My christian boyfriend - HELP!

[I Dont Know]

I just recently got into a relationship with a guy from work in December. He wasn't a hard core christian at the time but not to long after, he started going to church, bible study, and got babtized. Now he knows that I do not share his beliefs and doesn't have a problum with it and same goes for me... but now he no longer wants to go farther than kissing because it's a sin. I love him and respect that he is religious and crap and he knows that I am not interested in becoming a christian but last night he asked me to go to church with him becasue I feel empty and he thinks that God could help fill that hole in my life. He is forcing his religion on me by saying that, right? I think so but he doesn't. What should I do??? I don't know if I can build a life with him because of this. My family doesn't know my religion because they are christain as well and the same goes for his family but now I will always have to hide it becasue they would all disown me! What shoudl I do???

[menolly]

I had a hyper-christian boyfriend once... :S He was a bit... well, weird once I got to know him properly. He was very devout, and even believed that masturbation was a sin! I really freaked him out one time when we were watching 'Serial Mom' together. I was pointing out the little mistakes Kathleen Turner's character had made and saying how if she's done this or that there would have been no evidence pointing her out as the murderer. I was just being silly, but he got so freaked out he dumped me! :lol:

Seriously here; I think you should just sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you appreciate his concern, but that just isn't what you believe. You don't necissarily have to tell him what you do believe if you're not ready to, but just try to get him to accept that. And about him not wanting to go any further than kissing - well done him! That isn't meant to be an insult to you, but far too many people rush into sexual activity bevore they've thought it through and are really ready for it. Try to remember that this is part of his religion, whether you follow it or not.. Respect that belief, and he may learn from example and accept yours too :hugz:

[Ahautenites]

Tough decision to make, chica, but you may need to decide whether your religious beliefs are more important than your boyfriend or your boyfriend is more important than your religious beliefs. The main thing to examine is, why is your boyfriend with you if he doesn't like you just the way you are? You don't get into a relationship with the intention of changing the person you're with.

[Xander67]

I had a hyper-christian boyfriend once... :S He was a bit... well, weird once I got to know him properly. He was very devout, and even believed that masturbation was a sin! I really freaked him out one time when we were watching 'Serial Mom' together. I was pointing out the little mistakes Kathleen Turner's character had made and saying how if she's done this or that there would have been no evidence pointing her out as the murderer. I was just being silly, but he got so freaked out he dumped me! :lol:

Seriously here; I think you should just sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you appreciate his concern, but that just isn't what you believe. You don't necissarily have to tell him what you do believe if you're not ready to, but just try to get him to accept that. And about him not wanting to go any further than kissing - well done him! That isn't meant to be an insult to you, but far too many people rush into sexual activity bevore they've thought it through and are really ready for it. Try to remember that this is part of his religion, whether you follow it or not.. Respect that belief, and he may learn from example and accept yours too :hugz:

I agree with Menolly
Acceptance is everything, If he can not love you and accept you for who you are, then everything else is meaningless... it has to come from the heart. and Likewise, if you dont feel comfortable being yourself, then you arent able to express yourself, and that is just trouble waiting to happen, ........... you can only keep the lid on a pressure cooker for so long :)

[Jenett]

It's not 'forcing his religion on you' to say "Hey, this helped me, if you'd like to go, maybe it'd help you." If he cares about you, *and* if what you're doing now isn't working for you (which, if you say you're feeling empty) then hey, why not at least give it a look.

If you had a physical problem he might help with, wouldn't you want him to at least suggest the option to you? That may be (at least from how you describe it) what he's doing - you mentioned something as a problem, he offered a solution that's helping him.

It's no more forcing you (as long as he takes your "No, not interested." and leaves it at that or just reminds you that the offer's open) than it would be for him to force you to try a new cuisine that you don't think you'd like. You still get to say no. It's only 'forcing' if he's putting pressure on you beyond mentioning it as an option.

However, you probably do need to sit down with him and have a long talk, and figure out if you two want reasonably compatible things. You might not make a decision now - you might decide something like "Ok, let's give it six months, there are a lot of recent changes going on here.." but agree to talk about it again periodically, and see how you both feel.

Some people feel very strongly about sharing a religion with their relationship partner. Others don't. It sounds like your boyfriends conversion/baptism is recent enough it may take him some time to settle down and figure out what's most important to him (and for you to decide if that's something that you're comfortable with in this kind of relationship.

