Earth Walker
July 17th, 2001, 08:06 PM
Does Your Human Spoil You Rotten?
Although we cats know instinctively whether we are
adequately spoiled by their humans, what most humans
don't know is that there are actually cat schols that teach
cats how to train humans to be completely malleable.
Adult cats begin teaching these classes when kittens are
quite young, and this knowledge is passed from generation
to generation.
To see how well you have learned your lessons, scratch off
the answers to the following questions and score one point
for each "yes" answer, unless otherwise indicated.
1. Does your human have more than three
nicknames for you?
2. Does your human keep a separate photo album
with pictures only of you?
3. Does your human bring you up in conversation
more than five times a day?
4. Do you have your own web site, or are your photos
included on your human's web site?
5. Do you have more than 10 cat toys?
6. Does your human take you to the vet at the slightest
sign of illness, even though she or he will avoid personal
doctor visits as long as possible?
7. Are you given a treat or reward for any of the following
reasons? (Score one point for each that applies.)
*Going to the vet
*Taking your medicine
*Still being alive when your human returns home from work
8. When you break a valuable item made of glass, is your
human's first concern for your safety?
9. Would your human rather get painful muscle spasms than
disturb you when you're sleeping on her bed or sitting on
her lap?
10. Does your human put birdseed outside for your viewing
entertainment?
11. Does your human celebrate your birthday?
12. Do you get goodies in a cat stocking on the holidays?
13. How many of these are in your house? (Score one point
for the number of each you own. Note: If your cat tree is also
a scratching post, score two points.)
*A cat tree
*A scratching post
*A window ledge with a nice blanket or fleece on it
*An interactive toy
14. Are you an indoor-only cat?
15. Are you spayed or neutered?
16. Would your human rather have ripped rugs and
furniture than declaw you?
17. Does your human kiss you or tell you she/he loves
you at least three times a day?
Tally up your points and see how you did.
1-8: You need to go back to cat school for some lessons on
how to train a human. Your human treats you like an animal.
Shameful!
9-17: You need to go back to cat school for some more
advanced lessons. Your human treats you like a human.
Intolerable!
18+: You should be a cat school instructor. You've done a
great job training your human. Your human treats you like
the goddess you truly are.
Congratulations! Purrfect score!
Although we cats know instinctively whether we are
adequately spoiled by their humans, what most humans
don't know is that there are actually cat schols that teach
cats how to train humans to be completely malleable.
Adult cats begin teaching these classes when kittens are
quite young, and this knowledge is passed from generation
to generation.
To see how well you have learned your lessons, scratch off
the answers to the following questions and score one point
for each "yes" answer, unless otherwise indicated.
1. Does your human have more than three
nicknames for you?
2. Does your human keep a separate photo album
with pictures only of you?
3. Does your human bring you up in conversation
more than five times a day?
4. Do you have your own web site, or are your photos
included on your human's web site?
5. Do you have more than 10 cat toys?
6. Does your human take you to the vet at the slightest
sign of illness, even though she or he will avoid personal
doctor visits as long as possible?
7. Are you given a treat or reward for any of the following
reasons? (Score one point for each that applies.)
*Going to the vet
*Taking your medicine
*Still being alive when your human returns home from work
8. When you break a valuable item made of glass, is your
human's first concern for your safety?
9. Would your human rather get painful muscle spasms than
disturb you when you're sleeping on her bed or sitting on
her lap?
10. Does your human put birdseed outside for your viewing
entertainment?
11. Does your human celebrate your birthday?
12. Do you get goodies in a cat stocking on the holidays?
13. How many of these are in your house? (Score one point
for the number of each you own. Note: If your cat tree is also
a scratching post, score two points.)
*A cat tree
*A scratching post
*A window ledge with a nice blanket or fleece on it
*An interactive toy
14. Are you an indoor-only cat?
15. Are you spayed or neutered?
16. Would your human rather have ripped rugs and
furniture than declaw you?
17. Does your human kiss you or tell you she/he loves
you at least three times a day?
Tally up your points and see how you did.
1-8: You need to go back to cat school for some lessons on
how to train a human. Your human treats you like an animal.
Shameful!
9-17: You need to go back to cat school for some more
advanced lessons. Your human treats you like a human.
Intolerable!
18+: You should be a cat school instructor. You've done a
great job training your human. Your human treats you like
the goddess you truly are.
Congratulations! Purrfect score!