Magick not meant for me

[LittlePerson]

Well, I did my first ritual this evening and as I expected, I did things wrong and was nervous the entire time. I had written a lovely piece for my circle and invitation and I also wrote the spell too which I put into my BOS. I was supposed to "see" a sign in my crystal ball (which my very hip mother-in-law bought for me) when I recited the words in the spell and I didn't see anything. Might not have been the ritual, it might have been the fact that I had sweat all over the ball with my hands because I was so nervous. First time being skyclad doing something that wasn't being intimate with my husband or taking a shower. LOL.
So, anyway, I had done the ritual and still thanked the Lord and Lady for their prensense and that I appreciate all they've done for me and that I will continue to learn and study.
What I had done was pretty Wiccan structured but missing many key altar elements and none of my stuff was consecrated, but I figured that if my heart was in it that was key. I also talked to the Lord and Lady about that. That my heart was there and I know that real wisdom cannot come from books or other people.
Today I had read up on druidism and how many bards chose to remain bards and not become ovates or druids and perform magick. I figured that if I want to remain pagan in my heart and appreciate all the Lord and Lady are and what they do for us that it's okay too. Even if I feel that peforming magick is not "right" for me. I didn't feel comfortable or that it was something I should be doing. I like rituals, I like partaking in them with others or appreciating that others know how to perform them. I always felt appreciative that the clergy knew the liturgy so well at church when I was a christian, but that I didn't have to memorize the whole things so I could minister too.
But I do know that as a UU with my heart with the Lord and Lady that am not giving up on finding my path. I know that they will be patient with me and accept me as I am. As for many people I know who cannot do that for me, that says a lot more about my newfound faith than I thought.
I had been studying Wicca for a while as well as witchcraft. Over a year in fact. And I chose tonight to be the night to find out how I do as a child of the craft. I don't think I did too well, but I know my heart was in the right place. In fact, I know that they were with me. My cat immediately came over to the table and layed down on the floor there next to it like she was right at home and relaxed. I knew that was something.
I know all will work out. I just figured I would share my experience and ask for some advice/encouragement.
Blessed be.

[Rain Gnosis]

Well, I suppose that depends on your definition of magic. IMHO, magic is not just spellwork, but is also a big part of ritual. To me, the Lord and Lady are magic.

I wouldn't say you necessarily did anything wrong. Even people who have been practicing magic for years or even decades might not expect to immediately see a sign. I've had a crystal ball for years and have never been able to see anything in it - in my understanding using a crystal ball takes time and practice. You might've asked just to see a symbol, not right at that moment, or particularly in the ball - then maybe you would've seen a sign in a dream, meditation, or just in daily life when you saw something that "clicked" in your mind.

[charmedkisses1]

Just like Buddhism isn't meant for some people, witchcraft isn't meant for everyone. But you seem to have the knowledge that most pople don't at an early stage. It sounds like your still searching a little for your true path, and all you need is patience and faith to find it.

[Chibi-Fallon]

Well, I did my first ritual this evening and as I expected, I did things wrong and was nervous the entire time.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I found that I work better if I don't have a plan before I get in there. Then I can't judge myself and say I did something "wrong". You could try that some people work really well that way and it gives some people heart attacks.

[DragonFriend]

First rule of this sort of thing - skyclad????

No wonder you were sweating........I would be - being a tad chunky........

To quote a famous film "The nudity is entirely optional......"

IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE - YOU DONT WANT TO DO IT!!!!!

"8 words the wiccan rede fufill and it harm none do what thou will"

Crystal balls - time and meditation will help there.

Our Lady/lord dont expect us to embarasss or debase ourselves. If you carried out a ritual wearing a duffle coat and plugged into an electric blanket as long as you had a goood intent and focus i dont think they would mind.....

[Mithrea]

I think it's obvious that you did do everything "right" if that's what you want to call it. Your cat even responded to the energy you raised. As a first timer, that's damn impressive!!

I think it's more likely that the ball is just not right for you. I can't scry worth a crap. I can't use a pendelum, I can't use a ball or a dish of water. It makes no sense to me and it doesn't work for me. But give me a deck of cards and look out, I'm about to nail you :lol:

If you choose not to do magic, that's perfectly 100% okay. However, I think most people have a far too limited view of what magic is. To me, laughter is pure magic. My every breath is magic. So it would pretty hard for anyone not to "do" magic according to my terms. I don't think you failed at all, but even if you believe you failed, how do you think the Lord and Lady would feel that you quit on them? I'm not trying to put a guilt trip on you there, even though that's what it sounds like. All I'm saying as a person who never gives up on anything that trying something once and not feeling successful is no reason to give up and just call yourself a failure. I say this with affection: that's a cop out.

Perhaps you should try a bit smaller. What you did sounds to me like it was awfully complicated. You're right, if your heart was there, then so were they. You definitely accomplished something even if it wasn't what you expected. Get ready for that. The gods are fond of not giving you what you expect. That doesn't mean you are a failure or that they failed you. It means they think differently from us and they have a sense of humor.

Like Chibi said, don't be so hard on yourself, but also don't be so hard on them!