[Faeawyn]

The problem here is that if he's a devout christian....and thinks anything more than kissing is a sin...then he's going to think that being wiccan or pagan is practically demonic. I can't tell you how many times I've had my beliefs pointed out as horrific sins in the bible. He may feel that entering into a relationship with a wiccan is giving him a one way ticket straight to hell. I agree with Menolly....sit him down and tell him that you respect his beliefs, but that you do not necessarily share them....and see how it goes. And Xander's right...you can only keep the lid on for so long. :hugz: good luck hun.

[tempestskye]

i have to agree with the others and say that this is a delima. i have had this experience before and it wasn't pretty. for me it was a little diffrent. i was born into wicca and have never really expierenced the christian thing till i got older. but i met this guy who was a hard core christian (about as hard core as you can get, believe me!) and he was saving his-self for marrige as well. i never told him about my beliefs and was in a state of unhappiness for a year. i didn't let him know who i really was. it was finally what broke us up. but we are friends now and understand each other very well. he now knows who i really am. he tried to change me too. and i do believe that when your boyfriend tells you that you are empty and god needs to fill you that he is indeed trying to change you. but that's just my personal opinion. you do need to decide which is more important, your boy or your beliefs. i can't tell you how it will end, but i can tell you from my own expirence that it didn't seem to end well at first, but now that we are friends it's all better. but if he can accept you and your views, then kudos to him. but it'll take work. (especially if you both have gone all the way together and now he just expects you to stop.) hope i helped you. and i wish you all the blessings that the goddess has to offer :yourock:

[I Dont Know]

He knows my religion and doesn't think it's evil. I never wanted to get into a relationship with a strong christaian in the first place and then thats what he started to do. But I love him and don't want to leave... it's just I know that I will never get to practice my religion other than in secret so our families dont find out and think I'm evil and worship the devil. (thats why I didn't want to be with a strong christan) I just don't know.... >.< GRR!

[Athena-Nadine]

It seems to me, from your posts, that he is accepting of you and your religion. I don't see anything here to justify all the ominous-sounding warnings I'm seeing on this thread.

Offering you the option of going to church with him because you are feeling empty inside is not trying to force his religion on you. It sounds to me as if he is just worried about you and is trying to help.

As for his feelings on doing more than kissing you--you need to figure out if you can respect his wishes or not. You expect him to respect your religious beliefs, do you not? He has every right to the same consideration. if you cannot give it to him, you need to let him go so he can find someone who can.

[Faeawyn]

Well...if he knows about it and doesn't think its evil...thats wonderful. Thats the hardest part...convincing them it's not evil. Now you just have to find a way to say "you do it your way, and I'll do it my way"..and continue to love each other in between :)

[Phoenix Blue]

Have you asked him what his opinion is regarding your religious beliefs? Or are you assuming that, because he's Christian, he must automatically disapprove of your religious practice?

[Equinox]

Well, it is possible he can love you for who you are, and respect your beliefs. However, I have to admit that from my experience with the behaviors you’ve described, that isn’t what I’d expect. I expect that he will have more and more trouble with your beliefs, and won’t be able to accept you for who you are.

I’ve been in many relationships, and I think you need to proceed with a lot of caution. He is probably going to have a conflict with the parts of his divine scripture with condemn any non-Christian religion, such as John 14:6 : Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the light, no one gets to the father except through me." Many (though not all) Christians are pretty serious about that "no one" part.

If things don’t work out, remember that there are a lot of guys out there. You deserve someone who loves *all* of you, not just the parts that are the same as them.

Good luck!

-Equinox

[Ravenwolf35]

I have a question for you...

Why does he think you are "empty" inside? Did you tell him that, or is this something he picked up in church, like "if you know someone who doesn't go to church they are empty inside?" Just curious, as that happened to me before.

I was dating a catholic with a zealot for a mother, and he asked me, "Don't you feel empty inside?" I said, "Not at all, but I do when I have gone to chruch with you in the past. It just doesn't ring true in my heart." He respected that.

Well, he started talking about even becoming a priest, and got wierd about intimacy as well. Now a days he lives in Palm Springs with his boyfriend...

