a very good mother, and the exact opposite of your own.
But, perhaps that is the REASON ....... You know the difference and made a choice.

[DragonsChest]

Hoot said it very well. Don't mourn the loss of something that never really was. That's a dead end road. Rather build from a foundation that exists: you, your husband, your children. You can do it, love will help.

[Pesha]

My heart and loves goes out to you. I lost my Mum 30 years ago and I wish she was here today. I used to have a friend who was like my mum and she and I were so close. We had our differences about this and that but we always made up. Then she found out I would not go to church with her.......I had been to keep peace and felt like a hypocrite.....and when we agrued the pont and I blurted out I was a Wiccan, well all H broke loose. She was very closed minded about religion and so we had a huge fight and afterwards no matter how much I tried to make amends she refused. And so we stopped talking and it is now five years later and I have no idea what has happeded to her. My kids called her Gramma. So I do understand what you are facing love. If I can help in anyway please let me know.

BB
DS.

[Old Witch]

Hey! You are the same age as my oldest son......I could be your "other " mother......I'm cool. you can ask my kids.......

[Sowelu]

Hey! You are the same age as my oldest son......I could be your "other " mother......I'm cool. you can ask my kids.......:lol: I KNOW you're cool!!!!! plus I love Dax!!!! He's the kewlest dog!:cool:

[Sowelu]

I was wondering the same thing about your mom being mentally ill...NOT that it should be an excuse for what she's put you through...

I know my mom is Mentally Ill..to an extent I think. I remember her having a nervouse break-down or something when I was younger and having to "go away" for a while. My mom used to tell me some bad thing's that her mom did to her when she was little (the beatings) Plus, just some of the thing's she says, or thing's she tells me my sister said I said to her that weren't really said. I dunno, I just take it one day at a time and love all the support I have gotten from everyone here. It has made a difference to me!:heartthro




You're being smart enough to be a different mom than she was...so why couldn't she have been smart enough to do a better job as a mother??
Sending energy to ya,
Tesh

[WynterWynd]

It sound like your mother and mine could have been related!

:hugz: Sowelu I feel for ya hun!

I went thru damn near the same experience with my monster-in-law, except it was us that was at her house...big freaking mistake. Never again!
Too make a long story short, the last time I saw her ( I had had it up to here *reaches for ceiling* ) I told her to drag her mouthy @ss out in the back yard and 'bring it on'! I was sooooo tired of hearring how she was going to kick my @ss:rolleyes:
I haven't laid physical eyes on, or spoken to this woman in almost 8 years,( my hubby could care less, another long story;) ) and she just now called around Yule and was actually nice to me...it was almost disturbing!:shaker:

Sometimes, you just have to distance yourself from the people who are determined to drag you down, even if your 'related' to them!;)

And I think your a kick-@ss Mom!!!!:hugz:

PM me if you need me....I'm here!:)

[Sowelu]

It sound like your mother and mine could have been related!

:hugz: Sowelu I feel for ya hun!

I went thru damn near the same experience with my monster-in-law, except it was us that was at her house...big freaking mistake. Never again!
Too make a long story short, the last time I saw her ( I had had it up to here *reaches for ceiling* ) I told her to drag her mouthy @ss out in the back yard and 'bring it on'! I was sooooo tired of hearring how she was going to kick my @ss:rolleyes:
I haven't laid physical eyes on, or spoken to this woman in almost 8 years,( my hubby could care less, another long story;) ) and she just now called around Yule and was actually nice to me...it was almost disturbing!:shaker:

Sometimes, you just have to distance yourself from the people who are determined to drag you down, even if your 'related' to them!;)

And I think your a kick-@ss Mom!!!!:hugz:

PM me if you need me....I'm here!:)lol, sounds like my husband and my mom....I thought he was gonna actually hit my mom once (although he would never do that)
Thank:hearthear You!

[WynterWynd]

I can't say I would have taken the 'high road' had she walked out of the house!:lol:

[Sowelu]

I can't say I would have taken the 'high road' had she walked out of the house!:lol::lol:

[DanuMoonrunner]

Well, this is a familiar scenario for me too. Haven't spoken to my mother for 5 years. No matter what I ever did, I wasn't good enough for her! I tried really hard to make things right between us after Daddy died, but when she said I was just like my little sister (the heroine addict), that was the final straw. I miss her sometimes, but only because she also won't have anything to do with my kids or granddaughters. All in all, I'm better off without her! Hugs to you for being different and breaking the cycle!

[Sowelu]

Well, this is a familiar scenario for me too. Haven't spoken to my mother for 5 years. No matter what I ever did, I wasn't good enough for her! I tried really hard to make things right between us after Daddy died, but when she said I was just like my little sister (the heroine addict), that was the final straw. I miss her sometimes, but only because she also won't have anything to do with my kids or granddaughters.