[LittlePerson]

I do feel that I'm not ready to give up. It's just that it was probably more complicated than it needed to be. I was trying to communicate with a specific goddess and didn't think the crystal would be the way to do it but thought I'd try it. I know some people cannot ever use them and for some it's completely natural. I am someone who feels the need to play by the rules. At least for the first time, and even then I didn't do that exactly. Like I said I hadn't done everything or had everything that Wiccan authors say you're "supposed" to have or do. I just did what I thought was necessary.
I've prayed to the Lord and Lady before, but the reason for doing this was a more specific intent.
I suppose that I will have to keep trying till things are better and I'm not so worried.
I am a worry-wart. Perhaps next time I'll be clothed. :p
Thanks for the kind words all.
I have this feeling in me that I want to be elceltic and that I'm not Wiccan, didn't really want to be, that I am eclectic. I also know that I get to hard on myself in all areas of my life, not just my spiritual part of it. I pray that in time this will heal and things will become easier.

[Theres]

to quote Old Lodge Skins (in 'Little Big Man')... "Sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn't".

that it didn't work this time (and it still might have, you know) doesn't mean that you did anything wrong, or that you won't have noticable results next time.
and like Rain said, scrying can be difficult, especially if you're not really sure what to expect (it's never like Auntie Em ;) ). i happen to get good results with the crystal ball, and always have. but there are other systems of magick that i've never been able to work right, even after #@!!&! years!

magick may still work for you LP, just give it time.

[Mithrea]

:)

You may be a "play-by-the-rules" type in the mundane world, but since there are no rules in the magical / spiritual world, you aren't going to go far unless you become more flexible. What Wiccan writers write is just their own brand of magic. You have to find your own. Sure, they are a starting point, but your magic has to be yours if it's going to work and be real.

And hey, I'm Wiccan and I'm eclectic. The two are not mutually exclusive. :)

[PeleRising]

:hugz: LP... I have been there. Honestly... When I started on this path all i did for the first 2-3 years was read what others said was how it was to be done. One author said Do it this way... another author said... no no do it this way. And the lists... you need this and this and this...lol I was so nervous all the time just thinking about doing anything "What if i do it wrong??"

Then i met someone very wise who said... just do it! How can anything you do in love be wrong in the eyes of the Goddess? You know in your heart what is right for you...

It is all a learning process... the more ritual you do... the more comfortable you will feel doing it. :) Just relax hon...

[blueiris]

"Well, I did my first ritual this evening and as I expected, I did things wrong and was nervous the entire time."
Trust me, wrong? In my first ritual I couldn't remember the words I wanted to use to invoke the elements, forgot the communion food, and had to dash out in the middle to put up my Do Not Disturb Sign. :rolleyes:
It gets better as you work at it, trust me!

[lunachic420]

The only real problem you had was that your expectations were fulfilled...you say, I expected to fail...if you start a ritual with that expectation it is bound to work out that way...be careful of your mindset always, not just before ritual because further study will show that all of our thoughts, words and actions are rituals in progress and creation in action.. Next time relax...be comfortable and have only the highest expectations/goals/wishes and just be...
Blessed be and Namaste!

[LittlePerson]

I don't feel so bad now and I know that in time it will get easier. I think I was feeling rushed maybe. I felt like, what if the gaurdiens don't want to stay anymore or what if they have other things to do. I guess it's not feeling worthy that I have to get over. I felt that way as a Christian. I feel that way now when I go to my uu church and don't have money for an offering. Ah, pehaps that's what caused the whole inscurity. I did talk to the Lord and Lady during my ritual about acceptance as I am, so perhaps it was a good first step.
As a matter a fact, I know in my heart that they were there. I also know that it's not good to have such high expectations. The next time I try, I will work on relaxation first and not worry so much about doing it right or how long it will take.
Thanks you all. I am feeling much better and I am happier today knowing that the Mother and Father heard my concerns and know that I am trying and am their daughter.

[*GrumpButt*]

Hey, I have been doing rituals for over a year now, and they have kinda been lame with the magic you know, like low energy, no matter what I did. think limp noodle lol.
but then my ki ki Bast became very ill this past week. and I did my first ever healing, on her. Well let me tell you what, I could see the energy balls going through her wound when I was done, and she was squirming like a mouse in a cats mouth as I was healing it lol. And now it is much easier to build up the energy, as well as get it to my hands(I used to have problems of it getting stuck along the way lol) and projecting.
My point is, once you find something that takes your heart to do it, you will open up and things will flow....

[Kalika]

:hugz:


"Practice makes perfect"

Only do what's comfortable for you. :) As I've said a million times... :lol: Magick is a highly individualized practice. You've got to find your niche and go with what feels right.

Good luck!

Blessings,

Kalika

[Ben Trismegistus]

Question: Did you have a clear intent of what you wanted to accomplish, and did you keep that intent focused in your mind at all times?

[LittlePerson]

I had a real intent. I wanted to find out if there is a specific goddess I am supposed to follow, namely cerridwen. I had done a meditation once and someone who I believe could have been her was my mental picture of diety. So, months later I decided to find out if it was really her. I had written the spell/ritual and everything, but it was the first time I was using the crystal and like I said, I didn't want to watch and wait too long. Don't really know how long, just know that I thought it was taking too long. Ahh, well I was intent, but with it being my first time, I realize now that it's okay that I didn't see anything. It could've been I was trying too hard to see something.
Anyway, I am going to redo the spell without the crystal and try something different next time. Thanks.

[Ben Trismegistus]

Well, there's no reason to expect an immediate payoff. Perhaps you'll dream about a particular goddess in the next few days. Or maybe you're not meant to be following a specific goddess right now.

[*GrumpButt*]

Maybe you should try a pendulum...?