I would question his sudden shift to be a born-again, and "pleasure is a sin" BS. This is, of course, speaking from my own experience. My ex felt he had to hide his sexuality because of his family, and do-right by his mother. He was ashamed and even ended up contemplating suicide. I sincerely hope you have not found yourself in the same situation!

[PeleRising]

If your boyfriend is under the impression you are not happy (ie the empty feeling) sounds to me like he is trying to help. He understands what your path is... and is accepting of that... you will need to be as accepting of his path... we all change and grow... just as your path is developing, his is as well.

It almost sounds to me as if the real problem is the families, and your fear of what they will think if they find out. :(

[Sequoia]

It seems to me, from your posts, that he is accepting of you and your religion. I don't see anything here to justify all the ominous-sounding warnings I'm seeing on this thread.

Offering you the option of going to church with him because you are feeling empty inside is not trying to force his religion on you. It sounds to me as if he is just worried about you and is trying to help.

You know, I was mostly just going to say the same exact thing. *nods* He isn't being forceful. He's offering something he thinks might be able to help you; perhaps he doesn't know anything else that might make you feel better. I think it's sweet that he's caring about you, wanting to try to fill your spirit (with his view of love) together. He isn't trying to convert you, merely comfort you.

But. . . if you are uneasy about the fact that he is strongly Christian, perhaps this relationship is not for you. And if the sex or "more than kissing" is more important to you than the emotional relationship part of it . . . well. . . to me. . . the fact that he wants to stay with you, without anything more than kissing. . . wow. It sounds like he loves you for you, honey.

He doesn't sound like he's religiously persecuting you at all. Sounds kind of supportive, to me. . .

Well, I think that's about all I've got to say on it.

[Xeen]

I just recently got into a relationship with a guy from work in December. He wasn't a hard core christian at the time but not to long after, he started going to church, bible study, and got babtized. Now he knows that I do not share his beliefs and doesn't have a problum with it and same goes for me... but now he no longer wants to go farther than kissing because it's a sin. I love him and respect that he is religious and crap and he knows that I am not interested in becoming a christian but last night he asked me to go to church with him becasue I feel empty and he thinks that God could help fill that hole in my life. He is forcing his religion on me by saying that, right? I think so but he doesn't. What should I do??? I don't know if I can build a life with him because of this. My family doesn't know my religion because they are christain as well and the same goes for his family but now I will always have to hide it becasue they would all disown me! What shoudl I do???
The only logical thing, in my own not so humble opinion, is to dump him. Not because he's Christian, but because you don't need to be treated like that.

'Nuff said.

[Sequoia]

. . . wow. Where did he treat her poorly? It sounds like he loves her a lot. . . *shakes my head*

[CleftOfLight]

he might not be forcing his religion on you,if you seem depressed maybe he just wants to help you out.Also if you want why dont you ask him to go to one of your religious meetings,or participate in your religious activity,see how he acts.Show him the similarities between your beliefe and his beliefe.IF after all that he still insists on you going to his church and beoming christain than leave him,and find a more open minded person.
but who knows he might be open to it,just right now hes feeling something that he never felt before and according to his faith he doesnt want to ruin his heavenly chanceslol.
well good luck my dear,I hope I could be of some helpful use.

[Crystal_Raye]

I had a hyper-christian boyfriend once... :S He was a bit... well, weird once I got to know him properly. He was very devout, and even believed that masturbation was a sin!

to Christians breathing is a sin against God (no offense).

[Raihn]

to Christians breathing is a sin against God (no offense).

Technically, I don't even think they are allowed to go to the bathroom...

But he doesn't sound like that bad of a person...just offering a solution that has probably helped him in the past. There are too many boys/men out there who rather take advantage of you in the name of comfort than to truly offer it. It is always nice to hear something positive from my gender.

So, I don't really feel that it's any sort of force issue...but if he just does not work for you, let him go. He sounds like too good of a kid to hurt.

[Aine of the Fae]

Ok, I've got to throw my two cents in here - as a Christian. A Christian can acknowledge and respect that you believe differently - and if they don't they really need to reread their Bible - but that doesn't mean they will accept it. However by asking you to go to church he's not trying to force you into conversion, he's sincerely trying to show you a way that made him happy. If you've shared with him that you feel empty then I can see why he'd suggest that Christ could fill that emptiness.

