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Sylvan
March 16th, 2004, 07:10 PM
:strike: So there's this lady that lives three houses down from me. I hadn't ever seen or heard of her till this past Halloween when all the other neighbors threw a party on the circle in the middle of the cul-de-sac and she wasn't invited- she was "the crazy lady".

They all told me how she left snacks for their kids on her front step (juices and open bags of candy corn and sandwiches and Little Debbies), how she offered to take their kids to the library on Wednesdays, how she used to have a boyfriend but he mysteriously disappeared about the same time she moved her crushed-stone driveway to the left and buried "things" while doing so, how she parks her car in the back yard on top of the septic, and how when the people across the street were having loam delivered, she was out in the street on her hands and knees brushing the dirt back to "their side" of the street... How lucky I was not to have met her yet...

And then she came over to use the phone one day when I was still at work.

She's got problems. She has no job, her car is dead, and her son lives out on Cape Cod. She uses our phone to try and get government assistance because she can't buy food, or pay for heat, or use electricity... She's in her 50's and living alone, and whoever she's been talking to have been jerking her around left and right. "Send us your Social Security card." She doesn't have one, so she sends a copy of her Social Security statement she gets every month. "We can't accept this, all but the last four numbers have been crossed out." And she didn't cross them out. She sends it again. Crossed out again. It's insanity.

So she might finally have everything lined up. But now she needs a ride half an hour away into town tomorrow morning, and she doesn't want to ask the other neighbor who she's also been using their phone, because she's had them drive her too many times already... Can I bring her tomorrow? :wtf:

I have to work.

Can hubby bring her? :wtf:

He's at work right now, won't be home till 2:30am. If I send him a text on his cell phone, he may not see it or answer back until like 11pm. He never does the same thing twice in the mornings, so I can't tell her yes or no if he'll even be awake at 10am to take her to town.

She's talked of selling her house... honestly, I hope that day comes soon. She can get at least twice what she paid for it (semi-new development, real estate prices have skyrocketed recently), and it's paid up now, so all she has to worry about is finding a place she can afford (good luck in this town!) where the taxes are low.

She made us sugar cookies the other day, as a thank you. Do you trust the baked goods of a person who has no heat, and so more than likely skimps on showering and/or handwashing? :sick: Hubby and his mom tested them the other day, said they were "tough" but if you microwaved them, they were halfway edible... But that's as many as got eaten-he tossed them today with the weekly trash.

Am I some kind of evil ogre, to not want to have to deal with her? :imout: I don't want to know that she hasn't had a pap smear in so long she can't remember the last time, I don't want to know that she has high blood pressure, I don't want to know how evil the government and local healthcare has been to her.... I just want to sit quiet in my house.... :fpatricks

Kalika
March 16th, 2004, 08:01 PM
:hugz:

I don't think you are wrong to be wary...

Sounds pretty creepy to me.

Yasmine Galenorn
March 16th, 2004, 08:01 PM
:strike: So there's this lady that lives three houses down from me. I hadn't ever seen or heard of her till this past Halloween when all the other neighbors threw a party on the circle in the middle of the cul-de-sac and she wasn't invited- she was "the crazy lady". Am I some kind of evil ogre, to not want to have to deal with her? :imout: I don't want to know that she hasn't had a pap smear in so long she can't remember the last time, I don't want to know that she has high blood pressure, I don't want to know how evil the government and local healthcare has been to her.... I just want to sit quiet in my house.... :fpatricks

No, you're not an ogre, and you shouldn't feel guilty. We can't help everybody, and you'll go nuts if you try. Sometimes if you have a real aversion to somebody, then maybe there's a reason you have that feeling. You help those you can and accept that there will be billions others, far worse off than she is, who you can't help. We each give according to our means, and means is defined by more than just monetary help. My niece is quite good at hospice care. I'd be a wreck. Just means we're different people and have different strengths and talents.

Yasmine :colorful:

Sylvan
March 16th, 2004, 08:32 PM
Thank you both. :hugz: I was coming back to delete the post, figuring I'd have been flamed 8 ways to Sunday already for not being compassionate enough... :sadeyes:

Phoenix Blue
March 16th, 2004, 08:38 PM
There, but for the grace of Gods, go I.

Kadynas
March 16th, 2004, 08:41 PM
If you ask me you've been plenty compassionate. :) Sounds to me that with the exception of you and one other neighbor, she's been pretty much ostracized in the neighborhood. Just curious, but is she ill or something to the point that she can't work? If I were her, I'd be selling the house too! (The real estate market is one that has stayed strong with the refinancing boom, she could get a great deal and some cash at closing!) I just don't get people sometimes... I mean she can't be happy living like that can she? Why wouldn't she want to do something to change it?