That IS sad!:noway:

All in all, I'm better off without her! Hugs to you for being different and breaking the cycle!:hugz: Danu:hugz:

[Sowelu]

Just thought I'd prepare ya ahead of time...this may be a little long.
It's about.....my mom.
Here goes,
My mother and I are currently not speaking. It upsets me, and hurts...but she reallllyyyy pisses me off. To start off with, my husband and I have moved her, and alllllll of her stuff (which would not even fill the largest U-Haul truck) three times. Just the 2 of us. And she has recently accused me of stealing some crappy ring of hers....again. Every time something of her's comes up missing....she blames me. A while ago, she was staying with us in our travel trailor...rent free. All of her crap is stored here at my house. I have kept an eye on it....picked up spilled boxes of stuff.....re-stacked everything so it wouldn't get wet from the wind and rain (it's all under our car-port) I have taken care of her when she was sick (on-going diabetes difficulties) I have taken her to all of her appointments at that time. And, she still accuses me if she can't find something of stealing it. You have no idea of how tired I am of being accused of crap I never did.
She has always been very dominating. Before my hubby and I met, she'd show up at my house and say "C'mon, were going here"...or there...or wherever it was where she wanted me to go with her, and I'd go...because I couldn't stand up to her at the time. I was "vulnerable" to her and her dominating attitude. She was always putting me down about something or other.
When I met my husband I had learned to stand up to her. My mother holds grudges...big time!!!! A year ago we were having a yard sale....she had some stuff stored here. She had a box or 2 of things she wanted to have put in the yard sale...well...in one of the boxes was some ceramic peppers on a string that had gotten sold. Well, she was pissed about it and held that against us ever since then. I'd have to hear about it every once in a while how we "screwed her over" because the dam things were sold. As you can tell, my mother is very materialistic! So when something comes up missing it's either "I stold it" or "sold it".
She loves playing her mind games...I don't go for mind games.
Well anyways, while she was staying in a nursing home recently because her feet were basically "decaying" and the sores on the side of her legs (thighs) were big enough and deep enough to fit a couple golf balls into...plus she was ill and I was not qualified to care for these types of things....where was I.....oh....she was staying in a nursing home and met herself an older man then leaved the nursing home to live with him. Anyways, she called me to say basically she didn't want any of her junk out there (her things here I've stored for her) and that I could go through all of it (shit) and do as I wanted with it...sell it...throw it away...whatever. All she wanted was her pictures and her Betty Boop collection. So...I said fine. But....
the next day, she calls and accuses me AGAIN of stealing her ring and SHE wanted to know where it was...also, she then said that she did NOT want me going through her stuff until my sister could come out here in April and go through an pick out whatever she wanted first. I am not that dam materialistic, for all I care all the shit out there could burn up. So, knowing this was going to happen...I told her she could get her crap outta here herself, and that I was fu**ing tired of being accused of things comming up missing. That was basically our last conversation. I think I'm pretty ok with that. How much of that does a person have to take? I have put up with all I can...the mind games...the put downs/insults....the grudges she holds on to...I'm tired...I'm hurt...and very pissed!
She called yesterday an all she said was that she was going to have someone come out and get her stuff for her, and that was it.
I don't hold grudges...If I wanted to hold grudges, I could bring up all the beatings she had given my sister and me when we were very young....for no reason....I could bring up how scared I was to come home from school because I knew she'd have a stick or a belt or something next to her chair...waiting to use on us because...I dunno, she was bored during the day or something. I could bring up how when I ended up in the hospital on a suicide attempt years ago, how she threatened to take my kids away and told lies to family services....right in front of me. Oh yeah, I remember all of theses things and so much more, but I don't hold grudges....they can be as heavy as the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Anyways, I remember when I was....maybey 8 yrs old my mom and grandma had not spoken for years over a ring....something materialistic...caused them not to talk for years! My mom and her sister fought over who would get some of my grandmas belongings when my grandmother passed away. I watched all of this go on...I remember it to this day, and I saw all of this comming. And here it is. Sad. I feel sad that my kids will not be-able to spend time with grandma. I don't know what else to do, but for now...I prefer things the way they are. I will be glad when all of her belongings are off my property.
I cannot let her tear me down like she always has.
I don't know what else to do but to distance myself from her. It makes me want to cry sometimes, because I know she will never, after all these years of hoping....change.
I have always wanted a close "mother-daughter" relationship, but that never has and never will happen.
Wow. It's been over a year since I've posted this. My mom passed away this last September 2004 from diabetes. I wish I could have made her see that all the (materialistic) crap wasn't worth it.
Hug the one's you love!:hugz: Tell them you love them!