As long as he's not pressuring you, I don't see much of a problem.

As far as the intimacy issue goes - you need to ask yourself what YOU want. If he can't give it to you then you need to respect his decision and move on so that he can move on as well.

Oh and yes, we Christians are allowed to breathe and go to the bathroom...

[I Dont Know]

I thank you all for your help. I would like to say that the reason I feel empty is because of emotional issues. He knows all about them but sometime fails to remember... alot of things. But anyways, we have done more than kissing... alot more and after every time, he gets all mad at himself. I always tell him that he is gonna feel that way when it's done and yet he says he can deal with it... and it starts all over again. We get in little fights where he says "NO MORE SEX!" and then the next day he wants to. We were both virgins and thought about our decision for a long time before we decided. I love him very much but his family would hate me if they found out. I'm willing to keep my religion a secret but if he does make one more hint that he wants me to be a christian I'm not going to stand for it. I used to be a christain but I never felt right at church and now I have found what really suits me and I'm going to stand up for what I believe in! Again, thank you all.

[Mab]

The problem here is that if he's a devout christian....and thinks anything more than kissing is a sin...then he's going to think that being wiccan or pagan is practically demonic.

I disagree. My bf is Christian, as am I (but I'm also a witch). I celebrate pagan holidays & Christan holidays. He respects my need for alone time on Ostara & Imbolc, etc, for my ritual. He is very active in his church--usher, on the finance comittee, etc. He is totally respectful of my practices & my choice. He actually is very very open-minded about my spiritualism, my tools, my visions, my premonitions, etc.......and believes in me & my abilities 100%.

Don't write your man off just b/c he's Christian. He's probably just a bit hyped on it b/c he's "new", and a lot of "baby Christians" want to fly before they can walk. Going to church with him once won't kill you. You might ask that he learn something about your path in return.

Just give it a bit before you drop him. You wouldn't want to lose out on a great growing experience for both you & him, or on a really great guy b/c of a hasty decision, would you?

[Aine of the Fae]

I thank you all for your help. I would like to say that the reason I feel empty is because of emotional issues. He knows all about them but sometime fails to remember... alot of things. But anyways, we have done more than kissing... alot more and after every time, he gets all mad at himself. I always tell him that he is gonna feel that way when it's done and yet he says he can deal with it... and it starts all over again. We get in little fights where he says "NO MORE SEX!" and then the next day he wants to. We were both virgins and thought about our decision for a long time before we decided. I love him very much but his family would hate me if they found out. I'm willing to keep my religion a secret but if he does make one more hint that he wants me to be a christian I'm not going to stand for it. I used to be a christain but I never felt right at church and now I have found what really suits me and I'm going to stand up for what I believe in! Again, thank you all.


From reading this I would have to say that it's time to walk away from the relationship. Things will only get more difficult from here if he's already feeling that way. You say you feel empty emotionally? I can understand that, you need to do a lot of soul searching and see where that leaves, but don't be resistant to ANY of your options or you may find yourself very surprised at the way things get thrown at you.

You say he feels extremely guilty after sex, have you discussed why he feels that way (beyond the whole Christian thing)? And how do you feel about his feeling guilty? It's got to be pretty hard on you too.

As much as you love one another, sometimes the best thing to do is to say goodbye before you end up absolutely hating one another.

[Sequoia]

You know. . . hon, I looked at your profile. I don't know you that well, but it sounds like you might be going through a sort of darker, more empty period in life right now. . . not in your relationship.

I just really hate to see you lose someone who cares about you, over a little bitty issue that is resolved every day by thousands of loving couples. Who are happy.

I don't think this is really about the religion. And it would be really sad to see him lose someone he cared so much about, because she was afraid. Share your fears and emotions with him. Have you talked with him about all of this? The fact that he isn't just using you for sex or anything else sure seems to mean something, and it's rare these days. Search yourself inside. Enough about his family, or your family. The relationship is about him, and you. Not about what they think about you. (or him, for that matter.)

I just don't want to see you run away from this because "my mean persecuting overbearing christian boyfriend tried to convert me and wouldn't have sex with me and his family won't like me". I mean. . . aren't relationships about more than that?