I'm with the others... you can't help everyone and you can't help those who don't seem to want to help themselves... :)

Klucky
March 16th, 2004, 09:00 PM
Awwww, my little Kurry Powder. :hugz: I hope all goes well. Maybe she's just terribly lonely and you're the kindest person about? I mean, that should be a compliment, right?

Oh, and you're not an "ogre". I tend to blow off my own friends! :rolleyes: (Yeah, I'm a winner, eh?) ;)

-Klucky

Regulus
March 16th, 2004, 09:43 PM
Maybe you could call a local religious group? They do a lot of helping about and what not. Plus I'm sure she would enjoy the social interaction. If you are gonna try to distance yourself, please be gentle. It seems as though she has already had a rough go of it. Last thing she needs is another person turning the knife.

dragonspirit 69
March 16th, 2004, 10:27 PM
Koodos for you for helping her out as much as you have. I agree that you should get away because it sounds to me that you have done all you can. But maybe not completely away. Try maybe stoping by once a week or everyother week saying that work and other obligations make comming over any more often is too much for your scedual. And also see about an adult daycare or a church group can take over. That way she won't feel abandoned and You won't feel guilty ( if you are that kind of person ) for not helping more often. well good luck !! :elf:

materra
March 16th, 2004, 10:38 PM
Okay, here goes...practical solutions.
A) Contact your State vunerable adults agency and report you are concerned about her ability to protect herself from scams and feed herself etc.
B) Call your local United Way referal service, typically listed as a referal agency in your county or even in the front of the phone books. Tell them you need an elderly advocacy group that could assist this woman with transportation, food, living skills etc etc.
C) Call the County Hospital and report her as needing an assessment for her mental health, plus she needs a advocate to assist her with bill paying and other concerns. They often have local referal information too.


You are not wrong to be worried about her and her life, but you are not necissarilly the right person to help. She needs to be cared for in a professional way if she is that vunerable. Another possiblity is her next call to her son should be from you... telling them point blank she is vunerable and the first crook who happens along could end up with everything she has. They may be unaware of how bad off she is. Then again, they may not care. The Elder Advocacy Programs, State Agency for the Elderly, or other such programs should be able to assist. Good luck.
Warm hugs, and universal energy for patience in the mean time to you and your hubby.

Sylvan
March 16th, 2004, 11:04 PM
Kadynas, she's got physical problems and no working car, and with town being a 12-mile walk away, she can't be doing that all the time. I think her trying to get on state aid is her first step.. But I don't know where transportation is going to come from for her. We are literally out in the middle of nowhere- we don't even see an ice cream truck down our road in the summer. Even the school bus doesn't come down here to drop the kids off- they drop them at the top of the road and all the parents wait for them there.

dragonspirit, unfortunately, she stops by my house. The only thing I can think that could be an excuse is "Oh- we were just on our way out the door" but that doesn't work if it's noon and I'm still in my pajamas on the weekend.. She has stood in my kitchen on my phone for up to 4 hours at a time, trying to wrestle up the info that she needs..

We donate to a "Warm Thy Neighbor" fund, and one time she was here I went to their website and printed up their phone number for her to call... I don't know if she ever did that.

Excellent suggestions, materra. Will have to look up those options. Unfortunately, I don't really *know* her, and she only makes local or 800# calls, so I have no idea what her son's number might be. He's 23, and she excuses him from caring about her welfare because of his age. "Oh, he's probably more worried about friends and the deli he works at and his apartment than driving 5 hours to come get me..."

Hubby has been talking about calling up the phone company and getting her hooked up, paying for it ourselves, just a basic basic plan where long-distance isn't allowed....

dragonspirit 69
March 16th, 2004, 11:57 PM
HA just thought That the next time she calls her son " *69 " him right back and then you can talk to him. Also try to see if you can get the phone company to list all the calls on your bill then You can see who she is calling if the 69 thing dosen't work. :elf:

LadyOak
March 17th, 2004, 07:16 AM
You aren't a meanie...You and your husband have done more for this lady than most would!!!

materra
March 17th, 2004, 08:48 AM
You are good people, and the kind of help you are providing is special. You need to contact her son, as regardless of his mother's opinion he needs to know. In addition I forgot to mention you may also need to contact the Elderly Ombusman Programs in your state or county. They are also very helpful.

Funny, I am doing some of what you do in my complex here. But in return, I receive an enormous amount of love, appreaciation and a very good feeling in my heart. And real life Karma points... :)Warm hugs...more universal energy coming to you.

Avalon
March 17th, 2004, 08:56 AM
I agree with the others, Turtle Girl. You and hubby have been extremely compassionate towards this lady...there's only so much you can do...:hugz: