Non-Pagan spouse

[Red Dragon]

My fiance' although tolerant of my spiritual choices, is still not sure what it is I do, and I feel she thinks it's devil worship. To say the least, this puts a bit of a cramp on my rituals and spellworking when she is at home. I would like to get her to at least read up on the basics of the craft, and have hopes that one day she will be drawn to it herself. I don't feel it's right to push her, but I would like to see her at least become informed. Any suggestions or advice?

[mol]

Does she know you are a Pagan?

I mean have you told her...flat out...you are a Pagan?

[Red Dragon]

That I have, and we do talk about it, but she doesn't want to give it a look see. :( I remain hopeful that she will come around to at least giving it a try. At this time she has a lot of retained guilt from her religious upbringing, and I know she'll have to deal with it on her own. I know she will find or not find her path in her own time, and don't want to make the mistake of trying to force my path on her. But I do want her to share in it as well. She does exhibit some curiosity,from time to time, do you think it would be a good or bad idea to let her observe??? :confused:

[mol]

If she shows some curiosity from time to time then let that be the times you share...otherwise..dont push it at her. Let her make the choice to learn about it.

[Red Dragon]

As always... Wise words from a Wise Man. Thanks mol.:D

[mol]

Originally posted by Red Dragon
As always... Wise words from a Wise Man. Thanks mol.:D

*blush*


You are welcome.

[Yvonne Belisle]

Mol do you think that there is any chance that my Pagan phobic friend might learn to accept my choice? Right now the only reason she still speaks to me is that we've known each other for 21 years. I'm moving closer to her and will have to hide my alter and other working items when she and her husband come over. If I don't he may not allow her to see me! She is terrified that I'm going to hell. She keeps hoping I'll grow out of it. The advice given to Red Dragon would be great for me if she had any curiosity. She looked at the pictures on my webpage as a favor to me but wanted to know if the face in the moon was a demon! Then she didn't believe me when I said it wasn't. Any clues? Anyone? I love her like a sister it hurts to have to hide that side of my life from her sight.

[Red Dragon]

I feel better now, although I put my craft stuff away which is a pain, it's really so no one disturbes it. We have two teenaged children, and I just want to be sure my things are left alone. My fiance' is tollerant, and that's a plus since she at least accepts my choices even if it's not hers. There is nothing so terrible as a closed mind! This may be quite a challenge for our 'site god' ;) All I can offer you is my sympathy.
Blessings
:D

[Yvonne Belisle]

Thank-you I'm hoping someone will have some ideas. I saw a collapsible alter cloth with pockets sewn in so that your stuff stays in when you make it into a bag. I may need to make myself one just to make life simpler. I have my kids trained not to touch my alter stuff without my say so even my 3 year old will leave my atheme alone which is really good since it's a dagger and sharp. Even then I always pick my stuff up but I keep a bumper sticker above my alter that says "pagan and proud" I guess I will have to use Velcro so I can take it down for some friends and family. Sigh... I really wish intolerance had a cure.

[rantnraven]

Rather then telling someone that I am Pagan, I tell them that I am Wiccan or Celtic. When you state that you are Pagan, people jump to conclusions and think "Satanist".

There is a very cool web site that I have spent hours on. http://www.religioustolerance.org. I have been able to learn more about me and have found better ways to present myself in such a way that it promotes curiosity as opposed to having others shut me out.

Try it out. Couldn't hurt. And the next time you are told that you are going to hell, just ask this, "If there is no Devil how can there be a Hell?" That one really get's 'em.

Best of luck,
Thoma

[mol]

You cant really use the 'Devil' clause because some believe there is a Devil just as mush as you do not. My advice...runs along the same thing I was speaking with Red about. Dont be too secretive (well, if that is your way then be secretive :) ) but if you truly dont want to be...then dont volunteer info, but dont hide.

A Pagan, originally meant, 'people of the Heathe's ' or Heathen's (heh). It really didnt have much to do with the worship at all. If She asks you what your religion is...tell Her, the same as most. A Path of Love.

Hope this helps...kind of tired but I felt you needed an answer.

[Red Dragon]

I was just wondering, if your friends have such a problem with your choices that it had become uncomfortable for you, then are they really worth having. I'd hate to have to make a choice between my path and my fiance' cause though I hate to say it, I'd miss her!!! Hee, Hee.;)

[Litha]

I brought my sweetie boo boo to a Beltane public circle.
It was hosted by New Moon NY and held in Central Park.
I invited the core group of our mutual friends (all non-pagan) as well and asked that everyone bring a ribbon related to something they wanted to manifest, eg pink/love, green/prosperity, orange/creativity.
Everyone showed up and so he not only learned something, but had other non-pagan people to talk to about it.

[Amethyst Rose]

Originally posted by rantnraven
Rather then telling someone that I am Pagan, I tell them that I am Wiccan or Celtic. When you state that you are Pagan, people jump to conclusions and think "Satanist".

Not necessarily. I'm very open about my religion and a couple of years ago during a university "philosophy of religion" class, the teacher listed off a bunch of religions, and asked if he missed anyone's religion. So I put up my hand and said I was Wiccan. To which I heard someone's whispered "Satanist!!"
I so wish I could have told that person off, but the teacher glared at them, so maybe that was enough. Later on in the semester the teacher gave me the entire hour of class time to give a talk on Wicca to the class..... anyway, that's beside the point, I'm just rambling now :).

[rantnraven]

In my case, I was working for this fairly large company. I discovered Wicca when doing research for a story I was writing. Turns out the Supervisor of the department was rummaging through my desk one day and found a book I was reading - The Truth About Witchcraft Today.

Soon, everywhere I went in the office, people would look at me and whisper to each other. The entire lunch-room would go silent when walked in. Even the CFO refused to talk with me and always looked upon me with a cocked eye.

Soon after that, said supervisor started pouring more work on my desk - to the point I couldn't keep up with it. My work ethics were questioned, I was written up, given MORE work and, ultimately was fired over the affair. Of course it had nothing to do with the book or her opinion.

Of course this was in the early 1980's so I really had no defense at the time.

Be careful. Fully evaluate the situation before being too bold. Being Strong differs from being Smart.

Thoma

[Yvonne Belisle]

Thank-you all of you. You're all the GREATEST!!!

[Semele]

Someone made a comment that if you had to hide from your friends were they worth having. Well, in a nutshell, we all hide something. We don't share our most intimate details with all the people we know. if I told my mom all the things me an Mol do she would have a heart attack...and i am not even talking about religion now!!! but that doesn't make me love her any less or feel like I am hiding my true self.

This may be one of the topics in which you have to simply agree to disagree. It needn't even be a topic of discussion. As for the bumper sticker, well if you are pagan and proud then let it be. I hope your friend will let it be and remain close to you. As for her husband, if he has problems with it perhaps when you guys get together it could be just the girls night out. That way she doesn't have to deal with his fears of the evil witch converting his wife!!
Semele

[Red Dragon]

Some one once said there are two topics to avoid with friends and those are Religion and Politics. You simply won't ever convince anyone that your way is right and theirs wrong. It takes someone who is willing to alter their views to change and speaking to someone who is convinced they are right and you are wrong will get nowhere. It is best to let sleeping dragons lie so to speak. Of course as to avoiding topics of a religious nature here ;) ah well there's another subject, Hee, hee :D

[rantnraven]

In my personal opinion, there is no Right or Wrong with religion, only paths. The oxymoron is this: If every religion were Right then, every religion would be Wrong.

We start on the wheel. The goal is the hub. The spoke is the path for without more then one spoke, there truly is no wheel.

What was that old saying from WWII? Loose lips sink ships. Applicable as seen fit.

-T

[mol]

Originally posted by rantnraven
In my personal opinion, there is no Right or Wrong with religion, only paths. The oxymoron is this: If every religion were Right then, every religion would be Wrong.
-T

Untrue. Because each Path is specific to the individual and since the 'religion' goes with the Path then it is too. If it is a Path that makes the traveller happy. This it is right.

[rantnraven]

As I stated this is "my opinion" therfore it cannot be untrue. However, maybe my wording is off. but it appears as though we might agree.

-T

[Red Dragon]

:confused: Where are you guys going with this??? Start a thread about my problem with my fiance' and other non-pagans, and you end up talking about... Heck, I'm not even sure anymore :D Hee,hee

[rantnraven]

Sometimes the context can be lost. Like whispering a story around a campfire, by the time it comes back, it is all out of wack.

Your Fiance doesn't/can't/won't understand what it is you do or believe in and, perhaps, thinks you worship satan!?!

Try this, http://www.religioustolerance.org/wic_usbk.htm

Check it out yourself. If this is something that makes sense to you then, perhaps, your fiance will get a handle on it as well.

You spoke of The Craft, well, this could be your chance.

-Thoma

[Red Dragon]

I've discovered my Fiance' has been on this site reading and hopefully learning ;) Perhaps there's hope for her yet! :D Oh and bye the way Hon... I really didn't mean I'd dump ya if you made me make a choice, Hee, hee.:o

[mol]

Originally posted by rantnraven
As I stated this is "my opinion" therfore it cannot be untrue. However, maybe my wording is off. but it appears as though we might agree.

-T

Yah. We do. Hehe...

[mol]

Originally posted by Red Dragon
:confused: Where are you guys going with this??? Start a thread about my problem with my fiance' and other non-pagans, and you end up talking about... Heck, I'm not even sure anymore :D Hee,hee

You gave us a spark and now the flame is growing out of control! ;)

[Red Dragon]

Arghh!!! It's out of control!!! Qucik turn the hose on it! :p
Hee,hee

[mol]

Originally posted by Red Dragon
Arghh!!! It's out of control!!! Qucik turn the hose on it! :p
Hee,hee

Too late now...

:D