[Kitase Raikua]

I've never had a Christian boyfriend, but my best friend and another good friend are Christians. Thank Hecate my best friend is a liberalist Christian and as such supports my beliefs, but my other friend doesn't. She even opposed to me calling magick "witchcraft" and I had to basicly say "Craft" any time I wanted to talk about it.

Basicly I have to urge you to talk to him and try to see where he stands on the matter. If you can't come to an agreement, them maybe you shouldn't be together. Someone earlier brought up the religion/boyfriend which is more important question and their right. That's something you have to decide but you also have to decide for yourself. If he's making you feel uncomfortable you should definitly tell him so. No one has a right to do that.

[I Dont Know]

I just don't want to see you run away from this because "my mean persecuting overbearing christian boyfriend tried to convert me and wouldn't have sex with me and his family won't like me". I mean. . . aren't relationships about more than that?

...He knows all about my personal problums and that I'm dealing with depression. He showes interest in my religion and since I have been christian, I know quite a bit about his. I never push him to do anything that he doesn't want to. He is the one that "sin's" because of his decision about sex. I'm not running away from anything. I am compleatly open minded about his new found faith and I told him that I don't want to be christian ever again. He steped over the line by asking me to go to church with him.

[Danustouch]

my b/f is Catholic, and Brazilian. Brazilian Catholics are a different breed of Catholic, in general. Unlike many american catholics, who cling to the faith because it is the way they were brought up, the faith of their parents, etc... and only go to church once in a while or whatever..Brazilian Catholics are VERY committed to their beliefs. It's not just a religious path to them, it's also a cultural identity.

My b/f attributes everything good that has happened in his life, To God. Everything bad that has happened in his life, to a choice which God didn't like. In short, he believes that God rewards faithfulness, and punishes unfaithfulness.

When we first met, and found we were attracted to eachother, I explained my religion. At that point, it wasn't really an issue. He just saw me as a good person, and one he liked spending time with. When we started to get serious, it became something else. My b/f is not the type of guy to take relationships lightly. When he commits himself, he thinks of the future. "Is this the type of woman I want to marry?". So ..then, it DID become an issue.

"What would my mother think of her?".
"If I married her, would God be angry, and punish me?"
"What would she teach our children? I know that God has given me good things because I have faith in him. If we have children, and she doesn't teach them faith in God, would they not have good lives"?
"She is pagan, do pagans take their wedding vows as seriously? Catholic church forbids divorce, paganism doesn't.. so.. does that mean she could leave me easily?".

All these things had to be examined.

He thought about it really hard. He prayed about it very hard. In the end, he brought it to God and phrased it like this.."God, if you do not want me to be with her, take her from me now, before I lose my heart. Make her not love me like I love her..". Obviously, God didn't take me from him. I love him. But, it still bothered him from time to time.

Finally, I said.."I really don't see what the problem is. You believe that God can do anything, right? Well..if God is all powerful, and if he loves you, and wants your happiness, then he will someday reveal his existence to me. I'll even go to church with you. I don't mind. It doesn't hurt me to support you in YOUR path. So if God wants me to be Christian, he'll let me know that, right? So..until then, if you really believe that Christianity is the right path, why don't you just pray that God will show me that? I am a good woman, and I love you very much. I think if God is what you say he is, he would want you to be happy. You chose to love me. So, now you should just have faith ...".

I go to church with him. I even say prayers for him once in a while. Luckily, I know alot of scripture from my own past, so often we'll have discussions on the passages which I DO agree with (there are enough of them in the bible, that we can have great discussions about it). He doesn't believe that my faith is right for me. He would prefer it if I were Christian. But, so long as I show support for him, on his path, and I show an open mind, he's content. More than content, day by day, as he gets to know me, and my friends, he starts to realize that the things which devide our faiths, are not so many. And those that do, are not enough to make us illsuited to one another.

It could be argued that if he isn't as supportive of my religion, as I am of his, that I am either a)betraying my faith or b)suffering from low self esteem.

But..I have found the opposite to be true. The truth is, I've been Pagan since I was 20. I'm now 28, i'll be 29 in May. I want to marry, and have children someday, and I know that marriage, and motherhood are two of the things which will bring me the most happiness in my life. In pursuit of these things, I've often wound up with terrible men, just because I wanted to be with SOMEBODY. My current boyfriend, on the other hand, is a complete gem. He is faithful, loving, kind, passionate, warm, funny, caring, smart, hardworking, respectful, and spiritual. He is one of the kindest people you could ever meet. When I am with him, I feel happy, and complete as I never have at any other point in my life. He treats me like gold. I've dated pagan men, and men of all other walks and paths, and never have I been treated as well as I am by this man..this brazilian catholic man.

So, can I keep my mind open, if keeping my mind open means being happy for once in my life? You betcha. Can I support his faith, knowing how much it means to him, considering all the happiness he brings me? Darned tootin! Would I be willing to convert to his religion in order to marry him? It wouldn't be easy, but yes. Especially since I know that I can actually incorporate elements of my current faith, into elements of his. My core beliefs will probably never change. But, if I have to celebrate Christmas, I can recognize the signs of Yule within it. If I have to say prayers to Mary, I can see her as the Goddess. If I have to look at a crucifix hanging behind our bed, I can think of the hanged man in the tarot, or of the stories of Odin. Most of all, I can appreciate the value that the religion has in my boyfriends life. How happy it makes him. And then I can think of how happy he makes me. And I can consider it an even exchange.

As for the sex part, my boyfriend sometimes struggles against that too. He swings back and forth on that issue. But I know that if he were to say tomorrow, that we couldn't be sexually active ..it would drive me insane, but I could deal with it, until the timing was right for both of us. I'd have to chew on a lot of ice, and take a lot of cold showers, but, a bone crushing hug from this man, the scent of his skin, and the feel of his hands twined in mine are the essential things. Sex can wait until the time is right.

My b/f just moved this morning. He'll be working a 70 hour week. We don't know WHEN we'll be able to see eachother. When we'll be able to make love. When we'll even be able to hug eachother again. And I still can't get the man out of my mind. Right now, even his voice on the other end of a telephone line, thrills me to no end. I love him that much.

If you REALLY love this guy, don't let religion come between you. That's not what religion is for. Religion is meant to improve our quality of life, and to help us evolve as people. If your boyfriend improves your quality of life, and is helping you grow.. just..find a way to compromise on issues. And no, it's not forcing his religion on you to ask you to go to church with him. Even if he tells you he can't date you anymore because of your religion, he's not forcing his religion on you. He's making a choice for his own life, deciding what he wants in a mate...

[Equinox]

Ouch-

Well, I’ve seen this kind of thing play out several times.

It sounds like he is in a controlling kind of church (maybe about half of Christian Churches are like that). Members have to see right and wrong as laid out in the Bible, not what they consider right or wrong. This could be why he has such a hard time with feeling OK about himself. They use guilt to control the members too. If he stays with that church, he will always follow the dictates of the church instead of your needs.

I’ve seen this resolve a few ways. He most likely cannot be convinced otherwise, and will get more involved. As he gets more involved, his life will be more and more “Biblically directed”. If the church finds out he is involved with a Pagan, he will have to either convert you or leave you. If he is going to decide anything on his own, he has to first understand that he won’t go to Hell for making his own decision, and will have to get away from that church. The information here was useful for me in breaking me out of the paralyzing fear of Hell:

http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/TJXSUM/tj4xlogical.htm
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/TJXSUM/tj5xbbibprob.htm
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/TJXSUM/tj6xhinfo.htm

If he can’t extricate himself, you will have to find someone else who will love you for who you are. You mentioned sex – you sound like a very mature person, so I’m sure you are using protection. That’s good because getting pregnant will lead to a world of s**t – abortion isn’t allowed, and the kid must be raised as a “bible believer”, and you have no voice in anything.

I hope I’ve misinterpreted the information you’ve given. I don’t think I have though, I’ve seen this too many times. Ignore this post if he clearly honors your religious path (such as by joining you in rituals, etc).

Good luck!

-Equinox

[Pesha]

This is a hrad one sweety. You have received alot of good advice already so the best thing I think for me to tell you is to keep the lines of communication open. Communicatrion in a relationsghip is even more important than sex believe it or not. Communicate with him how you feel, let him do the same and see what happens. All relationships regardless of the partners religious beliefs take work and communicating with each other is key here.

BB
DS.

[Nighthawk]

UH.... not sure I am going to help.... gotta tell him.... othwise you become him... or like him, and you state yu do not want that... Not good to be a closet witch